As requested by southernmuggle  😂

Host: ladies and gentleman welcome to the wizard world Big Brother special!  2 people from each house will work as a team!
Team Slytherin.... Draco Malfoy and Severus Snape!
Team Gryffindor.... Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger!
Team Hufflepuff.... Cedric Diggory and Tonks!
Team Ravenclaw... Luna Lovegood and Roger Davies!

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Day One in the Hogwarts Big Brother house:

Host: Draco has come to the diary room to talk about Hermione and Ron..

"The house is becoming more and more intense, tempers are starting to rise. Cedric got into a blazing row with Ron Weasley over hot water. Ron is an absolute nightmare to live with! Even his mudblood girlfriend is becoming frustrated with him. I'm planning to use her most vulnerable hour to seduce her! Hopefully it would cause a melt down in the Gryffindor team." - Draco.

Host: professor Severus Snape seems to be getting cozy with the wife of his Hogwarts colleague...
Snape pulls Tonks into his arms on the sofa in the living area.. Whispering with their Microphones covered...

Tonks: this is so complicated.
Snape: it doesn't have to be, once we are out of here and anyway from these insolent brats we can spend more time alone.
Tonks: it's not that simple, I want you Severus but there's Remus... We have a child.
Snape: I understand. I just don't want to loose what we have, it's special to me.
Tonks: we shouldn't even be talking about this here, I should follow you into the cupboard.
Snape: that could be a dangerous idea *laughs*
Tonks: *giggles* I can't get the last time out of my head...

Host: Draco is in the garden consoling Hermione after an argument with Ron....

Draco: don't cry, it's not going to help anyone Hermione.
Hermione: *sniffs* oh, suddenly now we're in here I'm no longer a filthy mudblood..
Draco: I never meant it when I called you that.. I was following my fathers orders.
Hermione: I understand, I guess it's all water under the bridge now. Ron is being such a jerk off... Why did he have to fight with Cedric over water ? I mean, I just can't comprehend it.
Draco: it's a pressure cooker in here, things that would normally not bother you seem amplified. You start to see people's true colours in situations like this you know? Cedric didn't even use all the hot water..."
Hermione: I know, sometimes I don't know how long Ron and I are going to last, I'm seeing those other sides of him and I don't like what I see.
Draco: yeah...

Host: it's time for nominations.... In the diary room.

Snape: Draco and myself wish to nominate Ravenclaw just because Luna is driving us mad, Roger is ok but he doesn't really have anything to give to the house.

Ron: Myself and 'Mione are both in different minds, she wants to nominate Ravenclaw because Roger won't stop taking photos of her in the morning but I want to nominate Hufflepuff because Cedric is a fucking nightmare. So as 'Mione's not here I nominate Hufflepuff

Tonks: after much deliberation we have decided to nominate Gryffindor because Ron's behaviour this morning was totally unacceptable really. So yeah, Gryffindor.

Luna: Erm, well we're going to nominate Hufflepuff because I think something is going on between Snape and Tonks, and I really like Professor Lupin so I think that's out of order. At first I thought it was nargles in my head but as I moved closer to the cupboard I could hear sexual sounds coming from inside. And I distinctly heard the words "Oh Severus! Your balls are so hairy."

Host: the public have cast their votes... And the first team leaving Big Brother is....... Ravenclaw!

(Luna and Roger leave.)

**********************************

Host: day two in the big brother house.... And something is irritating Ron..

Ron: I'm getting pissed off with Draco you know, he keeps having chats with 'Mione and the bastard winked at me over he shoulder. I should punch him.
Tonks: He's playing the game Ron, Hermione wouldn't be stupid enough to fall for it.
Ron: So what's going on with..... ?
Tonks: Exactly what you're thinking *smirks*
Ron: Bloody hell! what about....?
Tonks: *whispers whilst covering mic* I love him, so much but I love Sev too
Ron: you want my advice? Stick with what you know. The bat is bad news..

Host: Draco is in the bedroom with Hermione talking about relationships..

Draco: he's a fucking waste of air, you deserve a guy that will not embarrass you. Someone who is not immature.
Hermione: I know, but he does love me.
Draco: so would I if you gave me a chance to, you're beautiful and clever and that imbecile is bellow you.
Hermione: don't say that, I mean... Thank you for the compliment but he is my boyfriend and I don't like you slagging him off.
Draco: ok ok... *laughs and joke fights with Hermione*
Ron: what the fuck are you doing? Why are your hands on my woman?
Hermione: we're just messing around Ronald, chill out! *giggles*
Ron: he's fucking after you 'Mione! I bet you're fucking him!
Hermione: how dare you speak to me like that Ron! We're over! *storms out*
Draco: stupid weasel, pushing her straight into my arms *smirks and follows Hermione*

Host: Snape and Draco are discussing the battle to win the competition

Snape: you're plan with that insufferable know it all is going well I assume.
Draco: eating out the palm of my hand. *smirks*
Snape: very good. We will win this easily.
Draco: my father will be pleased. So are you screwing....?
Snape: that's personal! *scowls*
Draco: please tell me that it's just a plan like mine?
Snape: no, it's very serious and none of your business.
Draco: sleeping with the enemy, one of Dumbledores order... *laughs hysterically*
Snape: shut up you insolent boy.

Host: eviction time! And this time the public have nominated Slytherin & Gryffindor!

*room fills with gasps of shock*

Host: the public has decided the next team to leave Big Brother is......
Gryffindor!!!!!!!!

(Ron and Hermione leave)
*Draco smirks* *Snape gives Draco a look of approval.*

**************************

Host: day 3 in the big brother house.... Tonks is having a heart to heart with Snape.

Tonks: *conceals mic* you have to understand Sev, I want you but I can't leave.... My son comes first.
Severus:*whispers* I thought you loved me?
Tonks: *whispers* i do! look... Follow me into the cupboard.

Host: Snape leaves the cupboard looking furious.....

Snape: *under breath* fucking bitch! Had to hurt me just like Lily! I would have given her anything.... She is going to pay.
Draco: woah! What's happened?
(Tonks leaves cupboard and walks past Snape)
Snape: she happened! *scowl*
Draco: are you crying?
Snape: no! *booms with tears in eyes*
Draco: fuck, you really do l.....
Snape: don't. Talk. About. Her. again. *storms into bedroom with his robes billowing behind him*

Host: Cedric is chatting with Draco about the upcoming final.

Cedric: I can't believe tomorrow it will all be over
Draco: it's definitely been an experience *laughs*
Cedric: do you think you'll win?
Draco: it's all up to the public....possibly not due to my meddling *sniggers*
Cedric: I don't think my fight with Ron helps my team
Draco: which was Ron's fault not yours and the viewers know that. So you're ok.
Cedric: and I think the public will be pissed off with Tonks over.....
Draco: he's really upset.
Cedric: I guess it's out of our hands
Draco: I don't know, I'm sure my father is making sure people vote Slytherin in his own way... *grimmaces at the thought*
Cedric: *shudders*

Host: the housemates have been gathered at the sofa as Big Brother announces this years winning team.

Draco: *mumbles* come on father, I know you have this.
Tonks: *whispers* good luck Sev. *squeezes his hand*
Snape: *pulls hand away*
Tonks: *sighs*
Cedric: come on.... Say Hufflepuff......

Host: the public have spoken! The winner of Wizard Big Brother 1996.... Is....

Host: Slytherin!!!!!!!