The truth?

N A N D I N I

I think I could do nothing but stare ahead, at the three people standing in front of me. The wind blew right through our bodies and I shivered in my place as the night edged darker and just silence engulfed us. My body was still but my heart thumped loudly, and left me wondering, was it just me who was scared to know the outcome of the night or were the others feeling the same too?

Manik was still. His eyes kept focusing on the lamps lit in the corner and mine, on him before he flinched and his eyes reached mine. I would have looked away on getting caught, but I didn't. I kept staring back, waiting for him to speak but he welcomed me only by silence before he turned in his place, removing his black tuxedo and giving it to me. I didn't refuse and quietly wearing his jacket, I looked away.

Zubin glared at him and then me and I looked away. My eyes then caught Mukti's who was staring from me to him and then back to me, but not looking at Zubin, her eyes shining with fear and guilt, her body slumped together, unlike the confident girl I always knew. She looked tired, just like me.

"Speak," Zubin's order was cold, and he looked no where in particular, but we all knew it was for Manik. I curled my fingers in a fist, the nails digging into my skin, beating my anxiety.

He cleared his throat as if he was going to give some speech and I wanted to roll my eyes at him, but I didn't. For the first time, his attitude wasn't casual or just shrugging off things. For the first time, I think I saw something shine in his eyes, some emotions and expressions on his face. Maybe some happiness. Or sadness. Or confusion. Or regret. Maybe guilt. But even relief.

"My mother was a banker, the marketing executive and economist of my dad—... step dad's company. That's how they met, they fell in love, got married and blah blah. That's how their fairy tale got over, but there was no happily ever after. The fairy tale was over... ans the nightmare started," he twisted his lips and his face showers nothing but pure anger as it twisted with every word he spoke, fire burning in his eyes which could blow us off like when a dragon spits fire, which was enough to burn my heart away, if not my entire existence.

"I had loved my mother the most in this world, maybe even more than my own life. And eight years ago, if someone would have told me that it was my mom who killed my step father, or even if she could think to do that, I would have burnt the person myself. I could have destroyed the person who just thought ill about my mother, leave alone calling her a murderer," his voice was devoid of any emotion and I saw Zubin's body tensing. Mukti stared down to the floor and I chewed my nails.

"She was an angel in my eyes. Or actually, which son doesn't feel that about his own mother? Even I did. I loved her dearly. There was a point in my life where I felt like the luckiest man in the world- a loving mother, a caring father, I fighting brother, a crazy sister, and the best bestfriend. I had everything. I kept praying the God every single night, thanking him for this happiness, praying to keep them all with me, humesha," his eyes flickered to me and my heart ached for him.

There was a hole forming by even imagining that this dark and lonely man standing in front of me had a family that fell off one by one, slowly. From being loved to being lonely, he's been through everything a man fears. He's seen his family fall apart, from being related by blood to being on each other's neck for their blood. Family binds a person together, but in his case, the most beautiful blessing turned into his curse.

"But that night, we were all going for a family vacation. Excited tha, I And Aryamman had decided to give us a chance as brothers, all thanks to Mukti. It was a fucking family holiday when my angelic mother decided to fuck things up. We were leaving the next day, so as it is, I And Aryamman we're working in office till late, I remember it must have been near midnight. The economic statuses of each deal was handled by my mom, who was a banker, as I told before. Accidentally that night, instead of picking the file of the upcoming deal, I picked the economy file. And what I saw in the next minutes shocked my entire gut"

"Since the last five deals, the money we put behind each construction didn't go from the building fund. It instead went from Malhotra's personal bank accounts, which were definitely in debt, it being enough to keep us in loans for not just a few years, but maybe a few centuries. Moneys went missing in millions, and every fund was directly connected to my father's bank account," he breathed sharply, and every nerve of my body shivered. I couldn't imagine him being in loans of a million rupees or behind bars for the same.

"That is when I decided to talk to my mom, of course I needed an explanation. It wasn't that I didn't trust her, I just wanted to know where the money went, suddenly. I left office to go home. It was one such night before Diwali, cold and bizzare. I knew there were problems sailing towards us, but I didn't know our life was going to be tossed around by destiny, a planned gamble it was. I reached home to just see fire. And not only fire, my step dad entrapped. My 'mother' standing outside and laughing aloud while he screamed for help, and she taunted him for not letting her buy her gucci collection, not letting her spend what she wanted. I tried my best, but ultimately, he burnt in front of my own eyes, and I couldn't do anything"

"The next day, very clearly, my mother cried her everything out and blamed it to be a gas leak. I was shook beyond what you can think, to see this side of the lady whom I loved and lived with for the past 20 years. I couldn't speak anything for days, I had started believing she was possessed until all the dots joined slowly once I started tracking her expenditures, her recent bank activities, and a part of me broke that moment, it died the very moment I got to know this was all for money"

"I locked myself up for four days straight, only on water. I didn't speak to anyone, I couldn't eat anything. I was mourning my father, my mother, and a part of me that died with both of them. My mom was dead for me. But when I came off the fifth day, I gave my statement against my mom. No one believed me, not Mukti, not Aryamman. They were blinded, of course, and I think would have let that go, but tables turned on my mother when all the property and money went upon Mukti, the first girl of the family, as written in the will"

"And then I was right, she tried strangling Mukti too, once she was out on bail, and Mukti saw her real face. But I knew she wouldn't be quiet until she doesn't get the money she wants. So I And Mukti had to plan this up, a fake death down the valley and I took all the blame on me, confessing to the police that it was to save my sister from my mother. I was in jail for a week before all the powers in the country took everything they had to get me out. I immediately went to my mother's and everything happened as planned. To prove that it was apparently not Nyonika who did all this, Aryamman had renounced the will of my father, renounced the money and it all automatically got divided between me and him, and she got trapped in her own plan"

"We couldn't tell anyone, because we wanted everything to be real. Zubin mourned Mukti's death, Nandini cried, everything happened as real. That's the reason we didn't tell anyone it was an act. But by the time I was out of jail and everything got settled, Zubin had already shifted to London, changed all contacts like a fucking loner. And I never knew Nandini before, so there was no chance I would trust her and tell her things. I tried finding Zubin for years but it was vain before he emerged back now, as a rival, greedy to kill me because I killed his love"

"I didn't know this Nandini was Mukti's Nandini until Zubin came in the picture. I could have told Zubin then, but Aryamman and Zubin had become best friends and even Nandini was quite close with him, I thought she loved him, so I refrained myself from telling her anything", his eyes were plastered at me and I snapped my eyes at him when he used the word love. Was he blind? Everyone could see I loved him except himself. I wondered if he was dumb or did he pretend to be.

"But I couldn't save Mukti from slipping into loneliness and depression, I couldn't save her from the darkness of being away from everything and everyone she loved. She stayed with Cabir, and met me once or twice in a week at midnight, but that was never enough. So when I kicked Nandini out of her house, I shifted Mukti here. I knew no one would ever come back here then, Zubin would never let Nandini come back, so this was safe. And she felt happy here, where y'all have so many memories. And it made me easier to visit her more often"

"But today, things got a little fucked up, all thanks to princess, and Zubin saw Mukti.," he glared at me and I zoomed my eyes down. "This was going to happen one day, but none of us expected it to be today, of course. But this is the story, and this is the total truth,".

His long confession was followed by a longer silence by all of us, the only noise around us being the soft wind and our breathing. Manik looked outside the window, Mukti stared down and Zubin stared at Mukti. He has been so vulnerable for his love over the years that I couldn't even imagine what must be going on in his heart, in his mind. Either chaos of a thousand days must have silenced, or the silence of so many years must have led to a storm.

I felt hurt, but for what he was feeling, Hurt was an underrated emotion. And on the other hand, my heart bled for Manik. For years, people blamed him. His own family called him a murderer. His friends left him. His family left him. He was alone, he was living in the darkness. We had nothing with us, but everything. But he had everything, yet nothing.

He was no devil, he was played by destiny miserably. But I somehow know there was more to his story, so much more. And he didn't have to say that, his eyes revealed everything. He refused to look into anyone's eyes, as if he was hiding something.

I sensed the awkwardness and I think so did he. Mukti and Zubin needed time. They needed to talk. I bit my lower lip and he nodded at me. I limped walking outside after giving a small smile to Zubin  and he nodded, while Manik helped me walking outside into my yard. My yard was full of trees and warm fairy lights and lamps everywhere with a jhoola in the corner. I had decorated it when I was seventeen after being inspired by Pinterest.

Switching on the lights, it looked no less then a proposal arrangement. I smiled awkwardly and sat on the jhoola, he ignored my smile but sat beside me anyway.

"Why did you always take the blame upon yourself, Manik?" I whispered in the silence and he continued staring upwards, to the midnight sky. It was dark and cloudy with no stars at all.

"Well, wasn't so much explanation enough, princess?" He was blunt and I preferred staying quiet. It was almost dawn and I knew, the good phase of him was getting over and the rude and devil side of his would come up anytime soon.

I stayed quiet and he finally glanced at me, but I looked away this time though I knew he was looking at me, and somewhere, it made me conscious but happy. I was finally deserving his attention atleast.

"How did you find me, today?" I couldn't stop asking, referring to my accident. Ever since I woke up, no one told me how I actually landed in Aryamman's house.

"I didn't. I can't follow you everywhere, princess. Though it's very simple. We don't need trackers or spies or detectives to find you at all, it is simple. Wherever there is trouble in my area around me, it has to be you. Because the undeniable fact is, you are a trouble magnet, a walking and talking attractor of trouble.," he smirked and I frowned. But I didn't deny, because he was not wrong. I did attract trouble wherever I went.

"But anyways, I didn't find you today. I had just not seen you for a half day, and you decide upon banging yourself to a truck? It was lucky that it was Aryamman who found you and this news was immediately on Instagram, and Cabir called me so I went to check in Aryamman's if you were alive or—........," his voice faded and he made a smug face.

Aryamman had been a saviour ever since he entered my life and I think I owe him a good thank you for saving me this time when I was all alone and I needed help the most. Or actually, I didn't need help. I needed death at that point.

"Okay" I kept it simple.

We sat in a comforting yet peaceful silence and I wondered what he could be possibly thinking. Sometimes, I just wished I could read his mind and read everything inside it. The games going on, or the silence, or the storm, or the chaos, or the everything in between. I wondered how it would be like to see the world from his point of view. Dark? Arrogant? Angry all the time?

"The day has been long," he remarked, to no one in particular and I sighed back in answer, staring at the blank sky as well. "Are you cold?" He asked and though I would have liked to refuse, my teeth clattered and stomach grumbled, showing I hadn't eaten any food in a while.

"Come let's get you some food to eat," he laughed as he forwarded his hand to me, getting up. I was hesitant, but I smiled and gave my hand in his as we led back to the house and into the kitchen. We could hear faint voices of Zubin and Mukti talking or shouting or whispering or kissing or whatever they were doing.

"I don't know how to cook," I accepted sheepishly as I slowly stood leaning on the kitchen slabs and he raised his eyebrows. "What else do you expect from a princess?" He teased and I frowned, but his expressions softened immediately and a grin took over his face.

"I wasn't letting you cook anyways. I don't want to be food poisoned for the rest of my life," He bit his lower lip trying to arrange the vegetables ahead I smiled looking away. He didn't want to let me cook because I was sick, and the doctor had refused for me to stand near the gas to anything warm for long.

He pretends to be hard. But inside, he's soft. He cares. He's just difficult sometimes, and I think I can bear with that.

When I looked back at him, his dish was already on the gas with pastas boiling inside. He was somewhat dancing with the vegetables. I forwarded my hand taking those away from him and he happily gave them. He prepared he base while I cut the vegetables. He hummed a soft song, and I smiled at work. Life couldn't be better.

"Nandini?" He called and I immediately snapped up. Somewhere, I didn't like when he called me my name. Princess definitely sounded better. "Hmm?"

"Would you forgive Mukti?" He asked and I sighed. It was all complicated. "Maybe," I answered, looking away.

"And me?" He asked, hope shining in his voice. "Why'd I forgive you?" I almost snapped back immediately, and then realised what it actually meant. What I meant to say was, I had no reason to be angry at him. And what it came out like was, I had all the reasons in this world to be angry at him.

He frowned, but said nothing in return as he got back to making the pasta, which was almost ready. He silently put the vegetables inside, and stirred it while I kept staring at it. Did me not talking to him actually affect him? By any chance, if so?

He poured it out once it was ready and we walked back to the yard, eating silently sitting beside each other. "It's Diwali today," he started a conversation and I nodded, looking at him. "My father loved Diwali, so every year, I keep a grand celebration at my place. Tomorrow it will be, too. Can I expect you to be there?" He whispered and bit my lower lip.

"But me-..... there are going to be so many guests, I don't really think it's a good idea for me to be there.....," I whispered, trying to reject the invitation in the politest words and he half smiled.

"There are a lot of people in this world, but it's all about who's presence really matters," he stated casually and my eyes got stuck into his. I was a great swimmer but I have no idea how I always ended up drowning in his eyes. They were like a maze; you once look into them and lose yourself in it forever.

"I will come," I answered with a small smile and his smile widened. "I'd be waiting, for you," he winked and my heart just skipped a beat. It was weird, me and him, under the same sky, watching the sun rise over the horizon as the first rays touched us, talking about the future. I never expected us to be this way, but if this is how it was going to be, I wanted to live with him, forever.

I wanted to spend an eternity in every moment I spend with him. I wanted a forever in every breath I take next to him. I wanted a lifetime of being with him and even that wouldn't be enough. There was some magic in him, his eyes, his face, and everything about him that made him undeniably beautiful.

"You missed the stars tonight" I asked looking at him stare at the blank sky but it came out more like a statement. He smiled, but his lower lip, and then slowly nodded negatively while I raised my eyebrows.

He looked at me and I think I fell in love with the way he did, slowly, and then all at once. I would lie if I saw I can go on even a moment without him anymore. The more I try to push him away, the more we end up together. Undeniably, our fates had bound together in a way that none of us could untangle.

"How could I miss Stars, when I had mine sitting right next to me," his voice was slowly and with every word he spoke, my heart skipped beats. Red hue crept to my face and I smiled, or rather blushed looking away.

The darkness slowly slipped away giving way faded light, the moon slowly started disappearing allowing the sun to slowly rise. There was some magic in the air, the wind, the sky, his eyes and everything in between that. If I could make a confession here, or rather a promise to the sun, moon, stars, clouds, and every other blatant creature around us, it would be that I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with the broken and beautiful man beside me and I never wanted to change that.

I was in love with Manik Malhotra, and there was nothing I wanted to do about it.

"I fell in love with him the way they fall asleep; slowly, and then all at once."

~The Fault In Our Stars

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