we talk to eachother about many, many different things. from things so personal they couldn't even be talked about in therapy, to fucking dora or lame kids shows, and its honestly amazing. to be able to just... open up and let everything spill out.
but i've also found out something.
something about someone who i had put my full trust in.
and, honestly?
i feel betrayed.

i feel fucking betrayed.

how could you have done this to me?
you know who you are.
how could you lie? how could you lie to so many people about so many different things? how could you be so... insensitive??
the world is not your throne.
and i am not a priority over other friends.
she needs love too, you know.
they need love, too.

and you know what?
im probably just going to forgive you like the softie i am.
you're probably going to lie to and manipulate me again.

...i trusted you.
i thought that, because you loved me, i could know that, without a doubt, you wouldn't find me annoying, and your emotions wouldn't be fake.
i guess....
i guess that's what i get for fucking trusting you.

and you know what? i dont care if you try and play the victim card.
it won't work on me.

you know how i feel about trusting people. that i worry every damn day aboht every damn person in the whole fucking world thinking im annoying.
how could you be such a piece of shit to a thing so worthless and trusting?
have you no shame????

but let's just cover up our problems with humor. isn't that how things work? ISN'T THAT HOW IT SHOULD BE?? ALL HAPPY AND FUCKING FUNNY, LAUGHING WHEN NOTHING IS WRONG?!?!?

i don't fucking care if i'm being an asshole right now.
i think my anger is justified.

...you know who you are.
and you'd better fucking apologize.
and yes, you're one of my only close friends
and yes, i'm still going to forgive you
and yes, if you so much as even hurt Them once.....
i will never, ever speak to you again. not even over the internet.

They are so confused by me. why would someone, who you barely know, just... get you... understand you, so well?? how could someone be so trusting, and relatable, and just...?!
They think that some of the things i like are toxic. but They can see past that, and get along with me. They think that, even with my flaws, maybe... i could be trusted by Them.

you.
i don't get you.
why do you take advantage of me?
just because i'm an easy target?
is it a mental thing?
if you said that it was, am i supposed to believe you?
i just don't know anymore.

am i just a joke to you?
a toy? a plaything?!

do i mean nothing to you?!?

i can't help but feel

like it was all just a lie

that maybe

you were just a lie