HATAASH: Hopeless, unsuccessful 

As I was walking towards my room, I got a glimpse of Yukta having trouble pushing open the door with numerous files in her arms. I smiled, making my way toward her.

"How was the first day of the office?" I inquired, gesturing for her to hand me some files as I helped her with the door.

"Thanks a lot!" She responded offering some as she entered the room followed by me. "I am no longer going to complain Yash for his boring self." She muttered settling some files beside her study table as she laid down on the bed. "What an exhausting day!" She huffed in displeasure. "How even he does it for the entire week?" She sounded as if it was impossible.

"Was it that tiring?" I inquired as her conversation was making me recollect Yash state. I could feel he was burdening himself towards the extreme. Maybe he needed some days of rest!

She nodded in agreement as she pushed her face into the pillow. "And on top of that!" She suddenly popped her head from the pillow. "He provided me with extra work as I was one day late for the training." She scowled as she rolled words out. "I assure you he merged our personal life with professional. Taking revenge for me pulling you to the club."

"It isn't like that! Maybe he wanted to make you discipline. He doesn't goes on taking revenge and those..."

"You're so clueless about his life. Sometimes I feel you're talking about a completely different Yash. He never likes to be played which hurts his ego. You know... that big fat ego of his won't ever allow him to lose. And he can go to any extreme to win." She shook her head as she rested on the pillow.

"Any extreme?" I asked getting curious.

"Yes! But for the things that are important for him. I guess only few reach that boundary."

"Are you part of it?"

"I am... but why?" She opened her closed orbs in curiousness.

"Curiousness..." I paused not wanting to be caught with my series of thoughts. "You rest, will talk to you later." Whispering it, I closed the door behind me.

Maybe I was right! Yash had no feeling toward me but he was confusing himself with it. As Yukta described him, he was nothing like that before me. He masked his inner-self around me and that meant he didn't trust me enough to show himself, to show his inner-self. And a person who doesn't trust, can't ever fall in love. Simple as that!

A huge grin was placed on my face as I rushed downstairs and I dialled Ishika's number on the landline. She didn't answer for a minute but later picked it up.

"Ishu?" And with that, I was offered numerous scolding.

"Where on earth are you, Aru? And why aren't you receiving my calls?" She kept on blabbering while I allowed her time to calm down.

"Long story short! I lost my cell so I called you from the landline... but that's not why I called for. Listen, I got a way out of my problem. I was correct! Yash and Yukta surely share some feelings." She didn't utter a word for a minute.

"You still hadn't moved from that concept..." I could feel her shaking her head in defeat. "Not after Jiju's huge outburst upon listening to your idea." I knitted my brow in confusion? What was she even uttering about?

"That outburst was on anticipating I was separating Aarush from him. He wasn't against the idea..." I glanced around, spying if anyone was listening to our conversation. "Of Yukta and Yash together... they would make a good couple."

"I have never heard a wife playing a cupid in her husband's life." She groaned in displeasure. "Aru, why you want to complicate your life further?" She was so against my idea. I felt defeated! It was the first time she wasn't supporting me.

"Ishu, why can't you understand?" I huffed in annoyance. "Yash deserve a life..."

"And that life is along with his wife." I heard a growl and soon my eyes bounced out of my socket. My heart accelerated to the highest speed. Why I had to get caught, again?

"Was it Jiju?" Ishika sounded tense. "You're so gone..." she muttered before hanging the call. Her words made me more anxious and the feeling that she left me alone to deal with it, worsen my situation.

I heard him taking step towards me but I was afraid to face him. Why I was so nervous? Because deep inside I was aware my acts would hurt him yet I was adamant to make him realise Yukta was far better than me. "Were you again discussing my life?" He sounded rude, fuming in anger.

"I am fucking asking you... something..." he hissed in displeasure. "Who gave you right to decide for me?" His warm breath was fanning on my hairs. I clenched the landline to my chest in alarm. "Fucking, answer me!" He grabbed my elbow pulling me to face him.

His brown set of orbs was staring at me in rage, defeat but above all agony. "Who fucking allowed you to decide if Aarush is a burden for me?" He inched closer our nose touching at the tip. The closeness was making me shiver in fear. "Who fucking allowed you to decide who was better for me?" His eyes got red, voicing out his anger. A drop of tear slowly descended my cheek.

His orbs soften at the view, he shook his head as he shut his orbs in defeat. "I allowed you to decide for yourself." He muttered. "I allowed you to not move on from your ex-husband... please allow me to feel for my wife." He leaned his forehead to mine. He seemed defeated, exhausted as he was pleading with me. "What am I even asking? I don't want anything in return... just to see my wife and son happy. Why are you so hellbound to not even offer me that?" He groaned in displeasure as his hands left my elbow and slowly engulfed my waist pulling me closer to him.

"Because that's not enough..." I whispered making him tighten his grip around me. "It's never enough...never..." My every words was making his figure harden. "Love... is a feeling that can't be controlled but love also demands attention and care and you won't be offered with it. You would be constantly having battle with yourself, dying with the needs." My hands unknowingly reached his face. My heart clenched at the view before me. He seemed so broken and the reason was me. My fingertip reached his rough stubble that was slightly covering his chin.

"I don't want to abandon you with all of it... Love isn't just about giving sometime you long to receive it back and I am afraid... I won't be able to offer it to you." I shook my head as a series of tears rolled down my cheek. "Your life will be far better with someone who love you... someone who cares for you..."

He jerked open his eyes, pulling his arms from me. "Is your life better with me? I am offering you with love, care. Do you feel content? Then how can you wish, I will ever feel content with a person I don't even care about?"

"Because time will teach you to love her." I countered back, pulling my hands from his cheek.

"Are you even listening to yourself?" He mocked a laugh as he shook his head at my words. "Time would teach me!" He glanced away from my face. "Had time taught you? Wasn't four years enough of time to learn loving me?" Those set of brown orbs staring straight into my soul.

"Who can understand it better than you? Loving someone can't be decided nor planned. It's an emotion that you feel for the other person without understanding why you feel it? Surely, you can choose to be in denial but the truth is truth." He grabbed my elbow harshly making the landline to fall on the floor. "Mrs Aarohi Yash Agarwal, I am madly and deeply in love with you and nothing can change the truth. Not even you!" Hissing at me, he walked away. Leaving me with utter shock but the question was whether will I accept my defeat?

~~••~~

I was waiting patiently for Aarush to rush out of his school building. After Aarush's inquiry on Rishi, I felt a need to meet Pihu's mother. She had known Rishi and was able to find familiarity between Rishi and Aarush and if I wanted the truth to be hidden from Aarush, I needed to have a conversation with her. I wasn't attempting to remove a trace of Rishi from Aarush's life but I wasn't left with any other option.

I knew Rishi didn't deserve it but he wanted me to marry another male. He wanted Aarush to be gifted with a father figure so I had to commit the sin. And soon a grinning face came into view as he rushed towards me holding hand with a girl of his age. She seemed shorter in height but had beautiful feature. I could understand why Aarush was drooling over the girl.

"Mumma... you came..." he sounded excited as he stood in front of me. "This is Pihu..." he was so excited to introduce me to Pihu. "And Pihu... this is the best mom in the world." I smiled shaking my head in disbelief. Pihu jerked her hand away from him, pouting at him.

"No! My Mumma is the best..." she scowled forcing me to press my lip tight and not burst out laughing.

"But..." Aarush was left in dilemma. He couldn't chose either of us and surely was desiring of Yash's help. I couldn't blame Aarush for trying to impress Pihu in such a small age as Yash played a major part in the process. Helping and suggesting him ways to handle girls. I was getting annoyed with his cool nature as a father.

"Like I am best Mumma for you in the same manner for Aarush his Mumma is the best." Came a smooth voice making me glance in the direction. A honey coloured hair along with a set of brown orbs stared at me. I could depict that Pihu had inherited beauty from her mother. She offered a smile walking towards us. "I was waiting to meet you. Your son is very smart at such a small age. Such a gentleman... I hoped it from Rishi." Her grin widened making sadness engulf my heart.

Suddenly I regretted the decision of meeting her. She was unknown of his demise and it was further triggering my pain. Would I be able to convey the truth? Was I that strong? I pulled myself together as I found her having some conversation with Aarush. I couldn't let a doubt built in Aarush mind. I had to request her to not mention his past before him.

"Actually, I wanted to meet you as well." I muttered grabbing her attention from annoyed Aarush. "You had mistaken, Aarush is a son of Yash Agarwal." Making it clear, she widened her orbs in amazement. Her eyes scanning Aarush for a second before glancing at me.

"But... I am sorry... if I..."

"It's fine." I muttered glancing at Aarush. "Go and sit in the car." I pointed him and he nodded not at all arguing as I could depict from his behaviour, that he wasn't fond of Pihu's mother. On finding him inside I averted my attention back to the lady before me.

"My ex-husband isn't alive and my son isn't aware about his real identity. I will hope that this little secret is safe in your hand." I couldn't trust a stranger but she would knew the truth as I could feel my lie hadn't convinced her.

"Oh!" She gasped and stared at me in regret. "I wasn't aware... I am so sorry... we were in same school... I am really sorry..." I shook my head pressing a smile at her.

"Please look to it that Aarush..." I kept the statement incomplete and she nodded in understanding manner. "You have got a beautiful girl." I complimented Pihu before caressing her hair and she giggled in response.

Sighing in relief I got into the car, hoping the truth would be sealed in her mouth. But that particular incident made me question future outcome. What if it repeats? Aarush was a resembles of his father. The constant mention of Rishi would force his mind to doubt. Was sharing the truth desirable or hiding? I wasn't sure of the answer.

~~••~~

Yash had entered the room from his study. I opened my mouth to initiate a conversation but he walked inside the washroom. It had been four days after his outburst in the living area. His loud yell, claiming that he holds feeling for me. After that incident he had been constantly ignoring me.

We were sleeping in the same room as Yukta was present and Yash wasn't planning of letting her know about our not so happy marriage. He used to wake up before me and leave to the office and come back late in night even abandoning some few happy moments with Aarush.

It wasn't going well with Aarush, he was constantly grumbling about Yash's change in schedule. Yukta had attempted twice to have a conversation with him about it but as she informed he ignored the topic. I would have never bothered to have a conversation with Yash if it wasn't Aarush gloomy state. I couldn't glimpse at him. He was upset and hardly jumped like his enthusiastic self.

So, I waited for him to enter the room. It was two at the night, what was he doing so long in his study? Even at a moment I concluded that he won't enter the room but my patience was answered. He switched off the shower and soon the knob of the washroom door was pushed open.

His orbs glanced at me as he had wrapped himself with a piece of towel. His eyes widen in a shock before masking it with sternness. He ignored my existence walking towards the wardrobe.

"Why are you ignoring Aarush?" I inquired but he ignored my question. I waited for few minutes before I lost it completely. Standing from the bed and walking towards him as he was engrossed in selecting his clothes. "I am asking you something..." I gritted my teeth in exasperation. "You are mad on me why are you trying to ignore him? I don't mind if you treat me like shit... but fucking doesn't try to harm my son with..." he turn, his orbs were blazing fire. "Ignorance..." it came as a soft whisper.

"Your son! Fuck!" He turned swiftly facing his back towards me. Knocking his fist on the wooden wardrobe in anger, I flinched. "That what it will be, always... your son..." He hissed in anger but my orbs found its way towards the cloth wrapped around his knuckles that was turning red.

"What happened to your hand?" I inquired taking a step forward but he banged his fist once again, hissing in anger.

"Fucking stop acting as you care..." and repeated his action. What the hell was wrong with him?