Forbidden Forest Experience by @booknerd54321

I'm getting mixed signals here. Your story title and description both have to do greatly with the forbidden forest, but so far in your story, there is nothing about the forest at all. In fact, you didn't even mention it. Maybe you should consider changing the title and description if you're keeping the story on this course. It's kinda important...

And I think it'd be more logical to combine your first two parts together.

Throughout the story, there are many sudden POV changes and incorrect punctuation. By POV changes, I don't mean when you switch from Ginny's to Harry's POV; I mean when you're in Ginny's POV writing in first person, but you suddenly change to third person. It's an easy fix, and I think it only happened once.

You often forget to use commas too. Commas are essential when using prepositional phrases at the beginning of the story. For example, "In the garden I plant flowers," should have a comma after the prepositional phrase "in the garden." If you (or anyone really) have any questions about this, just ask, and I'll be happy to help :)

It's odd that you misuse your commas a lot because your dialogue is perfectly punctuated. I have to say; I'm pleasantly surprised. Good job!

I'm afraid that your characters are suffering from a horrible yet common illness, Mary Sue Syndrome (it's sometimes fatal). I'm not trying to be mean, but seriously. They're all so... They just act so... it's unnatural and needs to be changed. Where's the character in your characters? They're all just mindless!

Ginny goes from saying, "I HATE YOU HARRY POTTER YOU SUCK I WILL MURDER YOU!!!" to literally snogging him seconds later. And as you said, the snogging went on for "like" 30 minutes. (I will get to this problem later.)

Ginny is one of the most complex characters in the entire HP universe. She's a strong female character, but you've made her out to be this... this Barbie doll with only two emotions: anger and love. SHE HAS MORE THAN TWO EMOTIONS.

And why is Ron always made out to be such a jerk in this type of fanfics? He's all over-protective of Ginny, and that always leads to fights. If you're going to keep him this way, make the fighting more realistic. Make it sound like an actual argument.

Now, I'm like gonna discuss like something with you like now. Like why are like all of your characters like saying "like" like all the time? It's like annoying and like useless too. I like suggest you like take some of the "likes" out when you like edit.

Oh, and OMG ugg y are they talking like they're txting? This isn't a text; use real words. OMG is not a word, and neither is "ugg". Maybe say "I groaned" or something, but not ugg. Never ugg. Uggs are boots.

Moving on to capital letters. I's ARE ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS CAPITALIZED. THERE ARE NO EXCEPTIONS. N O N E.

Also, names are capital too. So are the Houses. The only name you ever capitalized is McGonnagal; everyone else's needs capitalization as well. DON'T FORGET ABOUT THEM TOO HARRY IS CAPITAL.

Overall, you've got a good idea, but it doesn't tie in to your title at all. You should probably coordinate those things together. I know you're going to edit it, and I hope I was able to help you see what' good and what needs work. :)

-Jtsquared4