You are now a young man standing in his bedroom. The date is May Ninth, Twenty-Sixteen. It is actually this young man's birthday. His 17th, to be exact. He has no name up until now. Normally children would not have a name a until they are an adult, or 18. But he is the protagonist, so he is a special exception. Now. Reader, enter a name. The reader cannot enter the name, as the author is doing so. His name is... Acidic Fartstunk. Try again, asshole. Gary Bryson. There we go. He likes that name.

  Your name is GARY. It is a VERY COLD winter day. To be exact, it is one of the COLDEST WINTER DAYS you've experienced in your life. Your MICROWAVE is making HOT CHOCOLATE, as we speak, to warm you up. Arguably even more warming is your girlfriend, which brings us to your multiple RELATIONSHIPS. However, you will only disclose one. A nice guy like you is sure to have plenty, and be nice as NOT TO DISCLOSE them, without permission.  Your girlfriends name is NAIA MARGAR. Her DISCORD USERNAME is unbelievableCharity. Her username is like that, mimicking SLUETHSOLVER from this web-comic she reads, called PROBLEMSTUCK. Your DISCORD USERNAME is SpriteMixtureAlpha. You shall NEVER use the SLUETHSOLVER username typing style. EVER. The SPRITE in SpriteMixtureAlpha brings you to our INTERESTS. Don't worry, we will soon drop this YOU = GARY CONFUSION.

You LOVE to SPRITE things, almost as much as you love NAIA. You also REALLY LIKE to do EXPERIMENTS, your FAVORITE involving MILK, which you love, creamer, and half and half. You drip FOOD COLORING into them and BOO- you know what, lets stop before he, or rather, you (?) rants more.  Your hobbies may or may not be DISSECTING THINGS, and SNEEZING. Seriously. You should really get that checked. You often have BLOODY NOSES for no particular reasons AT ALL. That should also be checked. That is REALLY all to know about you. 

But now...

What will you do?