"Blake, sasabay ka sa'min ni Lola? Papunta na akong canteen."

I looked at Reese who's now packing his things. Reese and Lola is my friend since first year high school and we've been hanging out for more than four years, as far as I can remember.

"Ahm, yeah, sure. I'll just finish this." I nod at him and turn my focus on what I am copying on the blackboard.

"Naks, sipag. Sanaol." I shook my head while chuckling. He just bid his goodbye before going out. I sighed when silence filled our room. This'll be quick 'cause I am hungry already.

I don't know why am I even copying these. This won't even be on the test tomorrow. I just feel like copying it. After that, I immediately packed my things.

As soon as I reached the canteen, I saw them but they are with someone. A girl.

"Hey, what's up!" I fist bump with Reese while looking at the girl. "Who are we with?"

"Ah, si Xia. Wala kasing mauupuan kaya naki-upo na lang sa atin. Okay lang naman, di'ba?" Lola said. The girl named Xia is just silently eating her food, not even accommodating my presence. Her mere presence is intimidating me.

"Titig 'yan?" I looked at Lola who is now raising her brows on me. Tsk. Bagay talaga silang maging magkaibigan ni Reese. They are both annoying.

"Ah, guys, thank you. I'm done already." She smiled at us as a sign of gratitude before standing up and walking away from us.

"Witwew." Reese playfully tapped my back. What the fuck?

"Shut up." They both laughed at me. Hell, they are making fun of me.

I can say that she is beautiful, though. Her cheeks were pinkish. With her thick eyebrows and pinkish heart-shaped lips. Her nose that commends the size of her face. Her hair is a bit curly. No, she's not beautiful. She's just cute. But of course, I won't say it loud knowing that there is Reese and Lola beside me.

The next day, I saw her again in our table. Like yesterday, she's still quite. I wonder why Lola and Reese still talk to her. I know them. They don't like uncooperative comrade. Is this their new challenge in life?

Consecutive days and she's still joining us yet you can't feel her presence. It's as if she's creating a new world from our world. It is nonsense that she will sit with us yet not even uttering a single word.

"Why is she not talking?" I finally asked Lola.

"Me no english. Char. Malay ko! Try mong tanungin!" Lola rolled her eyes on me.

"Hi, are you foreigner? How old are you? From what section?"

"Gago. Alam mo na sagot d'yan, tatanungin mo pa." Lola pinch Reese's arm. "Itabi mo, ako na. Hi, am I pretty?"

"Pretty-ng Isda?" Reese laugh at his own joke. That's not even funny. This person, really, whatever comes into his mind, he will voice it out. "Hindi naman corny, ah! Tumawa nga si Xia, eh."

"Mukha mo ang nakakatawa."

She keeps hanging out with us and within one month, finally, she's talking. It's weird to hear her voice frequently. She will laugh if something is funny. She will also tell you a story if she have. In just a month, we became friends.

Every single day, even though she is not from our section, too, she always make it up for her to join us. And every single day she is with us, I can't help but to develop feelings for her. I know, that's lame. I developed that feelings in just a month. I didn't know that that can be possible.

"Guys, mas mataas ako kay Reese sa periodical test sa science. Please, lang. Magce-celebrate tayo. Reese, ilibre mo ako." Lola, of course, can't shut her mouth. Siya lang ang nagpapatawa sa grupo namin.

"Ako na lang lagi nanlilibre sa'yo. Dagdag 'to sa utang mo, ha?" I smirked with what Reese said. We all know that he's not doing what he says. "Sus! Nakalamang ka lang ng limang puntos, eh. Pinagbigyan lang kita."

Xia and I are just watching them as they argue. I unconsciously turn my gaze on her. Naramdaman niya sigurong may nakatingin din sa kanya kaya napatingin din siya sa akin. I smiled at her but I receive nothing. That should not be a big deal for me, but it somehow bothered me for some reason.

Months and days had passed and the feelings I developed became deeper. I always wanted to be with her. I always wanted to sit next to her. She and I became close. She's talking to me now. She is smiling back when I smiled at her.

"Do you think Xia like me?"

I regretted that I asked Reese about that thing. He just laughed at me. He looks like he's losing his mind but nah, that's his normal state.

"Ano namang nakain mo't naisip mo na gusto ka ni Xia? Dude, obvious na. Kaibigan lang ang tingin niya sa'yo." He tapped my back.

That thing saddened me. She's looking at me as friend. Pakiramdam ko, tinatraydor ko siya dahil ginagamit ko ang pagkakaibigan namin para maging mas malapit pa. I don't want to put our friendship at risk so I decided to keep all inside me.

"Insan, kilala mo 'yung topnotch sa Beryl? Si Xia? Nakikita ko lagi kayong magkasama 'nun, ah." One afternoon while eating street food, Vina, which happen to be my cousin, asked me.

"Ah, yeah. She's my friend. Why?" I asked her.

"In-english pa ako. Eh ganito ang ganap. Crush kasi siya ng crush ko. Naiinis ako sa kanya ng slight." I glared at her because of what she said. "Oh? Anong meron sa tinging Mala-Cardo Dalisay na 'yan?"

"Why are you pissed with her? She's doing nothing." I defended her.

"Eh, ikaw, kapag 'yung crush mo, nagka-crush sa iba, hindi ka ba maiinis sa crush niya?" She backfired.

"That's immature." Hell, even though I said that those are immaturities, I can't help but to feel pissed of Vina's crush, too. How dare him to have crush on Xia? As if papatulan siya 'nun. Sino ba siya sa akala niya?

"Alam ko na insan, pagselosen natin 'yung crush ko." That's the most stupid thing she said in her entire life.

"There's no way I will do that."

But at the end, she still makes me agreed. She learned that I have crush on her crush's crush that's why. I hope it'll work because if not, I will sue Vina.

"Your girl approached me." She teased me. "She doesn't look bothered that you are hanging out with other woman. Ahh, poor." I sighed. "Buti pa sa akin, effective. Lagi na akong hinahanap. Feeling ko mag-aasawa na ako. Sabihin mo kay Mommy handaan ako ng bongga."

I regretted my decisions. Xia is quite distant to me now. Whenever I come near her, she will excuse her self. Napapansin ko 'yun. I can see that she's avoiding me. She is slowly slipping on my grip.

I'm on the verge of surrendering everything. I decided to surrender my feelings and choose to keep our friendship. But my dead hope was regain in an afternoon time when I talked to her and she cried on my chest, confessing everything. Confessing her feelings.

I can't say that I am the happiest man that time but for me, I am. We became official that day and I promised to be with her no matter what. That I will protect her whatever happens because that is what boyfriend do, protect his girl.

Our relationship is so perfect. I told my parents about her, being my girlfriend.

"Wow, the boy is now a man." Dad and Mom laughed.

"There is nothing wrong with early relationships. Just don't forget to prioritize your goals. And Blake, take care of her. She's more precious than rubies." I smiled.

"You don't have to say that. I will do it."

And finally, she introduced me on her mother! I was so nervous that time. That is my first time meeting her Mom. I can say that her mother is nice. She's just kind of intimidating. She resembles her daughter.

And I got the courage to introduced her to my family, officially. Good thing everything between us turned out well. Everything is worth risking after all.

I played her a guitar. I actually don't play guitar when someone is watching but I want to show her that I can play guitar. She's the first one to hear and see me doing that. Even though my family knows that I play guitar, they never see me play it.

After that day, everything we do made my life. Medyo naging busy na din ako dahil isa ako sa mga inatasang umayos ng kung ano sa graduation. Hindi pa naman gan'on kalapit 'yun pero kinatwiran nila na mas maganda ng maaga. I still made time for Xia, of course.

But one news really affect everything we had including our relationship.

Mayor Quiroz corruption case is under investigation.

I called her after I see the news. I called her many times but she's not answering it. I am fucking nervous because usually, when I am calling, she's answering it within a second.

To: Miss Girlfriend
I'll call you

But heck! She's still unresponsive.

To: Miss Girlfriend
Answer the phone, Xia.

Finally, she answered it. I told her that I will go there for her but she refuses. She's crying, I know that. I know her voice when she's smiling or crying. I am so worried about her. I even attempted to ditch my room just to see her but my mother saw me.

I tell her everything that can boost her. I told her that her father is innocent and everything between her family will be alright.

"Grabe, korap pala tatay ni Xia."

Pakiramdam ko nagpantig ang tenga ko sa narinig. How dare he to call my girlfriend's father corrupt? He is innocent until proven guilty! But I just didn't mind those. People easily judge. They will believe everything they will hear.

I always made her feel that I am with her no matter what happens. That she have me no matter what. That she can cry on my shoulders.

But everything...every pieces of her broke when her brother died. She was so devastated that time. I saw how she break down. How she cried a lot because of her brother's lost. That's why I promised not to get tired of her.

"Namatay daw 'yung kapatid ni Xia?"

"Karma na 'yan ng pamilya niya."

I can't hold my emotion anymore. I punched that man who said that it was their karma.

"Tangina, ano bang problema mo?" He punched me, too. I was about to give him a punch but the teacher approach.

How dare him to say that her family deserves that? He knows nothing! No one deserves to suffer!

I stayed in the detention room. That was my first violation in my entire highschool life. But I don't give a damn. He deserves that punch. He deserves more than that punch!

Xia didn't attend school anymore. I know how devastated she was and I understand her.

"Huy, kumusta si Xia? Paki-kumusta naman ako." Her friend, Fiona, said in a worried voice. "If may time, pupuntahan ko din siya. Hindi ko lang siya ma-contact." I smiled at her before nodding. He's with Harry.

I was in my room, looking at the ceiling, thinking everything that happened. I wasn't really that type of man who pray but that time, I silently begged Him to make Xia stronger. I prayed and prayed for her good. He will hear me, right? They said He had mercy for everyone, so I know He will guide my Xia.

My phone rang. Xia was calling me so I immediately answered. But my heart broke because of what she said. Her mother is breaking everything while shouting her son's name.

That is too much for her. She didn't deserve those kind of pain. She also failed her class because of her absents. Alam ng mga teacher ang pinagdaanan niya kaya binigyan siya ng consideration but if she will not make it until the graduation, she'll need to take summer.

She's so good for her to experience these with such age.

It was our periodical test but I can't focus because I always think of Xia's state. She needed someone right now. She had no one on her side. That day, I didn't take my periodical test. I can submit some letters for consideration. I know that final test is important but Xia really needed someone now. I don't want to make her feel that she's fighting alone. 

But I didn't know that while helping her, I am losing everything I have. My dad always scolds me about my failed quizzes. They know that I am not like that. I choose to help her and forgot about that.

"Blake, itigil na natin 'to."

What she said, literally broke my heart. I came here to see her because I am tired on our house. My relationship with my parents is not good and I needed her that time. I need to rest with her but I didn't expect that she will broke up with me.

She reasoned out about those fight I have and the test I failed. She is mad at me and I can't do anything but to cry. I didn't want to make her feel that it's her fault. It wasn't my intention.

That day should be our second monthsarry. But she broke up with me. It feels like everything I've done for her is nothing.

It's tiring that it's always you who should understand things.

I cried everything in my room. But I didn't stop pursuing her. I always begged her to take me back. But she said she don't want me in her life anymore. That she is not worth for what I am doing. I was mad at her that time but again, she shut her door to me.

But I didn't stop. I know I shouldn't stop.

His father was found guilty. Image of her, crying again, flashed in my mind. I wanted to go with her that time but my parents won't allow me. They're fuming mad. So I just decided to leave a message.

I feel like everyone is against with us now. I always asked myself if everything that we lose on the transition, are they worth it? Is the reason why I am still fighting, really worth it? Does my love for her worth losing everything?

To: Miss Girlfriend
I love you

"X-Xia, babe, what's thi---where are you going?"

The next day, when I go to their house, I saw her putting her luggages in the car. I was shocked. She's leaving me!

At 'yun na ang sign. I am tired. I am tired of begging her to stay. I just wanted to let out my emotions. I wanted her hear me, too. I know I can't make her stay so I just said my feelings.

Maybe, this is for the better. Maybe we just both needed to breathe. We are tired.

But when she hugged me, I know that there's still a chance. "I'm sorry, I love you."

She kissed me on my lips! That's our first kiss. And probably the last because she ran inside the car. I chased the car but because I am too weak enough, I just kneeled on the ground and cried.

"I love you. I will look for you, soon."

And that's the thing that I hold. I will look for her soon. That promise to myself fueled the inner me to be better, so when our path crossed again, I can make her stay.

I took my summer. I complied everything that I missed. I do my best. It's good that my family supported me. I graduated highschool and I even made it for honors.

The same thing in Senior High. I take Accountancy, Business and Management and I am one of those excelled students.

Our break up pushed me to excell. I wanted her to be proud of me. I always send her a message even though I know that she changed her number.

And now, I am on second year college, taking my dream course---Legal Management, in ADMU.

"Bro, Pop Up. Do you want to come with us?"

I am not actually into going out but I am going out when I want to. When I am not busy with readings. This course brought pressures, stress, and tears on my life, but I know I should not give up.

As long as we can, we shouldn't give up on our dreams. Things will never be easy and we should understand that, that's how life works.

"Ah, sure. What time?" I asked my friend, Clint. He's just my friend actually in first year. He approached me and ask me about some things about Legal Management and then we became friends. I don't know how.

"Night time, of course." He said sarcastically. I just shook my head. I can't really get serious answer with him. "Six or seven. What time are you free?" He asked.

"Eight."

"Inang 'yan. Can't you make it until 7:30? Minsan lang 'to!" I massaged my forehead, starting to get annoy now but I still give him a nod. "Cool!"

I want to ditch him, actually, but I am glad that I didn't.

"Hi, sorry, lasing kasi----,"

I looked at the woman who's now unconsciously hugging me before my gaze turned into her friend. Pakiramdam ko, huminto ang oras nang magtama ang mata namin.

I saw her again after years of looking for her. She's more matured now. Her skin is fairer than before. Her hair is longer. She is not the Xia I lost before. Sa ilang segundong pagtitig ko sa kanya, naramdaman ko na naman ang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko.

"Xia..."

"Sorry. Riz, tara na."

She leave again. I smirk. If she thinks that I will let her, she's wrong. It's been a years yet nothing changed in me. I am still me. I am still the Blake he loves and loves her.

Sorry, baby, but I am not going to let you go now.

With everything that happened, I realized one thing. If you're given a second chance with everything, you should not miss to try over and over again.

I followed her. I saw her having difficulties with her friend.

"Hoy, gising, nasa'n 'yung susi? Kairita naman kayo, eh. Hindi ako marunong mag-drive!"

I chuckled. Even though she's more matured now, she's still the Xia I know. Clumsy. I chuckled because she is having a hard time. As much as I wanted to see her clumsiness, I can't fight the urge to help her.

"Need some help?" I stand beside her. "I can drive you home."

"Ah, a-ano, hindi na. Maghahanap na lang ako ng Grab Taxi, hehe." Awkward pa itong tumawa.

This is really awkward. Imagine, seeing your ex? But I found that thought funny. I never treated her as my ex, anyways.

"You sure you can trust the driver? It is late night. I'll drive you home. And about your friend's car, I'll just send my friend to drive that." I said. She just nod at me. I carried one of her friend to my car.

We're here at the front seat while I am driving. Kung ano-anong kinakalikot niya para maiwasan ang pagkailang and I can't help but to let out a chuckle. She looked at me and I saw how her face turned red.

I can still make her blush, huh. Should I be proud?

I dropped her friends first. I really wanted to talk to her now. I can't deny the fact that I miss her. I miss her hug, her voice, everything about her. And now that she's here, I wanted her to stay with me.

I know I should get mad because she left me before. But I realized that if she didn't, we will destroy each other. She looks fine. I am fine. Both of us is fine and that is because we let go of each other.

"Uh, ano, sorry." I raised a brow because of what she said. Sorry? For what? For leaving me?

"Hmm? For what?" I hide my smirk.

"For...for...ahm, nevermind." I let out a chuckle. She sighed and I saw her glaring at me. "You found this funny?"

"What? No." I made a serious face.

"Then why are you laughing?"

"I am not laughing." I defended. "Pero miss kita."

"Ha?" I smirk and didn't answer her. "You know what? Just drop me here. I'll gonna get Grab." She said while unbuckling her seatbelt.

I stopped her. She looked at me when I hold her hand. I miss this. I miss holding her hand and feeling her warm. My hold tighten when he attempted to get back her hand.

"Blake, bitaw." Her voice broke making me looked at her. I saw how her tears glistened in her eyes.

"Why are you crying?" I asked gently.

"First, you are making fun of me then now, you are playing with me, too. Is this how you want me to suffer?" Pain is evident in her voice. "Please lang Blake, ibaba mo na ako. Pagod ako. Wala akong panahon para sa kalokohan mo."

"Gusto mo talagang lagi akong iniiwasan 'no?" I stopped the car when I talked. "Whenever I am showing things to you, you would always choose to avoid. You're not even listening." I can't hide the bitterness with my voice. "You love to push me away. You always do."

"Blake..."

"But I didn't know why the fuck I am still into you." I hit the steering wheel out of frustration. "You love to push me and I love to stick with you." I looked at her and when I see her eyes again, I can't help myself. I kissed her. She closed her eyes as if feeling me.

I really really really miss her. Every single day.

"Tell me you still love me and I won't let you go now." Isinandal ko ang noo ko sa noo niya.

"I love you."

When she said those words, I promised again to myself that whatever happens, I will never let go of her. Even when she refuses to hold my hand, I will hold hers. I will do everything for her.

Yes, I am her tragedy.

The tragedy, she will love forever.

-END-