Happy, Happy Birthday maniknandini1 , you've always been such a great reader, supporting me through everything. Lots of love to you and I hope you have a blast. This chapter is dedicated to you ❤️

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N A N D I N I

"I play to role of a monster, a villain. No hero!"
"Then I am sorry to burst your bubble, Manik Malhotra... because a villain is just a victim who's story goes untold..".

"Your stare reminds me of the way Edward looks at Bella"
"Bad for you, princess, because this is anything but a love story"

"So you like the darkness, huh?"
"I don't just like the darkness, I am the darkness people fear"

"You must fear me, because I am dangerous. I can give you a bath in hell and make it feel like heaven, I can toast you to the devil while you wouldn't even know. I can make you feel rainbows and then when I'd leave, you'd know why storms are named after people,"

"Who are you?"
"An angel to some, a devil to others"

"You make me want love. Sometimes, I just look at the sky and wish I could fall in love with you"
"And I wish I could unlove you, sir"

"You are everything that my world doesn't need, Nandini. But I can make a promise, that if I ever want to fall in love with someone, it would be you, because I wouldn't give my heart to anyone else but you. Just you."

"Don't leave me, Manik"
"I have to, Nandini. I have to"

"I love you, Manik Malhotra"
"And I don't, but I do wish I could say the same"

Staring at the dark night full of stars that kept changing colours the entire night as the clouds stirred, every word we ever spoke, every laugh we ever had and every moment we ever shared made its way to me. I knew it's over, and actually it never really began, but in my heart it was all so real.

I didn't cry. I just let myself be, on the sand, my eyes blankly staring at the sky full of clouds. All I wanted to do was cry, and scream and let it all outside because inside, it was killing me but I didn't, I held myself strong but numb to even move from where I was. I put all my energy in holding myself from breaking apart that I lost physically. I fell back, near the water bed, listening to his voice echoing in my ears.

Every moment we ever shared was treasured in me as memories written on every bone of mine,  like the salt in the water of the sea is inseparable, so were those memories. He could take himself away from me but not the memories that my mind replayed a million times in my heart on this dark night to remind me it was over.

It was over before it even started. I lost him before I could even call him mine.

I heard water splashes around me as I buried my face more into my knees and the first water waves touched my feet gently, pulling me towards the water. I wanted to get up, I wanted to move, I knew this screamed danger, the water might engulf me but I didn't want to do it at the same time. I wanted to let go. I liked the sharp salty smell of the air and the vastness of the horizon bounded only by a vault of azure above sky. I felt small, but I felt free.

I didn't want to die, but it was as if letting go was all what I had. I held on to every part of him, of us, for so long that it felt so empty without it. I wanted to let go of everything with the waters that now touched my knees gently. I wanted to drown everything inside me that screamed his name.

"Nandini!" There was a shout that startled me. I weakly smiled, letting the waters cover half of me, as I heard his noise. One last time, Manik, because after this, I would have nothing in me that would connect me to you anymore.

The sound of the waters covering most of me was so deafening along with the slight breeze and the toppling of the leaves, that it felt relaxing. Everything in me felt alive once again.

I closed my eyes, snuggling myself more into the water before I was pulled out by a force, a shiver passing through me as cold air touched every part of my wet clothes and body and a sharping pain my feet that got sprained as I fell back to the sand, and it stuck over my wet palms.

"What the fuck are you up to, Nandini? Were you trying to kill yourself?" The shout was loud and I felt a jacket thrown upon me as I breathed heavily.

"Why do you act as you care, Manik? And what are you doing here? Spying over me again?" I snapped back as I limped to get back to my feet and he immediately held my arms, supporting me to get up while I pushed his hand away, separating myself from him.

"Manik Malhotra, stop it. Stop acting as you care, stop acting as if it even matters to you whether I live or die to do whatever the fuck I want! I think you just told me that you don't need me in your life na, toh jao! What are you doing here?" I shouted and he seemed taken aback but there was no stopping this time. For long, I have kept it all inside me.

He being the jerk he is, doesn't care, but he has to know that not everyone can get away by being a monster like him, not everyone can just move away by hurting others.

"I was so wrong, Manik. I feel ashamed that I had started thinking that you have a good side, you?!" I laughed hysterically, while crying at the same time. "And guess what, I don't have to kill myself. Because voh toh tumne hi kar diya!" I pushed him away and he kept staring down, not looking at me. A whirl of emotions ran in his eyes before he hid it immediately.

"You know, even before I gave you my heart, I knew you were going to break it. But a part of me really hoped you wouldn't, I was really hoping that if not being crazy in love, you'd atleast see me in your future, as a friend, as a well wished as anything. You crushed my hopes Manik, you broke me," I cried and he stayed still as a statue as I kept my head on his chest, pushing it while holding it close and both at the same time.

"And you know what's the worst part, even after everything, I'd never be able to stop loving you. I'd never be able to stop hoping it would be you and me at the end, I wouldn't stop needing you all the time. But you know what would be the difference? Earlier, I need you and I'd want you; but now, I'd need you but I won't want you anymore, I wouldn't," I sniffed and he took no efforts to push me away. He might think of me as a mad lady, but he needs to know what he's done to me.

"And if someone asks you about me, smile proudly and tell them, 'she was the only person who loved me, and I broke her'. And be proud that night, but know, I'd always sleep in peace at night, but you wouldn't. I'd be off burden because I know I gave you all I had, and you'd sleep with the burden on your chest every night because you took away my everything. The pain, the guilt, everything is all yours, Manik Malhotra," I pushed him, hatred spitting from my eyes.

"And you love promising me things, right? Then promise me one more thing, Manik. Promise me that I'd never hear from you again. Promise me that you wouldn't ever interfere into my life, promise me I'd never see your beautiful face again, promise me you'd not play your dark games anymore," I breathed deeply. I knew I might regret the words I was speaking, but that was what was good for me. A life without him.

His hand reached my cheek slowly, and I closed my eyes feeling his touch. "I promise," these were the only words he spoke in a while before his hand left my cheek and he continued looking at me while moving behind before he turned again, slowly leaving.

I watched him disappear into the darkness once again, but this time I had no regrets. I spoke whatever I wanted, and now he'd know I've lost nothing. But he lost someone who truly loved him, truly admired him.

And yes, he broke my heart. But this broken heart is stronger, this broken heart doesn't want him anymore.

❤︎

M A N I K

"Manik, I you to make me a promise, son," my father smiled at me politely as he sat in his study room, and I squeezed my eyes at him.

"Dad, are you drunk? It's two in the night, and you've called me here to make you a promise?! What is it, old man? Are you making your will or something?" I laughed but my father did not find it funny. His eyes were glued at my laughter which slowly vanished and I suddenly felt scared.

This was not like my father, who was always so humorous and a happy man, was suddenly being serious. I kneeled down in front of his feet and took my hand in his. "Are you okay, paapaa?"

"Manik, look at you son. You've grown up, you're going to be an adult in a few days now, my little boy is turning 18! And so, I want you to make me a promise," he smiled and I nodded listening carefully.

"I want you to promise me, that you would never play around with girls," his voice was polite but sharp and I looked at him confused. "Dad—....," he cut me off.

"No Manik! Yes, I know, you're in the age for all this. Playing around, dating girls, everything. When I was your age, I have done a lot of this too. But never break a girl's heart, son. Girls are bearers. They bear everything that comes their way, Manik, and we boys never understand that. We play with their emotions for our own fun, forgetting the kind of pain that we inflict on them"

"Girls are sensitive. They aren't weak, but their mind isn't as strong as boys. They think by their heart, they trust others, they love their family, the world, and their would be family like their own. They do so much for boys like us, and in return, all they ask is for honestly, loyalty and love. If we can't give them true love, atleast never break their heart, son. Promise me that," he held his hand in mine and I sighed.

"I promise you, dad. I would never talk to a girl about love when I have no intentions of loving her. I would never make fake promises, and always be loyal to the world for what I am. I promise, I'd never break a girl's heart, dad," I held his hand stronger and a smile broke on his face.

"I'm proud of you, son," he patted my head in affection.

"I'm proud of you too, old man," I cracked into a smile as he hugged me.

I always keep my promises, no matter what. I have learnt from my father to be what I am to the world, and not lie or pretend to be something I ain't. That's why I always showed what I am in real, a cold, rude man who didn't believe in the idea of love.

But this part of myself was only dominant until a girl came into my life and changed my very perspective about it, from the way of living to my way of viewing the world. I felt a better person. She made me believe that broken people are beautiful too, not just from outside, but from the inside as well.

She looked at my eyes, smiled at my demons and danced with them. She fell for my darkness, the very thing everyone fears. And I, I was always around her like the web of a spider, making her hang to me, because she amazed me, not with the way her sound arises my angel, but with the way she quietens my devils.

And I broke the only girl who'd love me for the way I was, for my flaws, my mistakes, my darkness, my fears and the every little thing that makes me what I am.

She made me be the version of myself that I did not even know existed until I met her, the man that was a little less angry to the world, and I little more happy with his own self. She added colours to the life that I didn't know was black and white.

I always thought I knew what pain was but in reality I didn't until I felt his hollow hole in my heart after breaking her, until I wanted to scream looking at her cry, until I felt miserable making her feel that way.

I always thought I knew what being broken was until I felt my heart crumbling into a million pieces by seeing her tears because of me, until I saw her trying to give up on life because of me, until I saw her being drowned away in the waters.

I always thought I knew love was nothing but a sin until I realised it wasn't, it was bliss. It was letting someone destroy you with bare hands and still not being able to hate them, it was like a drug that makes your existence a little less darker, and your heart, a little more happier.

I always thought I could never love somebody until today I realised I could.

I always thought love was not made for me but now i think it is. Love was made for me too, like everyone else, and it would be the drug that would keep the power to either drown me away or to save me, it would be the hurricane of my life that screams destruction, the kind of rose that cannot come without thorns.

I always thought I knew the world, but I saw a different one in her eyes tonight, the fire of hatred in her eyes burning away the love in her heart that she had for me.

I always thought I knew myself but I never did because I did not know all this while that I was falling in love. When she loved me, I was busy hating her. And now that she hates me, the cycle just got reversed.

I am and would be in love with Nandini Murthy, humesha.

Tell me the story of how the sun loved the moon so much that he died every night to let her breathe.

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