There was no real conversation as we got our own food from what was left of the buffet, heading back to the room. We ate, once again, in silence, I was trying to think of a good topic but I just couldn't think of one. The human food was good, even though I had no idea what I was actually eating.
"So, how's this new life suiting you?" Greg asked.
"It's a lot of fun." I said happily.
"Really? I thought you'd hate it, dropping so many social classes."
"I like work, and I feel good when John is happy." I said simply.
"I guess it's not an awful job, I mean, you get free food and housing, even if it isn't the best." Greg shrugged.
"It's good food." I decided.
"We should put a request in for your own room; I bet there's plenty available." Greg said. "I don't want to leave every time Irene comes over." he added with a laugh.
"No, no, that won't happen." I debated, reading his thoughts.
"Eventually it might." He pointed out. I shook my head in disgust, that wasn't my intention. There was awkward silence after that.
"I've never met an Irene around here, what does she look like?" he asked.
"Um, black hair, green eyes, pale." I said, just describing the miserable mermaid from back home.
"Ya, doesn't ring a bell, I hope you two are happy together."
"Ya, me too." I muttered. We finished up the last of our meals, collecting the dishes and going back to John's room to get his dishes. When we knocked though, there was no answer. Greg got his key out, both of us a little bit worried, but when we opened it the room was empty, no John, no bodies or blood or anything that we should be worried about. The dishes were still sitting on the table, so I went and stacked them on top of mine.
"Where is he?" I asked, a little bit worried.
"I don't know." Greg admitted.
"Should we look?" I asked, thinking about the dock again.
"Probably, in these times ya." Greg agreed. We balanced our plates and dishes, walking through the castle to everywhere Greg thought John might be. He wasn't in the dining room, or the library (a place I definitely wanted to return to), we even checked Harry's room, but he wasn't there. When we were passing by some stained glass doors we were getting very nervous at this point, when I saw an outline of a man through the doors.
"Is that him?" I asked. The silhouette matched his description, short and muscular. Greg nodded, relief showing on his face. With a free hand I opened the door silently, peaking out so he didn't know we were watching him. He was sitting on the edge, looking down to the ground.
"No, don't jump!" Greg exclaimed behind me, practically pushing through to get to him. John turned his head around, but he didn't look broken, he actually looked amused.
"My god Greg, that was one time." John defended. The moonlight was shining now, sparkling across the ocean and the treetops.
"Sorry sir, you weren't in your room, we got worried." Greg explained, looking kind of embarrassed.
"I understand." John shrugged. "I was just enjoying the view. It's very peaceful out here." I saw my chance, Greg had told me to wait for a secluded time, at sunset, maybe this was the kind of time he meant, John was right, it was beautiful. Could I do it now? Probably, I think I could, if Greg would let me stay.
"Sorry sir, we'll leave you to your thoughts." Greg said quickly, herding me out the door and closing it behind him. "That was embarrassing." He sighed. I looked around; making sure no one else was around.
"Um, do you think, maybe, I could stay with him? Just make sure he's okay." I asked, feeling myself blush even though I shouldn't be. Greg looked at me for a little bit, making sure I wasn't lying.
"Fine, but be careful, it's a far drop." He said, letting me pile up the dishes on his.
"Thank you, thanks so much." I said excitedly, not trying to hide my smile.
"Ya, ya, don't say I never did anything for you." Greg groaned, adjusting the trays in his arms. I waited for him to walk away, whistling a song as he went and then opened the door again, as quiet as possible to make sure I didn't disturb him. Alright, this was it, this was the moment. My stomach twisted in fear as I hesitated at the door, but decided I had to do this, it was the perfect moment. Who knows, after today, he might even like me too. I walked up to the stone ledge which he was sitting on, his feet dangling over the edge towards the town below. Without a word from either of us I climbed up, joining him on the ledge. He seemed to know who it was without saying anything, and I hoped he couldn't hear my heart beating as fast as it was.
"What was today about?" I asked suddenly. He sighed, not looking away from the sparkling ocean.
"Saying thank you, for everything you've done for me." he answered. I noticed his hand was resting on the ledge, not far from mine, if I could just pluck up the courage...
"Well, I would never have done it if I thought you weren't worth saving. John, you seriously turned my life around in ways you could never even imagine." I admitted. He laughed.
"I really doubt that." he muttered. With almost all of the strength and daring I could muster up, I gently brushed my pinky against his, interlocking the two. Static crashed through me, I seemed paralyzed, but our heads snapped to look at each other as if on cue. He looked surprised, and I was willing to bet I looked terrified out of my mind, but both of us were blushing like mad men. I lost my breath, but I didn't want it to look like I had, so I breathed normally although I wasn't getting enough oxygen. I felt dizzy, but that was just because we were touching fingers. The cool night air ruffled out hair a little bit, and I couldn't help feeling completely helpless looking at him. He was so out of my league, in every way, I looking like something the horse dragged in when he looked like a living god. But slowly, very slowly, I leaned in, losing all common sense to my heart's desire, and he didn't pull back. I was terrified, actually shaking as I came closer and closer, and he just stayed stone still, like a Medusa victim. And then, with some miracle, our lips meeting ever so softly. I almost had a heart attack and fell over the side of the railing, but suddenly I plucked the courage to actually kiss him, with some passion and love, only a sliver of the actual feeling bursting from me.If felt like the world was actually coming together, after everything that happened this was the one good thing to ever happen, the start of almost everything good in this world. I felt him put his hand on the side of my neck, right under my ear, but then he pulled back, breathing heavy.
"I'm so sorry, but, I can't, not now." He muttered almost breathlessly. "Not now." He repeated, and with that he swung his legs back over the side and ran from the terrace, shutting the door behind him with a bang. I sat there on the ledge, suddenly the world seemed cold. The stars didn't look beautiful and inviting, they were mocking me. I was so sad, so embarrassed, because now I had to face John every single day knowing that this had happened. My one chance, I blew my one chance to actually get him to love me. And now when he looks at me, he won't see an innocent servant, he'll see an out of place boy with a crush. My lips still tingled and my heart was still pounding, as if reminding me of my failure. John would never love me, it would be better if I just went back to the ocean now. I waited for a while on the terrace, trying to make sure that I wouldn't bump into John on the way back, all the while holding back tears that were pushing against my eyelids. I climbed off the stone railing, dragging my feet through the castle and wishing beyond all wishes that I could turn back time, where I had never sat out there with him in the first place. But the kiss, at first he didn't pull away, he had me fooled for a minute where I thought he actually might like me back. And what did he mean by 'not now', would he be okay with it another time? Maybe I did have hope? But no, I'd never be able to test my luck like that again, if anything happened he'd have to be the one to start it. I opened the door to Greg's room without knocking, waving my hand halfheartedly in greeting before falling onto the couch face first.
"Bloody Hell, you look awful!" Greg exclaimed.
"I messed up Greg, I messed it all up." I groaned through the fabric.
"Messed what up, did you see Irene?" he asked. I groaned in reply. "I'll take that as a, 'we'll talk about it later'." He decided, which was quite kind of him since he wouldn't be getting information from me anyway. I could almost hear the gears in his head turning, it was very annoying actually, hearing such mediocre minds try to figure stuff out. But here I was, a superior mind, falling off horses and using body wash to wash my hair and helplessly, and now hopelessly, in love. I was pathetic.
"I'll just let you be then." Greg said, as kind of a reminder that after this I couldn't talk to him.
"Yes please." I mumbled.
"Fine, good night." Greg decided, and he must have extinguished the fires because the light went out, leaving the room in darkness.

When I woke up that morning it took a while to realize what exactly happened last night, and joy and dread came crashing down on me like a wave of bricks. So stupid. I wanted to hit my head on the wall, just to knock some sense into me. I had to see him today, I had to hand him breakfast and make his bed and he'll see me and I'll look at him and oh my god I couldn't do this. I buried my head back in the couch, feeling like I needed to scream. I didn't wake Greg up even though I know I should've, it was obviously time to go get John his breakfast, but the longer I got to wait to approach him the better. I dreaded the look on his face, but even more I dreaded the silence. I wanted to talk to him, and spend time with him, and instead we were going to look at the floor and pretend the other didn't exist. And that would just break my already shredded heart.
"God what time is it!" Greg exclaimed, trying to get out of bed but getting tangled in the blankets, falling into the wall. I pretended to just wake up, over exaggerating a yawn and rubbing my eyes.
"Time to get up I imagine." I said with a falsely sleepy voice.
"We've got to go, come on!" Greg shouted, getting free and running through the door. I followed with less enthusiasm, dragging my feet as much as I could. The kitchen buffet was already picked over, Greg was throwing together whatever he could as fast as he could and I could guarantee it looked like it too.
"Sherlock get the drink!" he called as he ran through the door, leaving me to pour the juice into a cup and speed walk after him, trying not to spill. I reached the door, which was closed. Obviously Greg had beaten me there, which could be a good thing. I took a deep breath before opening the door. He was there, of course, standing in the middle of the room and talking to Greg. He looked tired, sleep deprived even, as if he'd been up the whole night. There was a flash of hope in my heart but reality crushed it like a boot stepping on an ant, if he was up all night he was probably sanitizing his mouth and not thinking about me in any positive manner. John looked up midsentence and stopped what he was saying.
"Juice." I mumbled, going over to the table, making sure to hide my face because I was probably glowing with embarrassment. I heard them talking behind me, but I didn't know what about, I couldn't make out words through the pounding of my heart echoing through my eardrums. I really didn't want to turn around and look at him again, I didn't want him to talk to me or anything, and god forbid if Greg's pathetic little brain starts working and figures out what's going on...
"Sherlock what are you doing, poisoning the food?" Greg asked sarcastically. I looked back, holding my hands up to show him that I didn't have any poison.
"No." I said simply, making sure to look at Greg, but I still saw John looking at me in the corner of my eye.
"It was a joke." Greg pointed out.
"Oh." I mumbled.
"So, back to work today." John mumbled.
"You don't work." Greg hissed.
"Good point, but it's back to work for you two." he added. I nodded to the floor, tapping my fingers together nervously.
"Well to him that's good news." Greg muttered, and I knew he was talking to me. I didn't reply, causing awkward silence, I felt both of their eyes on me.
"Are you okay?" I heard John's voice ask, he sounded concerned for me, but that didn't mean anything, obviously. I looked up at him, I knew I had to, but kept my eyes away from his.
"I'm fine." I lied. I noticed that his cheeks were getting a bit red too, which made me want to leave immediately. Greg opened his mouth to say something, looking between the two of us, and I could see a lightbulb go off in his head. He closed his mouth again; obviously whatever he was going to say was lost.
"Well, we'll be off, I guess. Enjoy breakfast." Greg decided after a little bit of nothing.
"See you two later." John agreed, and I was out the door faster than I thought possible. Greg followed me, looking very annoyed.
"That's nice, that's very, very nice Irene huh?" he asked, stopping in his tracks. I stopped too, looking at the floor once again in shame. I mumbled something about telling him later. Greg rolled his eyes, obviously not hearing me.
"I'm sorry, but did you think you had any chance at all with him?" he asked.
"No." I mumbled honestly. "I just thought maybe." I really wanted to run away now; there was nothing left for me here.
"You should've told me Sherlock, we couldn't made up some type of master plan or something." Greg pointed out.
"Please don't be mad at me." I begged, backing up a couple of steps in case he was going to yell at me.
"I'm not mad, I'm just surprised. You don't have to hide anything." Greg assured. He was funny, thinking he knew everything about me, thinking I was in anyway normal at all. I nodded, but didn't say anything. He patted me once on the back before continuing walking down the hall. I followed at a distance, shocked that he wasn't mad but still a little apprehensive about what he would do now. Would he treat me differently now that he knew, or would he help me? We walked back to the kitchens, grabbing food quickly before heading back to the wash room, where a whole lot of John's clothes were hanging to dry. We were the only two there, which was both helpful and hurtful.
"So, tell me, what happened then, last night? You said you messed up." Greg pointed out as he plucked pushpins off of the line.
"Well, I uh, it's complicated. I think. He was sitting out there all alone, so you know I took my chance and at first it went okay but then he pulled away and ran out, so I'm assuming he hates me now." I explained. It felt a little better to get the words out.
"Did he say anything?" Greg asked.
"Something along the lines of, I can't do this, not now." I admitted.
"Well that's good isn't it?"
"No!"
"He said 'not now' which means later he'll be okay with it. Maybe he was guilty about being with someone right after his mother died, like it was disrespectful or something." Greg guessed.
"Or he was just trying to be polite and not hurt my feelings."
"Let's look at this positively." Greg decided.
"If only I could." I sighed, folding up a shirt and dumping it in the basket a long with all the other pieces of clothes.
"I feel bad though, I'm pretty sure that makes this job three hundred times more awkward right?" Greg guessed as we walked back to his room with the fresh, folded clothes. I just glared at him, that wasn't even a question, it made it thousands of times more awkward, Greg had no idea.
"Well, good luck I guess." He muttered as we approached the door. When he walked in though, John was absent, the answer to all of my prayers obviously. I made sure too, the bathroom was empty, he wasn't hiding behind the dresser or under the bed, he was completely gone, which was good.
"I could talk to him about you or something; pretend I don't know what's going on and try to get his opinion on it." Greg offered.
"What do you mean by that?" I asked.
"Well, you know, I can ask him what he thinks about you, pretend to pick up that you seem to like him a little bit, ask him if he likes you too, like a double agent." Greg said with a smile.
"If you're a double agent doesn't that mean you're spying on me for him?" I pointed out.
"Okay, more like a spy, it'll be fun!" Greg said happily.
"Knock yourself out, but if he traces any of your little questions back to me I'll make sure you pay the price." I warned, holding up a pair of socks as if they were a weapon.
"Very terrifying." Greg laughed, rolling his eyes. The rest of the day was just common stuff, but a lot better than the first day of work. Greg and I got a long much better since then, and he seemed satisfied with my work, unlike last time. He kept planning stuff, talking to John, he even said he'll plan a set up date when neither of us where expecting it. I made sure to tell him I'd jump out of five story window to avoid that, but he pretended not to hear me. Apparently telling him everything was the best and worst thing I could've done, because every moment of silence he seemed to want to know more. I could only tell him we kissed eight hundred times, but he didn't seem satisfied with that. After a while my answers were just annoyed grunts to try to get him to shut up. I was relived though, that for the most part there was no one around to hear. We decided that John was back at the docks, where he usually was anyway. I wondered that, if I was still a merman, that I'd get worried about him when he didn't show up yesterday. I could imagine I'd be out of my mind with worry, did something happen to him, did he stop coming, was he sick? It would've driven me insane. But then again, if I hadn't been there yesterday he might've just come to the dock instead of going horseback riding. Eventually dinner was creeping up on us, and the moment came when I'd have to see him again. But I didn't want to, and I tried to convince Greg to let me go to the library instead, but he made sure I was the one carrying the plate of food. After telling him he was a jerk in many different ways we knocked on the door, opening it when we heard John call for us to enter. His hair was wet, and, to my utter terror, he was shirtless.
"Just come from a swim I see?" Greg asked.
"Ya, just got back actually, you guys are early. Making up for breakfast I'm guessing." He pointed out, rooting though the dressers for an outfit.
"Don't want to get thrown on the streets." Greg said. I made sure to busy myself with the plate on the table, not wanting to look up. I felt a painful step on my foot, looking up to see Greg, obviously annoyed with me, twitching his head around in some type of wordless communication. I glared at him, but he just spun his hands around. I had no idea what he was saying, so I just looked away helplessly.
"So, how was your day then?" John asked to both of us really.
"Fine." I muttered.
"How about you sir?"
"Lonely. I didn't realize how much more enjoyable the day is when I have someone to share it with." He sighed.
"That's deep." Greg muttered with a small laugh.
"Well it's true! It's kind of sad that my only friends are my servants." John laughed. I couldn't help at smiling at that, he considered me his friend.
"Then you need to make new friends." Greg pointed out.
"There are like no other people around here my age." John pointed out.
"Well that stinks, maybe you should talk to your teddy bears." Greg laughed. John glared at him.
"I don't have teddy bears." He hissed.
"Then what's in your trunk?" Greg asked with a laugh.
"A childhood memory!" John defended. I couldn't help laughing at the thought that John still had a teddy bear in his trunk.
"You could always talk to Harry." I suggested, plucking up the courage to actually say words.
"I'd rather talk to Mr. Bear." John decided. That made both Greg and I lose it, I actually had to stabilize myself on the table to stop laughing.
"I was two okay?!" he defended. Greg seemed to be having trouble breathing and John was almost beet red, yelling out excuses.
"Oh my god that is just perfect!" Greg gasped. I straightened up, trying to force the smile off of my face, but my cheeks actually hurt from the effort. "Oh god." He muttered. "Sorry sir." He added when he saw John's angry face. But he wasn't able to keep that face; he actually cracked a smile too.
"If you mention that to Harry I'll schedule and execution." John pointed out.
"Sorry." I muttered, thinking it was the right thing to do.
"Okay, well, I see you restocked my clothes." John pointed out.
"Yep." Greg said proudly.
"That's good, I guess." John muttered.
"Well, I see that you're busy, we're starving, so we're waiting on the okay." Greg decided, seeing that the meeting was about over.
"Go ahead, good night I guess." John said with a weak smile.
"You and Mr. Bear sleep tight." Greg sang as we rushed out the door, hearing a bang like he threw a shoe or something.
"Pleasant." I muttered as we speed walked to the kitchens.
"You could've cut that awkwardness with a knife, if you want him to like you, you can't keep ignoring him." Greg pointed out.
"But it's embarrassing." I complained, and it was true.
"Just remember it's equally as embarrassing for him." Greg pointed out.
"No it's not! I have it much worse!" I defended.
"But he's got guilt on his shoulders, you being all sad and shy, he knows that's his fault."
"That doesn't help at all." I defended.
"It just might." Greg shrugged. We collected plates and loaded them with whatever food we could find, walking back the room and talking about nothing in particular. I was happy he left the topic of John and I out of the picture, even if there was anything new to talk about, I didn't want to answer any of his questions any more. Night time came and exhaustion seemed to find me out of nowhere, so we stacked our plates at the door to take back at breakfast and said goodnight, Greg extinguishing he light. I couldn't help thinking about what he said. Could I use John's guilt as an advantage? If he was feeling bad about pulling away, maybe he's thinking about the kiss right now just like I am. I wonder if he's suffering like me, or worse.