The ceremony of my daughter's wedding was about to take place. Whole harem prepared for giant celebration because of their marriage. All influential women in Ottoman Empire were invited, together as wives of inflent politic men of the Empire. Ismihan came to their wedding also.

Atike Sultana also came to the harem, but she didn't want to take a seat on our table. As I was rulling the harem and I was the mother of the Sultanas, maids prepared a throne for me for the day of their marriage.

Before the ceremony took part, Haci-aga came to me. He signalised me he has to tell me something, so I went off the table to talk with him.

- Haci, what it is now? The ceremony is just about to begin. I hope you don't carry any bad news. - I told him actually afraid what he has to tell me.

- Don't worry Sultana, its nothing bad. Kemankeş-paşa wants to speak with you in Secret Gardens right now, he says its very important. - Haci told me quietly so no one could hear.

- Okay, I will go. But I will be back as soon as possible. Stay here with Ismihan and my children and don't tell them the truth where I went. - I told him and left the harem.

I walked as fast as I could so no one could see me entering the Secret Gardens. I didn't know why Kemankeş even wants to speak with me now, he should be with Sultan now.

I opened the doors of Secret Gardens and came inside where I saw Kemankeş standing. When he saw me, he bowed to me. I looked after my back to be sure nobody was following me.

- Kemankeş, what it was so important now? - I asked him as I was upset because I had to leave the Harem.

- Sultana, I wanted to talk with you before the wedding with your daughter. - he told me and looked at me in eyes.

- What is it about? - I asked him.
- Your daughter already knows that I don't have emotions towards her, and I promised her to be with her and support our Şehzade Iskender to get to the throne. - he told me and gave me a smile.

- I already know all of this. Why are you telling me this? - I asked him as I didn't have a lot of time to speak with him.

- Because there is something you need to know. - he told me and stepped closer to me.

- Whoever you love, you must forget about that woman. You have privillege to marry Ottoman Sultana and I except you to respect her and treat her as best as possible because that is what she deserves. - I've raised my hand and looked at him straight into his eyes.

- I can't, because I have strong emotions towards woman who will never look at me that way. - he told me and stepped closer to me again.

- I can't you forbid to love that woman, but my daughters deserves only the best. If you won't show her love and affection and be with her, then you shouldn't even step into that marriage. - I told him.

- We both agreed the marriage is only for politic goods, you already know that. - he told me and laughed.

- Kemankeş, only thing I need from you is to be loyal. Don't cheat my daughter. You don't want to end like Silahtar. - I told him and raised my head already furious on him.

He stepped closer to me until he was really close to me. He was acting really weird and I was confused about this whole situation.

- I know Sultan Murad doesn't treat you well lately. - Kemankeş told me and looked at me. He looked like he is trying to comfort me.

- That is not true, do not mix into things that you shouldn't. - I told him, trying to act like everything is fine between me and Murad. But things weren't fine.

I haven't been with Murad alone for very long time. He was always busy with state jobs, and I had lot of buisness in harem. With all the jobs in harem, I had a lot of job with taking care of my children, preparing Iskender for Sanjak and preparing wedding of my daughters. But not matter how many times I was busy, I went few times to see Murad. But he was always busy and couldn't see me. I've felt really hurt about all of that, but I had a lot of job so I couldn't think or stress about that for too much.

But in front of everyone, I acted like everything was fine. Actually, last time I saw Murad was when we were preparing wedding of our daughters. And it hurted me a lot. Now, when somebody mentioned it to me, when I saw people are realising it also, made me hurt even more. Because I did nothing much about it. And a lot of time passed.

- Sultana, usually everytime I went to see Sultan, he was with you. I visited him very often in last time, but he wasn't with you. - Kemankeş told me kinda sadly because he has to tell it.

- He has a lot of state jobs, he is Padişah of the whole world. - I've raised my head and told it so he couldn't hurt me anymore, because with every his word, I've felt like I'm dying inside.

- Sultana, I wish he had state jobs. They never let me in, because they said he is with his harem. - Kemankeş said and with every word he said I've felt like I will start to cry from pain in my heart.

But I had to stay normal. At least today. Later I will deal with Murad about those things.

- Kemankeş, why are you telling me all of this? Why do you even care about it? - I tried to change the subject.

- Because my heart belongs only to you Sultana. - he said and I've almost fainted from shock.

- That's impossible. Your heart can't belong to me. I am wife of Sultan Murad. You shouldn't even look at his Harem. - I've told him trying to act normal.

But I couldn't. Firstly, the thing about Murad having a lover. And now, Kemankeş told me he has emotions towards me.

- I know this love is one-sided, and I can't do anything to change it. My heart belongs to you, Sultana, and I will do everything to make you happy. I couldn't stand the thing that Sultan Murad has a lover, and everybody is hiding it from you. I can't look at woman my heart belongs to not knowing those important things. - he said and he looked really sad while he was talking it.

I couldn't look at him anymore. I've felt so bad, like I never had before. I've felt like everything is going wrong in my life.

- Sultana, you dont deserve to suffer those things. You deserve only good things in your life. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to have all happines in this world, not a man who will call new lady every night. - Kemankeş said to me which even hurted me more.

- Kemankeş, stop. - I've told him, but he didn't listen to me.

- Hoşyar Sultan, I love you with my whole heart. I never could imagine that love can be so big. I am ready to give my life for you, and if you want to, I will. If you want to kill me, do it now. But I can't stop my love towards you. - he said and went down on his knees and gave me a knife.

- Don't forget that from today you are going to be son-in-law of the Dynasty. You will forget about your emotions towards me. You will marry my daughter. I don't want her to know your emotions towards me. - I told him already stressed out.

- Sultana, only you and me know about it. - he raised up and looked at me.

I just turned away and left the Secret Gardens.

I went in Secret Gardens so happy and excited about this day, and I've left them like I am already dead.

Kemankeş' words about Murad having a lover killed me. And today I will find out what it is.

He promised me there won't be any woman beside me in his life, but it is obvious that he didn't care for that.

If he really has a lover, then he will meet real Hoşyar. Real Hoşyar who won't allow anyone to treat her like that. Hoşyar who won't let anyone make feel worthlessy. Hoşyar who will do everything and even give her life for the future of her children.