Sorry I haven't been more direct with Nya and her emotions and stuff. Starting from this chapter and more, I will do my very best to not exclude them.

Nya POV~

Last night was just... horrible. After my unexpected panic attack and phone call with Jay, I could not fall back to sleep. I mean that's what's to be expected, right? I shut my eyes as the sun peeked through my blinds. I could feel my mind starting to shut off, that was until my bedroom door creaked open.

"Momma?"

I look over to see Alex wearing a light pink nightgown, holding her stuffed teddy bear.

"Hey honey," My voice cracks. "What are you doing up so early?" I asked as I picked her up and tucked her in beside me.

"I got hun'gy." She rubbed her eyes. I kissed her temple, while stroking the top of her head. Having her lean into my side.

"I think you should go back to sleep, or else you'll be cranky for the rest of the day." I talked softly. She shook her head.

"But I not Ti'rd." She grumbled, crossing her arms and slouching in the pillows behind her.

I lay back down, covering myself and her with my duvet while turning Dragon Tales on my tv. And as I predicted, she fell asleep in the first 10 minutes.

I sighed to myself before I got out of bed, leaving Alex there asleep.

Walking down the shallow corridor, brushing my fingers through my creasy roots, I peeked into Sam's room to see him still sleeping. A gentle grin tugged up before falling back down, letting the feelings from last night fill the emptiness in my chest again. I mentally sighed, keeping my posture slouched.

I saunter into the kitchen, grab a coffee mug from the cupboard, and pour the steaming beverage inside. Taking a small sip and swallowing it instantly made my insides warm and somewhat whole again.

I sit at our kitchen table, holding my mug with both hands and my eyelids closed, taking in a shaky breath of all my tension, and breathing out through my mouth, letting all the negative energy be released.

I can already tell today was going to be long and exhausting.

Giving the kids a few more hours of sleep, I made them pancakes with some blueberries on the side. I felt like me and the kids deserve a break, so I ended up calling in from work and calling the school.

Sam walked into the kitchen with dark heavy bags underneath his eyes, taking in a big yawn while rubbing his eyes.

"Good morning baby." I say gently. Getting up from my seat, leaving my coffee on the table. I walked over to Sam and picked him up, wrapping him in my arms.

"Good morning." He grumbled into my shoulder. I ran my fingers through his silky black hair as I walked over to the couch to set him down. I grabbed the tv remote, turning it on before handing it to Sam to change the channel.

"I made some pancakes, do you want some, or do you need a little more time to wake up?" I asked, walking back into the kitchen. Sam nodded slowly, keeping his eyes locked on the tv as he continued to watch Spongebob.

After making his plate and bringing it to him so he didn't have to get up, incomes Alex, dragging a blanket behind her. She flops on the couch next to Sam and curls up with her blanket. I stepped towards her and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"Are you still hungry?" I queried. She too nodded her head, but looked up to me and smiled.

After handing Alex her plate of food, I sat down next to the both of them and watched tv.

"So what do you guys want to do today?" I asked out of the blue, making the two littles startled.

"Don't I have school though?" Sam asked, face full of confusion.

"I thought today we could all use a little break, and spend the day together. Is that okay?" Sam nodded with a smile.

"Can we go shopping? I need more pencils." Sam stated

"Yeah that's fine, you and your sister need new clothes anyways."

"I al'eady has pants" Alex noted, motioning towards her pj bottoms.

"Well you just keep getting bigger and bigger," I start to raise my voice before attacking her on the side of her stomach, making her shout in laughter.

"Soon all your clothes won't fit you, so that's why we have to keep buying you guys clothes." I let her recover from the tickle fight.

"So where do you guys wanna go? The mall?" I asked, their smiles got brighter as they nodded vividly.

I gave a small grin and sighed to myself regretfully.

I really try to give the kids a good life, especially after breaking up with Cole. And even though I had a bad night last night, and this morning has been exceptionally difficult, I try to not show my emotions in front of the kids.

After the short episode of Spongebob ended, I gathered my belongings along with Alex's diaper bag as she is still being potty trained. Putting on our thin coats for the slightly windy weather, we finally had everything we needed and waltzed to my car.

Once we arrived, the kids who once were quiet and looked sleep deprived, were now bouncing with energy, soon to be leading (tugging) me into the mall.

It was nice to see them smile and be happy. Ever since they've returned from their dad's house, they haven't been in the mood for anything. Me, of course, being me, made them worried and was begging them to tell me if anything strange happened. If he made them uncomfortable or stressed or anything at all. They said no without facial changes about their emotions. But alas, it didn't put me at ease.

"What do we want to do first? Clothes or your pencils for school?" I asked, holding onto their hands. They both pointed at the small carousel that stood in the middle of the plaza. Looking at me with pleading eyes, I gave a small nod, making their eyes sparkle in the lighting. They both raced to pick their animal to ride first. As it started to go around, their faces were practically glowing, enlightening my heart with glee.

Once the ride was over, we decided to start our journey off with Journeys Kidz.

The kids really just needed more tank tops and shorts for the upcoming Summer, which happens to be right around the corner.

They just keep getting bigger and bigger, becoming smarter by the day and I couldn't be more happy and proud of the people they are becoming. I really missed out when they were younger. I never got to enjoy their first moments.

Don't get me wrong, I love Samuel and Alexandra, they are the greatest things that have ever happened to me. But I was constantly worrying about their safety. I was constantly living in fear, always on edge. It was very rare that you would hear the kids laugh, it was constant crying and whining.

Even the environment they were born and somewhat raised in was filled with negative energy. From our living conditions in a cold basement, to Cole constantly being high and drunk, raising his voice and abusing me.

Luckily enough that the kids were still really young that hopefully they don't remember anything, especially Sam.

Letting the kids explore their choices in the clothing section, they were quick to pick out a few T-shirts along with a couple of shorts.

Practically in and out of Journeys Kidz to my surprise, we then ran into Target to grab the pencils that Sam needed and a few hygiene products.

Roughly 40 minutes or so in Target, we eventually bought all our required items we needed and were now left to window shopping.

As we were strolling along the mall, kids being content with their banana smoothies we had gotten briefly, I was thinking we should probably get something to eat.

Directing towards the food court and looking at the options that were provided. My thoughts were interrupted when a certain and familiar voice projected my name. I whipped my head around, eyes scanning for other eyes looking at me. Eventually I stopped abruptly on two vibrant blue orbs.

"Jay?" I cease my brows. He jogged over to me, waving.

"Hey Nya!" He came to a stop a few meters away from me. He gave a small grin looking at me before glancing down at the two little's settled beside me.

"Are these your kids?" Jay crouched down to Sam's eye level. Sam quickly attached himself to my leg and tried hiding his face.

"Yeah, this is Sam," I gestured down towards him. "And this is Alex." I held onto her little hands. And unlike Sam, she smiled and waved her hand at Jay.

"Hi Alex, I'm Jay." He puts his hand out for Alex to take. But to my surprise, she doesn't. Instead she jumps onto Jay and wraps her arms around his neck. Jay stumbled back, almost falling over before regaining his balance. He looks up at me in shock before smiling and wrapping his arms around Alex's small figure.

"Sorry," I giggled. "She's not usually this friendly."

After a brief moment, Alex eventually comes back to my side.

"Hey buddy," Jay says, attempting to make Sam a little more comfortable. Sam glanced up towards me before looking back down at the crouched Jay and gave a small wave.

Jay smiles at him before standing back up, going a little above my eye level.

"So how have you been?" Jay asked me

I sigh. "I'm doing okay, how about you?"

"Eh, nothing much really. Work has been stressful and I just visited my parents a few nights ago and were lecturing me on doing something better with my life.." I giggled to myself as I let Jay ramble on his life until I saw in the corner of my eye two kids running.

"Sam! Alex!" I shouted and ran after them, Leaving a wide eyed stunned Jay behind. Once I got closer to them, I grabbed them both by their upper arms and rapidly turned them around to face me.

"What do you think you two are doing?!" I gasp trying to catch my breath. Jay followed close behind me. Both kids creased their eyebrows as Sam pointed behind him towards the little indoor playground.

"We just wanted to go play with the other kids." He quivers. I sighed. Not because of them, but myself for reacting this way. For reacting overly dramatic. Although I can't help it, they are my children I have to worry about.

"You know how mommy gets when you wander off. Just please, ask me next time." They both nodded slowly. "Okay, you can go play." I let go of the both of them finally as they scurried away. I stood up and felt a hand on my shoulder. I flinched away.

"I- sorry," Jay creased his eyebrows, backing his hand away from me.

"N-no! I'm sorry, I just left you back there and made a whole scene." I brush my fingers through my roots and sighed, walking over to a bench right in the inside playground. Jay eventually joined me.

We both just sat there in the uncomfortable silence, watching mine and other kids play with each other.

I think I really do need help, because whatever is going on with me needs to stop, I'm so sick of it. Me freaking out over my kids because they want to go and play! The anxiety I feel everytime they're away from me... it's all so draining, I don't want to feel like this anymore, but...

I'm scared.

I'm scared about Cole doing something to me or my kids, something that the cops won't be able to handle, something that is irreversible. I don't want to think about it, but my mind won't stop racing.

"Earth to Nya?" I blink out of my daze to a hand waving in front of me. "You okay? You looked like you zoned out." Turning his body around in his seat, facing me completely.

"Yeah I'm fine, besides, I barely know you, I don't wanna pile my problems on you." Even though I kinda already did.

Jay glanced at the kids before returning his attention towards me.

"Nya you wouldn't be piling your problems on me, I was the one who asked you if something was wrong. I basically gave you a free card to tell me your problems," he smiles. "Only if you want to of course. I'm not trying to pressure you." I smiled.

"Thank you Jay, maybe another time though. I don't think telling you here is the appropriate place." He nods in understanding.

The kids came back to us after some time, complaining they were 'going to eat their guts out' because of how hungry they were, and by that time, it was already 6pm.

"Alright Jay, I think me and the kids are gonna get going," I stand up, facing him with a smile. "Thank you for keeping me company, sorry if I distracted you at all."

"There's nothing to apologize for," He waved his hand in front of him, signaling that it was okay. "But hey, do you wanna meet up somewhere.. More appropriate so we could talk."

"U- uhh, s-sure... I'll text you later tonight," We both smiled at each other. "Thank you Jay."

"No problem."

Hehehe hoped you enjoyed these 2,000 words! (I didn't mean for this to be so long 😅)
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