"Tita Myrna..."

I am surprised when she went to hugged me tight. She's Tita Myrna, my aunt from my father's side. She cried on my shoulder and that time, I know that she already knew what happened.

"Sorry, ngayon lang ako nakapunta." She said. Nakaupo lang kami ngayon sa labas ng morgue. Mabuti na lang at dumating siya kasi hindi ko pa alam kung paano ko aayusin lahat ng ito. "Your father called me to check you out. He wants----,"

"Tita, don't. I-I honestly don't want to hear a-anything from him now." I avoided her eyes when I said those words. I don't think I can stand to hear his name.

"Okay. But now is his hearing, d-do you want to come with me?" I looked at her because of what she said. I thought he's already in jail? Not that I care, though.

"Sorry po. Ayoko pa po talaga." She sighed but still smiled at me. She caressed my back as if comforting me.

"Okay. Magpakatatag ka ha? Magiging maayos din ang lahat." I don't why I think of him because of that line. He is the one who says those words to me whenever I am in trouble. But like my family, I lost him, too.

Like what I said, I didn't come with her. I stayed in the house, doing nothing. Nakahiga lang ako sa kama habang nakatitig sa kisame na wala man lang kakitaan ng kahit ano.

After I broke up with him, I never saw him again. Hindi ko na siya muling nakita pa sa hospital. I wonder where he is right now. Is he studying? Is he crying? Is he thinking of me, too? I wanted to take back my words. I wanted to take him back.

But I know I can't. I shouldn't. Mas makakapag-focus siya kung wala ako. Mas magiging maayos ang lahat sa kanya kung wala ako sa buhay niya. And that's what painful. In order to grow, we have to take different path. For us not to pull each other down, we need to let go.

I wiped my tears when I heard the doorbell. Bumangon ako at inayos muna ang sarili ko. Hindi naman halatang umiyak ako pero halatang konti lang ang tulog ko. Those dark circles on my eyes are visible and anyone will easily notice it. Medyo pumayat na din ako, dahil siguro konti lang ang nakakain ko lately. Nang masigurong maayos na ang lahat, bumaba na ako.

"Sino 'ya---," I stopped when I saw him. He's looking down but when he realized that someone opened the door, he immediately looked up. His eyes glistened with happiness yet the pain is still evident. I composed myself again. "Anong ginagawa mo dito? Wala na tayo, Blake. Umuwi ka na."

"Xia, please..." He is now crying again! I don't want to see him crying but I don't want to give him false hope either. "I can't. Please, Xia, take me back. Promise, ipapasa ko ang periodical, just...just..." Umiyak lang siya ng umiyak sa harap ko. Kahit anong pigil ko sa luha ko, talagang taksil ang mga ito.

"Umuwi ka na. Hindi kita kailangan. Hindi na kita kailangan sa buhay ko." I immediately regretted what I said as I see the pain that crosses on his brown eyes. "Can't you see yourself, Blake? You are not the Blake that everyone knows! Si Blake, hindi ganito. He's not going to sacrifice his dreams for something that is worthless."

"You are not worthless!"

"I am! I am worthless! Everything in me is not worth it! I am not worth to fight!" Sa hindi mabilang na pangyayari, umiyak na naman ako. Ang hina-hina ko talaga sa ganitong bagay. "Kaya hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit mo ako pinagtitiyagaan. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ka nanatili."

"Dahil mahal kita. Isn't it enough reason for me to stay with you?"  He said those words while looking at my eyes.

"Umuwi ka na lang muna. Hindi...hindi ko pa kayang makipag-usap ngayon." And like the last time, I closed the door again. I closed that damn door for me to show him that he don't have chance anymore. That he should go home and forget me.

Nasasaktan na ako para sa amin. Para sa kanya. Dahil siya, patuloy pa ring pinaglalaban ang relasyong isinuko ko na. Isinuko ko para sa kanya. Because this is the right thing to do.

I cried non-stop that time. Ganito na lang ba lagi ako? Iiyak na lang ng iiyak? Iiyak na akala mo naman ay mababago ang lahat? Pero alam kong may dahilan kaya ako naririto. He put me here for something. And now, all I can do is to trust His will and believe that after all of this, everything will go right. That I will be on the place where I should be.

Mayor Quiroz, the mayor who is accused of Corruption is found guilty! He is sentenced to be in jail for 20 years.

I stared at the news blankly. I don't feel bad at him yet I still don't feel happy. I just...I just don't feel anything right now. Gusto ko na lang matapos ang lahat ng ito at ipahinga ang lahat.

As what I expected, walang gana si Tita Myrna. She just how her brother sentenced to jail. I understand her. But there's no way I will tolerate my brother's wrong decision.

"Sasama ka ba sa akin, Xia? I will go back to Manila." She said.

Inisip ko lahat. Lahat ng iiwan ko dito. Wala naman akong masyadong iiwan dito. I can just get my forms in the school and transfer there in Manila. I can take summer to passed my subjects. Si Fiona, si Lola, si Reese. They will understand if I left. I will just tell them as soon as I reached the city. I don't have anything here in the house and I don't think I can stay here for too long, alone. Everything is on the side of coming with my aunt. Ang daming dahilan para umalis pero iisa lang ang dahilan para manatili. Si Blake. I will hurt him again if I left. Pinag-isipan kong mabuti ang lahat.

"Opo."

That's my decision. To have my new life in new world. I will achieve all my dreams there. I will start again there. Even though he's not with me. Even though I am not with him. Because like I always say, this is for the better.

Later that night, I packed all my things. I made sure that everything I needed is with me. I sleep in my bed, thinking that this will be the last time that I will lay here. This bed witnessed all my tears, fears, and hatred. This room became my comfort zone. But the house where they belong is my nightmare.

I cried there again, hoping that those tears will be the last that I will shed here. I didn't realize that I dozed to sleep while crying. Paggising ko tuloy, tuyo na ang mga luha ko. But I feel better.

Sinimulan ko lang ang morning routine ko. Pakiramdam ko, bago ang lahat. Nakalimutan ko rin pala kung paano ako mabuhay dati. Waking up in the morning, doing my usual routine, eating with them before going in school. Those events that happens in my family really affect my life.

Sabay din kaming kumain ni Tita. She just told me that we will arive that exact ten in the morning. Mas maganda 'yun. Mas maaga ang alis namin, mas maaga ang dating namin. Kinakabahan ako na may halong lungkot. I don't feel happy at all.

"Xia, dalian mo't baka ma-late na tayo sa airport." Tita Myrna is freaking pressuring me! Ang hirap kaya isakay ng bagahe ko sa kotse niya. "Wait, I'll just take this call." I nodded at her, patuloy pa rin sa paglagay ng bagahe ko.

"X-Xia, babe, what's thi---where are you going?" I froze when I heard his voice. Pakiramdam ko nanuyo ang lalamunan ko. Bakit ba hindi ko naisip na pupunta siya? "You're leaving? Why?"

I faced him. Gulong-gulo ang mukha niya habang nagpapabalik-balik ang tingin sa mga gamit ko at sa akin.

"Why are you leaving? Is it because of me again?" His tears glistened in his eyes. I bite my lips to conceal my feelings. I am hurting him again. "Gan'on ka na ba kagustong alisin ako sa buhay mo?" Bumagsak ang balikat niya. "Akala ko ba mahal mo ako? Bakit gan'on na lang kadali sa'yo na iwan ako?"

I didn't talk. I listen to him now. I let him talk. I wanted to hear his voice for the last time. I wanted to hear his pain for the last time. I want him to get mad at me for the first time.

"I stayed, Xia. I stayed because I love you. Even though I am hurt, too, I never chose to leave you. Because I love you. Pero bakit sobrang dali sa'yong iwan ako?" Our tears fell on the same time. "Kahit na ayaw mo na ako, nanatili ako. Kahit na pinagtabuyan mo ako, hindi ako umalis."

Nakita kong nakita kami ni Tita Myrna pero hindi siya naki-alam. She knows him because I told her about Blake.

"I never wanted anything in return. I just want you to stay with me, too." I sobbed. Iniiwasan kong masaktan siya pero bakit hindi ko magawa? Bakit kahit anong piliin ko, masasaktan ko siya?

"I'm sorry..."

"I am always there for you. I never leave your side when you need someone." He keeps talking and it seems like he just let his tears to flow. "Kahit nasasaktan na din ako, ayos lang because you are more important. I invalidate my feelings because I love you."

"I'm sorry..."

"Pero wala lang 'yon lahat sa'yo." That is not true. I appreciated everything he does. "Gusto kong magalit. Gustong-gusto kong magalit sa'yo, Xia. Gusto kong magalit kasi ang bilis mong sumuko. Na ang bilis mong magdesisyon." Please just get mad at me. "Pero hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko kaya kasi tangina, mahal kita."

Dahan-dahan akong lumapit sa kanya at niyakap siya. Binigyan ko siya ng isang mahigpit na yakap dahil alam kong ito ang huli. His cry became louder. Tahimik lang akong yumakap, pinapakiramdaman siya sa huling pagkataon.

"I'm sorry. I love you."

And for the first and last time, I kissed him. I kissed my goodbye on him. 'Yun ang unang pagkakataon at sa tingin ko, ang magiging huli, dahil pagkatapos nito, wala na. Tapos na ang lahat sa amin.

Humiwalay na ako sa kanya saka tumakbo sa loob ng sasakyan, patuloy pa rin sa pag-iyak. Agad namang pumasok si Tita Myrna at pinaandar ito. Nakita ko pang humabol si Blake hanggang sa mapaluhod na lang ito.

I cried everything inside the car. Sobrang sakit isipin na may posibilidad na hindi na kami magkita. But I know, my decision will bring us to something good.

It's okay if he find another woman while I am not on his side. He deserves someone who doesn't leave. Who will love him unconditionally. Someone who will choose to stay to be on his side in every milestone.

I do love him. He is my rest. He is my peace. He is the love of my life. And he is my tragedy.

He is the Matchmaker's Tragedy.

For the third time, I shut my door on him. For the second time, I broke him up. And for the first time, I can say that I finally let him go.