took forever but we're
here now (:

dropping the epilogue playlist here
cuz i made a separate one✨

♡♡♡

— 2024
june. korea.

"So you're coming right?" Jeongguk's face popped up on the facetime screen the second the call connected, greeting Taehyung with the same old bunny-tooth smile spread wide on his lips.

"I already showed you my luggage," Taehyung said, chuckling softly when he held the phone toward his bed, showing his things. "I'm coming."

"Good, 'cuz when you watch me play, I want you sitting at a specific angle so you can see me be all cool and shit," He declared.

"Like, you gotta see my godliness when I spike. You flew all the way to see me, so."

"I know. I'll be sitting exactly where you can see me," The older set his phone down on his desk, angling it so Jeongguk could see him walk around his room.

"You better 'coz you're my lucky charm, hyung," Jeongguk let out a laugh. Taehyung rolled his eyes, unable to hide the smile tugging at his lips.

"Without you, I don't think I can play well."

"Shut up," Taehyung grumbled while the younger giggled, "you have to play well. This is the Olympics we're talking about."

"Okay but, I feel stronger when you're there," The younger pouted, crossing his arms. "Seeing you makes me all energized."

"Sure it does," He chuckled a little, rolling his eyes as he slipped some shirts into his suitcase.

"The Olympics won't be the same without you Specs," Jeongguk declared.

"You're part of my dream after all."

"Shut up."

"But it's true. M'not kidding. The Olympics is my dream, and so are you," He winked, being the gross sap that he was, but instead of an eye roll, the older merely smiled back at him.

The Olympics.

Sometimes he still couldn't believe he was actually going to play there. It seemed impossible, but with the extra help of Team Japan, and Jeongguk's drive to get better, he beat all those odds going against him.

Although, it took four years of intense rehabilitation to get Jeongguk back on his feet, it was all he ever wanted— all he ever worked for.

And after graduating high school and promising to stay as friends for now, they still managed to never leave one another's side.

He already played his first national season back, and did really well despite his injury. Jeongguk played a decent season for a player off injury, and Taehyung managed to go to a few Japan home games and cheer him on with some old friends.

They also called one another every single day. The two of them would summarize their entire day while doing college work, or sometimes they would go to restaurants and 'eat together', not caring if they got weird looks because all that mattered was each other.

Other times, they put effort into seeing one another. Taehyung had to pick up an extra job on top of his work at Hoseok and Jin's cafe to pay for all the plane tickets, but it was worth doing so, flying out to see Jeongguk, even if it was only once every other month.

Nothing else really mattered except they got to be together. It was better than anything else really, loving another without a serious label.

They were content with it, being friends, for it was healthier than they could ever imagine.

Yeah, they argued sometimes, and Jeongguk could be a little bitch about Taehyung unable to make his monthly visit, or Taehyung would get paranoid if the younger didn't tell him why he missed his calls for a few days.

Unlike when they were dating, however, they talked it out. They always made sure to corner one another and do so.

If Taehyung missed a visit, Jeongguk would surprise him by going to Seoul (he made him cry the first time he surprised him), and they would spend time, drinking cheap alcohol and watching anime while they caught up with each other's lives.

If Jeongguk missed a few calls, he would explain it was because of their coach, and Taehyung would badger the younger to keep him on a facetime call so he could watch him practice during a class lecture to make him feel better.

Sometimes he'd even bully him into reading him to sleep after long days, making him tell stories of his time in Japan against his ear over call, seeming as though he was right next to him.

It was in the way they loved one another that the two of them just knew that by the end of the day, they were always going to be okay.

"Hey Tae," The younger said, leaning his chin on the pillow he seemed to be hugging. Taehyung glanced over at his phone, raising an eyebrow at him.

"You gonna say something sappy again?" He asked, arranging the shirts, tone playful.

"If what m'gonna ask you is your idea of sappy, then I guess," Jeongguk shot back, and even though his side was turned to him, he could visualize his smile, teasing him without a word.

"Then shoot," Taehyung snorted. "If it's too sappy, I'll strangle you through the screen." Jeongguk let out a laugh, and for a moment, he said nothing, the only sound being his breath against the speaker.

Slightly impatient that the younger left him hanging, Taehyung teased, "Are you gonna ask me a question—,"

"—Are you gonna bring your boyfriend to the Olympics?"

"W-What?" Taehyung choked, brows scrunched together as he averted his gaze back to Jeongguk.

"This summer's Olympics is in Paris. It's the City of fucking Love," Jeongguk shrugged, not phased at all.

"You're still dating Seojoon, right? He's a great guy, you should bring him."

"Gguk, it isn't a serious relationship," The older sighed, shoving his fingers through his blonde hair, trying to avert from the topic because he certainly did not call Jeongguk at one a.m. to talk about somebody else.

"You introduced him to Warren and Siwon," He pointed out, propping his elbow up and resting his cheek against his palm.

"It seems pretty serious to me."

There was this other thing, about the two of them being really good bestfriends.

When it came to dating, all of the people they've dated in the last four years technically dated the other person, too.

Taehyung's boyfriends probably got an earful about Jeongguk from time to time, and of course, when he was in town, they all hung out. The same went for Jeongguk and his partners. However, they all knew their boundaries, after all, they were just friends.

But if the people they dated couldn't accept that they were friends, the relationships never really lasted more than few pathetic weeks. They each had their fair share of jealous partners that couldn't wrap their heads around the fact they had a real close bond.

However, sometimes, they got lucky and found people worth falling for.

Jeongguk had his relationships, and from what he heard, the current when he was in was doing good. Taehyung, on the otherhand, was dating Park Seojoon, this rising actor at his college, for almost five months now.

Seojoon was sweet and kind and gentle and really fricking dreamy. He was perfect, like, the guy was really really perfect. They had arguments sure, but Seojoon made it so easy? Taehyung didn't even believe they were dating to be honest.

"How about you? Aren't you bringing Jisoo?" He asked, returning his attention back to his packing, face slightly red. He didn't want to think about it right now.

"We broke up lmao."

"Oh?" Taehyung said, head whipping back to the camera. "When?" Jeongguk simply shrugged, carding his fingers through his dark hair.

"A month ago?" He chuckled to himself when the older's eyes widened. "I didn't tell you because I knew you were gonna beat me."

"Yeah because Jisoo was a really sweet girl. She was good for you," He countered, voice softening, but the younger wasn't having it. "Gguk, she was it."

"No she wasn't," Jeongguk snorted, drumming his fingers over his cheek. "We weren't going anywhere, and it was sad, y'know? We barely even spoke to one another. I had volleyball, she had her med school."

"So? You two seemed happy."

"The keyword is 'seem'," Jeongguk rolled his eyes. "Tae, you know this happens all the time. Why are you even surprised?"

"Surprised that whenever you reach, what, more than three months with somebody, you say you hit some dead end and dump them?" He raised an eyebrow at him.

"Kinda, yeah," Jeongguk breathed out, the laughter tumbling past his lips sounding a bit empty, tired even. "I don't know. We clicked, and then we didn't. It is what it is."

"So you're single now?" Taehyung asked, folding his shirts, mocking offense. "And you didn't tell me?" He added, trying to lighten the mood, not really down to deal with the heavy tension enveloping them.

"Did I have to? If I announced that I'm suddenly single, would you run back into my arms?" Jeongguk teased, evoking a snort from the older. If only he was there, he would hit him for making his face all gross and hot.

"Don't be stupid," Taehyung whispered to him, their gazes meeting through the phone screens. And in a softer tone, he murmured—

"You know I would, dumbass."

The younger simply cracked a boyish grin before hanging his head, prompting the other to rip his gaze away. Awkward. Nice one, Taehyung.

"Anyways, it's over. I'm single in the City of Love. You, however, aren't. Go bring Seojoon. He has your parents' approval, yeah?" Jeongguk asked, quickly changing the subject.

"Warren and Siwon like him," Taehyung bit the inner wall of his cheek, nodding along, somewhat thankful Jeongguk didn't prod any further. "Said he was sophisticated."

"Oooo," Jeongguk gasped. At that, the older shook his head, chuckling to himself. "So you're into sophisticated guys, huh? Makes sense from what you wear."

"You dress like an old English professor."

"I do not," Taehyung's nose scrunched together as he pushed his hair behind his ear. "You dress up like a broke college student but you're richer than me."

"I mean, I could dress sophisticated," Jeongguk suggested, smirking when Taehyung rolled his eyes at him. "Wouldn't I look sexy in coats?"

"Don't even start," He quickly said, holding back a giggle.

"Come on," the younger groaned, "Anybody would get down on their knees if I spoke fluent poetry and wore slacks and oxfords."

"Would you get on your knees for me?"

"No," He repeated, nearly letting out a laugh, "Please, you're ridiculous."

"Get on your knees Tae," Jeongguk smirked fondly at the older who was hiding his face, which was practically on fire and redder than a tomato at this point.

"And tie my shoes, peasant. Shine them while you're at it." Well, that killed everything.

"I hate you," He whispered, refusing to look back at him, hating the way his stomach twisted into knots.

"No you don't," Jeongguk grinned. "Admit it, I'm so hot, it would evoke your hot inner desire to tie my fucking shoes for me."

"Never. You'd look the same," Taehyung told him, and it honestly wasn't true (he'd probably look great), but the other seemed to ignore him. Of course, he was still as childish as ever.

"Admit you have a fetish for tying my shoes for me."

"Now . I don't have a kink for tying your shoes."

"The flavor lacks in your answer," Jeongguk rolled his eyes, though he sucked at looking angry by the big ass smile on his lips that exposed his front teeth.

"I can tell you're probably a kinky little shit. C'mon, admit it."

"I hate you," Taehyung's lips stretched into a smile mirroring the other's.

"No you don't," Jeongguk mused. He was right. He couldn't possibly hate him.

"Hey Tae?" He hummed. "Are you excited to see me?" The younger proceeded to ask, never hesitating about jumping from one topic to another no matter how weird he was being.

That was probably the only thing that never changed in Jeongguk as he got older. He was twenty one now, but he was still stupid as ever.

"You missed our visit last month. Still kinda hurts."

"I know," The older ran his hands down his face, exhaling tiredly. "I know, it wasn't my fault. I didn't get my paycheck in time. I'll make it up to you."

"By tying my shoes for me?" Jeongguk wiggled an eyebrow at him. God, he wanted to punch him. Maybe he would when he would see him tomorrow.

"Shut up," Taehyung grumbled, fisting at his hair as he scanned his room for things he was missing. "I'll buy you a gift or something."

"Or you can see me at the airport tomorrow and give me the biggest hug ever?" The younger said. "Like, when I see you, can you run into my arms?"

"Run into your arms?" Taehyung lifted a brow at him. Jeongguk nodded eagerly, doe eyes sparkling.

"Yeah, like in dramas. We haven't seen one another in like a million years—,"

"— barely even three weeks," The older corrected him. Jeongguk glared at him, prompting the other to hold his arms up in defense, shutting up.

"Before I was rudely interrupted," Jeongguk's eyes narrowed at him. "I was saying that when I see you at baggage claim, you drop all your shit, I hold my arms up, and you run, like full on fucking speed at me. Like embrace your inner naruto—,"

"— Where is this going?" He asked, biting down on his lip, trying to hold back his laughter from how ridiculous the younger was being.

"If it makes you feel better, embrace your inner speed."

"Jeongguk, what?"

Jeongguk ignored him, "And then you jump into my arms and I catch you! And I go 'Ahhh I missed you' and I spin you and you hold my face and then I set you back down and crush you in a hug."

"You done yet?" Taehyung asked, walking around to grab his phone off the desk before crashing down on his bed, the mattress sinking from his weight.

"Bells fucking ring because I haven't seen you, and I continue to crush you and you can't breathe but it's okay I have permission to suffocate you."

"Permission to suffocate me—?"

"—Then you tell me you miss me, and I hug you again because I love all your hugs. Then bam, end scene," He whispered, resting his cheek against his knuckles.

"You in?"

"God, we'll look ridiculous," Taehyung stiffled a laugh behind his wrist, leaning back into his pillow, hair sprawled over his forehead.

"As long as I look ridiculous with you, m'good. If I go down, you go down with me. If Seojoon objects, I'll just ask him to recreate it with me," Jeongguk said like it wasn't a problem.

"See, nobody gets left out. Even your boyfriend gets a piece of me." He winked.

"If you were here, I'd punch you."

"Of course you would," Jeongguk laughed, eyes scrunching in a smile that matched the one on his lips. "But you gotta bring Seojoon. I think I wanna hug him too."

"What is your obsession with him? You're not gonna steal him aren't you?" Taehyung asked, rolling over on his side, holding phone close as though the younger was lying down right next to him.

"No, because he's perfect for you," Jeongguk, his voice deeper, warm, even, like he could feel it from the screen and blow over his face. "I support it."

"You support any of my relationships," Taehyung said, the corners of his lips quirking upward when he rolled his eyes.

"What kind of best friend am I if I don't? But m'not joking. He's a good guy, your parents approve, and he treats you right," Jeongguk shrugged, leaning back into his pillow, bending an arm behind his head.

"Personally, I like Seojoon way better than the other guys. Remember Idol Trainee you dated? That was a mess," Jeongguk snorted, and of course, ripping up buried embarrassing memories right to the surface.

"Oh! And that other guy— wasn't he American?" He hummed, ignoring the way Taehyung's brows bunch, frown evident on his lips. "He had no sex drive."

"Not only did his dick show up late, he seemed to forget shit too," Taehyung muttered flatly, wincing at the memory.

"And that's why I hate him," He said, "He didn't deserve you."

"You say that every time somebody does something wrong," He moved his wrist aside, unable to stop the grin from unfolding over his lips when he met the younger's eye.

"Yeah, 'cuz it's true," Jeongguk said. "You're godly. No guy deserves you unless they go through me, or they're just so perfect and unhateable."

"And Seojoon fits that?"

"Honestly?" The younger sighed, brushing the brown fringe away from his eyes. Part of Taehyung, the selfish, stupid part of him that seemed to hold onto his personality from highschool wanted Jeongguk to say no. To tell him Seojoon wasn't right and that he should keep looking.

Why? Taehyung knew the answer, but he wouldn't admit to it— it'd be stupid. Too stupid to say that he wanted Jeongguk to tell him all the guys he had dated weren't the one for him, for the answer was right in front of him.

The answer being a particular volleyball addict with a penchant for shitty sexual jokes and a bunny-tooth smile he could stare at for hours.

But of course, he wasn't going to say that outloud.

"Yeah," Jeongguk eventually said, resurfacing the older from his thoughts. He blinked, refocusing his attention on the younger.

"He deserves you. I can't find a reason to dislike him."

"That's new," Taehyung breathed out, "usually you could find a flaw and clown me for dating a guy that likes mint chocolate chip." At that, it coaxed a smile out of the younger.

"You know I was kidding," Jeongguk giggled, the sound addictive to Taehyung's ears.

"I know, but I can't forget you calling him a heathen everytime I talked about him."

"In my defense, he's still a heathen 'cuz he broke your heart."

"I guess so."

"But anyways a few rare people deserve you, so. He passed the vibe check," He muttered quickly. "He got my Jeongguk stamp of approval."

"He did?" Taehyung asked softly, voice merely a whisper. Jeongguk nodded.

"Well yeah, like that guy? He made you the happiest I've ever seen you. Like, with Seojoon, you smile more y'know? You're always grumpy 'coz of school and he makes you laugh 'n shit."

Dumbass, Taehyung wanted to say, but instead his teeth bit down on his bottom lip. You were the one who made me the happiest. Perhap Jeongguk knew that, but of course, he knew his boundaries.

He always did. That respectful little lovable shit.

"Who else deserves me then?" Taehyung raised an eyebrow at him, clearly catching the younger off guard by the way his lips gape open and close, sealing into a tight line as he looked away from the camera.

"O-Oh uh, well, t-that's a good question!" Jeongguk cleared his throat, scratching the side of his neck. He held the phone beside him, smiling gently while he watched Jeongguk stumble over his words.

"I-I'd like to think—,"

"—Do you belong on that list?"

"U-uh, w-well, I dated you before so I automatically get in," The younger saved smoothly much to the older's expectations.

"I am the Jeongguk stamp of approval." At that, his lips cracked into a beginning of a smile.

"B-but," Oh no. "That ended a long time ago so on that list, I technically retired myself. I deserve you, but at the same time I don't so," Jeongguk rambled, blinking rapidly as he struggled to let out each word.

"What are you trying to say to me, Tae?"

"Nothing," Taehyung whispered back, gaze flitting down for a mere second before looking back up and meeting the younger's eye.

Breath suddenly hitched in his throat, he reluctantly reached forward, the pad of his index slightly tracing Jeongguk's cheek over the screen. He watched the younger continue to stammer, all red faced and eyes wide, missing the way Taehyung was staring ever so fondly at him.

It was like old times, and for a moment, he seemed to be transported back to their dorm and their little twin bed where their bodies were crammed together. He remembered tracing his features, smiling, he always smiled with him, while he spoke.

He always spoke so carefully at night. He wasn't very loud like he usually was. Jeongguk at night was more calculated and calm, though at times, he would be goofy and would say the dumbest of shit.

But for some reason, when sleep lathered his voice and each vowel was deeper and held more meaning, Taehyung liked those moments the most. Like this one. The nostalgia lingering in his mind wasn't helping, but he appreciated it.

After all this time, he still appreciated Jeongguk.

"Ah fuck," Jeongguk said, glancing at something off camera. "Look at the time. We need to get up early tomorrow."

It was only two in the morning, but he guessed he needed to sleep even if his body was used to it. He nodded, watching the younger's chest rise and fall, focusing on the way Jeongguk never met his eye and somewhat wishing that he would.

Maybe he could see what he was thinking. See that he was thinking of them. Or rather, how they used to be.

They were really close nowadays, maybe he could have read his mind. He probably already did, but Jeongguk chose to be dense and ignored the obvious more often than he should.

Maybe it was to protect him, to protect himself. It made sense, after all, hurting each other was the last thing they wanted to do.

"The faster we sleep and get there, the faster I get to see you," Jeongguk said, finally meeting his stare, the biggest bunny-tooth smile on his lips albeit tired.

"Alright," Taehyung nodded, swallowing as the other waved goodbye to him. He did the same, twiddling his fingers at the screen. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Of course. You gotta run into my arms, remember?" Jeongguk chuckled a little when the older's nose scrunched together.

He curved his thumb and index into a finger heart, smiling widely. "Aight, this is goodbye Specs."

"Specs? That's an old nickname," Taehyung breathed out a laugh, adjusting the glasses that he forgot were resting on his nose.

"Well, it's a good one," As if on cue, Jeongguk yawned, arms stretching above his head, biceps flexing. "Okay, g'night. I'll text you."

"I know you will," The older said, waving, thumb hovering over the end. "Night, Ggukie."

But of course, right after the duo bickered over who got to end the call for another thirty minutes than promised.

However, the younger eventually passed out from exhaustion, giving Taehyung no other choice but to sleep after deciding it was creepy to watch Jeongguk cuddle into his pillows with a content, dreamy smile over his face.

"You haven't told him yet?" He glanced up mid-stretch to see Jimin standing by his bedroom, door, leaning against the frame.

"About what?" Taehyung asked, charging his phone on the side table as he propped himself up onto his elbows.

"Seojoon," Jimin said, legs dragging him to the edge of his bed. "You haven't told Jeongguk, have you?"

"Well, I was," Taehyung whispered, fingers carding through his hair. "I was going to, but it slipped my mind."

Right, the actual reason he called Jeongguk tonight was because he had something else in mind.

He was going to tell him that things with Seojoon ended with a crash and maybe even a little burn a month ago. No, scratch that, it burned. It burned pretty fucking bad, but of course, he chickened out when Jeongguk started to talk about how perfect Seojoon was and he shut up real easily.

"You should tell him," Jimin nudged his ankle. "Both of you are single. It's been four years. You guys are technically already dating."

"No we're not," The younger of the two kicked Jimin's back, rolling his eyes. "Don't say that."

"I mean, it's true," Jimin chuckled, tucking his newly dyed pink hair behind his ear. "Even Seojoon saw it. That's why he dumped your ass."

"We broke up mutually," Taehyung grumbled, grabbing a pillow from beside him and hitting the older square on the back with it.

Jimin snatched the pillow away before chucking it right back at his face, "No, I watched him dump you. Specifically, he said 'you're not as invested as I am and I want somebody who's in 100%' to you."

"Ouch, no need to remind me," The younger sighed, flopping backwards onto the bed, groaning lowly.

"I have to, or else you won't tell Jeongguk," Jimin said in a matter of fact tone. "Why did you chicken out? You guys called for what, an hour? That's plenty of time."

"I know."

"And isn't Jeongguk single? Heard shit with Jisoo ended fast from Jae."

"Yeah he is," Taehyung covered his face with his palms, muffling his words. "But Chim, I couldn't. He kept going on and on how Seojoon was perfect for me. How he made me so happy and shit. He thinks he's the one for me."

"Bullshit," Jimin snorted. Taehyung moved his hand aside, peering at the older, confused. "Jeongguk knows he's the one, but he's just being nice."

"Or, he's acting like a good friend," The younger snickered, dodging Jimin as he tried to hit him with another pillow.

"Don't repeat shit from highschool," Jimin cried out, shaking Taehyung's leg. "You're driving your actual friend insane, here. All of us rooted for you guys for the last four years. I hated all your relationships."

"I don't know if that's messed up or not," Taehyung said, blinking at the older. "Should I be offended?"

"No, maybe? I don't know. Probably," The older shrugged. "But haven't you noticed a pattern with all of your exes? You always break up because of one thing."

"And what's that? Enlighten me," Taehyung said, now sitting up against the headboard, knees brought close to his chest.

"Because," Jimin said, crawling up the side of the bed and pushing Taehyung aside to make space for him. He watched slightly impatient as Jimin kicked off his leather loafers to the side.

"They're not Jeongguk."

"Of course they're not Jeongguk," Taehyung scooted a little bit to accommodate the older. They rested flat on their backs, shoulders brushing against one another's.

"Yeah, but you'll never move on to the next level unless it's with Jeongguk," Jimin corrected. "You can't argue with me, 'cuz it's true. Tell him you broke up with Seojoon and date him already."

"It's not that easy," He whispered, only to be met with a loud slap. However, as he flinched away, he snuck a glance over at Jimin, seeing he facepalmed himself.

"It's been four years, Tae. You guys do all the dating shit already. You call everyday, you fly to see one another. You two just need the push to make it all official," Jimin ran his hand down his face.

"I know, but," Taehyung hugged the pillow between his arms close, burying his chin into the material.

"It's hard to just go 'hey I like you again' after dating different people for four years."

"So you're not ready?"

"Why do you sound disappointed?" Taehyung frowned. "You took forever to finally talk to Yoongi."

"That's different. I didn't know he was a big composer at the music company I'm trying to work for, and we're NOT dating. I left Namjoon and Yoongi in the past," Jimin grumbled, elbowing his side. "But seriously, it's been four years."

"He might not have feelings for me," Taehyung argued. At that, Jimin scoffed, facepalming.

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say," Jimin pinched the bridge of his nose.

"But like, I mean it. What if he doesn't like me? He's had some rough relationships in the past, y'know."

"I know but Tae," Jimin exhaled unevenly, shoving his pudgy fingers through his hair. "Listen. You're finally both single. You love another. You both know how to work relationships— you'll be careful."

"It all adds up, and plus you two kept each other waiting long enough."

"I...I'll think about it, okay?" Taehyung settled with, covering his face with the pillow. "Let me sleep on it."

Honestly? He didn't want to think about it. It was an excuse, and Jimin surely knew it the second it left his lips. But Taehyung just wasn't ready. Sure, he had four years to learn from his mistakes, and yet, the idea of dating Jeongguk still terrified him.

Call it some sort of irrational fear from the last time they dated, because that whole fiasco fucked him up back then even still, when things between them were better.

And although he was twenty-two now, which was very much different than how he acted as a eighteen year old, in the back of his mind, he knew he wasn't ready.

He was a coward, afraid of making the same, stupid mistakes. Afraid that if he made another, he knew they couldn't recover from it a second time. They already used their second chances on one another.

Maybe when he wasn't scared shitless, he would consider it. But for now? He wanted to sleep.

"You make decisions yourself, not with your bed," Jimin mused, but of course, he knew not to push any further than he already did. So, instead, he pulled the thin blankets up to their waist.

"Sleep well, little bitch," Jimin flicked the side of Taehyung's head. The younger groaned, mumbling something about cutting off his dick, but Jimin ignored him like he usually did.

"Tomorrow," He declared as Taehyung twisted around, covering his ears with the pillow, "You're seeing your Jeongguk again."

♡︎♡︎♡︎

— 2024
june. paris.

Jeongguk remembered why he didn't like airports.

They were awfully stuffy, crowded with people, and sometimes too humid depending on the country he went to for volleyball matches. Plus, there was a lot of walking to be done, and the knee brace he wore would piss him off after a few hours of standing around, but it was what it was.

But today, his annoying knee wasn't on his mind, or the fact he had his first Olympics games starting next week.

It was Taehyung. It was always Taehyung.

He was a little giddy, to be honest, after they ended their call. He couldn't sleep properly without being too excited, and he kept twisting and turning in his sleep, ready to see his best friend.

Sure, it had only been three weeks since the last time they saw one another in the flesh, but how could he not miss him? He needed his monthly dose of being able to hug Taehyung, to actually feel him in front of him— it helped him function.

Certainly, there weren't any other reasons. Pfft.

"We're in fucking Paris!" Yugyeom skipped to his side, eyes blown out on his features while he spun, taking in the entire airport. "Paris, Jeongguk!"

"I know," Jeongguk chuckled, leaning on his luggage while his free hand slipped out his phone, trying to check if Taehyung's flight landed. It should have.

"You thinking about him already?" Yugyeom asked, adjusting the collar to his Team Korea jacket. He tried to look over at his phone, but the older was quick to whip it away.

"It surprises me how you two aren't dating one another yet," Yugyeom snorted, patting his back roughly. Jeongguk nearly stumbled forward from the sheer force.

"Did you just try to spike my back?" Jeongguk raised an eyebrow at him, wincing as his fingers grazed over the spot that stung.

"No," The younger mused, "I just tried to knock the dumbassery out of your body~!"

"Well you're the dumbass. You shouldn't even be with me," Jeongguk snorted, nudging the younger away from him, lips folding into a crooked smirk.

"M'sorry, I naturally gravitate toward the Jeon Jeongguk," Yugyeom let out a laugh. "Plus, my teammates are boring. They're good players, but we're not necessarily friends."

"Your chemistry fools everyone then," The older scratched the side of his neck, nose scrunched along with his eyes in his usual smile.

"Well yeah, same goes for you and Taehyung, Mr. Team Japan," Yugyeom teased, ignoring the eyeroll from his friend as he flicked the zipper to his bright red Team Japan jacket.

"How many times do I have to tell you, we're just friends," He put an emphasis on friends, but the other naturally wasn't having it.

"You say it everytime, but do I believe you? Nope," Yugyeom shrugged.

"Taehyung has a boyfriend."

"Does he though?" The younger merely said, evoking a rather confused lift of a brow from Jeongguk himself.

But before he could argue back, from the corner of his eye, he caught a figure standing still in the distance among the crowd surging forward that seemed to part for only them. Jeongguk practically forgot Yugyeom was beside him when he tried to focus his vision, struggling to believe this was it.

He had been here before more times than he could count, and yet, Kim Taehyung still managed to steal his breath away.

Unrealistic— that was how he described Taehyung and his overgrown blonde hair that fell over his eyes, his white, cuffed tee cinched at the waist with a matching leather belt and paired with loose beige slacks. On top of his blonde waves were a pair of sunglasses and on his lips, a bright smile that beat any piece of jewelry he could ever wear.

He realized that as they got older, his beauty was simply unrivaled by anyone else. He grew into every feature, the softness he fell for in highschool growing hard and sharp and broad; it was defined in ways that made him appear sculpted— like fine art.

Honestly, Jeongguk couldn't quite see why annoying teenagers bullied him to feel as if he was ugly when Taehyung was practically its antithesis.

Kim Taehyung was incomparably beautiful.

When Taehyung caught sight of him, Jeongguk's entire chest seemed to clench with the way the older's expression seemed to blossom with light. He lifted two fingers and waved, and in seconds, the older was speeding his way over to him.

Jeongguk tried to not let the fact that Seojoon wasn't there affect his thoughts. Maybe the actor was busy, and Taehyung couldn't bring him along. Perhaps he just didn't want to go. Either way, all thoughts that badgered his brain melted away with every second Taehyung approached him.

He spread his arms out, waving his fingers while his lips spread into the biggest, most ridiculous grin he could muster, but Taehyung simply shook his head. The older strode toward him, biting back his smile and teasing at his damn lip like he always did.

Jeongguk didn't want to admit it, but it honestly drove him crazy. In a totally friendly way of course.

"You didn't run into my arms," Jeongguk grumbled, making grabby hands at Taehyung when the older man stopped in front of him, eyeing him up and down.

"We'll attract attention," Taehyung said, voice the same, but for some reason, their video call audio never did his deep voice justice. In person, it was just as smooth, as heavy, and rough and perfect.

"You're wearing your team jacket," The older reached forward, tugging at his red collar. "You look like a cherry."

"Don't shame my country's colors, Taehyung-chan," Jeongguk flicked the older's chin, a ghost of a smirk playing on his lips, "and who cares if we attract attention?"

"I do," His features creased as he laughed, the sound never failing to make Jeongguk's stomach flutter.

"But fine, I guess I'll hug you." He said, setting his sweater over his luggage only to be crushed into a hug by the younger.

Jeongguk pulled his body close, arms caging him into his body. He held him by the back, knowing it wasn't his place to hold his waist anymore, and there was so much he couldn't do without disrespecting their friendship boundaries so he tried to keep it simple— platonic.

Taehyung leaned into him, his hands splayed and pressed over the expanse of his back. He couldn't quite see his face, but he knew the older was smiling, and fuck, it hit him right then and there how much he missed his cologne, his detergent, his warmth.

Practically everything because it was motherfucking Kim Taehyung.

He wanted the hug to last forever, but he knew it couldn't be like that, so reluctantly, he pulled himself away. Untangling their arms, Jeongguk swallowed, nearly flinching back from how close their faces were for a split second.

"So," Jeongguk tried to clear his throat, stepping backward, giving themselves that safe distance which Yugyeom snorted at. "Where's Jimin?"

"He couldn't come," Taehyung explained, crossing his arms over his chest. "Something came up at work, and he couldn't leave."

"That means you're alone right?" Yugyeom cut in. The oldest of the trio nodded slowly, his brows knitted together in a bunch, silently stating that it was pretty fucking obvious.

"Well shit," Yugyeom laughed, the sound coming out rather awkward as he patted Jeongguk's back with the same crushing force. "I gotta go."

"But Tae just got here," Jeongguk knew where this was going, and maybe Taehyung did too, seeing that it was Yugyeom— the guy sucked ass at being subtle.

"I have to be with my team," Yugyeom said, cupping the side of his neck with a palm as he gave the duo an apologetic grin. "We're heading to the Village."

"Already? To do what?" Jeongguk raised an eyebrow at him. Yugyeom snorted, reaching back to grab the handle of his luggage.

"Check out the infamous condom dispensers man. They give out condoms there like free candy!" He snickered, already walking backwards to leave them alone. Jeongguk rolled his eyes.

"Your boyfriend's in Korea," He called out after him, couldn't help but let out a snort as Yugyeom nearly tripped over the wheels to his suitcase.

"Chill! M'just gonna go collect some condoms. You two enjoy Paris. It's the City of Love~!" Yugyeom blew them kisses before disappearing into the crowd, his Team Korea jacket blending in with the flow of other travelers.

"Condom collecting, huh," Taehyung was the first to speak once he was out of sight, his elbow playfully digging into Jeongguk's side. He yelped, pushing his arm away.

"Why are you hitting me?" Jeonnguk asked, swatting at the older, who was chuckling softly to himself.

"'Cuz it sounds like something you'd do," Taehyung said in a matter of fact way. Jeongguk scoffed, now his turn to jab at the older's side.

"M'not here to collect foreign condoms, Specs," He sighed as the older stifled a laugh behind a smile.

"You sure?" He wiggled his eyebrows at him.

"It's totally my dream to collect condoms— no, of course not," Jeongguk rolled his eyes.

"I know stupid," Taehyung said, flicking his chin. Jeongguk grinned back at him, trying to ignore the way his stomach fluttered at the simple yet familiar gesture.

However, he didn't dwell on it for too long, seeing that it wasn't his place to. So, with a clap of his hands, he gestured at Taehyung to grab his bag.

"Where are we heading to first?" Taehyung asked, attaching to Jeongguk's side as the two scan around the busy baggage claim, searching for an exit to get out of here.

"To your hotel," Jeongguk said, his free hand curling around Jeongguk's wrist, lightly tugging along when he finally found the exit not too far where they stood.

"Aren't you supposed to be at the Olympic Village?" The older pointed out, not questioning as Jeongguk tugged him along, pushing the thought of how close their bodies were pressed together to the back of his mind where it should belong.

"I'll go there later," He said, not looking over his shoulder. "Why?"

"I don't wanna bother you," Taehyung replied.

"You're not bothering me," Jeongguk came to a stop, a frown decorating his lips as he stared over at the older, who was smiling back at him, and for what reason? He didn't know.

"Tae, I literally asked you to fly here for me."

"But aren't I in the way of your dream?" The older mused, furthering the crease between Jeongguk's brows, but before he could give him a fucking essay that he was part of his dream so he couldn't possibly get in the way of things, Taehyung cut him off—

"Your dream of collecting Parisian condoms to add to your international condom collection!"

"Fuck you," Jeongguk rolled his eyes, ignoring the deep, smooth laughter that flowed past the older's mouth, filling his ears with a sound sweeter than honey itself.

"You love me," Taehyung giggled, letting Jeongguk pull him past the sliding doors and into the heat of the summery Parisian afternoon.

"Of course I do," Jeongguk grumbled, sparing a glance over at him, not a single drop of hesitation in his words. "You're an idiot."

"An idiot indeed for flying all this way just to get manhandled," He teased, another burst of bubbly laughter accompanying his rectangular smile as the younger's face flushed red.

"M-Manhandled?" Jeongguk stammered, lifting up Taehyung's limp wrist. "M'just touching you!" He shook his hand, face undeniably hot.

"Jeongguk-ah," Taehyung chuckled, amusement twinkling in his softening eyes, "I'm messing with you."

"Messing with me," He muttered, dropping his wrist, realizing a bunch of people were probably staring at them. Jeongguk gulped, scratching the side of his burning neck awkwardly.

"Ggukie," Jeongguk's eyes widened, suddenly caught off guard by the older's fingers pinching his cheeks together, forcing him to meet his eye.

"Yes?" Jeongguk grumbled sheepishly, pouting when he squeezed his cheeks again, hating how flustered he was.

"I'm really happy to see you again," Taehyung's smile seemed to widen, which seemed impossible until now, the rectangular box straining against his cheeks.

"It's been a hot minute," Jeongguk agreed, hand reaching up to rub his cheek when the older finally let go. "But m'not sure I feel the same though."

"Sure you don't," Taehyung snorted, nudging his side, his eyes shining as he draped his arm over Jeongguk's shoulders, their sudden close proximity making the younger's eyes splay wide at his unexpected touchiness.

"Fine," Jeongguk said, glancing between the older's hand secured on his shoulder and the smile Tae had been giving them— and oh shit, their faces are too close— fuck.

"What?" Taehyung asked, raising an eyebrow at him. Jeongguk gulped, adam's apple bobbing nervously as he craned his neck away, panic (yes, panic) fluttering in his tummy.

"I should go get a taxi," Jeongguk pulled the older's arm off of him, the laugh he forces out doesn't come out very real, sounding more pained than not.

Taehyung raised an eyebrow at him, mouth opening to say something, but in his moment of sheer panic and this weird awkwardness he hadn't felt since middle school all thanks to Taehyung deciding that "hey, let's be waaay more touchy than usual!" of all things, Jeongguk slaps his palm over his mouth.

"Mmf?" Taehyung mumbles against his hand, which Jeongguk kept over his lips, brain short circuiting when the older's intense gaze fell on him. Fuck.

He shouldn't be feeling this way! It wasn't right! This was certainly just Taehyung messing with him— it shouldn't be such a big deal. Heck, over the last four years, he was hella touchy with him and Taehyung was able to keep his composure.

But here he was, going mad just because Taehyung touched him more than usual. Okay, that sounded waay too sexual— fuck, now he's overthinking, and Jeon Jeongguk does not overthink, or well, unless it was Taehyung.

And in that case Taehyung was standing in front of him, as a person, with flesh and woah, his best friend looked good like, really good like any other good friend— oh god, he was screwed.

"I-uh, well, fuck, taxi, yes," Jeongguk pulled his palm away, now laughing uncontrollably despite the look of concern contorting Taehyung's golden features.

"You good?" He asked, reaching out to touch him, but Jeongguk quickly swerved his hand, face on fucking fire as he gave Taehyung his suitcase.

"Taxi," Jeongguk jabbed his thumb over his shoulder to the curb where other travelers were. Taehyung nodded slowly, not quite sure if he should let him get it, but he did anyway.

However, right before Jeongguk could calm himself down so he wouldn't make a bigger fool of himself (hey, you couldn't blame him for being unprepared) the older called his name. Turning around, Jeongguk gulped, replying with a timid yes.

"Did any bells ring?"

"What?" The edges of his lips fell into a frown.

"The bells, like y'know, when you hug someone that means a lot to you—,"

"Taxi," Jeongguk repeated firmly, whipping around to hide the way his face was tinged crimson as he went to go get a goddamn taxi, trying to drown out these fucking butterflies and Taehyung's laughter teasing him from behind.

♡︎♡︎♡︎

After dropping their luggage off at Taehyung's hotel room, the duo set out to the streets of Paris, having more time on their hands since they arrived a few days early before the Olympics could officially start.

"Do you know how to speak French?" Taehyung asked, staying close to Jeongguk's sides as the duo ended up at the Champs-Élysées, walking down the sidewalk as all kinds of tourists and Parisians flooded the area.

He didn't know why they decided to come here of all places, but it was the first thing their taxi driver suggested, and Jeongguk said it was trademark of Paris so why the fuck not.

Much to Taehyung's high expectations, it was kinda cramped, a bit dirty, and undeniably hot among all the bodies packed onto the streets. Taehyung was also a bit jet lagged, for it was 10 in the morning, but he shook off the exhaustion, focusing his energy into seeing the sights and Jeongguk's awe-struck smile.

"I learned a few phrases on the plane ride here," The younger replied, now without his notable Team Japan uniform and in a pair of light ripped jeans and a button-up striped shirt cuffed around his wrists.

"Anything useful?" He kept his grip light over his elbow, guiding Jeongguk around the crowd. He pressed his shoulder against his, staying close so he wouldn't lose him.

"Not really. I know how to ask basic directions and where to find places," Jeongguk shrugged, his voice a little strained, Taehyung had noticed but decided not to comment on. He was probably tired.

"It's so fracking hot here," Taehyung said, changing the topic, grunting softly when somebody bumped into his shoulder and apologized in French, "Gosh, there's alot of people."

"They're probably all here for the Olympics," He said, to which the older hummed in response. It was reasonable— there were a lot more diverse tourists.

"You wanna go somewhere else?" Jeongguk asked, concern flashing in his doe eyes when somebody brushed shoulders with Taehyung, the older's body lurching forward.

Jeongguk's thankfully there to catch him, "No. It's fine. We can head over to the Arc de Triomphe!" He said, pointing in the distance where the massive arc stood at the heart of the shopping avenue.

"It's an arc," Jeongguk wiped at the sweat collecting on his brow with the back of his hand. Taehyung rolled his eyes.

"Well sue me for wanting to spend time with you," He snorted, pinching Jeongguk's elbow, evoking a small yelp from the younger. "I could be sleeping in my hotel room, but here I am, with you."

"Hey, you didn't have to pinch me," Jeongguk pouted, craning his head to look over at Taehyung, who was already staring at him, this fondness softening his usual hard gaze.

"I pinched you out of love."

"I refuse to believe that," The younger scoffed while Taehyung let out a chuckle, rolling his eyes as the two allowed their feet to move with the flow of the crowd.

"Can you not hold my elbow?" He whined, swatting the older away. Taehyung raised an eyebrow at him.

"How else do you want me to not lose you? A leash?"

Jeongguk choked on air, his eyebrows shooting up on his forehead, "What? N-no. Don't be ridiculous. M'a grown man, Specs. I can walk."

"A grown man that needs a leash," Taehyung teased, heart skipping in his chest when Jeongguk's cheeks flush a particularly deeper shade of rose pink.

"Oh shut up. I can fucking walk on my own," He declared, stepping away from Taehyung. At that, the older lifted a brow, watching as Jeongguk walked ahead of him, occasionally glancing over his shoulder to make sure Taehyung was looking.

And he was, of course. His eyes were always on him.

"See! M'walking fine," Jeongguk turned around, walking backwards, which probably wasn't a smart idea, but Taehyung guessed it was Jeongguk. None of his ideas that required common sense were smart.

"Take my fucking picture Specs," He declared, crossing his arms over his chest, a smug smirk fitting over his lips. "I can fucking walk."

"Wow, you're walking. That's such a great human achievement— you're using your legs!" Taehyung said, sarcasm dripping over his words.

"I totally don't know how to use my legs."

"Okay, don't need to rub that shit in," Jeongguk scoffed, suddenly apologizing when he almost bumped into somebody.

Taehyung snickered, making sure to leave a good distance between them so he could save his ass. But when Jeongguk's face turned to look over at him, he pretended to snap a picture of him with his fingers.

"What are you doing?" Jeongguk asked as Taehyung closed one eye, focusing the other within the box he formed with his two hands.

"Taking your picture," Taehyung said, the edges of his mouth tugging upward when Jeongguk got the hint and began to ridiculously pose.

God, he was so stupid. Jeongguk made finger hearts, posing in dumb ways. Sometimes he did a peace sign, eyes comically wide and lips puckered while Taehyung pretended to click pictures. The younger went on, placing his palms beneath his chin to form a flower, the apples of his cheeks rising with every second to accompany the toothy grin that blossomed over his lips.

Taehyung couldn't help but laugh at him, the sound bubbling in his throat and tumbling out effortlessly with each cheesy pose Jeongguk pulled off. It was easy, fuck, he forgot how easy it was to be happy with Jeongguk.

Jeon Jeongguk could literally just breathe and his heart would swell with happiness.

Happiness. That was something he couldn't get enough of being with Jeongguk. Something that he missed dearly, something from their old relationship that made loving Jeongguk this never ending rush of serotonin and adrenaline he couldn't really forget no matter how hard he could try.

And perhaps that was why his heart was lurching and these butterflies erupted in his stomach, making him all light and airy and euphoric and careless, for all that mattered was Jeongguk in front of him.

He missed this, and god, it wasn't too bad— this taste of what could have been, what could be.

But before he could dwell on it further and let himself finally feel this without restraint, Jeongguk tripped and was suddenly flying backward.

Luckily, Taehyung surged forward, one hand on his hip, the other stabilizing his back, and among the mess, Jeongguk's arms wrapped around his neck in a haphazard attempt to catch himself. Taehyung grunted, managing to lift him back up, and oh—

They were close. So, so close, he nearly brushed his nose against the tip of Jeongguk's, and holy frick, too much time had passed since they had been this dizzying close.

"Hi there," Taehyung whispered, stunned, watching as Jeongguk's adam's apple bobbed nervously, the younger's bottom lip caught between his teeth.

"Bonjour?" Jeongguk forced out awkwardly, thick eyelashes batting as he reluctantly met Taehyung's hooded gaze, his pretty doe eyes twinkling with all sorts of emotions he couldn't pinpoint.

"Bonjour?" The older asked, a hint of a laugh edging his words, palm absentmindedly squeezing his waist, which evoked a small yelp from Jeongguk.

"Don't mind me," He said, vowels wobbling, "just trying to connect my uh, French roots."

"French roots?" Taehyung cocked an eyebrow at him, stifling a laugh, teeth teasing at his bottom lip.

"Yes, and why are you, um, holding me?" Jeongguk squeaked, gesturing quickly between the two of them.

"Because you were being a dumbass," Taehyung said, gently pulling Jeongguk and himself out of the way and to the side when he noticed people were giving them weird looks for blocking the flow of the crowd.

"I don't need a leash," Jeongguk blew his cheeks out, rounding them into cute little squishy pillows that took every ounce of Taehyung's will not to pinch.

"I know," He said, swallowing when he glanced down, seeing his hand was still on the dip of the younger's waist and right on top of his own were Jeongguk's.

Although it was faint, Taehyung's throat tightened at the subtle brush of Jeongguk's fingers over his. Sure, it was nothing, for it was quite the elementary thing to be all jittery over touching hands. He was 22, for god's sake, but then again, it was Jeongguk.

Every little jolt, little firework, and the incessant throb of his heart made him miss him in a way that he couldn't really describe just yet.

"We should get to the Arc," Jeongguk said, snapping him out of his thoughts and giving Taehyung quite the reminder that what he was thinking was stupid.

There was no way he could ambush Jeongguk with feelings the younger probably didn't return. They spent years loving each other as friends, supporting one another through every relationship, every messy break up, all at a respectable distance.

There was this distance— a gap — that they created and Taehyung wasn't sure he had the confidence to fully jump across. Hell, he still had to tell Jeongguk he broke up with Seojoon. Clearly, he wasn't ready.

Fuck, he needed more time to think this through.

With that, he let go of the younger, tilting his head aside to hide the faint presence of a blush that seeped onto his cheeks. Warm, he was too warm with the sun and Jeon Jeongguk being the cutest little shit right beside him.

"To the arc?" He cleared his throat, tapping Jeongguk's shoulder to signal him they should keep going. Hoping it wasn't awkward, he held his breath for a response.

"Sure," Jeongguk turned to him, meeting his stare like nothing even happened (he ignored the pang in his chest) and gave him the brightest smile that made him melt all over again.

"Let's get going then. Together?" Taehyung asked, already beginning to walk with Jeongguk by his side. But before he could get any further, he felt a tug on the back of his shirt.

Whipping around, he saw it was Jeongguk, and as he opened his mouth to speak, he noticed the younger's ears were burning red, his gaze averted to the floor. He let his lips fall shut, pressing into a firm line, watching as finally Jeongguk lifted his head up, his doe eyes managing to make Taehyung's breath hitch.

"Together," Jeongguk mumbled, tugging weakly at the back of Taehyung's shirt. At that, Taehyung's expression brightened, feeling the edge of his lips effortlessly tug upward into a fond smile.

"Together," He repeated, gently prying Jeongguk's fingers off his shirt and instead, slinging his arm over his shoulders. Cute, he thought, watching the younger duck his head the other way, and with matching smiles, the two of them set on to the Arc de Triomphe.

♡︎♡︎♡︎

There wasn't much to do at the Arc de Triomphe, so they just took pictures, uploaded it to Instagram, and went on their way to the metro to go to some museum.

"Specs, there's a photobooth!" Jeongguk gushed, tugging at Taehyung's wrist as the two entered the metro station. It was small and had Photomaton in blue letters over the side, not something you would go to Paris for, but since the younger was excited, he tagged along.

"C'mon!" Jeongguk was already holding the curtain aside. Taehyung, however, eyed the cramped seat, wondering how they're going to sit there together.

"Can we even fit?" He asked, ducking inside, gaze scanning the bright, blinding white booth. Jeongguk shrugged, gesturing at him to sit down.

"You sit. Your fat ass takes up two seats," He giggled, earning an eye roll from the older.

"I don't know if that's a compliment or insult," The older grumbled, sitting down anyways while the younger snickered over by the side.

He was right about it being cramped. When it was Jeongguk's turn to sit, the younger almost fell off.

"Noted. This can only fit two asscheeeks and a half," Jeongguk pouted, staring down at Taehyung who was obviously taking up the entire seat.

"Then sit on me," Taehyung shrugged, the words slipping out of his mouth before he could stop himself. He winced, knowing it was probably a bad idea, and when he tilted his head up to gauge the younger's reaction— he nearly laughed.

"O-okay," Jeongguk swallowed, blinking rapidly, the pink of his tongue swiping over his bottom lip but he made no move to sit.

"Hurry up," Taehyung scolded lightly, fingers coiling around Jeongguk's wrist to tug him down. "We have a train to get to."

"Jeez, fine. I'll sit on your lap... respectfully," He added quickly as Taehyung's other palm settled on his hip. Awkwardly, Jeongguk lowered himself onto Taehyung's lap, sitting stiffly on top of him.

"You comfortable?" Taehyung asked, wincing a little at how most of Jeongguk's weight was channeled on his right thigh, but he could manage it.

The only thing he couldn't possibly want was getting a boner, but to be honest, he was jetlagged, sweaty, and in a bit of pain to really pop one down there.

No matter how fat Jeongguk's ass was, this wasn't quite setting the sexy mood, really.

"M'sitting respectfully," Jeongguk said, not making an effort, and luckily he already selected most of the things so all they had to do was take a picture.

"You're so fricking heavy," Taehyung muttered against his neck, having to lean forward to the best of his ability with a heavy body crushing him on his lap.

"Don't do that," Jeongguk swatted at his chest when Taehyung leaned back as the timer began to count down. Taehyung breathed out a quiet why, fixing a peace sign over his cheek. "It tickles."

"Well your ass is huge. In a heavy way," He let out a laugh.

"Sorry I have a dump truck of an ass," Jeongguk snorted, not at all sounding sorry, which evoked a smile from the older.

"You don't mean it."

"Well, you're right. I can't fully apologize for having no power over the size of my dummy thick asscheeks."

Taehyung burst into laughter as Jeongguk matched him, the two of them having matching peace signs and smiling wide until a flash nearly left them blind in their seats. Ouch.

They had another ten seconds, so the duo made ridiculous faces at the camera. Jeongguk stuck his tongue out, eyes rolling the other direction, while Taehyung did a stupid double chin that honestly kinda hurt but it had Jeongguk nearly doubling over in laughter.

For the last picture, Taehyung decided they needed at least one good photo for the memories. So, he hooked his chin over Jeongguk's shoulder, his arms wrapping around his tiny waist.

Jeongguk didn't seem to question it, their eyes meeting on the screen, neither saying a word as the older snuggled against his shoulder. In fact, after a few moments watching gears turn in Jeongguk's head, he leaned his against Taehyung's.

Taehyung couldn't breathe. Not in a "oh i'm kinda suffocating" but more like Jeon Jeongguk was so goddamn beautiful it was impossible to not be smothered by how effortlessly pretty he was and how effortlessly it looked seeing them this close.

He knew no relationship was effortless; Taehyung learned that firsthand. But this, sitting here, with his arms holding him close, and Jeongguk resting his head on his, a content smile spread over his lips, it felt effortless.

Like they didn't need to put much effort into being comfortable together. Like all of this was just part of their nature. Like this, this was meant to be.

Frick, this was hard.

It lasted as long as ten seconds, unfortunately, and when it was over, Taehyung resurfaced to see Jeongguk was climbing off his lap, signifying the end of the moment.

Unable to see his face, which probably saved him, for the stupid butterflies in his stomach were eating him up with this fluttery, light feeling that made him feel like he was fricking floating.

Whatever this was, he couldn't seem to shake the smile off when he got out to see Jeongguk with their photos in his hand.

"Quality's shit," Jeongguk handed him one, his eyes wide with excitement and the gigantic smile he wore exposing his cute front teeth.

"It is," Taehyung admitted, failing to bite back his smile as he stared down at their ridiculous photos, knowing right away his favorite was the last one.

The one where they kinda looked like a couple, but he wasn't going to say that out loud.

"Good thing we're both high quality dudes," The younger nudged his side. "Hey, don't we look like a couple?"

Taehyung nearly choked, "What?"

"A couple of besties," Jeongguk finished, looking smug with himself, and god, he really did ruin the moment. Taehyung rolled his eyes, slipping the photo into his wallet.

"You're an idiot," He sighed, grabbing Jeongguk's wrist, heart thrumming in his ears as he led him to the platform with Jeongguk snickering happily behind him.

♡︎♡︎♡︎

At this point, Jeongguk was pretty sure Taehyung was bullshitting his way through this art exhibit.

They ended up at some museum, not the Louvre because they decided it would be too packed and they didn't have the energy to deal with it, but the art here probably wasn't any different. Jeongguk didn't understand why Taehyung wanted to come though.

Taehyung wasn't an artist. Hell, the guy couldn't even draw and said so himself he didn't have the ability to be an artist. But here he was, arms crossed and two fingers perched over his chin as he stared at the painting in front of them, seemingly focused.

They had been at it for almost an hour. Walking by all kinds of portraits, landscapes, and splashes of color Jeongguk couldn't really find a deeper meaning of without bullshitting it.

Taehyung would sometimes stop and stare at one painting for a particularly long time. He didn't say anything, he just stood there, eyes raking every piece and occasionally humming.

For a while, Jeongguk found it cool that Taehyung could understand the paintings. Or well, maybe he just thought so because as he snuck glances at him from time to time, he found the way he studied each painting closely, endearing.

It was the little crease between his brows, and the way he'd nibble at the edge of his thumb, or how he'd squint and tilt his head to the side that made being here worth it. Seeing him interested was enough for him even if he didn't get any of this.

There was this power Taehyung had to make any moment with him enjoyable. Ever since high school, Jeongguk would find himself even enjoying the little, boring moments because Taehyung was just being Taehyung.

Genuine. Funny. Thoughtful. Effortlessly beautiful. He couldn't deny the fact that in moments like these, Taehyung made his world feel real, and felt a bit more grounded.

To say he missed this would be an understatement.

He fucking missed Taehyung. In every possible way, big or small, relevant or not, he missed him. Sure, it had only been three weeks since the last time they saw one another, but Jeongguk just couldn't seem to get enough of his best friend.

Hell, he loved him. Loved him in every shape or form Taehyung allowed him to have the privilege of.

But standing here, right next to him, shoulders barely brushing and his gaze lingering on Taehyung, who was so focused on the paintings, for a little too long, Jeongguk realized he loved him more than anything.

He would always love Kim Taehyung as his best friend.

As the two ventured on, he thought the older must have picked art up as a hobby in the last four years since Taehyung was bent on staying at some pieces for a little longer. But he quickly realized that wait, Taehyung wasn't an art major.

And then Taehyung's thoughtful hums started to break into stifled fits of laughter when he started to get suspicious, which honestly, broke his cover the second he started to laugh.

"You're not really analyzing them, are you?" He said, slipping his hands into his pants pockets as the older covered his mouth with his fist.

"No— I mean, yes, yes I am," Taehyung chuckled softly, glancing over at Jeongguk, the edges of his lips quirked upward into a smile.

"Liar," Jeongguk snorted, reaching over to pinch the other's side, but Taehyung pushed him away, giggling more abundantly as they spilled freely past his lips.

"Do you even understand art?" He asked, watching as the older pushed a lock of blonde behind his ear and shook his head.

"Not really," Taehyung admitted, a rectangular smile fixed on his lips, growing impossibly wider. "But I'm thinking though."

"Thinking about what?" Jeongguk turned toward the piece of art, brows already furrowing the second his gaze fell over it.

It was a Claude Monet painting of two blurry women standing on a green cliff, overlooking a blue sea with boats on a nice cloudy day. Or well, in basic terms. Jeongguk didn't know how artists described stuff like this, and he wasn't going to test his vocabulary.

"That," Taehyung pointed at it, "like I'm thinking of little backstories for them. Like why are they on the cliff? Stuff like that." He said, running his hand in his light hair.

"Can you tell me why then?"

"What? No, it's," The older breathed out a laugh, fisting at his hair before gesturing his palm at the story, "it's stupid."

"Tell me," Jeongguk teased, nudging his side, but the older wouldn't quite budge. "C'mon. I won't judge."

"No," Taehyung sealed his lips shut. Jeongguk sighed, rolling his eyes as he shoves him lightly.

"Speeeeeecs, you know I wouldn't."

"I know," He chuckled, pushing his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. "But like, it's boring. It's nothing saucy or anything."

"Oh my god, Tae, you can't leave me hanging after watching your ass stare at every painting like it's some well done porno," Jeongguk snorted.

"I did not stare at it like some porno."

"Uh, yeah you did. Or, you were undressing the painting with your eyes. Very sexy, Specs, but we're also in public."

"Jeongguk—,"

"Shhh it's all good," He held his hands up in defense, unable to control his laughter, eyes scrunched and nose all crinkled. "I'll accept you for your exhibition kink."

"Oh my god shut up," Taehyung groaned, covering his face, the tips of his ears turning a cute shade of pink.

"Never. Not unless you tell me," Jeongguk teased, forgetting how fun it was to make fun of him like this.

Taehyung rolled his eyes, "Okay, fine. Jeez, you promise you won't laugh though, alright?" Of course, Jeongguk ended up laughing anyways. The edges of the older's lips dipped into a frown.

"I told you not to laugh," He grumbled, making a fist and weakly punching his shoulder.

"M-M'sorry," Jeongguk gasped, holding the flat of his stomach as Taehyung shot him glares. "Okay, sorry. Go ahead. I got it out."

"I hate you," Taehyung muttered, nose scrunching when Jeongguk tapped the bottom of his chin. "Now I hate you more."

"Tell me your porno plot pretty boy," Jeongguk cooed, patting his chin again, even giving it a good stroke just to piss the older off more. He snorted loudly when Taehyung swatted his wrist away.

"First of all, it's not a porno," Taehyung grumbled, rolling his eyes for the umpteenth time as he turned back to the painting. "It's a love story."

"So porn with plot?"

"No," He said, "a sweet lesbian lovestory."

"Ooh so they're gay? Do tell me more, Taehyung senpai," Jeongguk gushed, grunting out a low oof when the older elbowed his gut.

"Jeez, sorry."

"You better be."

"Anyways," Taehyung mused like nothing happened and he totally didn't elbow him at all. "They're two forbidden lovers— Laura and Eliza. They come from noble families and they go out on secret dates."

"So they're like 'yo dad I'm gonna go hang out with my girlfriend. It's totally hetero, don't worry"?"

"Basically," He nodded, crossing his arms over his chest. "They go on strolls and they fall in love. They used to hate each other too. Laura thought Eliza was a gold digger."

"Ooh spicy. Some angst. We love angst."

"So, they talk and slowly become friends, and they end up trusting each other with their past history," Taehyung went on, "and they find out they're both being wed to men in a few months."

"Damn conflict," Jeongguk whispered, holding his hands up in defense once more when Taehyung's elbow threatened to punch him again.

"They fall in love," Taehyung said, "hard. The kind of love where you fall irrevocably hard and all of it feels right and that person is the one for you. They're so in love nothing could describe it."

"Sounds like a win for the gays."

"And they want to be together, but they can't. Laura is going to be wed to a duke in England. Eliza was gonna stay back in Paris," Taehyung whispered, "but as days dwindled, they realized they couldn't live without each other."

"So what happens?" Jeongguk asked. Taehyung shrugged, tapping his index over his cheek.

"They go to this cliff and jump off!"

"Jesus christ," Jeongguk's eyes splay open. Beside him, he watched as Taehyung chuckled softly to himself, staring at him, his gaze softening.

"That's uh, really brutal?" Jeongguk cleared his throat, "like, you thought all of that up just then?"

"Everything up until the ending," Taehyung hummed. "I dunno, I just wanted to freak you out with the grand finale."

"Well, m'more concerned," He said, the edge of his lip tugging upwards. "It's a good story. Would read. 10/10 content. Except the last part, I really hate angsty endings."

"Then how do you think it should end?" The older beamed, his attention now focused on Jeongguk, amusement dancing in his eyes.

"I wouldn't kill them," Jeongguk shrugged, "and I think they'd run away together if they made each other happy. Like, I imagine Eliza being the biggest butch lesbian and building them a cottage."

"And Laura would tend the animals and she would embroider cool shit and sell it. Eliza would work hard, and when it's done, they can have hot, intense cottage lesbian sex," He said nonchalantly. Taehyung snorted.

"Hot lesbian sex? Really?" He raised an eyebrow at him. Jeongguk nodded, the smile he wore stretching wider over his lips.

"Nothing can go wrong with hot lesbian sex," He declared, not realizing how loud he said it until he felt a tap on his shoulder.

Jeongguk whipped around, eyebrows raised high on his forehead seeing a short, old Asian woman and her American husband in tourist get-up. Confused, he opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off—

"This painting is a priceless antique, and this place is a famous French art museum," She wagged a finger at him, spitting out rapid fire Korean that left Jeongguk stunned.

"You children need to learn to respect the beauty of art and its raw meaning! Keep your vulgarities at home! Goodness, your parents must have not taught you any manners, child," She spat out.

"M'sorry ma'am," Genuinely afraid for his life right now, Jeongguk squared his shoulders, even bowing a little to the old woman.

"So you do have an awareness of manners," She grumbled, crossing her arms and thankfully taking a step back, giving Jeongguk a chance to breathe properly.

"Respect the paintings and the other viewers. You children nowadays need to learn the defintion of respect," The woman grumbled, walking away with her timid husband to another exhibit, leaving the duo behind.

Neither of them said anything, both too shocked to actually comprehend what just happened. That was, until Taehyung let out a snort.

And honestly, it was all downhill from there.

"Oh my god," He pressed his fist over his mouth, trying to silence the laughter spewing past his lips.

"You were so fricking scared!"

"How else was I suppose to look?" Jeongguk asked, voice slightly strained as he ran a hand down his face, hating how hot his skin felt beneath his palm.

"God, I haven't been scolded like that in years," He sighed softly, pinching the bridge of his nose before letting his arms drop to his sides in defeat.

"Especially by a stranger, huh?" Taehyung reached over, his palms cupping the sides of Jeongguk's face, squeezing at his cheeks.

"Are you mocking me?" Jeongguk puffed his cheeks out, lips pursed into a pout. Taehyung simply laughed, the sound gentle, sweet, and not at all mocking but he decided it was anyways.

And oh, he probably should have freaked out that the older touched his face. Taehyung usually never did, but he brushed it off, guessing it was just to make fun of him. Yes, that was the reason.

Totally not because of anything else.

"No," Taehyung said, letting go of his face (Jeongguk didn't realize he was holding in his breath), a lopsided grin decorating his features.

"But I won't let you forget a small old woman called you out for shouting about lesbian porn."

"I hate you," Jeongguk grumbled, receiving another pat of pity on his cheek.

"Lesbian sex, Jeongguk. Lesbian sex."

"Fuck you."

"Hooot Leeeeesbiaaaaan sex."

"So, are we heading out of here?" A sulky, deflated Jeongguk trudged after Taehyung as he moved on through the exhibit, though this time he wasn't stopping by paintings to make bullshit plots about them.

"Yeah," Taehyung nodded, throwing his arm over his shoulder, a rather popular gesture in their outing today. There were bonus points if Taehyung's hand twirled locks of hair that fell over his nape.

"This shit sucks. We're out of here."

"Then why did you wanna go here?" Jeongguk asked, brows furrowed, stopping in his tracks. Taehyung turned his body, angling it so he was standing in front of him, an arm draped lazily over his shoulder.

"Because," Taehyung smirked, gaze oddly intense that somehow had Jeongguk shifting beneath it after all these years, his free hand reaching over to flick his chin.

"It's part of the Paris experience I wanna share with you, stupid," He merely said, words enough to make Jeongguk's heart twitch. A twitch he didn't miss.

A twitch that left him wordless and all his brain cells practically depleted. Jeongguk opened his mouth to speak, though no words seemed to come out, so with little grace, he shut his lips, licking at them while the older's throat rumbled, a soft, teasing sound tickling his ears.

"Cute," Taehyung said, tousled his hair one final time with a scrunch of his nose, and he walked off, not caring that he left Jeongguk behind, unable to comprehend that just happened.

Unable to comprehend why it happened.

♡︎♡︎♡︎

"I think the jetlag's catchin' up to me," Jeongguk yawned, head lolling onto Taehyung's shoulder the second the two plop down onto two free seats on the metro.

"Tired already?" Taehyung asked, hand shooting up to catch the younger's head from rolling off his shoulder, the cusp of his palm settling on his neck.

"Kinda," Again, another yawn. "But I wanna be with you."

"We have today and tomorrow," Taehyung chuckled warmly, but he couldn't deny the way his heart clenched, too endeared by the younger's sleepiness.

"Want it to never end though," Jeongguk murmured, voice thick, words slightly slurring. "'Cuz after, we won't see each other for a while."

"You don't know that," The older said, hand creeping up and entangling strands of Jeongguk's hair around his fingers, slowly massaging his scalp.

"I do. I'll be in Japan, and you'll be far away. I wanna make the most of our time," Jeongguk whispered.

"Me too, Gguk. Me too," Taehyung said, watching the metro doors slide shut, the last of the people finding seats, words dying on his lips as the younger exhaled softly.

"You wanna go back to the hotel to rest a bit?"

"No. J-Just let me rest my eyes."

"Why not?" He asked, but it was too late: he already dozed off. Taehyung held the younger's head closer, trying to make it comfortable as he began to snore quietly, the exhaustion of the day taking over.

"I want this to last too," Taehyung said, running his fingers through Jeongguk's hair, breathing easing as he listened in to the sound of wheels clacking against the rails, the mechanic whir of the metro car, along with the pitter-patter of his heart in his chest.

It wasn't a lie, really. This was nice— sitting together on a metro somewhere beneath the city of Paris, listening to a french song filter through the muddled speakers, and a tired Jeongguk with his face buried in the crook of his neck, snoring in contentment.

In fact, this entire day was probably the best time Taehyung had ever spent with anyone.

He supposed this was what he lacked with Seojoon, why he never found himself invested all the way like he was with Jeongguk. And as much time as he spent with him, the little moments like these he usually skimmed over, never really dwelling on them.

But with Jeongguk, all of these little moments, they mattered. Whether it be watching in amusement as Jeongguk failed to read a French metro, his brows cinched together in concentration as he traced every line, or walking among crowded streets, holding onto pinkies or belt loops to make sure they would never lose one another ever again— he looked forward to them.

All of these little moments were what Taehyung was excited for, ones he sought and dwelled on and constantly replayed in his mind, smiling aimlessly at how stupid and trivial these moments were.

It made sense to date Jeongguk. Taehyung was an actual adult— not a teenager overthinking every detail, destroying all he could with impulse and indecision, worrying that he wasn't enough when he really was, but he was just too blind to see how much he was truly worth, how much others were worth.

He messed up with him, and luckily, they managed to be together all this time as best friends, stuck in this security of friendship where they could love each other but not really explore its fullest potential without obstructing any boundaries.

Part of Taehyung, the foolish half of him wanted to explore that side again, and maybe, just maybe navigate through loving Jeongguk better, loving Jeongguk the right way.

But the other half saw it as wishful thinking, these thoughts a product of being in a city filled with couples and love folded into every nook and corner. Hell, today, Taehyung probably saw dozens of happy couples, selfishly wishing he had that too.

However, it wasn't that easy, and although the younger version of him thought that they could be together again, looking back at it as an adult, he was grateful they even lasted after how terribly they treated one another.

Sure, they knew better now with experience and their bond was as strong as ever, but what was the guarantee that they wouldn't repeat the worst? What if what happened wasn't as bad as it could be? What if they couldn't make up afterward?

Was it even worth the risk?

"Y'know, you're everything I want," He eventually let out a sigh, the edge of his jaw tickled by wisps of Jeongguk's unkempt hair bristling over his skin.

"But at the same time," He pushed aside a loose tendril, watching fondly as Jeongguk's nose twitched before snuggling closer into him. Cute.

"You're everything I don't think I deserve."

♡︎♡︎♡︎

They crashed at Taehyung's hotel room for a few hours despite Jeongguk getting all whiny about wanting to spend time with Taehyung, but the jet lag was so bad, they passed out and ended up waking up at 11 pm Paris time.

There was no point lingering around at the hotel, and since they couldn't possibly go back to sleep, Taehyung found a place to go to at night, and after putting on jackets, the two headed out to find a laundromat.

"A laundromat? Like, a place where you do actual fucking laundry?" Jeongguk asked, slinking his hands into his hoodie pocket, trudging side by side with Taehyung as they walked down the stoned streets of Paris illuminated by hazy, yellow lamp lights.

"The reviews said it was cool," Taehyung shrugged.

"Tae, it's a fucking laundromat."

"I know."

"Clothes are cleaned there," Jeongguk deadpanned, not really sure if this was actually a good idea. Both of them didn't know shit about Paris, and they were probably still hella drowsy. All of this could be some fucked up tourist trap.

"I trust the reviews," Taehyung said nonchalantly, and his lack of concern was a bit troubling. He was always worrying about something, so why didn't this qualify for some good old-fashioned overthinking?

"Should I be like— y'know, kinda worried?" The younger asked, brows furrowing. "What if we get kidnapped?"

"What makes you think that?" He frowned, nudging Jeongguk's elbow with his own. "It's a laundromat."

"It's ass o'clock and we're going to a laundromat with no fucking laundry," Jeongguk cried out, "this is giving mega 'we're gonna get kidnapped' vibes you dumb schnitzel."

"Schnitzel. That doesn't sound very French, Gguk," The edge of his lip tugged upward, thick accent roughing the pronunciation, and for some reason it made Jeongguk's stomach flutter.

"Trust me, we're okay. We won't get kidnapped."

"Well now you fucking jinxed it."

"Okay, sorry," Taehyung rolled his eyes, "We will get kidnapped." Jeongguk elbowed his gut. "Frick— I just said what you wanted me to say? What's wrong now?"

"I can just picture it. Olympian Jeon Jeongguk and dumbass friend held hostage by French mafia," Jeongguk pretended to sniffle, only to receive a glare from the older.

"I don't think France has a mafia, you douche baguette," Taehyung snorted, kicking at a loose stone at the ground.

"Well, there's got to be gangs," Jeongguk grumbled, picking up his pace when Taehyung's strides started to beat his own. "Oh fuck you, stop walking so fast."

"We're the same height. You can keep up," Taehyung called over his shoulder, a shit-eating grin as he began to effortlessly jog. Jeongguk groaned loudly, having to actually run to catch up.

"Stop making me exercise. I technically have three days until I have to actually work out," Jeongguk huffed, reaching out to grab Taehyung, who seemed to be practically sprinting.

"Doesn't hurt to start early!" He teased, and fuck, he was doing this on purpose, huh?

"You little shit— stooop," Jeongguk cried out, trying to grab Taehyung, whose giggles seemed to fill the crisp, cool air, making things lighter, like he was floating on the doses of serotonin he gave him.

"My knees will literally snap if you test me."

"Okay, jeez," Taehyung came to an abrupt stop, chuckling softly when Jeongguk crashed into his back, letting a low oof as his hand flew back to stabilize him.

"You really had to bring up your knee," He spun around, fingers curled around Jeongguk's wrist as he peered over at the younger, brows knitted together.

"Sometimes you just gotta be desperate," Jeongguk pulled his hand back with a smug smirk, shoving it into the safety of his hoodie pocket.

"It was a really bad joke though."

"I know, and so is my life," He winked at him and continued on, a slight bounce in his step. He rolled his eyes at him.

"I don't know how I stand you."

"Then sit down if you can't take me, Taehyung-senpai~!"

"Was that sexual?"

"Could be. Actually, no. Don't be dirty minded."

"You're unbelievable," Taehyung said, snorting lightly when— "Wait. You're going too far, stupid, come back."

"Shit, my bad," Jeongguk chuckled awkwardly, a sheepish smile replacing his smug smirk as he back pedaled to where Taehyung stood in front of a small teal shop with glass windows on the front, and there hanging was a pale aqua light that said Lavomatic.

"This is it?" Jeongguk blurted out, joining the older's as the duo stood in front of the door. "It only has four laundry thingies." He gestured at it.

"This is it," Taehyung turned toward him, smirking the second he met Jeongguk's skeptical gaze. "You wanna head inside?"

"I don't think there's much to do, but okay," He said, heading inside while Taehyung held the door open for him. Jeongguk, still pretty fucking confused, watched Taehyung approach the four washer tucked in the back.

"We don't even have laundry, Specs," Jeongguk pointed out, watching as Taehyung ran his fingers over every machine, seeming to be looking for something.

"Patience, dear Jeonggukie," Taehyung scolded quietly, gasping out loud when he finally found something. Jeongguk raised an eyebrow at him.

"What are you— what the fuck?" The younger's eyes jumped open watching Taehyung open the fucking washing machine like a door. The fuck?

"C'mon!" Not all fazed, Taehyung gestured for him to join him, and reluctantly, Jeongguk did.

It was pitch black, and being the idiot he was, he nearly tripped on the stairs, evoking a yelp from his lips and a snicker from Taehyung.

"You really are hopeless," His deep, velvet words were coming from somewhere, but as Jeongguk glanced up, he couldn't really make out his face in the grainy shadows.

"C'mere," Taehyung said, hand probably reaching out to grab his. Right before he could say something snarky, the words died on his tongue the second the older's hand found his.

"Found you," He could hear the smirk in his smile.

Oh fuck, this was weird. Jeongguk swallowed the lump forming in his throat, trying to at least come up with some coherent word without losing it, for his mind was focused on Taehyung holding his fucking hand! Like, he was actually holding it.

It had been a while since they were like this. Fingers intertwined, palms fitting into perfect places like two pieces of a missing puzzle had come together, finally complete once more.

And god, Taehyung squeezed his hand, cutting off his thought processes with a simple gesture unable to be seen in the dark. It was weird, this setting, with Taehyung's smooth, slightly larger hand enveloping his, which was full of calluses and rough patches, so surely, it probably wasn't enjoyable to hold.

But Taehyung didn't say anything. Fuck, why wasn't he talking and why was he holding his hand like this? No matter how many times Jeongguk tried to force the lump in his throat down, he failed, unable to get rid of this stupid bubbly feeling.

This dumb, fluttery and warm feeling that flooded his chest shouldn't have existed. Hell, his face was even all hot. What was he, a prepubescent teen?

When they reached the top of the staircase, he quickly dropped his hand once they came across the door to an actual bar judging by the drink menu on the side. Taehyung didn't say anything, which again, made Jeongguk shift awkwardly because he should at least say something.

And when he did, it wasn't what he expected, "You down to drink?"

"Of course m'down to drink," Jeongguk said, shoving his fingers through his hair, trying to calm himself down because he probably looked ridiculous. Hell, Taehyung didn't seem affected at all, so why should he be?

"If you say so," Taehyung's gaze raked him over, inflicting a sudden wave of 'what the fuck' to wash over Jeongguk as he lifted a questioning brow at him.

"What?" Jeongguk asked, eyes narrowing when the older chuckled softly. "Is something wrong?"

"Your face," He reached over, pinching his cheek. The younger yelped, swatting his hand away, his brows bunched together. "Why are you so red?"

"We didn't even drink anything yet, Gguk."

"W-Well it's kinda hot," Jeongguk stammered. "Why are you bullying me already? 'We didn't even drink anything yet,'" He mimicked him in a higher tone, nose crinkled as he stuck his tongue out at him.

"Sometimes I wonder if you're seventeen or twenty one," Taehyung flicked his chin, not all threatened by the death glare Jeongguk gave him.

"Are you trying to fight me?"

"Nah," Taehyung said, but just as Jeongguk was about to reply—

"I'm trying to date you."

"H-Huh?" Jeongguk blinked rapidly, his words a pang shot straight through his heart, erupting flames over his cheeks. He did not expect that, and right as he struggled to open his mouth and put together a proper, coherent sentence, Taehyung tossed his head back, laughing.

"I'm messing with you," He said, patting his stiffened shoulder, struggling to hold the smile that settled over his lips.

"Don't say stuff like that," Jeongguk breathed out, only to be met with Taehyung's low laughter as the two finally went inside the secret bar.

After pulling himself together, guessing Taehyung was just in a good mood, and all of that surely didn't have a double meaning 'cause Taehyung had a boy friend somewhere out there, Jeongguk watched Taehyung converse in English with the host.

He knew some English himself, and Taehyung was only speaking in the most basic of sentences just to get his point across. But it was still a sight watching Taehyung's hands move animatedly along with his words, brow strained only if you look closely to see him struggling to come up with the right words.

Jeongguk knew better than to interrupt him, and he certainly knew better than to think any of this had any romantic intentions. Sure, Taehyung was all touchy, but at the end of the day, he was dating another guy.

Taehyung wasn't his anymore, and he hadn't been his for the last four years. Jeongguk got used to that a long time ago; he didn't have a choice.

Getting flustered was probably part of Paris's charm. There wasn't anything he should try and read into. They were friends, even if he was so painfully in love with him, he learned a new way to love him, and that, that should be enough.

It should be enough, but for some reason, part of him wasn't satisfied with just this. Getting a chance to even be with Taehyung was more than anything he could ever want.

And yet, there was no way he could make anything more happen.

The host led them through the crowded space to a table far in the back. The place was bright and dainty and homey with tons of plants and french music in the background, smelling of floral incense combined with cigarette smoke from a balcony that he spotted from the corner of his eye while walking in.

The two of them sat down on literal swings with cute decorative pillows, a menu placed right on the small table between them. After ordering some drinks, they sold fucking oompa loompa liquor, the two of them sat in comfortable silence while Jeongguk went through his phone.

"Oh Tae," Jeongguk said, other hand reaching over to pat his shoulder to get his attention. Taehyung hummed, finishing his sip of water before saying what.

"My family's coming to Paris later this week and they wanted to ask you something," He said, rereading the message, his hand lingering on Taehyung's bicep.

"Ask me what?" Taehyung raised an eyebrow at him.

"Ask if you wanna meet up at the Olympic opening ceremony," He showed him his phone and their family messages, a giddy smile curling the corners of his lips upward.

"Sure, why not. I've met them multiple times," which was true. Sometimes Taehyung ran into his aunt at Japanese games, and Hyejung checked in every now and then when she wasn't busy at work.

But there was still one person Taehyung hadn't met yet, mostly because of timing, and since he didn't usually drop by the Jeon house whenever he came to visit.

"My mom's also gonna be there," Jeongguk started slowly, chewing at his lip as he gauged the older's reaction.

"Really? You're letting me meet your mom?" He nodded, squeezing his bicep before realizing how awkward it probably looked so he tucked his hand back onto his lap.

"Not a lot of people meet her, not even my partners, since we don't wanna overwhelm her. But she's still getting better every day, and I honestly think you should meet her. I think she'd love you," Jeongguk admitted shyly, fingers reaching up to scratch at his neck.

"I mean, I'd get if you don't wanna see them. M'sorry to just throw this at you, but no biggie if you don't wanna—," Jeongguk's breath hitched, his ramble cut short to see Taehyung's hand over his knee.

"Jeongguk," Taehyung said, and fuck, when he met his gaze, he instantly regretted so, hating how his heart twitched, kick-starting its endless rhythm.

"I'd love to meet your mother."

"You would?" He squeaked. Taehyung nodded, the boxy smile he wore radiating this warmth that never failed to ease him.

"It would be an honor to meet her," He hummed, drumming his fingers over his knee, unaware how the simplest of movements left Jeongguk short circuiting.

"It means a lot," Jeongguk whispered, honesty dripping from his words, neck flushing a deeper shade of pink, hotter against his fingertips.

"Means a lot to me too, Gguk," The older murmured back.

Neither one of them said a thing, which honestly made Jeongguk afraid, for he was worried Taehyung could hear the eratic pounding of his heart against his chest that would give him away.

"How is your mom anyways?" Taehyung pulled his hand away, allowing Jeongguk to finally let go of the breath he had been holding in all this time and relax.

"She's been doing well," Jeongguk slid his phone back into his pocket, leaning against the wall as the swing creaked from beneath him, trying to get a grip of himself.

"Recovering slow, but she's making progress."

"That's great to hear. I'm happy she could make it to Paris."

"Honestly, yeah," The younger admitted, shoving the back of his hand up the curtain of hair that fell over his nape. "M'happy too. It's just... it's everything I've ever wanted."

"Really?" Taehyung whispered, catching the younger off guard. He glanced over at the older, studying his careful gaze but ending up with no answer to his question except this bubbling pit of warmth in his stomach.

"I mean, it's kinda everything I want," Jeongguk found himself admitting and instantly regretting it. His hand dropped to his lap, fingers fidgeting as he hoped Taehyung went deaf for a second and didn't hear him.

But of course, that wasn't the case. "What more do you want then?"

"Why do you make me sound so greedy?" Jeongguk attempted to change the topic, ankle kicking over to knock against the older's leg. Taehyung let out a gentle laugh.

"Didn't mean it that way. I mean, what else do you feel that's missing?" Taehyung said, crossing his arms over his chest.

You, he almost wanted to say, but he knew better.

Jeongguk already had his answer, but it wasn't a good one. One that probably couldn't even happen, and he shouldn't say out loud because a good friend wouldn't be selfish and ruin a perfectly good existing relationship with a guy Taehyung actually deserved.

Sure, they promised all those years ago to try again, but sometimes things were better off left as they were.

"I want to win gold," Jeongguk blurted out, realizing he was probably taking up too much time to come up with some other bullshit and less selfish answer.

He winced internally noticing the way Taehyung's eyebrows eased on his features, the corners of his rectangular grin faltering ever so slightly. If he were some other person, he wouldn't have noticed, but he was Jeongguk, and he was Taehyung. Of course he noticed.

Luckily, as if on cue, the server came with their crazy, handcrafted drinks, thankfully ending their conversation without much effort from Jeongguk's end.

"Merci," Taehyung murmured, bowing his head out of habit as he eyed his cocktail with mild concern.

"Don't you hate alcohol?" Jeongguk asked, trying to lighten up the mood to some degree, praying the older would get the drift and carry on like nothing happened.

And he did, because he was Taehyung, and he probably had some sixth sense that Jeongguk wasn't going to talk about so of course, he answered with that goddamned boxy grin that contained happiness and joy and little snarky, mean insults.

"I don't hate it, but I don't love it either," Taehyung's nose crinkled as he sniffed the concoction.

"Who knew an oompa loompa smelled like vanilla?"

"Nobody would know," Jeongguk giggled, glancing down at his pink drink that he honestly didn't know what was inside of it.

"You know what though?" The younger hummed as he brought the drink to his lips, tasting a little and was instantly hit with a shock of sweetness.

"We haven't been drinking together in a long time."

"The last time was what, back in November?" He snorted, setting his glass back down, nose wrinkling as the intense strawberry flavor stained his tongue.

"Well, you know, since we're jetlagged," Taehyung said, lips tugging into a smirk, something glinting in his dark eyes. "Maybe we should—,"

"Are you insisting we get shitfaced in a foreign country?" He raised an eyebrow at him.

"I mean, why not," Taehyung shrugged, fitting his fingers around his glass and lifting up toward him.

"Ever wanted to get shitfaced in Paris?"

"The thought never really crossed my mind, but I mean, I'll take your offer," Jeongguk chuckled softly, raising his glass to clink against his.

"It's a plan," Taehyung winked, earning an eye roll from the younger as the duo took sips of their equally ridiculously bright drinks.

"God, this won't be enough though," Jeongguk said, setting it back down, wincing as more of that stuff made his entire mouth taste like a strawberry.

"Then we'll pick up some more," Taehyung laughed. "C'mon, first one to get drunk has to do something stupid."

"Stupid as in?" Jeongguk snorted, watching the older sip more of his drink through the straw that came with it. It was funny, really, watching Taehyung wince with every bit of alcohol he consumed.

"We'll get there later," Taehyung waved him off, clearly disturbed by the strong flavor of alcohol in his drink. "You gonna get drunk or not?" He asked, gesturing at him.

"Geez, you're so demanding," He chuckled, noticing how pink Taehyung's cheeks were beginning to get. Of course he had to forget he was such a lightweight, so as he downed every drink, the younger made sure to stay a little bit sober just in case.

Taehyung was right, the alcohol in Lavomatic wasn't enough.

After getting out of there, barely buzzed, alcohol sitting warmly in the bottoms of their stomach, the older insisted they stopped by a supermarche.

Staying true to his promise, Jeongguk agreed. So, the two of them ended up buying a bottle of wine to share between the two of them and sat cross-legged on a grassy bank near the Seine in the middle of night with nothing but a measly lampost a few feet away illuminating the night with a hazy, honey glow.

Half way through the bottle of wine and a bunch of terribly trashy puns and stories collected from the last four years, Jeongguk was hot. Cheap liquor was filtering through him, filling him with this warmth, and god, he was already tipsy, head empty, floating on this cloud of alcohol and Taehyung's addictive laughter.

His ears buzzed with this particular drunken static, heart thumping against his chest as he sat there on the grass, watching Taehyung try not to choke on wine when he cracked a stupid joke.

"What does one tiddy say to the other boob?"

"Oh I don't know, you tell me, Gguk."

"If we don't get support, people will think we're nuts."

"Ew no— frick you. But hey, Jeongguk guess what."

"What now?"

"Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea."

"Shuddup Tae."

It went like that, the two of them just enjoying each other's company underneath the expanse of dull stars, streetlights, their laughter intertwining into one and bodies knocking against one another,and the occasional breeze accompanying the cool Paris night.

Jeongguk wouldn't have this any other way. Getting to spend time with Kim Taehyung was probably something he could never get enough of; he always wanted more and more.

Every time he laughed, his eyes creasing and cheeks jutting out as a smile adorned his lips, Jeongguk would feel his heart clench. Like anything Taehyung did, it made him love him more, and fuck, it was so goddamn contagious— this happiness he gave him.

He didn't want it to end just yet. Wait, scratch that, he didn't want this to end at all.

"Isn't this illegal?" Jeongguk blurted out, snatching the almost empty bottle from Taehyung's grip and bringing the rim to his lips.

"I honestly don't know," Taehyung said, taking it back the second Jeongguk was done with it. "But I mean, as long as we don't do bad shit, then we're good."

"By bad shit you mean what exactly?" He snorted, watching the older nearly choke, wine dribbling from the edge of his mouth.

"Like, y'know," The older coughed, swiping at the wind with the back of his sleeve. "Public indecency."

"What makes you think m'gonna whip out my dick?" Jeongguk said. Taehyung simply shrugged.

"I dunno. Be gay, do crimes. It's a saying for a reason," Taehyung laughed, resting his palm behind him and leaning back, the bottle snug between his outstretched legs.

"I don't think it's smart to commit crimes in a foreign country," Jeongguk nudged his side, biting down on his lip but failing horribly to hide the smile aching to show.

"I didn't say we're gonna commit crimes though."

"Then what are we gonna do?" He asked, averting his gaze over to the Seine, finding it beautiful how the moonlight and lamp lights spilled into one another, tinting the water with this ethereal light.

"Walk around," He whipped his head up to see the older was getting onto his feet. Scrambling up, knowing he would leave him, he jogged after him across the grass.

"And do what?" Jeongguk managed to join his side without breaking a sweat. He stopped for him while Taehyung carefully left the bottle in a trash bin before gesturing at him to follow him onto the streets.

"Talk. See some stuff," Taehyung said, hugging himself as the duo strolled over the pebbled streets, wandering about in the city— just the two of them, alone.

"You're not sleepy right?" The older's gaze flitted toward him, and for a split moment their eyes met, and Jeongguk, in his stupor, couldn't remember what his name was.

"N-No, just, floaty," He eventually said, kicking at the pavement, hands finding comfort in his pant pockets. "M'not sober," He clarified.

"Me either."

"I think I can tell."

"Oh, yeah, sorry," Taehyung chuckled. "But I mean, don't you feel like talking about your feeelings?"

"Feelings?" He glanced over at the older, who was staring straight ahead, a thin white cloud snaking past his parted lips.

"Are you dumb? Gguk, we have the whole world at our fucking fingertips right now. We can talk about anything as loudly as we want!" Jeongguk quickly shushed the older, reaching out to tug at his wrist to shut him up.

"Not so loud," He scolded, squeezing the older's wrist, his chest brushing against his shoulder. "We can't get in trouble walking around drunk, 'kay?"

"Yessir. But you gotta tell me something juicy. Like, tell me the good shit. Spill all the fucking tea, fam."

"Did you just put 'tea' and 'fam' into one sentence?" Jeongguk's nose crinkled as the older leaned back into him, body shuddering with throaty chuckles. He pushed him away, feigning disgust.

"M'sorry," Taehyung's contagious giggles rung in his ear as their bodies bumped against one another's once more. Jeongguk rolled his eyes.

"Sure you are," He said, clamping back the smile threatening to betray him. "If you wanna talk so badly, why don't you just ask something?" At that, the older's expression brightened.

"Maybe, lemme think," Taehyung said, tapping his index finger over his chin as those gears in his head seemed to churn. "Alright! I got one!" Jeongguk braced himself, hoping it was—

"What's the real reason you broke up with your girlfriend?"

"You're cutting right to the chase aren't you?" He grimaced. Taehyung nodded, playfully elbowing his side like he didn't ask some question Jeongguk probably shouldn't answer while drunk.

But of course, he found the truth building on his tongue before he could even try to dodge the subject.

"I never loved her."

"I never loved Jisoo," Jeongguk blurted out, causing the giggly Taehyung beside him to fall silent. Nearly panicking, he tilted his gaze toward him, wondering if he made him mad, but instead, his face was focused— listening in carefully.

"I just didn't love her," Jeongguk continued on, guessing he could keep going while the two trudged along, pale golden lights flooding their features.

"Why didn't you love her?" Taehyung asked, folding his arms behind his back. Jeongguk shrugged.

"I tried to," He said, biting at his lip, vaguely even remembering how his last relationship went despite it going on for so long. Hell, all of it was murky, and the parts he could pick out were still fuzzy.

She was a good person, he knew that. But that was all he could remember about Jisoo. There was no doubt he was a shitty boyfriend. At the start, maybe he was decent, doing his part until he forgot.

It all went down from there.

He was too caught up with school and life and volleyball and depressive episodes that fucked him up from time to time. Too busy juggling practices and therapy sessions with a woman who had to remind him every day it was okay to talk about his problems, that he wasn't alone like he made himself out to be.

Now he could recall telling her that, explaining to her with a wince that he was fucked up. That he was constantly fluctuating between pained and happy and numb. That loving her was probably easy, but he complicated it and fuck— he just couldn't do it.

Surprisingly, she wasn't mad at him. In fact, Jisoo apologized for not having time for him with medical school taking up chunks of her day. Apologized for not being there more and wished him the best.

Told him he would heal eventually and that maybe he could find a lover that made his complicated mess make sense.

Jeongguk never really told anyone that was how it really went, using the same bullshit excuse that they just didn't click anymore to avoid the topic.

But here he was, drunk in Paris, with Kim Taehyung, telling him the truth. And of course, he listened.

"The last time I tried to love somebody, you know about her, I was so scared to make her mad, I let her do whatever she wanted," Jeongguk couldn't hear his own voice over the blood rushing in his ears.

"I didn't want to hurt her, but then I let her hurt me," He whispered, chuckling dryly at the memory he repressed. A memory that happened two years ago, and yet mentioning it still fucking stung.

"Hated her ass. I was glad you dumped her," The older said, tone indecipherable, flat almost. "She cheated on you while you two were dating."

"She insisted on having an open relationship," He croaked, flinching at the slow trickle of memories that began to flash across his mind.

"Still, she hurt you. None of that was your fault. You wanted to be happy," Taehyung stressed, and for a moment, Jeongguk let himself believe him.

"You wanted her to be happy 'cause you loved her, and she took advantage of your kindness. None of that was your fault, Jeongguk."

"I guess," Jeongguk replied sheepishly. "I don't know. I just— I don't think I can love anyone. I fuck it up so many times, m'scared I can't do it right."

"What do you mean?" Taehyung came to a stop, his body angled so it was in front of him, keeping the younger from walking ahead.

"You're doing it right now just fine."

"No, I know, I-I just mean loving someone. Another person that isn't a friend or a family member," He said, his hand reaching up to card through his hair, tugging lightly at his scalp.

"It's possible," Taehyung said, "You just haven't found the right person—,"

"—Tae, I've never been in a happy relationship in the last four years," Jeongguk confessed, watching the older's expression harden at the sudden revelation.

"I'm not like you. I didn't get a Sungmin like you did, or a Seojoon," He said, trying to lighten the mood he purposely dampened with a smile that he couldn't quite hold, his chin beginning to tremble.

I got a Mina, he wanted to say but couldn't, who fucked other people while we dated. Who didn't want me around, who got bored of me and went to spend time with guys who weren't her boyfriend.

"I know it's not my fault but m'just so scared I'll fuck up again," Now he was rambling. "M'scared I'll get really hurt, or I'll hurt someone. Tae, I'm hard to deal with. Nobody wants to date someone who's depressed, and I don't ever tell them, because I do feel happy for a bit and I want it to last even if I just fuck it—,"

"— Jeongguk," Taehyung's palms gripped his shoulders, shaking him gently, his brows drawn together tight. "Baby, breathe."

"I tried to love her," He sucked in a shaky breath, struggling to swallow as Taehyung ran his palms up and down his arms.

"And you did your best," Taehyung whispered, "you did your best, and she saw that."

"You're just saying that," He let out a choked laugh.

"No I'm not. You did your best with everything going on. It was a good first try, but it doesn't mean it's your last," He said softly.

"You'll find somebody that'll love you on your best days, your worst days, and the days you don't feel anything," Taehyung declared, the edges of his lips tipping upward, enough to make Jeongguk try to smile on his own.

"Really?" He asked, staring at the older, heart swelling in his chest the moment he returned his gaze. It used to be you.

"Really," Taehyung whispered back, and a part of Jeongguk wondered if he thought the same. I wish it were still you.

"Nobody's difficult to love, Gguk," The older added, returning to his side, his arm now finding its way around his shoulders, bringing him close.

"You sure?" He muttered, leaning his head against Taehyung's, the two of them walking on, the warm yellow light enveloping them both as they entered a plaza, bustling with nightlife.

"I'm sure," Taehyung said, squeezing his shoulder.

"Others just need a bit more care and patience, and there's nothing wrong with that."

"If you say so," Jeongguk said, playing with a loose string inside his pocket, feeling Taehyung's gaze on him but for some reason, he couldn't bring himself to look back at him without feeling this warmth.

"I know I'm right," Taehyung said, solemnly, "it's the truth."

The duo fell into this silence that Jeongguk didn't really mind. It was always like that with Taehyung. They could be together without saying a word, and he wouldn't be choked up on anxiety, for everything, his breathing, the assuring grip on his shoulder, was enough to anchor him to reality.

With Taehyung, he supposed everything felt like it would be okay as long as he was there.

They walked around the plaza and examined the opened shops, bundled close, feeling the warmth radiate against one another while liquor floated through them, still buzzing in Jeongguk's veins.

He wasn't sure if it was the fact he was drunk, or that Taehyung was beside him that made every feeling of his seem amplified. To the way his heart hammered in his chest, how he could listen in closely to the older's steady breathing, and this fleeting, tiny jolt whenever he brushed too close to Taehyung— he felt it all.

Whether he should be scared or not that he was feeling all these things, Jeongguk didn't know. They were signs he wanted to avoid, to hide and push away because there was no way Taehyung could have felt the same.

All of this was dangerous territory, and if he wasn't so drunk, maybe he would have cared more. Or perhaps, maybe he just didn't want to care at all.

"Can I ask you something now? I feel like I kinda ruined the mood," He chuckled, softening when he heard the older's low laugh against his ear at a street performer doing magic tricks, the feeling enough to make his skin tingle, and he wasn't sure if it was just the alcohol in him.

"Why do you say that?" Taehyung asked, pulling back to get a better look of his face, his thick brows bunched together.

"Coz you're quiet," Jeongguk flicked his tongue over his bottom lip, wettening the skin. Taehyung snorted lightly.

"Well I'm having fun," Taehyung said, only to get a skeptical look from the younger. He tickled his side, prompting Jeongguk to twist away from him, yelping.

"Do you not believe me?"

"I mean, I believe you," Jeongguk breathed out, swatting Taehyung's hand away. "You seemed focused on other stuff."

"You're right about me thinking though," The older smirked. It was then they passed a band of street performers, playing an acoustic French song, singing softly into the night. Taehyung stopped.

"Thinking about what?" He asked, glancing between the performers and Taehyung, whose smirk was just a little bit intimidating.

Pulling away, he watched as Taehyung's palm slid down his arm, his hand grabbing his. He had no idea what was going on, letting Taehyung guide their bodies so they were in front of one another, parallel.

"Seriously, what are you thinking about?" Jeongguk gasped, the older suddenly spinning him around to the music before bringing his body close, pressing his chest into his back— fuck.

"You," Taehyung whispered, wrapping his other arm around his waist, their fingers an entangled mess over Jeongguk's heart as their bodies swayed to the song.

"Me?" Jeongguk breathed out, staring down at the stony path, a lump forming in his throat as his ears began to burn. Taehyung nodded, and shit, his lips were brushing against the sensitive shell of his ear.

"Yeah, always you," He murmured, breath hot, tickling the cool lobe adorned with piercings. At that, Jeongguk flushed an impossible shade of red, tongue like putty in his mouth as his heart seemed to thrash in its place.

"What am I supposed to say to that?" He mumbled shyly, a cool shiver caressing his spine as the older's resonant laughter rumbled against his ear.

"What do you wanna say?" Taehyung said, pushing him back to twirl him again, and now, he was holding both of his hands, swinging them between them.

"That you're ridiculous," A smile flutters on his lips when Taehyung pulls him forward and pushes him back, the older wiggling his eyebrows at him.

"What are you doing?" Jeongguk couldn't help the giggle that bubbled in his throat, squeaking when the older spins him again, this time, a bit harder than the last and their bodies collide, emitting a grunt from both men.

"Trying to cheer you up," Taehyung laughed softly, wrapping his arms around Jeongguk, squeezing him in a tight hug. He buried his face in his neck, making him squeal as he blew raspberries on his skin.

"Stooop," Jeongguk squirmed in his embrace, mouth stretched into the widest smile as Taehyung tickled his sides.

"Stopyouactuallysuck." He whined, patting the older's arm in surrender, laughter twisting his stomach.

"You don't wanna dance Gguk?" Taehyung returned to them to their original positions, but this time, he settled his palm on the dip of Jeongguk's waist, his other hand holding his own up in the air.

"Not in public," Jeongguk breathed out, his lips aching from smiling so hard. "You're an actual dork."

"Correction," Taehyung dipped him down, catching the younger off guard. Jeongguk gasped, free hand flying to grab at the collar of Taehyung's jacket.

"M'your dork," He pulled him back up, nose wrinkling cutely as he spared the younger a wink, enough to make him blush harder.

"Since when were you a sap?" Jeongguk lifted an eyebrow at him, breathless, his heart practically in his throat, swelling and racing and maybe palpitating.

"Just felt like being one for a change," Taehyung hummed, hand splayed over the dip on his lower back, chests close, hearts pressed over one another.

"So many people are staring," Jeongguk whispered, leaning forward, angling his face away from the crowd, which only proved to be a mistake when he realized how dangerously close he was to the older's lips. Well shit.

"We look stupid."

"No we don't."

"Tae, they're staring."

"Let them stare," Taehyung said, squeezing his hand, his gaze not once leaving his, and for a second, in his daze, he caught his irises flitting down to his lips.

"Why?" Jeongguk whispered, unable to hear himself over the thrum of his heartbeat. He couldn't help it, studying Taehyung's features close, no longer fearing any sort of consequence— he couldn't care less.

"I don't care about them," Taehyung said, lacing their fingers properly, fitting their palms together, the gesture so small yet enough to knock the wind from Jeongguk's lungs.

"I care about you." Fuck.

God, he was still so fucking beautiful. Now, since he was a bit older, there was a ghost of stubble over his upper lip and some sprinkled over his chin. Besides that, not much changed except his jaw was sharper, his eyes were darker, and everything about him seemed to be ethereal beneath the yellow glow.

All of this didn't feel real. To think he would be in the older's arms again, being this close, and feeling his heartbeat as though it was his own.

The problem was that he didn't hate it, hell, he loved it. He loved every fucking second being here, with the boy he loved. The boy he still loved up to now.

And for a moment, Jeongguk decided it was okay to be selfish and pretend that this was real. Despite his mind being lost in liquor, his heart beating all for Taehyung, and all his fears lingering in the back of his mind, he wanted this.

He just wanted one happy moment to feel how it was to be loved by Kim Taehyung again.

After dancing, Taehyung suddenly took his hand in his and pulled him away from it all. He guided him down the pebbled paths, smiling back at him as they ran beneath the lampposts, the yellow lights a blur in the night, and fuck, he was so happy.

So happy when Taehyung's hand held onto his, never letting go. So happy when Taehyung stared at him like he was the only person in his world.

So happy when Taehyung and he stumbled into another épicerie, buying beer, and chugging it as they walked across empty pathways, laughing until their stomachs hurt and holding onto another the more drunk they got.

Happy when Taehyung hugged his body close while he spoke about nonsense, allowing him to bury his face in his neck and smell his scent, bathing himself in his familiarity.

So fucking happy when Taehyung pushed him up against a brick wall in a dark, barely lit alleyway, the younger's hands entangled in his soft blonde locks, looking straight at him, eyes glossed over, dazed with love and painful adoration and honesty the alcohol had milked from him.

Taehyung hovered above him, equally drunk and smiling stupid, his massive palms on the dips of his waist, thumbs drawing circles over his hipbone. His head hung low, lips barely brushing over his ear, the two of them snickering softly for no good reason.

They probably looked stupid this drunk. Careless. Messy. But to Jeongguk it didn't matter. Didn't matter that Taehyung was mouthing over his neck, mumbling words he couldn't pick up but felt like some sort of promise— a promise he still loved him.

Nothing else mattered except Taehyung was here, holding him, his heart, his everything, and choosing to love him— fucked up and all. Even if this felt like a dream, god, he wanted to believe it. Believe it all.

"You're so fucking beautiful," Taehyung's voice was gravelly, reduced to a mere rasp against his ear.

"I am?" Jeongguk asked, words slurred, his head lolling onto Taehyung's shoulder.

"So fucking beautiful," He repeated, squeezing his waist. "Missed you, y'know."

"Well I'm here now," Jeongguk's grip in his hair tightened.

"I know," Taehyung pulled back, freeing one of his hands to cup the side of Jeongguk's cheek, guiding his gaze to match his own. "You're here now."

"Don't go," He didn't know what he was saying, but he supposed the older got the message, his features softening beneath the shadows.

"I won't," Taehyung whispered, thumb running over the curve of his cheek. "God, I hate them."

"Hate who?" He asked, the tip of his tongue darting over his lips, gaze falling to Taehyung's mouth.

"All those people who hurt you," The older growled, "You don't know how much it pissed me off."

"It did?"

"It did," Taehyung said, "They don't deserve you."

"Then who deserves me?" Jeongguk asked, his free hand running up Taehyung's chest, the other teasing the hair that fell over his nape. Eventually, his hand settled on the side of Taehyung's neck, pulling him closer.

"Somebody who'll treat you right," Taehyung leaned closer, voice barely a whisper.

"Will you treat me right?" The younger dug his fingers into his hair, his hands trembling ever so slightly. Taehyung's breath hitched, his adam's apple bobbing nervously as he inched back.

"Jeongguk—," At that, Jeongguk's heart dropped, the dream, shattering around him, reminding of reality.

The reality that Taehyung was his and would never be his.

"Right," Jeongguk murmured, swallowing thickly as his fingers eased their grip on Taehyung. "You have a boyfriend. I-I shouldn't have forgot—,"

"— Jeongguk no that's not it," Taehyung tried, but the younger shook his head.

"It's okay you don't have to explain to me. I got carried away," He sucked in a breath, willing the pain to go away, feeling it dig in his ribs, slowly curling around his heart.

"Can you let me—,"

"—I know you don't love me." Taehyung froze. "And that's okay. You deserve Seojoon. He's a good guy, and he's probably not difficult to love and he's probably always happy—mmf!"

Taehyung's lips were over his, silencing the rest of the words on his tongue. Jeongguk's eyes shot open, his hands flying to the older's chest but not quite pushing back. For a moment, he couldn't believe it, the feeling odd since it had been way too long.

And god, it felt good, kissing him. His lips moved feverishly over his, but before Jeongguk could get a chance to kiss him back, Taehyung popped his lips off his, his heavy pants filling in the silence.

"I broke up with Seojoon a month ago," Taehyung muttered. Jeongguk nearly choked.

"You what?" He said, voice cracking as he struggled to comprehend what he just said.

"Or well, he dumped me, but it was a kinda mutual thing, so I'm fine. Still, that isn't the point, Gguk," He exhaled, removing his hand from Jeongguk's cheek to card through his hair.

"Things with Seojoon are over," Taehyung finished, tilting his head up to meet the younger's gaze, who was still struggling to comprehend his words.

"So where does that leave us?" Jeongguk asked softly. The older sighed, shrugging, his hand resting on the side of his neck.

"I don't know but, god, Jeongguk, I really, really want to kiss you," Taehyung confessed, his words not at all what Jeongguk expected.

"... You do?"

"Hell yeah. And I-I'm so sorry I didn't—," Gathering all the confidence he could muster, he kissed him.

He kissed him with every drop of his strength, his palms splayed over the sides of his jaw, lips moving hungrily against his, telling the truth, and all kinds of words he couldn't verbally put together. So it made sense to kiss him this way: honest, unadulterated.

Taehyung eventually eased into the kiss, his brows furrowed, his hands reached to grab Jeongguk's hips, pushing their entire bodies together, fitting perfectly in one another's dips and curves as though they were sculpted for one another.

This was it— this was what he wanted. To kiss him until he couldn't remember his name, until his body gave up, knowing that his heart and mind thrived on his very existence. Taehyung kissed him back equally hard, wanting more and giving back his part.

Taehyung's tongue pushed against his bottom lip, swiping over it, teasing the plush skin. Jeongguk effortless loosened his jaw, allowing him in, even though he tasted like bitter wine and beer, none of it seemed to matter. He tugged him closer, desperate to taste more, to have it all.

It was a mess of noses squished against one another, teeth clicking, saliva collecting, and breathy hums as Taehyung eagerly licked at every corner of his mouth, tongue grazing behind his upper teeth, and occasionally would he suck on his lower lip, evoking pleasant sounds from the younger.

Eventually Jeongguk broke it off, smiling in a daze when Taehyung playfully nipped at his bottom lip, teasing the skin between his teeth. Once it was over, Jeongguk leaned back against the wall, blissed out, staring at Taehyung while his fingers played with his hair.

"So you're single now?" He teased, pushing a lock behind the older's ear.

Taehyung laughed, leaning forward, his nose nuzzling against his cheek. "I guess so," He said.

"Funny, 'cuz m'single too," Jeongguk mumbled, grinning at the older as he pulled back to get a better look at him. He sighed, leaning into his palm, staring over at him, fondly.

"Funny," Taehyung repeated, his thumb running over the curve of lip, tracing the outline until he reached the little mole. "Can I kiss you again?"

"Please," The younger said, and without another word, he kissed him endlessly beneath the shadows in a Parisian alleyway, holding him close and loving him like he was supposed to.

♡︎♡︎♡︎

"I kissed Jeongguk," Taehyung said over the phone to the only person he could think of calling when he fucked up, a hand covering his face while the other cradled the device next to his ear.

"Cool. Did you talk about your undying love that had been developing over the last four years but both of you just didn't acknowledge it?" Jimin's monotone voice rang in his ears.

"No," He whispered, pinching the bridge of his nose beneath his glasses, trying to stifle the hungover hammering away at his skull.

"No? Then why are you calling me?"

"Because," Taehyung bit his lip, shoving his fingers through his hair. He swore softly, closing his eyes as he replayed the events of last night in his head, wishing he wasn't drunk off his ass when he practically confessed to Jeongguk.

He really should have put more thought into this, but of course, he didn't, and now he had to face the consequences. 10 out of 10 adulting skills Kim Taehyung, he winced internally.

"Well you dumb bitch," Jimin sounded iritated, but to be honest, when was he not irritated? "Talk it out with him. I already told you. DO. NOT. Repeat. High. School."

"But he's not here. He went back to the Village last night," The younger said, brows furrowing. Over the receiver, Jimin scoffed.

"Is that my problem? Go pursue him, or do some k-drama romantic shit."

"I can't. It's private and heavily secured."

"So call him, dumbass."

"His phone died."

"Well, then when can you see him again?" Jimin grumbled, and in the background, he could hear some sheets rustling.

"We're not gonna meet until later," He said.

"Then talk to him about it when you meet. Now I'm gonna go—," Taehyung froze.

"No! Please, Chim. I don't know what to do, or what to say," He rambled, panic rising up his chest as he began to pace around his room. "Please, I really need your help. I-I can't do this."

"Yes you can," Jimin said, "You can talk to him. Just be honest and don't beat around the bush. This talk between you guys has been delayed for four years, Tae. Four fucking years. Now's your shot."

"Oh that really boosted my confidence. Thank you hyung for your wisdom," Taehyung rolled his eyes, sarcasm dripping off his words.

He could picture the older rolling his eyes, "You're welcome. Next time you call me, you guys better be a thing. If not, I'll personally beat your ass."

"I'll keep that in mind," Taehyung said, sighing as the line went dead on the other end. Fuck, he really might have messed up this time.

♡︎♡︎♡︎

"Sorry m'late," Jeongguk was breathing heavily when he approached him, his dark hair splayed all over his forehead, his phone in hand as he jogged up to the older.

"They were going over the Opening ceremony plans, and shit took forever," His words strung together in a mess. He finally joined Taehyung's side, the first thing he did was glance over his outfit.

"Well shit. Did I underdress now too?"

"I think you look fine," Taehyung chuckled softly, eyeing the younger's outfit. It was a simple white long-sleeved shirt, denim joggers, and... mismatched shoes? "Nice feet."

"They come like that," Jeongguk sighed, shoving his phone into his back pocket. "Okay, but you said we're going somewhere fancy. I feel basic."

"Hey, it's okay to be basic, and this," The older pinched the fabric of his pattern button-up, "is what I usually wear." Jeongguk raised an eyebrow at him.

"Is it though?" He snorted. Taehyung smacked his elbow. "Fine, sorry. Now enlighten me with where we're going, dear pal."

Taehyung tried not to wince at the old nickname that didn't quite come with the best set of memories (he honestly cringed looking back at high school), but at least they were doing fine. He expected worse for Jeongguk to ignore him, so this was good enough for him.

He would take whatever he could get.

"We're going to Le Champo," Taehyung said and fishing from his loose pants pockets a pamphlet for the place. "You down to watch old French films?"

"Bold of you to assume I know French," Jeongguk, the edge of his lip tugged upward in a lopsided grin.

"So what if you're not fluent in French? Don't you wanna see some vintage classics?" He mused, arms crossing over his chest. Jeongguk cracked a grin.

"Is that why you're wearing the dumb beret," He teased, reaching over to flick it. Taehyung was quick to swat his wrist away, his features contorting with irritation.

"Hey, don't clown the beret. The only thing we should be clowning is you for showing up late," He said, flicking Jeongguk's shoulder, a smug smile settling on his lips.

"I didn't have any control of that hyung," Jeongguk grumbled, rolling his eyes as Taehyung began walking in the direction of the vintage theatre.

"So, how was it getting back to the Olympic Village last night?" Taehyung asked once they fell in line. "Was it all luxurious?"

At that, Jeongguk snorted, suddenly coming to life right in front of him, "Not at all. It's hella big, like, we got a Mcdonalds and a whole ass mini town there, but the rooms are basically dorms."

"Dorms? For Olympic athletes?" He scoffed lightly, nudging Jeongguk's side. "Don't lie to me."

"Oh, m'not lying," Jeongguk chuckled, "I literally got to room with volleyball players. They group us by the sport we play."

"So you were with Yugyeom?"

"Nah, I got paired with a sex-crazed womanizer from America," He sighed, shaking his head. "The guy made use of the condom dispensers, though."

"Oh god, don't tell me, did athletes hit you up?" The older gasped, straightening his shoulders to match Jeongguk's height. Jeongguk merely snorted, features scrunching together.

"I got there at ass o'clock, drunk. Yugyeom helped me to my room and he did a good job of avoiding fellow athletes, so no."

"But this morning, you had to have met some cool athletes right?" Taehyung said, nudging Jeongguk's side suggestively, teasing him.

"Yeah, I did, but get your head out of the gutter. I didn't go to the Olympics to find love," He muttered, rolling his eyes. Taehyung deflated.

"You're no fun then," He pretended to sound all disappointed, but of course, Jeongguk caught onto his bullshit like he always did. Jeongguk scoffed.

"Gguk, you literally missed your chance to have mind blowing sex with Parisian-olympic brand condoms and godly-bodied foreign athletes."

"Saying it like that makes it 100x less appealing," Jeongguk grumbled, rolling his eyes yet again. The older let out a laugh, tossing his head back as he knocked his body against the younger's, who was clearly uncomfortable.

"Can we please drop this topic," His nose crinkled in disgust. "M'here to watch a movie with you. Not talk about potential hookups with people I'm not into."

"Then who are you into?" Taehyung asked, and the second those words left his mouth, he instantly regretted it.

And as if on cue, the awkwardness he was trying so hard to avoid, settled in. Beside him, Jeongguk tensed, his eyes widened for a split second, and he swore he was blushing too, but before he could sneak a peak, he had already turned his head the other way, avoiding Taehyung's eyes.

Fuck. So he did remember. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Taehyung swore he was an idiot for bringing that up, and now, he had to deal with his own dumbassery. But in all seriousness, he did know there was no way he could avoid it. They literally avoided the topic for four years. FOUR whole years, they ignored it.

Jimin was right. They put it off for so long, it was getting to a point where they needed to address it like mature adults capable of not being emotionally constipated.

The thing was, Taehyung didn't know how to bring it up, and nobody was there to really help him. Except for Jimin, but he was afraid to call him and get his bones snapped the second he landed back home in Korea.

So, without a plan, he let it remain awkward, not saying a thing and staring ahead as the que dwindled away.

Fuck, he felt like a teenager all over again when they got inside the cinéma, their shoulders occasionally brushing, and each second their fingers accidentally bumped against one another, he was a mess of mumbled apologies and feverish blushes.

Jeongguk wasn't any better. The poor guy kept running into people and pillars and even stepped on Taehyung's foot. God, even in high school, he wasn't a big wreck like this.

It was cute though, the way he'd apologize to him all flustered and chewing on his lip, his gaze lowered to the floor. It was a newer side of Jeongguk he had yet to familiarize himself with, but he knew he would learn to love that part of him in no time anyways.

Anything he did, it made him fall harder, and this, this felt a lot like a date.

The movie theatre was beautiful once they were inside, the seats all smooth crimson velvet, and the architecture reminding him of the vintage 60's. In front of them was a massive blank screen, probably with a matching old-fashioned projector.

"Everyone seems to know what's playing," Jeongguk whispered to him all of a sudden, once the lights dimmed, and the chatter around them faded into silence.

"I don't know what's playing either. I can't read what the ticket says," Taehyung murmured, snickering softly as he showed Jeongguk the ticket written in complete French.

"Then why are we here?" The younger said, the skin between his brows creasing. Taehyung rolled his eyes and tucked the ticket back into his pocket.

"Well," Taehyung said, reaching up, his thumb and index smoothing out Jeongguk's eyebrows, trying to erase the frown between them, "I heard it's part of the Parisian experience."

"That again? We're not artists and we don't pass as cinephiles, Tae," Jeongguk's tone softened as his gaze fixated on the older, who was struggling to swallow properly beneath his scrutiny.

"Doesn't matter as long as I can experience it with you," Taehyung shrugged, recoiling his hand back, lips quirked into a small smile.

"If I'm with you, I'm fine doing anything."

"So if this isn't the Parisian experience, then what is it?" Jeongguk asked right as the movie began, the theatre booming with the familiar instrumental of every old film.

Beneath the black and white light, enveloping him in this artificial- old-film moonlight, Taehyung couldn't ignore the way his heart swelled in his chest, or how all kinds of flips and twists made their home inside of his stomach whenever he was beside him.

It was as if his heart forgot how to work along with his lungs. Everything about Jeongguk rendered him unable to properly function in a way where he didn't mind forgetting his own name if all he could think about was Jeongguk's.

"It's the Taehyung and Jeongguk experience," He replied, voice hushed, so soft it was barely a whisper.

"I like the sound of that," Jeongguk hummed, not at all making any effort to tear his gaze away.

"Me too," Taehyung whispered, heart squeezing, on the verge of palpitating. In the end, he had no other choice but to look back at the screen, or else he would fricking burst with his adoration for him.

The movie was The Elephant Man, and with full honesty, Taehyung had no idea what was going on since the entire audio was in French. He supposed it was such a good film, since the people around him were so absorbed in it, probably analyzing it and appreciating the filming style like the cinephiles they all were.

He could tell Jeongguk was just as confused as him. The younger's expression was unreadable, except the occasional furrow of his eyebrows, or the pout of his lips when everyone chuckled quietly at something he obviously missed.

This was probably not a good idea— watching a full French film without having any knowledge of the language. However, it was a good movie, or well, he guessed it was from the parts he could pick out from the pictures.

But that wasn't all. Taehyung was partially focused on the movie, the rest of his attention on where his arm rested on the armchair, his hand dangerously close to Jeongguk's.

It was such an elementary thing: sitting in the dark with your ex, hands nearly touching, and having your heart race like a kid all over again.

The thing was, as stupid as it felt, Taehyung couldn't seem to pry his eyes away from their hands. Their pinkies were so close, occasionally brushing, sending a jolt of sparks up his arm every time they touched.

If only he moved a little closer to him, they would be holding hands, and for some reason, it excited him to think about it.

Naturally, he would be embarrassed for being a grown man excited about holding hands, but this— he wanted this. He wanted to hold onto the younger and make sure he was there, next to him, and that all of this wasn't some dream.

And somewhere in the movie, he wasn't paying attention anymore.

Jeongguk wasn't either, his head tilting to meet his gaze, his doe eyes questioning as Taehyung's teeth bit down on his own lip. He glanced back and forth between their hands, trying to find the courage to do so, until Jeongguk asked—

"What's wrong?" His lips brushing faintly against the shell of his ear, soft, gentle vowels sending a shiver down his space. Frick.

Taehyung shook his head, fingers curling away, the panic already forming in the hollow of his throat, ready to suffocate him for being so stupid. But the younger wasn't having it. Jeongguk's eyes trailed down to their hands, brows knitting together until he finally realized what was going on.

He tensed, breath trapped in his chest, feeling the younger's pinky knock against his, amplifying the feeling of his presence right next to him. The younger's eyes never left him, a sense of hesitance pooling in his warm gaze when Taehyung couldn't bring himself to look at him.

"Are you okay?" He nodded profusely, a game of fucking tug-a-war playing inside of his mind, trying to decide whether if he should say frick it and hold his hand.

However, before he could make the decision, the younger already did it for him.

He sucked in a shaky breath, eyebrows easing as his lips parted in an inaudible oh. Jeongguk's hand fit perfectly in his, filling up his palm and shifting so their fingers were entangled snugly together. All of this was dizzying, and god, Taehyung couldn't deal with the pounding of his heart, daring to expose him.

"Better now?" Jeongguk whispered, a hint of smugness in his tone. Taehyung nodded again, whipping his attention back to the screen.

"Better," He murmured, glancing shyly back at the younger, unable to keep away the smile twitching on his lips. He squeezed the younger's hand, knowing that in the end, they were always going to be okay.

♡︎♡︎♡︎

"I'm sorry we don't have much time together," Their hands were still intertwined as the duo arrived at their next destination.

Place du Trocadéro was not quite full, but at the same time, there were still groups of tourists walking around. The sun was already setting, sinking into an endless expanse of soft golds and pinks, merging alongside the darkening navy sky, and in the center, twinkling faintly was the Eiffel tower.

"It's fine. You can't do anything about that," The older said, lightly swinging their hands between them as his gaze wandered to where the Eiffel tower stood in all its glory.

It was beautiful out, but it wasn't the Eiffel tower he was staring at.

"I feel bad asking you to fly out, when I'm barely going to see you after this," Jeongguk muttered, the two coming to a stop.

"Gguk, seriously. I came here because I want to be here," Taehyung stressed, squeezing his hand. He sighed, reaching over, his fingers sliding beneath the younger's chin and tilting his head up to meet his gaze.

"I know how much this means to you, and—," He said, his free hand settling on his chest, a small smile unraveling over Taehyung's lips.

"—I want to be with you."

His hand recoiled back, realizing what he had said with wide eyes, his heart, for once, stilling in his chest. Taehyung gulped, slowly retracting his hand back to his side, averting his gaze to their loosely entangled fingers between them.

Shit, he bit down on his lip, chewing the skin when the younger said nothing. He didn't mean to rush in like that, hell, he still didn't even have a single plan on how he was going to approach this conversation.

Taehyung had four years to prepare for this, and yet, his mind was empty, which was not going to do a single thing for his heart that was overflowing with love that hadn't stopped since their break-up.

Okay, he wasn't going to dive right in. There was no way he was going to overwhelm Jeongguk since the guy didn't have a good track record with love, and he had to make sure he wasn't going to—

"Taehyung." He blinked, realizing the younger was calling out to him. Taehyung pulled his gaze away from his feet to his face, breath hitching seeing the fondness in his gentle eyes.

"Specs," Jeongguk whispered, his free hand reaching up toward the edge of his frame, pushing Taehyung's sliding glasses back up his nose, unaware how the smallest of gestures sent his heart into a frenzy.

"We have a lot to talk about," Taehyung joked, or at least tried to, "like what happened. Last night. That."

"That," The younger nodded, his hand dropping back to his side, but the one holding Taehyung's tightened. "Where do we start?"

"I honestly don't know."

"Well, there's four years of content to unpack," He said softly, the corner of his mouth tugging upwards. "I don't blame you."

"God, Gguk, y'know how bad I am at this talking thing," Taehyung admitted sheepishly, kicking at the dust over the stoned floors.

"You're not alone," Jeongguk snorted lightly, "so let's start with the obvious things then. That's an easy start right?" Taehyung raised an eyebrow at him.

"Sure, but like, what though?"

"Like why you broke up with Seojoon."

"Yikes," His nose crinkled, "we're really starting with that?" At that, Jeongguk chuckled, flashing his front two teeth with a smile so endearing the older nearly melted right then and there.

"I mean, you found out why I broke up with Jisoo," The younger shrugged. "S'only fair if you tell me why you broke up with Seojoon. I still got 'best friend in the entire world privileges' Specs."

"You're really using that right now?" Taehyung rolled his eyes, nudging his side with his elbow.

Jeongguk chuckled, pushing him back, "Nah. You don't have to tell me. I was just kidding. It's none of my business."

"Well now I have to tell you because you said that and made me feel bad," The older's brows furrowed, mouth collapsing into a frown.

"M'sorry you have a weak ass heart."

"Jeongguk." He glared at him.

"Taehyung." Jeongguk peered over at him from the corner of his eye, his body angled toward the Eiffel tower and the sun, which was already sinking into a pool of saturated yellows and oranges and faint pinks, enveloped them in this warm, golden glow.

"He dumped me," Taehyung whispered, watching as the younger's shoulders slowly sagged along with the smile on his face. "But I don't blame him at all. I realized I was just so... unfair to him."

"Unfair as in?" The younger asked. The older cupped the side of his neck, trying to recall his memories with him, which he didn't realize he had shoved to the back of his mind.

It wasn't like Seojoon treated him badly. It was more of the fact he just didn't care as much as he should have. It was the effort he realized he had lacked, and the love for Seojoon that did exist but he didn't quite show properly, or rather—

"I loved him, but I don't think I loved him in the way he wanted me to," He admitted, settling with the first words that came to mind. "I always told myself I did since he lasted a long time, and he made me happy but... I don't know."

There was nothing wrong with Seojoon. He was so patient with him, caring, and did all the cute and cliche boyfriend things with Taehyung, which he appreciated. Sure, they had their ups and downs like every other couple would, but something was just missing.

However, it wasn't just Seojoon. It was the others— all seven of them— that he had dated in the last four years but none of them ever quite came close to 'love' and ended before they could reach that possibility.

It took him forever to finally realize it, but now that he knew, he didn't know how to really feel except that Jimin was totally right, and that he was most likely an asshole for being this way.

The truth was that Taehyung couldn't ever love anybody as much as he loved Jeongguk.

Taehyung tried hard not to compare anyone with him since it was awfully unfair for his partners, but he knew in the back of his mind for the rest of his life that he would always find himself comparing them to Jeongguk without trying to.

That was the thing about first loves. Nothing could ever change or beat the standards that had been set or exactly recreate the overwhelming, consuming sensation of being head-over-heels for somebody who seemed as though they were made specifically for you.

Nobody could surpass Jeongguk, and a part of him supposed that was the only great love he would get. Somebody had come close once but nobody, and he knew that well now, would never ever beat what Jeongguk was for him.

And he supposed Seojoon caught on, ending it to save himself. To protect his heart. Perhaps to also wake Taehyung up, which he managed to do in the end anyways.

"I think," Taehyung blurted out, staring ahead at the Eiffel tower, "it's difficult to actually love someone else. Sure, you can say it, but do we ever really mean it unless we truly feel it?"

"Sure, but even then," Jeongguk added, "nobody knows what love is supposed to feel like."

"Yeah, 'coz it's different for everyone," Taehyung said in a matter of fact way. "But I do think that everyone in life has this 'great love.'"

"A 'great love'?" The younger raised an eyebrow. He hummed, pulling Jeongguk's body closer until he could feel the warmth of his chest behind his back.

"The love that tramples all other loves. The movie screen romance but in reality and it's all you can think about because nothing else could beat it," He murmured, letting go of Jeongguk's hand to wrap his arm around his waist, eyeing the younger to make sure he wasn't uncomfortable, and thankfully, he wasn't.

"Have you experienced your 'great love' then?" He whispered, his grip tight around Taehyung's waist, bringing him close to his side so he could murmur every word against his ear.

"Yes," Taehyung breathed out without hesitating.

"I've experienced my 'great love' a long time ago."

"Could you experience it again?" Jeongguk asked, breath hot, somewhat ticklish behind the shell of his ear. Taehyung exhaled, placing his hands over where the younger's perched over his hip.

"No," He said, "I tried. I came close, but I realized I could never exactly replicate it."

"It was Sungmin, wasn't it?" The younger chuckled.

"What?" Taehyung pulled back, craning his head to get a better look at the younger to see he was smiling directly at him, his eyes twinkling like old times.

"You were in love with him. I remember it. 2022 was the happiest I've ever seen you," Jeongguk said, his voice remaining low as though his words were only meant for Taehyung's ears.

"I could tell when you're in love, Specs."

"Well, it ended," He grumbled, rolling his eyes, ignoring the way his heart spiked in his chest. "He dumped me, and yeah, I actually cried, but that was 'cuz he was moving away to America, and he didn't wanna do long distance."

"So was he it?"Jeongguk squeezed his hip, letting the older's fingers slide between his own. "Was he your 'great love story' that rocked your world?"

"No," Taehyung whispered, throat suddenly closing as his cheeks began to prickle with that familiar flush of heat. "Seojoon wasn't either."

"Then who was?"

"Are you playing dumb with me? Or do I seriously have to tell you," The older lightly smacked his chest with the back of his free hand. Jeongguk tossed his head back, laughing stupidly— genuinely.

"C'mon tell me, who was your 'great love' Tae?" Jeongguk said, obviously teasing him, but of course, his stubborn ass wouldn't admit it when he was clearly getting a reaction out of him.

"Jeongguk, you're so fricking stupid," He groaned, lolling his head into the crook of the younger's neck, nose pressed against the soft skin that smelled of detergent and some sort of fresh bodywash.

"Then enlighten me with your big brain," Jeongguk chuckled, leaning his head against his as the older tried to hide away from him. When he did say it, however, the words were an incoherent mess against Jeongguk's neck.

"What? Repeat that," He teased, gently pushing the older off of him. Taehyung pouted, staring up at Jeongguk, nose scrunched as he whined his name.

"Say it."

"You already know," Taehyung frowned.

"No I don't."

"Clearly you do."

"Just say it," Jeongguk laughed, "Tae tell—,"

"—It's you!" Taehyung finally said, managing to collect every remaining inch of confidence and courage he had despite his face being on fire and the younger's annoying teasing. At that, Jeongguk grew silent, his laughter fading in exchange for the soft look he spared him.

"It's you," The older repeated, "It was always you. The greatest love of my life was you, and I wish—,"

"— You wish what?" Jeongguk asked, watching the older shrink in his arms, the words dying on his tongue. Eventually, he swallowed before finally letting out—

"I wish it was still you," Taehyung confessed. Right as he opened his mouth to speak, to apologize, the younger him off right before he could.

"Taehyung," Jeongguk said, pulling back, moving him so that he was standing in front of him, his gaze fixing on the older.

"You can say it," He croaked, voice wavering as he forced himself to meet his gaze. His stupid doe eyes that were always so clear, never failing to hide any of his emotions with those damned stars.

"You can reject me already. Cut it off while you can."

"What? No, that wasn't what I was going to say," The younger said, brows creasing. Taehyung's features eased, his adam's apple bobbing nervously

"Then what were you going to say?" He whispered, words cracking, teetering off his lips. Jeongguk's grip on his waist tightened, clutching him harder as if he would lose him if he was anymore careless.

"I was going to tell you that I never stopped," The younger mumbled, inhaling sharply as Taehyung's eyes splay wide, his heart lurching forward.

"There wasn't a time where I ever stopped loving you, Tae."

"But," Jeongguk winced, his hand trembling against his side, "I need time. It's just—,"

"— Scary," Taehyung whispered, finishing for him. The younger lowered his head, the corners of his mouth falling into a frown. "It's okay, 'cuz I'm scared too."

"You are?" He asked. The older nodded, his palm gravitating toward Jeongguk's face, cupping the side of his cheek and carefully tilting his head upwards until their eyes could properly meet.

"The last time I hurt you. I told myself I don't want to do that ever again, but I realized if I'm going to love you, I'll probably somehow hurt you again and you'll hurt me too," Taehyung ran his thumb over his cheek, softening beneath the younger's gaze.

"But the next time, I'm not going to run away. I'm tired of running. Hell, I spent four years running," At that, Jeongguk giggled, his nose scrunching cutely, filling the older's chest with this giddy warmth.

"I'll stay right here and take that risk, Gguk. I'll love you when I hate you. I'll love you when you hate me, 'coz you're worth it. You matter a whole lot to me, so I'm not going to run anymore," He stressed.

"Tae," Jeongguk whispered, pain settling in his eyes, and god, Taehyung couldn't take it. He wanted to take away everything— his pain, his sadness— all of it just so he could be happy.

"You deserve better Gguk, but I don't think I can let you go again. So this time around, I promise to be the better you deserve," The older said, running his thumb over the edge of his frown, gently pressing the corners up into a smile.

"Tae, that's," Jeongguk breathed out, shaking his head, his lips briefly curling upwards, "that sounds like everything I-I want."

"It does?" His expression brightened, but telling by the way Jeongguk refused to meet his eyes, he knew there was more to this. There was still something holding him back.

"But I just... I need time. It's assuring, yeah, but I'm still y'know... It's not your fault, but I think I need more time before we start something new."

"Oh well, I understand," Taehyung said, gently squeezing his cheek. "You don't have to accept me right away, or ever. I just kinda threw this all on you, and we've been here for two days."

"Well we also had four years," Jeongguk flashed him a small grin, one that didn't quite match the dim twinkle in his irises.

"I know," The older brought his arms around his neck, pulling Jeongguk's chest against his own. He sucked in a shallow breath, realizing how close yet so fucking far they were, but of course, nobody could jump across a large gap on the first try.

"I'll wait for you," Taehyung muttered, resting his chin on the younger's shoulders, hugging him tight.

"And we'll take it as slow as you want," He said, smiling feebly as the younger buried his face into the side of his neck, the smallest of gestures enough to send his heartbeat into chaos.

"Oh and Jeongguk," The older suddenly pulled back, hand reaching into his pocket as Jeongguk gave him a wary look. He fished around for some time before finally finding what he wanted.

There, in his outstretched palm, were the exact same bracelets they made four years ago.

"What— Tae, you saved them?" Jeongguk's voice cracked, hesitation in his eyes as he seemed unsure whether he could touch them.

"I found them in my dresser the other day. I forgot I packed them with me when I moved to SNU," He chuckled lowly, handing Jeongguk his red bracelet while his other hand pulled his wrist closer.

"You kept them," Jeongguk said, eyes glossed over. Taehyung's fingers hovered over his wrist, gaze finding his way, asking silently if it was okay. The younger nodded, the back of his free hand wiping at his eyes.

"Of course I did. I know you can't wear them when you play, but at least you can have them on during the Opening ceremony," Taehyung hummed while the other sniffled quietly.

"You kept them," Jeongguk repeated again, this time, his bottom lip quivering as he blinked back tears that were already escaping.

Carefully, he slid his blue bracelet onto his wrist, too aware of his own hands shaking. But once he fit it over, the younger took his red bracelet, copying the same thing he did and slipping it over his own. It felt like a silent promise, one that words couldn't justify the meaning of, for it was something only the two of them could understand.

"Why are you crying?" Taehyung asked after staring at their bracelets that were now back where they belonged, his other hand wiping away the tears rolling down Jeongguk's round cheeks.

"M'happy hyung," Jeongguk said, finally meeting his gaze, and there, on his lips, was a genuine smile that shined brighter than the twinkle in his eyes.

"M'happy too," Taehyung said, sliding his palm down to the side of Jeongguk's neck.

He smiled back at him before he couldn't hold it back anymore and brought him close, wanting to hug him again until he couldn't, wanted to hold him close so he could feel how crazy he was for him, how his entire heart beat solely for him, and for him alone.

♡︎♡︎♡︎

"Kim Taehyung!"

Taehyung's head whipped in the direction of a voice calling him over the booming music, holding his phone close to his ear to realize the person he was calling for was right there in front of him. Slipping his phone back into his pocket, a smile blossoming over his lips, he ran into the arms of Jeon Hyejung.

"Ah look at you! You're fucking blonde!" Hyejung squealed, squeezing Taehyung tight as she ruffled his hair. "God I haven't seen you in ages."

"You look so good," Taehyung shouted, plugging one of his ears to be able to hear himself. He glanced over her shoulder to see the other Jeon sisters, all grown and looking away from their phones to wave at him.

"Where's your parents?" He screamed, but Hyejung merely shook her head, signaling she couldn't hear him as they sat down.

It was already loud as fuck, the bands below them playing all kinds of traditional French festival music as the stadium filled with spectators for the Opening Ceremony.

There were a lot of people, endless seas of bodies dressed in their countries colors or waving massive flags, chanting above the music the names of their homelands.

After repeating his words in Hyejung's ear, basically screaming into her eardrums, she said, "Oh they're coming. They had to take a special way!"

"Is Jeongguk with his team?" She yelled back. He nodded, gaze flitting to her pretty floral dress, which was themed in Japan's flag colors. He guessed he should have dressed up the same way, since he was here to support Jeongguk after all.

"Will your mom be okay here?" Taehyung said after glancing around the stadium, realizing this place wouldn't quite down until it actually started— which was in thirty minutes.

"She'll be fine," Hyejung patted his forearm, "God, I can't believe you're gonna meet her! She'll love you!"

"You sure about that?" Taehyung winced when his voice nearly cracked. Thankfully, Hyejung couldn't hear it, so at least he could save himself from some of the embarrassment.

Deciding not to destroy his vocal cords, Taehyung slumped into his seat, letting everything practically settle in. Ever since he left the hotel, it didn't quite register with him that he was going to actually meet Jeongguk's mom, so you could say he was floating.

Well, he wasn't, or at least, not anymore. Taehyung crashed, the reality of whole the situation knocking him out of whatever floaty state he was in to remind him that he was meeting Jeongguk's mother— the woman who basically raised him and shared her entire passion for volleyball with.

Taehyung wasn't usually a nervous wreck. All of this was new to him: the sweaty palms, his heart unable to properly calm himself, and fuck, he couldn't stop tapping his foot against the floor, and if he tried to, his other leg would anxiously stomp instead. 

Maybe if Jeongguk was here, he wouldn't be dying in seat, feeling as though time ticking away slowly and suffocating him as if every passing second seemed to convince his lungs to work against him and lead him to his slow, painful, and imminent death.

Fuck. It was just meeting his mom. It was no big deal that he was going to meet the woman that literally gave birth to Jeongguk. Like, no pressure. It wasn't like he loved her more than volleyball and basically cried his eyes out when he heard she had a stroke (and mind you, Jeongguk rarely cried), so again, no pressure. 

Okay, there was pressure. A shit ton of pressure.

He really wanted to make a good impression, but he was alone, and there wasn't a Jeon Jeongguk to hold onto while he practically lost his mind. Well, either way, with Jeongguk or not, he couldn't frick this up. 

Jeongguk's mother meant a lot to him. If he messed this up, who would know how Jeongguk would react when he found out? Plus he didn't want her to hate him, and most importantly he didn't want her to be disappointed with him at all.

This wasn't solely about seeking her approval to date Jeonggul, or whatever. This was a woman who played a major part in making the boy he loved into the person he was today.

Not only did he respect Jeongguk and his mother, this was so important to the younger, so it made sense for it to be just as important to him that he does this right.

"Hey, you look like you're gonna explode," He nearly flinched out of his seat when Hyejung whispered into his ear. The older merely chuckled, not at all looking offended when Taehyung leaned away.

"Is everything alright?" She asked, gesturing at him when he finally managed to calm himself down enough to listen to her.

"Yeah, I'm doing dandy," Taehyung whispered back, giving her a shitty thumbs-up, which Hyejung most likely didn't believe as she gave him a dirty look.

"Tae, you look like you're gonna piss yourself. Is it 'cuz you're meeting our mom?" Hyejung's scowl eased into a small smile when the younger didn't say anything, his arms crossed over his chest as he awkwardly averted his gaze to his lap.

"Hey, you shouldn't be worried," She nudged his side, "Our mom already loves you."

Taehyung scoffed, "She hasn't even met me."

"But Jeongguk's talked about you a lot," Hyejung said, her words enough to kickstart Taehyung's heart in his chest. He gulped, turning toward her to see her all-knowing smile.

"He has?" He raised an eyebrow at her, stomach fluttering at the idea Jeongguk talked about him to his mom of all people.

"All the time. He talks about you like you're the most important thing in the world, and we must know what you're doing because in his eyes, you're so cool and amazing," Hyejung whispered softly.

"He's whipped, but he's also been through a lot," She added, watching the younger sink in his seat, hiding his burning face behind his plams. 

"So he's a bit hesitant, but since that kid loves you so much, he'll come around and realize there's nothing to be afraid of."

"There's a lot to be afraid of," Taehyung said, only to let out an ow when Hyejung punched his side.

"Tae, you're Taehyung and Jeongguk. You two will always come out of it together," Hyejung said, but before she could say anything else, Hyelin was tapping her shoulder.

"They're here!" Hyelin said, and all five of them turned their heads to the beginning of the aisle where their dad was pushing a smaller woman in a wheelchair and along side them was Aunt June.

This was it, Taehyung thought, tongue trying to push back the lump in his throat seeing them come closer. He wiped his trembling palms on his thighs, licking anxiously at his lips, blood pounding in his ears.

When they finally joined them, the younger girls put away their phones to greet their mother, but neither of them dared to run up to her side. It felt oddly intruding to be there, seeing the girls all greet her with respectful bows, or wave at her and blow her kisses from where they sat.

Jeongguk's mom was a beautiful woman without a doubt. Her short raven hair was tucked beneath a floral headscarf tied around her chin, her ears were covered with earmuffs to block the loud noise, and the dress she wore was in a matching pattern.

And there, on her pink-painted lips was a bright, crooked smile that reminded him too much of her son.

Taehyung's breath hitched in his throat, not sure if he should really be here. All of them were focused on her, and god why was he so out of place—

"Oh mom! This is Taehyung! Jeongguk's friend!" His eyebrows shot upward from his lap when Hyein pointed at him.

"Hi Taehyung!" Aunt June also waved at him, to which he smiled and waved back at her before returning his attention back to Jeongguk's mother, who was staring right at him.

"This is him," Hyejung started, gesturing at him. The younger waved at his mom, wincing internally at how awkward he probably looked.

"He's really important to Gguk as you know. He's the one he tells you about," The oldest said smoothly, her choice of words catching Taehyung off guard.

His mom hummed softly, nodding her head a little. Taehyung pried his gaze from Hyejung, red cheeks prickling with a familiar warmth he could never get used to. Jeongguk's dad wheeled his mom right into the handicapped spot next to him, her eyes studying him closely, long enough to make him hold his breath.

"You can speak," Hyejung leaned close to his ear, "She's good at reading lips." At that, he nodded stiffly.

"It's uh, a pleasure to meet you Ms. Jeon," Taehyung started, scratching the side of his throat as he stared down at Jeongguk's mom, trying not to crumble apart right then and there.

Thankfully, she seemed to understand and gestured at him with her left hand to come closer. So he did, the smile he wore easing on his lips.

"This is the dude Jeonggukie-oppa wouldn't shut up about," Hyelin giggled, earning a collective chuckles from the other Jeon siblings.

Honestly, it should have been funny, but Taehyung's stomach decided to take a plunge and in the back of his mind, he wondered what they told her.

Fuck, his hands were already clammy— he didn't want to ruin his impression on somebody that meant the world to Jeongguk. This was it. He was doing it.

"Hi," Jeongguk's mom croaked, her fingers twiddling for Taehyung to take them in his own. Quickly, he gave her his hand after rubbing the sweat off on his slacks, letting her hold onto it.

"Hi there. You have a wonderful son," Taehyung said softly, smiling to himself when one of the sisters let out an ooooh. Jeongguk's mom squeezed his hand lightly after giving her daughters each a glare.

"I think he's an amazing person, and he's probably the best thing to have ever happened to me to be completely honest with you," He murmured, sucking in a shallow breath in one last attempt to calm down.

"I'm really glad to meet you, and I want to thank you for allowing me to be in Jeongguk's life. I also hope you're recovering well. I was the one who drove him when you were sick."

Again, Jeongguk's mom squeezed his hand, but this time, her smile softened, approval glimmering in her eyes.

"Ohh the show's starting!" Jeonkyung said once their dad was settled on their mother's other side with Aunt June.

Taehyung nodded along with the rest of the family, but before he could pull back, Jeongguk's mom grabbed his hand.

Nobody said a word as Jeongguk's mom fit her hand into his, not quite lacing their fingers but holding on to him. On her lips was a content smile, her doe eyes sparkling in a way similar to her son's.

He glanced down at her, raising an eyebrow, but she was smiling at her husband, nodding at him that it was all okay. But of course, she looked to him for permission, and with a breath of relief, thinking that maybe this went well, Taehyung squeezed her hand back.

It went like that for the rest of the show. Taehyung sat next to her, his hand always in hers. The others didn't seem to mind it, or well, they did at first, but the family seemed to catch on to what it meant before Taehyung could.

During the show, he learned from Hyejung that their mom lost the ability to speak fluently again in her last stroke, and that she probably felt really bad that she couldn't talk to the only person Jeongguk loved more than volleyball.

So, she said, to make up for it, she held his hand to show her approval for him— let her actions sub in for words she could no longer say.

Taehyung appreciated the gesture, even giving her hand an assuring squeeze back. He didn't mind it at all, for Ms. Jeon was a lovely person, smiling while she watched her kids jump out of their seats at the cool performances and laughing silently at their childish bickering.

The entire time, Taehyung was enjoying himself. He loved Jeongguk's family; they practically felt like his own, and the fear he felt before all this was basically nonexistent with Mrs. Jeon gently squeezing his hand every now and then.

He'd laugh with the younger Jeon sisters, agree with Jeongguk's dad's comments about the music choice, and even bicker with Hyejung beside him on what performance was better, all like he was meant to be part of their family.

Eventually, all the theatrics came to an end, and it was finally time for the countries to be announced for the torch-lighting. Athletes from all over the world— Sweden, China, South Africa, Germany, Russia, Italy, and so on— walked onto the main floor, waving their countries flags and showing off their nation's culture and colors in their outfits.

It was beautiful seeing everyone come together, all sharing smiles and waving at their supporters while upbeat festival music played in the background. It wasn't until Japan's came out, did Taehyung cheer.

It was easy to spot Jeongguk since their seats were close to the main floor. He was smiling at everyone, his dark hair parted and styled, clad in a bright red blazer and white clothes, a matching scarf tied around his neck, and in his other hand was a mini Japanese flag he twirled around.

The entire family cheered for him, even Jeongguk's mother, who let go of Taehyung's hand to pat her hand that was limp over her thigh. His sisters got of their seats, screaming his name and waving at him, hoping to catch his attention.

All of this felt unreal. This rush of euphoria, and floods of serotonin that flushed through him as he saw Jeongguk radiate with joy, finally living the dream he had always wished for.

This was all they had been working toward for the last four years, and now, seeing Jeongguk the happiest he had ever been, Taehyung wasn't sure he could ever stop loving him.

Jeongguk scanned the crowd for them when they fell in line, smile waning on his lips until his gaze landed directly on his sisters. He waved at their family, eyes scrunched by the impossibly wide grin on his lips, and out of sheer excitement, his hands flew up to cover his ears before he waved at them again.

But it was when Jeongguk's starry-eyed stare found Taehyung's did the older's heart seemed hammer against his chest, swelling into his throat as he got the courage to wave at the one he would always love.

And Jeongguk waved back, smile impossibly getting wider seeing him with his mom. If only he was right next to him, would Taehyung shout those three words to the top of his lungs just to see happiness forever in his doe eyes.

I love you, he mouthed, knowing Jeongguk couldn't see it but he did it anyways. I love you, and I don't want to stop.

♡︎♡︎♡︎

Jeongguk's played volleyball for 15 years, but of course, the only game he was genuinely nervous about had to be the first round of Olympic matches.

He had went to the bathroom like, three times since they got here. The guy was shaking, hell, his hands never shake, and they were all gross and clammy so when he tried to set, the ball slipped right off his hands. And fuck, his heart— it was like the thing was going to rip a hole in his chest.

He tried to explain it all to his sister when she pulled him out of the lockerrooms to talk outside, but she wasn't exactly that great in easing people's worries.

"You'll be fine," Hyejung repeated, leaning against the tunnel wall, her arms crossed over her chest. "Just do your stretches properly and not fuck up your knee."

"That's easier said than done, noona," Jeongguk grumbled, doing the knee stretches his professional trainer advised him to do before the games.

"Well, I mean, you had four years of rehab. Your knee might not be new, but you've done well for a kid with a knee brace and acl tear," Hyejung pointed out, gesturing at her brother's knee.

"M'scared I'm gonna fuck up, or something," He said, shaking out his free hand as he leaned back on the wall, other bending his ankle up behind him.

"Well then hustle and make up for it."

"You suck ass at making me feel better," Jeongguk snorted, swatting his sister, watching her snicker softly beside him.

"Hey m'sorry. I know it's nerve-wracking, but Gguk, you're doing the impossible right now. Half of the athletes who get torn acls don't recover. You're here, at the Olympics because you worked for it. Once you get on that damned court, it'll all go away. I promise you that," Hyejung said, reaching over to squeeze his shoulder.

Jeongguk cocked an eyebrow at her, "We've been standing here for twenty minutes, and it took you that long to finally say something nice?"

"Fuck off," Hyejung rolled her eyes, lightly punching his shoulder. Jeongguk smiled, shoving her back.

"Seriously though, why did it take you so long?" He asked, straightening out to his full height when he noticed the older was checking her phone.

"'Cause, Mr. Team Japan," Hyejung said, flicking the side of his head. "Your lover's coming."

"My love— you mean Taehyung?" His brows crumpled together, "What? Why?"

"So you admit he's your lover!" She gushed. At that, the younger's eyes widened, and just as he was about to object, he felt a gentle hand settle over the small dip of his back.

"Jeongguk has a lover?" He tensed, breath hitching in his throat hearing the older's low, rasped vowels against his ear. He slowly whipped around, lips pressed into a thin smile to see him.

Of course it was him.

"N-No I don't," Jeongguk stammered, eyes flitting nervously from Taehyung's hand on his hip to the lazy smile Taehyung wore— and fuck, his heart just couldn't contain itself today.

"Well then that's good," Taehyung pulled his hand back only to flick his chin. "'Cuz then that means I can still show you my surprise!"

"A surprise?" He side-eyed his sister, wondering what the hell was going on. However, Hyejung gave him nothing but a wink, which honestly scared him a bit.

"I mean, it's nothing big, and I know you're probably really nervous— heck, I'd be nervous too," Taehyung chuckled, "so, I came up with a surprise to make you less nervous and stuff." He blushed.

"Where is it then?" Jeongguk asked, studying the older's get-up. He was wearing ripped skinny jeans and a black oversized jacket that was zipped up. If he was holding anything, he probably could have seen it but there was basically nothing to look at.

"I'm kinda scared you won't like it," The older let out an airy laugh, his palm coming up to cup the side of his neck. Jeongguk's brow furrowed.

"What? No. That's impossible. I'll love whatever you have for me, Specs," He said, hand reaching out to grab his shoulder before he could stop himself. The older glanced over at him, biting down on his lip.

"Okay, fine," Taehyung's cheeks tinged a subtle red, the sight of it enough to make the younger soften. He nodded, watching the older step back and unzip his jacket.

"Taehyung," Jeongguk whispered, his stomach dropping in his chest the second he saw the letters.

"Taehyung, you did not," He shoved his fingers through his hair, shaking his head as Taehyung pushed aside his jacket to give him a better view.

He was wearing his high school jersey. The exact same one he gave him all those years ago.

"You like it, Gguk?" Taehyung asked hopefully. The younger said nothing, instead making up for the words he couldn't form for a hug as he threw himself into his arms.

"I love it," Jeongguk mumbled against his neck, feeing the older's arms wrap around him. "Fuck, I love it so much." He whispered, burying his face into his scent.

"Remember that old high school tradition of giving your jersey to somebody for goodluck?" The younger nodded, pulling back to see the older's gaze focused solely on him.

"Just like you wanted, I'll be there with your mom, and we'll be your goodluck charm."

"Tae," He tried, but the words couldn't form on his tongue, the whole situation overwhelming on its own and now this was added to everything, but for some reason, he felt lighter.

"Go chase your dream," Taehyung said, reaching up to brush his hair behind his ear, a proud smile fixed on his lips. "Knock 'em out, okay?"

Jeongguk nodded again, diving forward into then older's warm embrace. "What could I do without you?" He mumbled, squeezing the older tighter in his grip, heart throbbing in his chest.

At that, Taehyung merely laughed, the sound a deep rumble in his throat. He leaned back and pressed his lips to Jeongguk's forehead, letting himself linger there a bit longer, their hearts beating solely for each other, wanting to feel each other close for one more second.

Softly, he whispered against his skin, "You can do a lot of things, my beautiful boy." Jeongguk's breath hitched, the praise easing his shoulders as his fingers found their way into the older's blonde locks.

"But I believe that we could do a lot of extraordinary things together than apart."

"M'gonna win today," Jeongguk finally said, now facing the older, his arms wrapped loosely around his neck while the older anchored him to reality, his hands gripping his waist.

"Yes you are," Taehyung nodded as they pulled away (hesitantly) from one another. Ready to go back, he glanced over at his sister, only to see she was holding her phone out, giggling silently to herself.

"What are you doing?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at her. Hyejung chuckled, slipping her phone back into her pocket as Jeongguk joined her side.

"Saving shit for your wedding," She teased, only to get an eyeroll from Jeongguk. "Goodluck little bro!" She managed to ruffle his hair just as he was about to walk out.

"We'll see you on the court! Goodluck!" Taehyung shouted after him, "Win today, alright?"

Jeongguk glanced at them over his shoulder one last time, nodding to the two of them before sucking in a deep breath, knowing what was to come. This was it. All of his life, he prepared for this moment, and now, it was here.

He was finally going to play on an Olympic court.

♡︎♡︎♡︎

The ball was in his palms, ready to be served.

Jeongguk gulped, already feeling cool sweat build on his brow as he stood beneath the gleaming stadium lights in the center court, surrounded by thousands of spectators waiting for the whistle to start the first game.

He scanned the crowd, quick to find Taehyung and his mother and the rest of his family, all of them giving him thumbs up and smiles that eased the tension building in his shoulders.

Exhaling slowly, he got into his stance, only barely glancing over at his brace, which seemed tighter around his knee. The arm sleeves he wore to cover his form arms squeezed at his wrists.

I can do this. We're going to win, Jeongguk chanted, channeling all the power he worked tirelessly to restore to be even make it here. This is it.

A shrill whistle silenced the arena, and soon, all eyes were on him. Jeongguk closed his eyes, inhaling sharply before throwing the ball up in the air, all his worries melting away, freeing him from reality as he became one with the sport he loved once more.

This was it, and he was going to make every second count.

♡︎♡︎♡︎

It was all a fucking blur.

Jeongguk couldn't believe it when they beat Egypt, his ears ringing the entire time his teammates ran up to him, ruffled his hair, and nearly topple him over after a long five sets of endless rallies he thought would never find an end to.

He couldn't remember how it was to play against Poland in the second round until somebody had to shake him after the game and repeatedly tell them they had won. That they were going to play against Argentina in order to make it to the finals.

The game against Argentina was a total black out. He couldn't remember much except stepping on the court beneath the hot, blinding stadium lights, and being surrounded by watchful eyes and knowing the commentators had a particular interest in him since the last game, so there was more pressure.

But they won. They fucking won, and the finals made him dizzy to even think about. Gold was so close, yet so far away, and holy fuck, he almost threw up his insides before standing on court next to the world's top team— Brazil— who had the best record in the entire national mens' volleyball organization.

The Brazil men were taller, beefier, and bulkier. On the Japan players, who were smaller in comparison, they had the advantage. Maybe the aerial battles would be manageable, but on the ground, it would be tough getting around their defense.

But Jeongguk fought nonetheless. He played until every muscle throbbed, he watched carefully, picking out parts of the game while he was benched, and the second he got back, he put his all into each move to at least give their team a fighting chance.

And the next thing he knew, they were standing on the podium, the Olympic's award music blaring in the stadium and the crowd shouting their names.

But they weren't on the top.

Oh, they lost to Brazil. It wasn't a total blow out, but they secured silver overall, and even though they didn't win gold, Jeongguk couldn't even believe he was standing up there with the team's veteran ace in the first place.

Fuck, he wanted to cry, feeling that particular prick behind his eyes as he felt the weight of the silver medal being draped around his neck. He inhaled shakily, cheeks aching from smiling the entire time, and god, all the exhaustion and adrenaline and pain of rehab and endless training made him choke up yet at the same, he was floating— merely existing in the damned moment.

He was here, his dream finally achieved, and he was going home with a silver medal on his first trip to the Olympics. He waved at all the cameras saving every glorious second and spoke accordingly to reporters who praised him on his recovery and performance.

Jeongguk still couldn't believe it when they got off the podium, following the ace back to the locker rooms, and their team was all patting his back, roughing him up like they usually did and all of them congratulating another for a brilliant season.

It didn't all totally settle in until he saw his mother, Yugyeom, and his family at the end of the tunnel, waiting for him. It was then did he realize that this was it. He made it. He achieved his dream. It was over. He did it.

Tears were falling uncontrollably from his face the second he hugged his mother, holding onto her while he sobbed into her shoulder, feeling her hand gently patting his back and her smile against his forehead.

He pulled away from her to wipe at his eyes and at least try to control his breathing, but then he was ambushed by his sisters and his aunt, all tackling him with one massive hug from all sides. When they pulled away, he fistbumped Yugyeom, and even his dad hugged him.

All that was left was Taehyung. He could feel the older's gaze on him the second he whipped around to find him. Jeongguk shook his head when the older spread his arms open. He sobbed into his palm, chin trembling, and in no time, he crashed into his arms, burying his face in his neck.

"You did so good. I'm so fricking proud of you," Taehyung squeezed his waist, his arms bringing the boy impossibly closer while he sobbed against his neck, tears wettening his skin, but he didn't seem to mind.

"I did it," Jeongguk whispered, leaning back to look at the older, not caring if they were too close and the meda dug into his chest at an awkward angle, for he was so overwhelmed to care.

"You did it, love," The older hummed, his other reaching up to cup his cheek, thumb wiping away his tears as the younger flashed him a shaky smile.

"I did it," He repeated softly, pulling the older in for another hug, heartbeat thrumming in his ears. "We did it," He murmured, hugging him tight, not daring to let go.

Even if it this happiness was only temporarily, he wanted it to last as long as he possibly could have it.

♡︎♡︎♡︎

They went out to celebrate at a restaurant. Jeongguk decided so, preferring to spend time with his family and friends than go to a massive banquet later to celebrate the Olympics with people he didn't know.

It was better than any celebrity party anyways. They ate korean food at a restaurant Yugyeom found, and they sat around, drinking with those who could do so legally, cracking jokes and acting out their favorites plays in the final match against Brazil.

The medal was still sitting around his neck, glinting in the dim lights of the restaurant. Occasionally would someone tug it, or ask to wear it, and he let them all have their fun with a real Olympic medal.

But eventually, the celebration came to a close before anyone could get too drunk. His dad needed to take Jeongguk's mother back to the hotel to rest. The other girls joined Aunt June to catch a film at the Moulin Rouge, leaving Yugyeom, Taehyung, and Hyejung with Jeongguk.

After leaving the restaurant, they decided to drink over at Taehyung's hotel room. Nobody was really in the mood to go French clubbing, or even try it, so it didn't take a lot for them to agree and crash there.

As of right now, they were situated on the balcony, sitting back in chairs and drinking glasses of wine from bottles Hyejung bought from downstairs. It was a cool, breezy evening, the sky already a dark, heavy blanket of stars, and below them, the city of Paris was alive, glowing like a river of gold among the night.

Jeongguk was a bit drunk, but he wasn't exactly ruined. Perhaps you could say he was nearing the end of his happiness high, and now, he was a bit burned out, fatigue weighing his limbs and alcohol sloshing warmly in his stomach.

Hyejung and Yugyeom were catching up. He explained to her that he was dating San, and that Jae whisked his boyfriend away to a big family vacation right when the Olympics were held so he was quite lonely in a city of love.

On the otherhand, the oldest Jeon sibling tried to make a moping, drunk Yugyeom happy by saying that her boyfriend had work, making her just as alone as he was.

Jeongguk and Taehyung exchanged amused looks when Yugyeom and Hyejung began to cry, wondering why the hell they were alone in a place where love was supposedly to thrive.

Later in the night, after a lot of crying and sniffles, Taehyung managed to convince them to go home on taxis. And they did, waving at the two of them and congratulating Jeongguk one past time before disappearing out the door to go home and crash.

In the end, it left Taehyung and him, and when the older joined him back on the balcony, he was the first to speak.

"You shitfaced yet?" Taehyung asked, bringing the rim of his wine glass to his lips.

"M'drunk enough," Jeongguk replied, watching him smile behind the glass before setting it on his thigh. "You?"

"You could say the same," He chuckled lightly.

The conversation died after that, but as they sat there, enjoying one another's company in silence, Jeongguk couldn't help but think in his drunken state about the two of them. Not just their friendship but the other part of them. The chapter he thought they closed a long time ago.

But in the time they had spent in Paris, all the things they have done and said, he realized that maybe this wasn't the end.

Maybe, it was a new beginning he had been too scared to start.

"Did you mean it," Jeongguk suddenly blurted out, letting the alcohol speak for him, for he was always a bit more confidant when drunk, and perhaps it made him a little less scared.

"Mean what?" The older raised an eyebrow at him, sinking further in his chair.

"Did you mean when you said you want me?"

"Oh," Taehyung hummed, crossing his leg over his thigh. "Well, of course. I do want you."

"Why though?" Jeongguk asked, tracing the glass rim of his wine glass, staring down at the dark, blood red liquid he was yet to drink.

"Is that even a question? Gguk, I have a lot of reasons to want to be with you," He said, and god, he could feel his intense gaze on him.

"You want me to list them?" The younger gulped, looking away to hide the way his entire face flushed red. At that, Taehyung sat up in his seat, chuckling softly.

"Well, I love your laugh first off, and the way you scrunch your nose and touch your ears when you're get excited. Even when you're painfully stupid, I still love you. I love your dumb jokes, your smile, your passion for volleyball, and the way you love everyone with every piece of your heart," Taehyung said.

"You see, Gguk. It's you. It was always you, and when I asked you to be my person in that fucking bathtub," The two of them snickered at the memory.

"I said it because I loved you. I still love you, and I love everything about you."

"Even the bad parts of me?" Jeongguk asked, mustering the courage to meet the older's eyes, his stomach doing all sorts of flips and twists when he did.

"Of course," Taehyung murmured. "Even the things I don't like about you, I love. Remember what I said about finding somebody that will love you on your bad days, the good days, and the days where you feel nothing at all?"

Jeongguk nodded, swallowing nervously, "I do."

"Well If you'd let me, I would do that. I'd love you when you hate me, when you don't wanna look at me, and I'd still love you if you don't love yourself," He declared with all of his chest.

"It's just," Taehyung inhaled slowly, averting his gaze back out to the city scape, "You complete my world, Gguk."

"Tae," The younger whispered, heart stuck in the hollow of his throat, wanting to say everything but nothing at all, knowing what he could possibly say wouldn't be enough.

Nothing could ever be enough with Taehyung, but at the same time, nothing was enough when he wasn't by his side. At least that when they were together, a part of him felt fulfilled.

The most selfish parts of himself wanted to love Taehyung again. The parts where he just wanted to chase happiness and hold onto it a little while longer, to keep it all to himself, and for once feel like he was able to be complete.

Taehyung was the best part of his life, the missing piece he didn't know he was searching for until he found it. Loving Taehyung made his world make sense, and the ground feel like it was actually beneath his feet— like he was in control of his emotions for once.

But loving Taehyung was also the worst part, the most painful part. They hurt one another back then. Even if the world felt right being together, and everything seemed to fall into piece, it wasn't easy to love him.

It was hard, and scary, and he was so fucking blind. So blind, he hurt him more than he could love him.

In the last four years, he wondered if he even deserved the privilege to love Taehyung. He saw how others could make Taehyung happy, how he wasn't the only one capable of making the older feel loved, and that there were better people out there than him.

"I want that with you," He ended up saying before he could hold himself back, his teeth gnawing on his bottom lip, "but at the same time, I just, no— I-I'm scared, Tae."

Scared to mess up. Scared to hurt you. Scared to not be enough. Scared to make you hate me, he wanted to say, but he just couldn't. And a part of him guessed that Taehyung probably feared the same things.

"Tae, to me, when I first saw you, I thought you were way beyond my imagination," Jeongguk admitted, chuckling a little, pain lacing his words.

"But I think again, and you are way beyond my imagination."

"Jeongguk," the older said, his voice catching in his throat.

"You deserve better. Way better than me," He whispered firmly, words nearly cracking. "I do want you, but m'scared I won't be like the others. I won't be like Sungmin, who made you so happy."

"H-Happier than when you were with me."

"You made me the happiest though," The older's brows crumpled together. Jeongguk shook his head, forcing out a breathy laugh.

"Who says I could make you happy again? You saw what happened," He swallowed thickly.

"Gguk, I know, you didn't have your fair share of amazing relationships, but just because it didn't work out, it doesn't make you incapable of loving another person," Taehyung started.

"Just because you feel like you're not enough, it doesn't mean I think that."

"But hyung," Jeongguk breathed out, "It's just so fucking scary."

"I know it's scary, Gguk. Hell, I'm scared. It scares me so much to want you back because there's no guarantee I won't hurt you too, and yet I'm here, wanting you anyways," He said, exasperatedly, gesturing out at nothing in particular.

"I want you even though it scares the shit out of me, and Paris made me realize that I can't find you in another person, Gguk. No other person can make me feel the same way you do," Taehyung whispered softly.

"And as much as it scares me, it means I have something to lose," He finished, unaware of the fact he was breathing heavily now, the words gushing out of him, all far beyond his control.

"You are my best friend, my everything, and my fricking always. I don't want to lose you."

"I don't want to lose you either," Jeongguk whispered, his words nearly lost in the wind, and it was as if in that moment, something opened inside of him, allowing him to let out the words he always wanted to say.

They've never really had a conversation like this where they could sit down and talk. Sure, they made up after arguments in the past, but never have they sat down and discussed their feeings.

And for the first time in four years, here they were, talking it all out, putting everything they've left unsaid out in the open. Even though it terrified him to, Jeongguk just knew they needed this.

He needed this.

"When I-I lost you, Tae, I tried to pretend I wasn't hurting but I couldn't even function without you, and it sounds so stupid but it was so true," Jeongguk sucked in a shaky breath.

"And when I finally got you back and I was so happy for once, I had to leave. I had to go to Japan, and I was alone, and you were so far away," He squeezed his fingers into fists over his thighs, feeling his nails dig into the skin.

"I'm not going to lie to you, plus you already know but," Jeongguk breathed out, "It was the worst first few months, Tae. I-I relapsed, a-and I felt so fucking alone when I realized where my life was at, how hard things were going to be. And then, I went to therapy, and finally I got proper help."

"You're better now right?" Taehyung asked, concern flashing in his eyes as his hand reached over between them, quick to find the younger's.

"I'm managing," The younger said, smiling shyly at their entangled fingers, his heart squeezing in his chest. "But you can say I'm happier."

"You are?" The younger nodded. "Well that's good. It's okay to not be okay, Gguk."

"I'm learning to believe that," Jeongguk said, sighing. "But Tae, I just want you to know this."

"Know what?" He raised an eyebrow at him, watching as the younger closed his eyes, drawing a shaky breath as his grip around the older's hand tightened.

"Jeongguk is something—?"

"—I love you, Specs."

From the corner of his eye, he noticed the older froze, the wine glass he was bringing to his lips stopping midway before lowering back down to his lap. Jeongguk couldn't hear anything over the incessant throb of his heart that left his world spinning, and his mind on an axis, but he pushed on.

It was now or never. He already had everything he could ever want except for Kim Taehyung. And even though there was a chance he couldn't have him, he waited way too long to tell him how he felt.

"I'm four years too late with a confession," He said, laughing gently, removing his hand to trace hearts on the older's palm.

"But I want you to know, that I've like, never ever really stopped. I don't think there ever was a day where I woke up and thought 'I don't think I love him anymore'." He flashed him a crooked grin, his fingers lacing with his once more.

"To be honest with you, it was the other way around: 'I think I love him a bit more today'."

"That is so sappy oh my god," Taehyung tried to cover his face with his wrist, failing to hide the rectangular grin that never failed to make Jeongguk's heart skip a beat.

"When I met you," He continued on, holding onto Taehyung's hand for assurance, "I felt like I was drowning. I was drowning, and you were like coming up for a fresh breath of air. You saved me. The only time I don't feel like I'm drowning is when you look at me, because when you look at me, you see me struggling and you actually save me."

"You actually saved me, Specs." 

"Is that all?" Taehyung teased, bringing his hand to his mouth, grazing his knuckles with his smile as the younger blushed feverishly.

"Well, and I wanted to say that my world is a less complicated and better place with you in it," The younger murmured, breath shallowing feeling the older press a kiss to his wrist.

"But you're still scared," He said, lips pressed against the material of his long sleeves. The younger shrugged, glancing down at his lap.

"Yeah. I'm terrified to love you because I'm scared I won't do it right," He whispered. "I'm scared I'm gonna fuck it all up, and I'm scared you're not going to love me anymore when you realize how hard it is to love me."

"We couldn't do it the first time Tae, what guarantees we won't fail the second?"

"Well, nothing. There's no guarantee that we won't mess up," Taehyung said, sliding his palm over his cheek, leaning against his rough touch.

"The thing I've learned about love is that we're gonna keep messing up and failing, but we just can't run away anymore," He murmured.

"We're not gonna walk out when it gets hard. I'm gonna stand right here, and we'll take care of it," Taehyung set his glass aside, tugging Jeongguk up. Brows furrowing, he followed him, watching as Taehyung got to his feet as well.

"It's been four years, and I'm not gonna chase after you anymore," The older declared, their bodies now parallel, facing one another.

"I'm not gonna chase you because I'll be right here, by your side, and I'll wait for you when you're ready to say 'fuck you' to being scared and love me," He said, his gaze fixing on him as he held his hands between them.

"It's scary and we'll know nothing, but at least we know something, and it's the fact we love one another, we're scared shitless, and that we're still willing to take the risk and try, ok?"

Jeongguk swallowed thickly, feeling the older let go of his hands, instead grabbing at his waist to pull him closer. He gasped lightly, his eyebrows easing slightly when their chests bumped against one another's, slowly tilting his gaze up to meet the older's. 

Fuck, he was a dream. Standing there, cheeks were dusted in red, his golden fringe brushing right above his eyes, the moonlight entrapped in his thick eyelashes, and his lips wet and slightly parted, breathing harshly, heavily as if he poured meaning into his words.

And it was there, in his drunk, buzzing stupor, standing somewhere in Paris and feelings all out and exposed, leaving him a vulnerable mess, Jeongguk realized that Taehyung was more than just a dream.

He was real, and he could touch him, feel the softness of his skin beneath his rough finger tips. He was so real, that he could have him, and it was as if Taehyung was offering himself to him, giving him his all, knowing how awfully terrifying it was to open up to another person.

Kim Taehyung was everything he ever wanted, hell he was everything he knew he needed, and even though it scared him to love him, if he was willing to take the chance and risk it all, then maybe he should take the leap too.

Because unlike the others, he wouldn't be falling into nothing— Taehyung would be there, finding a way to catch him.

"Jeongguk, I'm with you. I'm with you because I want to be — I'm with you because I love you," Taehyung stressed, letting the younger's palms capture either side of his face.

"And you, you're my everything. I love you, and I'm not going to stop. I love you, and that's that," The older whispered, his irises flitting down to his lips.

"So you love me?" Jeongguk raised an eyebrow at him, squeezing the older's cheeks.

"And you wanna date me again?"

"Did you not just hear me go on about how much I love you?" Taehyung frowned, lightly smacking his chest. "Are you deaf?"

"I just wanna hear it again," He whispered, holding the older in place, unable to the smile that twitched over his lips when he rolled his eyes at him.

"I love you. There, I said it. Plain and simple," The older said. "Why are you smiling like that?"

"Say it again. Louder."

"Jeongguk, I love you," Taehyung snorted, smacking his chest again, but this time, he let it stay there, his fingers gripping the fabric of his hoodid.

"Again," Jeongguk chuckled softly, bringing their foreheads close as the older scoffed.

"Jeon Jeongguk. I am in love with you, and I will be in love with you until I'm old and gross," He giggled, pressing his nose against the other's, Taehyung's hand finding solace in the patch of hair over Jeongguk's nape.

"Want me to say it again?" He whispered. "If I keep saying it, you're gonna get sick of me."

"Don't want you tired of me just yet, Gguk."

"I'll never get sick of you, Specs," Jeongguk pulled back, caressing the older's cheek, breath hitching in his throat seeing him lean into his touch like he was finally back home after being lost for so long.

"Then why are you making me say it?" He asked, giggling when Jeongguk pecked his cheek. "God, stop, you're so sappy."

"Because, Kim Taehyung," Jeongguk said, breathless, knowing if he said this, this was it. There was no turning back.

"I'm a scared little shit, and I'm probably going to break your heart a lot of times because of my dumbassery, and maybe you'll break mine," He said, gently tugging him close, words spoken so soft it was as if they were only meant for Taehyung.

"But I swear, I'll make it up to you by loving you even more. Even though we'll be scared together, I won't run. I promise to stay— to stay and be yours as long as if you want to be mine."

"Be yours?" Taehyung whispered quietly, his eyes rounding. Jeongguk nodded, finding himself leaning into the older, his lips barely brushing his.

"I'll be your always, and you'll be mine," Jeongguk murmured, watching Taehyung's eyes flutter shut, his grip on his hair tightening.

"Does that sound good?" The older nodded.

"It sounds perfect," He whispered, and with one final smile, Jeongguk kissed him.

At first, it was a small nip of his lips, teasing him and barely even kissing him really, evoking a smile from the older and another pat on the chest for being an idiot. But eventually, he let out a sight through his nose, dipping forward and kissing him properly.

It started off sweet, gentle, and slow, not daring to rush what this was, knowing in the back of their minds, they had all the time in the world. Jeongguk wanted to savor every second of it, wanted to remember how exhilarating it was to kiss him, to feel his lips moulding against his own once again as though they were made for one another.

But eventually, he grew impatient, teeth grazing, nibbling, and sucking on Taehyung's bottom lip. He gasped softly, feeling the older tug at his mane, their knees knocking together as Taehyung signaled him to start moving back— and he did.

He kissed him harder, angling his head in a way to deepen the kiss, tongue gliding over his soft bottom lip and coaxing inside as the older gave him permission. He tasted faintly of wine and strawberries as his tongue licked every corner of his mouth, flicking behind his upper teeth, the warm muscle curling around the older's in a mess of saliva and wet pants.

Jeongguk backed into the hotel room, trying his best to maneuver himself without running into any furniture. He held onto Taehyung's face while the older gripped at his hip, guiding him to where the bed was.

He scooped Taehyung in his arms, spinning them around so that he was on top of the two. Effortlessly, he picked him up and carefully lied him over the satin sheets, crawling on top as he reluctantly broke the kiss.

"So what does this mean?" Taehyung asked, propping himself up onto his elbows as the younger fit between his legs, dipping down to kiss him again, hard, wet, and hot.

"Can you not read the room?" Jeongguk grumbled, voice rasped as he pressed his lips to the edge of the older's mouth, hand digging into the side drawer after the older told him where he kept the things.

"Oh I can read the room, alright," He chuckled, running his hands down his chest, head falling back onto the pillows, blonde hair a wavy mess across the sheet haphazardly.

"I just wanted to tell you something that I learned recently," Taehyung said, to which the younger muttered a low what toward as he tossed the bottle of lube and condoms to the side.

"J'ai envie de toi."

Oh fuck. Jeongguk pulled back, eyes splayed wide as he hovered above the beautiful boy, whose lips were coated in saliva and swollen from his constant teasing.

"What does that mean?" He whispered, stomach pooling with warmth as he helped the older out of his shirt, tossing the fabric to the side before dipping down to kiss him yet again.

"I want you," Taehyung moaned softly when Jeongguk nipped at his neck, pressing wet kisses down the slope of his honey-tanned skin, alternating between sucking and teething at the blank canvas.

"Fuck," Jeongguk cursed, sucking at the skin beneath the older's jaw, and he wasn't sure if it was because it had been awhile, or since it was Taehyung, that the space between his legs began to tighten.

"J'ai— J'ai besoin de toi," Taehyung's back arched slightly as the younger peppered kisses down his chest, lips hovering above his nipple.

"And what does that mean?" He eyed him carefully, flicking his tongue over the stiff peak, feeling Taehyung's body shiver in sensitivity. God, he was beautiful. So fucking beautiful and so lovely, he was going to make tonight the best one Taehyung's ever had.

After all, it had been a long time since they had been together like this. He just had to make it memorable.

"I need you," Taehyung whined, hiding his eyes behind the back of his wrist as Jeongguk captured his nipple between his lips, grazing his teeth over it, teasing it between his tongue.

"F-fuck, Jeongguk," He squirmed, moaning as his free hand twisted his other one between his thumb and index, making him a mess of little whines and pants below him, such lewd sounds building the pressure between his legs.

"W-wait," The older swallowed thickly, his grip on Jeongguk's hair pulling his head off of him, "take off your shirt."

"Why?" Jeongguk asked dumbly, wincing when he realized that of course. They were going to fuck— he needed to be naked.

Taehyung snorted, flicking his forehead though the fond smile on his lips said otherwise, "Yeah, and also 'cuz I haven't seen your arms for like five weeks already."

"Okay, well," The younger got to his knees, his fingers gripping at the bottom of his hoodie. "I don't want you to freak out."

"Freak out as in how?" Taehyung asked, his palms settling on Jeongguk's thighs. The younger gulped, deciding he had to seem them eventually, so in one swift motion, he pulled off his hoodie and discarded it to the side.

"Holy shit," He whispered in awe, fingers reaching out for the younger's arms once they came into view.

"You got tattoos?"

"Yeah," Jeongguk blushed shyly, letting the older trace the black ink that ran up his forearms, the older gasping quietly while he stared at them closely.

"When did you get them?" Taehyung asked, running his thumb over the endless vines and flowers that curved around his forearm, eyes widening when he spotted the tiger lily and skull peace-sign.

"I got them like two months ago," Jeongguk shrugged, breath hitching in his throat when the older slowly turned his forearms around.

"You covered it," He whispered softly, running the pad of his thumb over the barely visible pale thin scars hidden beneath black ink.

"Yeah, my therapist suggested if I covered them with things that make me happy, I'll look at them and heal," Jeongguk muttered quietly, breath hitching in his throat when the older kissed over each scar.

"And these make you happy?"

"They remind me of you. So yeah, they do."

"Well they're perfect. Beautiful, even. You're so beautiful," He murmured, staring back up at him, pupils blown, and lips curved in the most love sick smile that had Jeongguk's heart spasming in his chest all over again.

"I love you, my strong boy," Taehyung said, brushing away the younger's hair behind his ear, the back of his fingers caressing down the curve of his jaw.

"Fais-moi, l'amour," His thick accent coated the words heavily, slurring them almost, the way they rolled off his tongue effortlessly made Jeongguk's heart throb.

"Now what does that mean?" Jeongguk asked, easing him out of his pants and soon after, the two of them managed to discard all their clothes to the side, finally exposed.

"Make love to me," He whispered, watching as the younger's pupil expand, his jaw tensing at the sudden declaration.

"You want me to?" The younger hesitated, knowing the two of them were still drunk, so of course, it was just in case the older didn't want to do it anymore.

"Of course," Taehyung pulled him closer, shakily pressing his lips against his, breath hot and ticklish over his upper lip.

"Make love to me, Ggukie."

Jeongguk flipped the older over kissing down the valley of his back, hands wandering up and down his slim waist, squeezing at the soft pliant skin. Eventually, his hands gripped at the back of Taehyung's thighs, propping the older up so his ass was properly in the air.

"Okay, but first, I've always wanted to do this," Jeongguk murmured, fingers massaging his firm ass, never failing to be in awe at the way the round golden globes filled up his palms.

God, Kim Taehyung was so perfect— all the way to his broad shoulders, sunkissed skin, his soft thighs, his petit waist, his plump, massive cock dangling hard between his legs, and his glorious ass that Jeongguk admitted to have missed dearly after so long.

To think that this perfection was going to be shared with him, and him alone from now on.

"You're so fucking pretty," Jeongguk growled, pressing aside each cheek with his thumbs, marveling in the way Taehyung's pink hole twitched at the exposure to the cool, hotel room air.

"Do what— oh mhm," Taehyung drawled out a low moan, head hanging between his forearms as Jeongguk dragged the flat of his tongue over his taut entrance.

"Fuck, J-Jeongguk," The older gasped out, but before he could roll his hips back, the younger reached out, clamping his thighs and holding him still. He sucked at his rim, keening with every low, rasped moan he coaxed from the older.

He lapped at the ring of muscle, sucking and teasing his teeth around its sensitive ridges as the older moaned, body shuddering with every touch. Taehyung gasped out, sputtering his name as his thumb pressed down against his perineum. The older cried out, body shaking, trembling, as Jeongguk dipped his tongue into him.

Jeongguk ate him out hungrily, a low, gutteral noise rumbling in his throat as the older tried to grind against his face, desperate for more. He flicked his tongue in and out of him before finally pushing the wet muscle inside, hearing a mess of oh fucks and shit from the older as he clawed at the bedsheets.

He plunged his tongue deeper into his hot, ridged walls, sucking wetly, lapping his tongue, mind spiraling into nothing, thinking about nothing except for the feeling of Taehyung clenching around him, moaning out his name, and falling apart just for him.

The younger pulled away, reaching over to grab the lube on his side. He flicked the bottle open, eyeing the older as his body twitched, ass wriggling for more, wanting Jeongguk to touch him until all of his thoughts were on the younger pleasuring him, making feel so good he couldn't remember his own name.

"You're desperate, huh?" Jeongguk chuckled, pouring lube over his fingers, making sure to put a lot, guessing it might have been a while for the older.

"Really want my cock that bad, hm, bun?"

"Oh fucking hell," Taehyung groaned, hissing when the younger drizzled the cool gel over his swollen asshole, "d-don't talk like that."

"Like what? M'just being honest, baby," He said, rubbing the lube between his fingers before bring them down to his entrance, circling the pads over his twitching hole.

"I-It's new. N-never had you s-speak like that before," He whined, gasping when the younger dipped a finger inside, his head lolling forward into his forearms as the younger slid inside of him, rubbing around his inner, muscular walls.

"I-I don't want you to speak like that," The older whispered, glancing over at Jeongguk, his eyes already glossed over, dazed in bliss.

"I w-wanna feel loved," He added quietly, a bit too quiet, for the younger almost missed his words.

Jeongguk's eyebrows eased, realizing what he meant, and before he could proceed, he flipped the older onto his back.

He settled above him, finger finding it's way back into his ass, as he stared down at the older, basking in the way Taehyung's body was on display just for him, finding him all kinds of beautiful seeing him writhe and his lips fall open with breathy, resonant moans with each curve of his fingers inside of him.

"Is this better?" Jeongguk asked, leaning down to press a kiss against his jaw, his other arm circling around Taehyung to bring their chests closer together.

"Y-Yes— hng," Taehyung breathed out, the skin between his brows creasing as the younger slid in another finger, stretching him out carefully and slowly, putting every ounce of his love and adoration for him in the way he handled his body with absolute patience and consideration.

The older wrapped his arms around his neck, burying his face into the crook of Jeongguk's neck, muffling his moans as his long, nimble fingers played with his hair. Taehyung tensed, hole clenching around Jeongguk while he caressed his inner walls, pumping his fingers lazily, thumb applying light pressure on his perineum.

It was slow and oddly perfect, a new pace he found himself loving. It was in the way he languidly fucked him with three fingers and found solace on Taehyung's lips and silent moans, kissing him gently, smiling against his mouth, their foreheads pressed together as he watched Taehyung's jaw go slack and eyes squeezed shut as his body tremored below him, wave after wave of pleasure satisfying him.

Every breathy whimper, groan, hiss, and cry, he reveled in, finding Taehyung beautiful as he blossomed before him, vulnerable, exposing himself. In another time, perhaps he would have rushed and fucked him hard and fast until he was throwing his head back, fingers digging into his shoulders, and screaming his name, spiraling head on to ruination.

But now, he found himself getting lost in his every reaction, discovering new reasons to love him and familiarizing himself with the ones he had finally reunited with.

There was no need to be fast, to speed up and get this over with. They had been apart for too long, too many years and days and seconds and moments spent separated to take this moment for granted.

So, he took his time getting to know the older's body all over again, relishing each graceful arch of his back, pressing kisses over each beauty mark and imperfection he found that made him perfect, and savored every second he spent unraveling him to make up for lost time.

"Jeongguk," Taehyung rasped, spreading his legs open wide to fit him between, hooded gaze following the younger while readily aligned himself against his entrance.

"Yeah?" He whispered, brows furrowing when the older drew him in for another sloppy kiss, breathing shallow, teeth clicking and chins bumping haphazardly against one another.

"I missed you," The older carded his fingers through his hair, shakily bringing him forward to kiss him again, humming lowly into the kiss, this time, their tongues curling around one another's, sucking, teasing, dripping saliva every where.

"I missed you too," Jeongguk said, groaning into the junction of Taehyung's neck when he entered him slowly, inhaling his sweet perfume combined with the scent of sweat and sex.

"G-God, please, all of it— mmh, fuck, Gguk," Taehyung babbled, moaning out his name in a slur of broken vowels when the younger finally bottomed inside of him, his pelvis pressed against the curves of his asscheeks.

"I will, baby," The younger mouthed at his jaw, his grip firm on his hips, squeezing at the supple skin.

"I'll fuck you so good."

Shit, his mind nearly went blank for a second, the overwhelming sensation of the older's tight walls clenching around his throbbing cock. It had been long, too long. He growled, a deep, carnal sound building in his throat and rolled his hips forward, only to be met with the older tugging harshly at his scalp and his hot, resonant whimpers against his ear.

"God, you're so fucking tight," He watched the older keen at every gentle thrust of his hips, his head pressing back into the pillows, mouth ajar, spilling with all kinds of satisfied noises.

Jeongguk hovered above the older, palm sliding over the curve of his cheek, the pad of thumb brushing over his kiss-swollen lips. He sighed, watching Taehyung nuzzled into his touch, staring at him with this fondness that made him feel loved, feel wanted, needed.

"Jeongguk?" The older whispered, lips pressing against his inner palm.

"What?" He asked, rubbing the side of his hip, trying to ease whatever's left of the pain of the stretch. Taehyung slowly wrapped his arms around his neck, drawing him close, their foreheads, damp with sweat, leaning against one another's.

"Fuck me," Taehyung murmured softly, freeing one of his hands to cup the side of the younger's face, his fingers sliding into his hair, staring up at him with all the love in his eyes.

"Fuck me like you love me."

And so, he did.

He took extra care with every thrust, angling his hips in a way that made Taehyung shiver and whine below him, the gentle slap of skin against skin filling the dimly lit hotel room along with their shallow, airy sighs and heavy, gutteral groans.

They were in the dark, seeing nothing but one another's faces coated in hues of marvelous blues, eyes shut, jaws slack, and lips parted, and hands reaching every to touch, to hold, to feel anchored in the moment with each slow rock of their bodies melding into one.

Taehyung was the first to fall apart, unraveled and exposed, his ribcage ripped out in the open, heart exposed and beating solely for the younger who pleased him, loved him. Who made sure to treasure his every dip and curve, praising and kissing and caressing every part until he lathered him with so much love, that the older was coated in purplish bruises and faint kisses branded into his skin.

And the longer he pumped into him, picking up his pace, chasing a high that was so close yet out of reach, and somewhere along the lines, he too fell apart.

He too felt like he was being split open, ribs cracked apart down the center, heart just as vulnerable as the rest of him. And this— this wasn't just making love anymore.

It was taking pieces of themselves and putting them together to create something beautiful, something new and familiar. Like the stars in the sky coming together to twinkle as one, like two perfectly timed collisions, combining to become part of a bigger purpose— a brand new galaxy.

Fuck, his hips sputtered, shoulders hunching as the older's breath tickled against the shell of his ear, murmuring all kinds of praises and encouragements, and in the midst of all this bliss, he brought his forearm to his lips.

Taehyung's intense, hooded gaze never left his as he pressed his mouth against his old scars, trailing kisses down his faded wounds hidden behind inky flowers, saying on repeat how amazing he was, how he was his strong, pretty boy, who made him so happy and proud and feel so fucking full, so fucking good.

And somehow, the younger stopped, bent over the older, who was hugging him close, fingers buried in his hair. He didn't realize he was trembling until the older took his hand in his, squeezing it tight, and through his blurry vision he could see his arm was shaking.

"Baby," Taehyung said softly, kissing his knuckles, "it's okay." Jeongguk frowned, unsure why he was saying that until he felt the first tear roll down his cheek.

God, he was crying. He was actually crying while making love to the person that held his heart for the last four years of his life. He sniffled loudly, knowing it was probably weird and uncomfortable to have stopped inside the older, but he made no move to tell him off.

"I-I'm sorry, i-it's just a lot, and I'm so happy right now, so l-like it's not settling in at all," Jeongguk said in between tears, crying softly as Taehyung reached up to cup his face.

"Shhh, it's okay. It's real. Your happiness is real, and I'm here, Gguk. I'm right here," Taehyung said, consoling him as he carefully wiped away his tears.

"This is all real, baby." That— that only made him cry harder.

"H-Hyung," Jeongguk whimpered, leaning into the older's touch. "I-I never cry."

"I know you don't, but it's okay. You're happy," He said, squeezing the side of his cheek, the edges of his lips curled into a small smile.

"And you know what?" Taehyung said, pushing his arms up on the mattress. "Flip over." And the younger did right away, now leaning against the headboard while Taehyung sunk down on him, hissing quietly as his cock entered him, filling him up deeper.

"Now look at me," The older guided his hands to his hips, patting them before letting go. "I'm real. All of this is real. And I want you look at me as I ride you, alright?" He nodded.

"Remember what you always wanted me to say?" Taehyung leaned forward, draping his arms around his neck, his nose brushing against his jaw.

"What?" Jeongguk breathed out, blinking away the tears that coated his eyelashes, the two of them moaning in harmony when the older bobbed his hips at the right spot.

"Yeehaw," The older chuckled, breathing heavily into the younger's ear. God, it was so stupid, and yet, Jeongguk was laughing. He was actually laughing, and fuck, he loved him.

Taehyung fell silent, his eyes squeezing shut as he gripped the younger's shoulders while he bounced up and down on his cock, lips parted and head tossed back, his moans growing louder with every thrust.

Eventually, the younger's hips bucked upward to meet Taehyung halfway, their pace growing desperate, less controlled as neither one of them seemed to hold back. Jeongguk gripped his hips, fingers digging into his sides while he fucked into him, wanting nothing more but to reach their highs, to see each other peak at their most vulnerable point.

And they did, managing to find release at the same time as Jeongguk plunged his cock repeatedly into the older's prostate, fucking him fast and hard and thoroughly until they were both groaning out one another's names as they scrambled to find each other's lips.

Finally, Taehyung collapsed into him, coating their stomachs with white while the younger spilled into the condom buried inside of him. For a moment, they sat like this, in silence, simply staring at one another in the dark as they came down from their highs.

Nothing could be heard except for their heavy panting and perhaps even the thrumming of their hearts in seemingly perfect sync. He eventually pulled out of the older, tying the soiled rubber and tossing it into the bin.

"I think I'm in love with you," Taehyung breathed out, the two of them now lying on their sides after the younger used a shirt to clean up the come on their stomachs.

"You think?" Jeongguk raised an eyebrow at the older, pulling the covers up, watch the older snuggle into his arms.

"I know I love you," He hummed, staring up at the younger, resting against his chest. "It's just I think I love you more. I can't believe I forgot how good you are at sex."

"Even when I stopped and cried midway?" He teased, pulling the older close, their legs entangling beneath the sheets as he pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"Yes, it made it even better. Means you care a lot about me," Taehyung said, sighing in content as buried his face in the crook of the younger's neck. "I love you, Gguk."

"I'm sorry it took four years to get my head out of my ass to realize that."

"You don't have to be sorry about that," He snorted, his hand reaching up to card through the older's soft, golden locks. "Things happen for a reason. We weren't ready back then."

"I don't think anyone's ever ready for stuff like this," Taehyung whispered, voice growing thick with exhaustion, the post-orgasmic bliss dying out on his tongue.

"I think it's a matter of having the courage to accept that you'll always be a fucking coward and take that leap of faith anyways, knowing the person that you love will be by your side."

"Is that so?" Jeongguk smiled, eyes falling shut as his mind began to fade in and out of consciousness. The older nodded, pressing his body closer to his. "God, I love you."

"And I love you too," Taehyung murmured, sighing as he found himself content in his arms like this was the place he was meant to be.

"Always?" He whispered, staring up at him.

For Jeongguk, well, he knew this was where he belonged. Coming back to Taehyung was like returning home after being lost for so long, and now that he was back in his arms, in his life, knowing that he loved him back, he never wanted to leave ever again.

After all this time, he finally had everything he ever wanted, and for once, he truly believed he finally deserved to be happy.

"Always," Jeongguk kissed his forehead. "Always."

♡︎♡︎♡︎

"Why did you bring me here?" Jeongguk asked, brows furrowed. It was early in the morning, and Taehyung had dragged the poor boy out of bed, taking him to a secluded area to see one last thing before their trip to France came to a close.

"We're at the Wall of Love," Taehyung said, squeezing his boyfriend's hand as he dragged him closer, noticing the skepticism in his stare.

"Okay and?" The younger yawned, rubbing at his eyes. Taehyung wrapped his arm around him, chuckling warmly as he let him rest his head against his shoulder.

"I just wanted to bring you here," He shrugged, the two of them stopping in front of the blue wall, eyes darting all over the yellow text filled with different languages meaning all the same thing— love.

"It's pretty. Look. Saranghae," Jeongguk snorted, pointing at the Korean painted on the wall. The older rolled his eyes, though of course, the smile on his face gave him away.

"Okay, seriously though. We can make this at home," The younger whipped around, the skin between his brows creased.

"Make it at home? God, Gguk, this is a famous wall," Taehyung snorted softly, pinching the younger's ear, who was also quick to swat him away, his nose scrunched all cutely together.

God, he couldn't get used to this. Jeongguk was actually his lover, his boyfriend, if you put it in official terms. It made him giddy to think about, knowing that he was going to come home to him, since the younger was going to take a year off to go and finish college back in Korea.

After four long years, he was home again. He was right where he belonged after jumping from place to place, and god, he would never making this mistake again. Of course, he knew better. Just because they were happy now, doesn't mean they would be happy forever.

But now, he was prepared. Even though it scared him, he wasn't going to run anymore. He loved Jeongguk; they promised to jumped the gap together. There was no way he was going to let him go ever again.

"Alright, I brought you here because I know we're gonna be busy. You're gonna finish your last year you missed of college to become a teacher, and I'm gonna continue my education to become a couples' therapist," he said, gesturing at the two of them.

"A couples' therapist? That's what you're gonna do?" Jeongguk raised an eyebrow at him. Taehyung nodded, boxy smile on his lips.

"What? It's a good idea. I wanna help couples work through their stuff so they wouldn't go through the same thing we did," Taehyung said nonchalantly. "Nobody deserves to go through that."

"Anyways, that's not the point. We'll be busy."

"Yes, we'll be busy," Jeongguk murmured softly, staring over at the older with that familiar twinkle in his eyes, the stars Taehyung knew he would never get tired of.

"So, I'm here to tell yo that Wall of Love over there doesn't contain the definition of how much you mean to me," Taehyung gestured between them.

"Jeon Jeongguk, I love you. I've always been in love with you," The older whispered, cupping the younger's cheek, his other arm winding around his waist to bring his body closer.

"We're gonna have the best life, you and me. We're gonna be so happy, and we'll grow old together and I'll even have kids with you if that's what you want," He giggled, pressing his nose against Jeongguk's, eyes squeezed shut as the younger's palm settled over his necl.

"You, and I. Specs and Ugly Dick Jk," At that, the two of them snorted, staring down at their matching bracelets, "We're supposed to end up together. We're meant to be. I love you."

"I love you too," Jeongguk said, staring at the older fondly, the smile he wore stretching wide over his lips, bunny-teeth exposed. "I'll love you as long as you let me."

"Yeah, and that's why I was going to ask you this," Taehyung pulled away. The younger's brows knitted together, confusion sprawled over his face until he realized he was getting down on one knee.

"Um, d-don't you think this is going too fast?" Jeongguk gulped, eyes widened as he pointed between the two's position, his cheeks a bright shade of pink.

"M'not gonna propose. I have all the time to do that," Taehyung laughed, tilting his head back to get a better look of his beautiful boyfriend, who was mildly panicking.

"I was gonna ask you this," He grabbed his hand, bringing his fingers close to his lips, gently giving them a kiss, unable to hide the smile blossoming over his mouth.

"Jeon Jeongguk."

"Kim Taehyung."

"Can I take you on a real first date?" The younger froze, not saying anything for a second, a moment, and fuck, the smile slowly began to falter on Taehyung's lips. Maybe he shouldn't have gotten down on—

Jeongguk tugged him up, yanking the older forward until their lips collided half-way. His eyes shot open, not expecting the younger to be cupping his face, kissing him sweetly, his lips moving gently against his. Oh well, he wasn't complaining, and soon, he kissed him back, hands finding his waist and fitting their hips together.

"Hi there," Taehyung murmured, eyes opening to see the younger smiling at him, his thumb running up and down his jaw. "So is that a yes?" He asked, smirking.

"Yes," Jeongguk nodded, pulling the older back to him, his lips hovering above his so he could still see the beautiful smile and the stars dancing in his pretty doe eyes.

"Yes, I'll go on a real date with you."

THE END of HTT

♡︎♡︎♡︎

we finally reached it.

i first want to say thank you to all
of you guys who stuck around and saw the end to these two shitheads. we all know that htt was an accident. but htt has also brought a lot of new milestones and i was able to meet so many lovely people from this book. no future book i will write can beat how htt impacted me. and i'd also like to thank my friends, fairykoo & @areumgn for helping me in this process! other than that, thank you everyone again for every vote & comment. i loved reading all the comments and seeing you guys happy!

regarding what i'm going to do after,
i'm not gonna write another book for
a while & jimin's story (TCG) & my other books will be on hold. recently, i got a dm from a wattpad staff to participate in an opportunity to become a paid author. i took it, & now i'm waiting to see if Russian Roulette had passed through the board. in the mean time, i'll be taking a break because if i get this offer, i have to rewrite RR (: it's all new and very exciting and i hope to have your support in the next coming weeks until
results arrive. if i don't get it, i'll be sure to drop another fic 💛💛💛

anyways, thank you. i love you
guys more than love 💛💛 see you soon!