one more chapter until the epilogue (:
( i made it shorter bc i couldn't drag
htt taekook's story any longer! )

♡♡♡

Taehyung never once left his side.

It had been a thing for the two of them, visiting Jeongguk right after school. After the younger asked him to never leave his side that day, he possibly couldn't. There was no way he was going to lose him.

So, they spent every chance they could.

While he was at school, Jeongguk's family visited in the mornings. From what he heard, he met up with his aunt already, and after some crying on both of their ends and a long conversation, Jeongguk assured him things were going to be okay for him.

He hadn't seen his mom or his sisters— he wanted to when he wasn't in the psych ward, and his mother simply wasn't in the condition yet to travel so far.

His father dropped by, but Jeongguk didn't mention much about what they discussed, or rather, he didn't tell Taehyung anything except they talked.

He wasn't going to push him though: he would tell him when he was ready for it.

However, he seemed to look a bit at ease, like some burden was lifted from his shoulders. He wasn't back to smiling and laughing yet, but his doctor explained he was most likely drained, so Taehyung would have to be careful to not push him to his limit.

He didn't mind it though. Some days, Jeongguk would have the energy to be pushed on a wheelchair around the floor for an afternoon walk. Others, he was content with reading books, doing puzzles, and watching animes.

But of course, there were bad days along with the good.

Sometimes he refused to talk to Taehyung after a physical therapy session, too consumed by pain to even talk, and all Taehyung would do was lie on his bed and cuddle him close as he cried himself to sleep on his shoulder, rubbing his hand up and down his back and reminding him how strong he was.

On the worst of days, Jeongguk simply wasn't in the mood for visitors. Taehyung didn't leave, though. He sat outside his room, doing his homework until he knew Jeongguk was safe asleep.

Taehyung prefered not to dwell on those days.

He knew they were inevitable even though it pained him to see his Jeongguk so broken. It was going to be difficult, he knew it, especially when that darkness took over, and he could barely recognize the boy before him.

Jeongguk rarely smiled, laughed. Sometimes he didn't even talk or eat, and the stars, all the pretty galaxies, in his eyes were gone, and he wasn't so sure if they would ever return.

But he was determined, determined to make him happy again, to at least bring a hint of a smile on his lips despite the pain, to see even the tiniest speck of a star in his eyes.

It wasn't impossible, and they had all the time on their hands— they were doing this together.

Eventually, the week in the psychiatry ward passed, and he was able to go back to his main room to continue to rest up.

It had been two weeks since then, and Taehyung had to switch shifts with Hyejung, his aunt, and his dad, but he didn't mind being the last person to see Jeongguk.

It was nice seeing him at the end of his day— it made getting through it worth every second, and luckily today, Jeongguk was in a good mood. So, as per usual, he curled by his side, entangling him into his arms, and together they watched Haikyuu, bodies fitting perfectly like they were meant to be one.

"You wanna hear a joke?" Taehyung asked, running his fingers through Jeongguk's hair, head leaning against his as the two of them were watching anime on his phone.

"Do I really want to?" Jeongguk asked, tilting his head up, nose crinkling. Taehyung snorted.

"I mean," The older said, twirling the long black strands around his finger. "They're really good jokes."

"From what I remember, all your jokes are bad," Jeongguk grumbled. Taehyung scoffed, pretending to be offended as he lightly smacked Jeongguk's head.

"Rude," Taehyung leaned back, getting a better look at his face. "You love my jokes." He said, pinching his ear, only to get swatted by the younger.

His nurses recently told him he was sleeping more, the nights he spent sobbing were dwindling lately. He could tell— the dark circles around his eyes were beginning to fade and were less puffy this morning. Plus, he wasn't complaining of a headache.

"So can I tell you a joke?" He asked again, carding his fingers through his hair, massaging at the side of his head, smiling at the way Jeongguk's head lolled into the crook of Tae's neck.

"Fine, only because it's you," Jeongguk gave in, sighing. Taehyung grinned, sitting up and putting his phone on the side table.

"What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?"

"Oh I wonder," The younger said sarcastically, snorting softly. Taehyung's heart lurched, his lips widening at the familiar sound.

"A can't opener," He declared proudly, only to be met with an eye-roll. Taehyung couldn't help but snicker, getting nudged in the stomach.

"You are horrible," Jeongguk said, threw his head back, staring up at him, his doe eyes softening.

"I don't know how I stand you."

"You love me," Taehyung whispered, fingers trailing down the side of his jaw, faintly caressing the skin. Neither one of them said a thing, his gaze fixating on his own.

"Anyways," He cleared his throat, realizing they were staring at one another for too long, and if he didn't look away, he would notice the blush creeping over his cheeks. "You like the episode?"

"I do," Jeongguk murmured quietly. He felt his eyes linger on him, but Taehyung refused to meet his gaze, teeth gnawing at his bottom lip.

"I thought I'd be pissed, honestly, watching them play against Shiratorizawa. But when I watch them, I guess I'm... happy?"

"You're happy?" His head whipped toward him, and god, his chest clenched seeing the way Jeongguk was staring at the screen, longingly.

"Yeah? I don't know. I don't feel like shit," He said, shrugging a little. "I miss it. Watching them. I miss the game, and it hurts, yeah, but— I-I don't know."

"It's okay not to know," Taehyung murmured, propping himself up on his pillow. Jeongguk glanced at him, the skin between his brows scrunched together.

"I don't know a lot of things lately," Jeongguk said, honesty burning in his dark irises as he averted his stare to his lap, fidgeting his fingers around.

"It's all happening so fast. Rehab. My family. Therapy. This. I just can't comprehend anything."

"Like," He inhaled shakily, lacing his fingers together. "God, I don't know. I'm sorry, I-I probably sound really dumb and I'm rambling and—,"

"—Jeongguk," Taehyung whispered, snapping him out of his trance, his index and thumb hooking beneath the younger's chin, tilting it in his direction.

"It's okay," He said, rubbing his thumb over the curve of his chin. Jeongguk blinked, lips pressed into a thin line. "You don't sound dumb, and there's no need to worry about things right now except yourself getting better."

"But everything's already so complicated though," Jeongguk muttered, deflating, stare fixating away from the older. "You shouldn't even be here. There's entrance exams, and you have college. You have places to be."

"This is the place I want to be," Taehyung hummed, palm sliding over the side of his cheek, cupping it. "I'm not gonna make the same mistake again."

"Mistake?" Jeongguk asked, raising an eyebrow at him. Taehyung nodded firmly.

"I'm not gonna leave you," He said, thumb gliding over the bottom of his lip, right beneath the mole decorating the skin below it. "I can't and I won't."

"Tae," The younger's voice drifted off, leaning into his touch for a second before he flinched away from his touch.

It fell silent, again, but this time, the air around them was heavy as though some weight had fallen between them— all the unsaid words, the memories, both painful and happy, resurfacing.

Their break up, their first kiss, every laugh and joke, every smile and promise, the spur of the moment "i-love-you's", and their fights seemed to have opened old wounds that didn't quite heal right.

Jeongguk swallowed. "You changed."

"Yeah?" Taehyung said, pulling his hand way, letting it fall back onto his lap. He scratched the side of his neck, "I dyed it black. Went back to my old self."

He didn't know why he was suddenly self-concious feeling Jeongguk's eyes rake over him. He shouldn't have to be after working so hard on building his own confidence without him.

He was finally okay with himself, but in seconds, Jeongguk was able to tear it all down. It shouldn't have mattered, yet it did.

But as he braced himself for an insult, a backhanded compliment, all he was faced with was what looked like the beginning of a smile.

"You look amazing."

Jeongguk murmured, the corner of his lip tugging up for the first time since he got there. Taehyung's eyes splayed wide for a second, his heart doing all sorts of flips. It was progress. Good progress.

"I do?" He asked, palm sliding up and down his neck. Jeongguk nodded, and it was his turn to reach over, the tips of his fingers brushing against his cheek.

"You always do," Jeongguk whispered, fingers tracing down the curve of his jaw. "Always thought you were. I never stopped thinking so."

"I'd love every version of you."

"Sap," Taehyung's voice cracked as he blinked rapidly, hating how easy it was for his eyes to prickle with tears. Jeongguk breathed out what could have been a laugh.

"M'glad you're doing well at least," He moved his hand away much to Taehyung's own liking, but he said nothing, following the younger's stare to his still bandaged wrists.

"I can't believe I did that to myself," Jeongguk said, holding them out in front of them, shoulders tensed.

"B-but when I held that scapel I stole from one of their carts, it just felt right." At that, Taehyung froze.

"Oh, fuck, sorry. I shouldn't be talking about it, huh?" The younger winced, about to hide his wrists like he always did, but Taehyung was quick to grab his hands, stopping him.

"God I'm so sorry Tae—,"

"—No, it's fine. It's how you felt, and your therapist said you shouldn't bottle anything up," Taehyung's adam's apple bobbed in the hollow of his throat as he met the younger's glossed over gaze.

"Right," Jeongguk nodded, biting his lip. "Right. But I don't want you to think m'some fucking loony."

"I don't think you're crazy, Gguk. Doing that doesn't make you crazy," Taehyung said, slowly turning over his wrists between them, displaying them out in the open.

"You were hurting."

"When did you become some therapist?" He asked, attempting to joke, but they could tell he didn't have it in him yet. It sounded cold, empty. Maybe he would have been hurt a while ago, but he wasn't.

The two of them fell silent, again. It was starting to become a habit with everything going on, but he always refused to let it get awkward between them. Every moment mattered; they couldn't waste it acting like immature middle schoolers.

"Y'know what," Taehyung pressed his lips together, searching the room for something in particular. The younger asked what back, watching the older get off the bed and toward his bag.

"Have you ever wanted tattoos?"

He called over his shoulder, digging through his bag until he found his tiger pencil pouch Jeongguk bought for him when they were still dating ("It oddly reminded me of you Specs").

"When I was a kid," Jeongguk said cautiously. "What are you planning?" He questioned, scooting over when the older climbed back to his side of the bed.

"What are you— the fuck is that?" The younger asked incredulously, watching as Taehyung took a red marker and made a failed attempt at drawing a heart.

"It's so lopsided?" Jeongguk pointed out. The older ignored him, putting the marker aside and taking another one to make eyes and lips.

"Tadaaa!" He said, showing his little heart drawing on Jeongguk's bandage, smiling proudly at his artwork. A little red heart with big yellow lips.

"See, now when you look at your wrists, you won't think sad thoughts anymore!"

"You're a dork," Jeongguk whispered, lips twitching into an almost-smile. Taehyung was so close.

"You hate it?" Taehyung asked, waving a pen in front of him. Jeongguk rolled his eyes.

"Of course. It's horrendous. Now hand me one."

And he did, handing him a marker and let Jeongguk draw something right beside it but in pink pen. He watched him lean down, brows creased and the tip of his tongue poking between his lips as he seemed to draw a bunny beside it.

"Ah fuck. Fucked up his eyebrow," Jeongguk grumbled, groaning out when he messed up the outline. "Now he has a wonky big brow, but hey, your heart alien has a friend!"

"Heart alien?" Taehyung snorted softly, watching the younger with fondness overflowing in his gentle irises. Jeongguk nodded, snatching the pouch from him.

"Your heart looks like a failed red asscheek," He deadpanned. "Failed asscheek and wonky brow bunny can be besties."

"Pals?" Taehyung teased. At that, Jeongguk snorted.

"C'mon, don't do them dirty like that," He said, looking up at him, expression glowing for the first time since that day, and there, playing on his lips was what Taehyung was waiting for.

His first smile.

"Besties it is then," Taehyung let out a low laugh, the sound rumbling pleasantly in his throat. He reached forward, a boxy smile on his lips as he pushed aside Jeongguk's hair behind his ear.

"Can we make more, Tae?" The younger asked. He nodded, and together, they hunched over his wrists, drawing happy thoughts (what Jeongguk named them) on the bandages.

Jeongguk was way better at art than Taehyung, which gave him an advantage because he ended up getting really disappointed when his rainbow didn't compare to the tiger lily he drew on his side.

"You're cheating," Taehyung pouted, finishing his clouds, deflated beside Jeongguk. The younger simply let out a snort, nudging his side.

"You're just gay," Jeongguk teased, earning an eyeroll from the older. "A rainbow, really?"

"I'm sorry I'm not an artist," Taehyung held his hands up in defense. "What else do you want me to draw? Two dicks tapping to symbolize your alliance with gays?"

"If you're down, sure. But m'not sure how my nurses would react," Jeongguk pointed out, the beautiful smile he wore growing stronger with every passing second.

"M'a cock supporter but do I really wanna be vocal about it right now?"

"Shut up," Taehyung rolled his eyes, taking a pen out to draw something else (no, it wasn't a dick). His horrible artistics abilities limited him to stickmen, but he wasn't going to do that so he tried to draw Yeontan.

"Oh my god, Tae, why does Tannie look like a ball of hair," Jeongguk pointed at his second failed attempt. The older frowned, glaring at him as he added the finishing touches: a tail and ears.

"He is a ball of hair. Why are you so judgy? Do you see me critiquing your... oh fuuuck you. You drew a skeleton peace-sign?" Taehyung groaned.

"Yeah," Jeongguk said like it was nothing. Damn talented people. "It looks cool, huh? Reminds me of that nirvana song. I'd rather be dead than cool."

"Mm lol, I almost died," The younger blurted out without thinking.

When Taehyung didn't say anything, he coughed awkwardly, scratching the side of his throat. "Shit, sorry. I don't mean to make those... jokes."

"No, it's fine, it's just the fact you said 'lol' out loud," Taehyung said, flicking his chin, stomach fluttering seeing another small smile unravel over Jeongguk's lips.

"I hate you," He grinned, pinching his chin, gently shaking his head a little.

"No you don't," Jeongguk swatted his hand away, "You never will."

"You got me there," Taehyung laughed, tucking his black hair behind his own ear before returning to his sad excuse of a dog drawing.

Eventually, they filled up all the possible white with stupid drawings. Taehyung drew cartoons all over and geometric faces that he thought were 'artistic' while Jeongguk doodled all kinds of flowers and cool scribbles of stars, planets, and the sun and moon.

They fought over who had the better drawings, and after threatening to shove markers up Jeongguk's ass, he gave in and said Taehyung had the best art.

And somewhere along the lines of playful threats and shitty jokes, the old— no scratch that— the happier Jeongguk was slowly coming back to him.

Oh, and he wasn't sure who suggested it, but they managed to get Jeongguk on a wheelchair when they realized it was about dinner time.

"Hospital food sucks fucking ass," Jeongguk said, leaning against Taehyung, trying not to put weight on his knee.

"Also, this kinda feels like you're illegally smuggling me out of somewhere."

"More like I'm smuggling you out of a room so you don't have to face the fate of eating terrible hospital food," Taehyung grumbled, trying to catch his breath from carrying a heavy Jeongguk while he scribbled a note for the nurses.

"Maybe Jeongguk smuggling should be an art form," The younger gasped, gesturing his hands into an imaginary rainbow as Taehyung tried to figure out how to work a wheelchair.

"Art form?" Taehyung asked, groaning when he managed to unlock the damn thing. He was starting to enjoy this a little more than usual, his heart fucking soaring seeing Jeongguk filled with energy.

This was the most alive he had seen him yet.

"Yes, an art form," Jeongguk said, clapping his hands together, letting Taehyung push him out of his room. "It requires technique like you just did."

"I just carried your fat ass to a wheelchair."

"Hey, was that a compliment?" The younger glanced up at him, smiling widely, front bunny-teeth flashing at him. Taehyung rolled his eyes. "Taehyung?"

"What?" The older asked, holding onto the handles tightly as he led Jeongguk out the door, trying to avoid the nurses' station.

"You want some cake?"

"The hospital doesn't sell cake, stupid," Taehyung said. Jeongguk snorted.

"I meant cake, as in ass," He grinned goofily, lips crooked and lopsided, but real and very much happy. That was all that mattered.

"Please don't offer your ass to me in the form of a food," Taehyung scanned the area in front of them before gathering all his strength to push Jeongguk fast so nobody would see them.

"What else should I offer it as then? Like a flower?"

"Shut the fuck up," Taehyung flicked the back of his head but of course, once he got the younger going, there was no stopping him.

"I shall spread my ass like a flower for you Kim Taehyung," The younger lowered his voice to mimic a salesperson, unaware his words caused Taehyung's entire face to flush red.

"Never say that again," He said, voice rough as he pushed him down a hallway toward a bunch of different vending machines.

"Vending machines? Exquisite taste Taehyung-san," Jeongguk's energy really was at its peak. He rolled his eyes for the umpteenth time, unable to hide the smile on his lips as he locked Jeongguk's chair by the machine.

"What do you want to dine on tonight, dear sir?" He tried to play along, wondering if he could get the younger to laugh too.

"The finest chip bagged in morrocan air, or luxury chocolate wrapped in expensive chinese wrapping paper?" He pointed at a cheeto bag and a snickers.

"The chocolate looks out of budget," Jeongguk tapped his chin, looking absolutely ridiculous as he pretended to be deep in thought.

It took everything in Taehyung's power not to die of laughter. He couldn't even hide his smile for Pete's sake!

"How about the bag of morrocan air? Gives me good vibes. There's more air than chip," The younger hummed, drumming his fingers excitedly over his lap. "Ooo there's gummy worms!"

"Wait shit— I meant fine, multi-colored gelatin product of stringed mammal."

"Worms are mammals?" Taehyung asked, lifting a brow at him while he dug for his wallet. The only shitty thing about vending machines was that their cheap food was terribly overpriced.

"Dunno. Just wanted to sound smart," Jeongguk breathed out, shoulders shaking in quiet laughter that didn't quite count, admitting his dumbassery.

"Alright, but you sure you just want this for dinner?" He glanced at him over his shoulder while he put in some money into the machine.

"We can buy ice cream," The younger suggested. "I saw an ice cream truck outside the hospital."

"We are not going outside the hospital. I think it's a crime to take a patient out of hospital grounds," He muttered, scratching the side of his neck, punching the numbers in for their snacks.

"Fine. We can settle for hospital ice cream in the cafeteria if it makes you happy," Jeongguk crossed his arms over his chest. "I can go there, right?"

"We'll see," Taehyung said, crouching down to grab the bag of chips before tossing it to the younger. He decided it wouldn't hurt to buy some banana milk from the drink machine.

"Are we going to head back to the room?"

"We should go to the roof," The younger grinned. "The hospital has a really pretty roof. There's plants."

"Wow there's plants. So cool," He rolled his eyes, yelping when Jeongguk swung his non-injured foot at his calf. He hissed, whipping his to get a look at him smirking smugly at him.

"Take me to the roof. I've been trapped here for a while. I forgot what the sky looked like," He said dramatically, draping his arm over his forehead.

"Well for starters it's blue. There's white clouds. They're puffy. It's also pretty big—,"

"— Come on," Jeongguk said, whining a little. "It'll make me happy."

"Gguk." Taehyung grabbed the last of their food, back leaning against the machine as he stared down at him, brows drawn together in a bunch.

"Please," The younger's tone softened, words solemn off his tongue. "Let's go escape for a while yeah? Just you and me. Us. Together."

"Us," Taehyung whispered, fingers squeezing the bags of junkfood and their drinks. It had been way too long since he heard that, and god, his throat was suddenly tight.

"Us. Just us. Specs and Jeongguk," Jeongguk repeated. "Like the old times."

"The old times," He murmured, throat tight.

"Yeah," He cupped the side of his neck, "And... I think we need to talk."

"We do," The older nodded stiffly, pushing off the vending machine to return to his place behind him. He handed Jeongguk all the food, gulping while he unlocked the chair.

"About this," Jeongguk clarified, pointing at the two of them, his words making his stomach do all sorts of flips he weren't quite sure felt good. "You okay with that?"

"Are you sure you're ready?" Taehyung pulled them away from the machines and toward the direction of the elevators to head to the roof.

"If it's with you," He whispered, honesty lacing his words, "then yes, I think I'll be okay. As long as we're together, right?"

"Are you ready Tae?" Taehyung stiffened.

This was all he had been waiting for, and this, this was their chance. It wasn't quite the circumstances he imagined it to be, but did life ever really work in their favor?

Taehyung was supposed to have a plan for the rest of his life, but he struggled even until now. Jeongguk was supposed to be playing volleyball, win nationals for their school, and play for the Olympics, but here he was, recovering from a career-ending injury.

Hell, they would have been celebrating their fourth month as a couple together, not their second month since their breakup, if life worked out the way it should have.

Maybe all of these things happened for a reason, and this was his shot to make things right.

Maybe this was the moment he had been waiting for, or rather, it was his only chance— their only chance to fix everything between them.

Because even though they were fine now, would they be days later? Months? Years even? Would they be okay when Jeongguk was healed, not needing him by his side anymore? Or at college, when they became too busy once again?

As much as it terrifed him, and as much as it hurt to pry open the wounds he tried to heal on his own (and couldn't quite do it all the way; how could he?), they wouldn't be okay unless they did this.

They had to talk, and Taehyung wasn't sure if he would ever get the chance again if he backed out now.

And so, after gathering the rest of their food, they went to the roof.

It was cool when they reached the top, the air a bit stuffier and a gentle breeze ruffling through their hair as Taehyung wheeled a munching Jeongguk (he was impatient) to a bench in front of the railing.

Below them was the city, spread out before them dozens of buildings towering and kissing the orange-pink skies. There were tangles of roads and faint, yellow and red lights of cars honking buzzed in the hazy air, muted in the whoosh of the wind.

They didn't get ice cream since they guessed it would be too cold, so they sat and ate their mediocre chips and drank their banana milk, side by side on the bench while they stared out ahead of them.

It was endless, the city. No matter how hard they squinted to find an end, there wasn't one in sight.

But eventually, with his bottom lip captured between his teeth, he glanced over at Jeongguk, knowing the second he saw his features beneath the golden light that he couldn't ever see an end with him.

To the slope of his nose, the curve of his lips, to the sharp line of his jaw, and the slants of his doe eyes, even then there was no end to them. He could stare at them for hours, like a body of stars he couldn't rip his eyes away from.

And when he remembered the way they loved one another, he wondered why they let it slip from their fingers, giving themselves an ending when every moment he looked at him he saw infinity.

He saw infinity in him, so why did they give their love a limit?

"I didn't kiss Jimin because I wanted to," Taehyung blurted out, whipping his head the other direction, face burning when he realized what he said.

"Ouch," Jeongguk let out softly, the hurt in his words making Taehyung want to throw himself off the roof for being insensitive and oh-so stupid. God, he needed a filter sometimes.

"We're diving right in, huh Specs?"

"Sorry," Taehyung whispered, hanging his head, fiddling with the chip bag in his lap.

"No, it's fine. We avoided it for so long," The younger hummed, the edge of his lip quirked upward into a half-smile.

"But Jeongguk," He interrupted, quickly adding, "I meant it. I didn't kiss him with the intent to cheat. When you were gone, we kinda became good friends."

"Is that so?" The younger said. He couldn't quite understand his tone. Every essence of the happier Jeongguk missing from each vowel.

"He changed, but I'm not defending him. He can defend himself," He explained, lacing his fingers together, a lump forming in his throat. "We were only good as friends, and that kiss was more of a friendly peck and nothing more."

"It doesn't excuse what I did, but you and I? I really thought we were meant to be more, Gguk."

"I did too," Jeongguk admitted, voice a mere murmur. "And I'm sorry for never telling you about Yuta. I don't know what I was thinking letting him do that to me. I should have stopped him."

"It's alright," Taehyung exhaled shakily, glancing ahead at the skyline before them. "We both messed up there. We should have told each other."

"I'm sorry, Tae for accusing you of cheating," He whispered, and fuck, he could feel his eyes lingering on him, all the pain and hurt out in the open.

"I'm sorry too," He said thickly, words trembling off his quivering lips. "I'm so, so sorry."

"And," Jeongguk murmured, "I should have tried harder for us."

"Ouch," Taehyung flinched, not expecting that to have come up right away. He could already feel his heart beginning to fall apart in his chest, the temporary fixes he instilled no longer able to hold.

"You started it," Jeongguk tried to make thhe situation lighter, or well, at least tried to but the atmosphere was already tense, heavy with each of the things they had left unsaid.

"But I mean what I said. I let everyone force the volleyball agenda on me instead of telling them to stop. Everybody made it feel impossible, so I felt it too, when really it wasn't," Regret laced his every word.

"I left you when I promised I wouldn't, and it has haunted me," Jeongguk's voice cracked. He glanced over at him, watching the younger shove his fingers through his hair, nostrils flaring.

"I r-regret it. I'm sorry Tae," He finally broke, his head leaning against his shoulder, face contorted with pain and eyes squeezed tight. 

"I shouldn't have left you. Y0u were trying, and I was so fucking s-stupid and left you," The younger said ever so softly and Taehyung leaned his head against his.

"T-Tae I'm so sorry I h-hurt you."

"Jeongguk," Taehyung reached over, palm settling over his cheek, "I'm sorry too." He breathed out, words as fragile as his own heart, nearly shattering in his chest with every passing second.

"I should have listened to you. I should have let you explain, but all I did was jump to all kinds of fucking conclusions," Taehyung caressed his cheek with his thumb, gaze averted toward the sun setting in front of them.

"If only I listened, maybe we wouldn't be here, you know? You're not the only one at fault," Taehyung whispered, licking his lips.

"You see," He started, chest clenching hearing the younger's tiny whimpers and sniffles. He held him close, stroking his cheek. "I don't think we were ready."

"We jumped into it without thinking."

"We might have been ready to do all those couple things," He chuckled a little, though it wasn't at all humorous, for the second it slipped past his lips it sounded strangled, pained, even.

"But maybe we weren't ready to really commit yet. I learned that we still have a lot left to figure out about ourselves," Taehyung whispered.

"And we could have done it together, but we let it split us apart."

"You sound really smart, Specs. Maybe you have the 4.5 GPA," Jeongguk blurted out in between sniffles.

The two of them ended up chuckling, though in the end, Taehyung could feel his own tears burning at the back of his eyes. Exhaling shakily, he adjusted his arm so it was around Jeongguk's shoulders, hugging his warm body against his.

"I'm just saying, Gguk, that I loved you then," Taehyung said, no longer holding himself back as his vision began to blur. "I still love you, and I love you in a way that hurts."

"It's stupid and cringey and cliche," He laughed brokenly, "but I love you so much it hurts to love you."

"Is that supposed to be good?" Jeongguk asked, snorting softly. Taehyung shrugged, lips forming into a weak smile.

"Maybe?" He said, his free fingers tangling with Jeongguk's, their enclosed hands resting on his thigh. "I don't know, but I do know is that I love you. I think I always will because..."

"Because what? Finish your sentence,"Jeongguk whispered. He tilted his head up, pulling away to get a better angle of the older's face only to be met with teary eyes and a trembling frown struggling to hold.

"Because you're my person," He declared, squeezing his hand to feel him, to make sure he wasn't some figment of his imagination. "You are my best friend. You are my always."

"You are my home, Jeongguk."

"Tae," Jeongguk murmured, watching as the older's shoulders began to shake. He shook his head, blinking back the tears that still managed to slip down his cheeks.

"And when I saw you on that bed, half alive after you tried to k-kill yourself," Taehyung nearly sobbed, feeling Jeongguk remove their hands so he could cup the side of his cheek.

"I couldn't live with myself knowing I hurt you, and that was how you'd remember us when I wanted you to remember all the good things because those good things? They were the happiest moments of our lives, Gguk. And I ruined them. I hurt you."

"I lost you. I t-thought I lost you forever."

"Taehyung no," Jeongguk rubbed his thumb over his cheek, their faces parallel, so close their noses almost bumped. "I hurt you. I hurt you, baby, and I'm here. I'll stay here."

"But, Tae, it was us. We hurt each other," He whispered, shoulders falling as he slumped against the younger. Jeongguk nodded numbly, leaning over and pressing his forehead to his.

"We did, and we're sorry," The younger continued, voice low and gentle. "We're okay. We will be okay. You're my person too. My home. My always."

"You're my fucking always, Taehyung."

"I know I said all those mean things, but I didn't mean it. I never did," Jeongguk said, desperation edging his tone. "I'm so sorry, Tae. I'm sorry."

Their food was forgotten beside them, and though it probably wasn't very great to have banana milk breath, nothing about that mattered.

All that he cared about was the fact Jeongguk was beside him, breathing the same air as him, warm and tangible, existing even after given all the reasons not to.

He closed his eyes, exhaling softly, nuzzling his forehead against his Jeongguk's. His hands reached up, cupping the sides of his face, fingers burying into his hair, touching him, feeling him.

He drew in a shaky breath, smelling his scent, senses flooded with just Jeongguk. He felt the other's hands cup his face, thumbs tracing his cheek to the outer lining of his parted lips. Muttered something along the lines of my beautiful Tae and my always.

It was different, difficult to explain how he felt then, leaning against him, their eyes closed and noses pressed together. Maybe it was the desperation to be finally near another, the struggle to believe that this was all real and not a dream, or the fact all they have left unsaid was finally said.

It was easier to breathe, to exist, this way. With no more lies and nothing hidden between them. Even though they would never be the same, this moment of clarity, of peace was the remedy they needed.

They were hurt. They would always be hurting inside, whether it be together, or apart, but what truly mattered was the healing process.

There would be days, Taehyung had learned, where everything would feel hopeless, and there was no energy to fulfill a purpose that seemed unclear inside of him. The question, why continue on, would reoccurr in his mind.

There would be days of pain, eating him alive, or days where the pain was silent, leaving him to suffer alone with no explanation of why except that it did.

But among those days were the good ones. The happy ones. The ones filled with everything good, and you seemed to be flying on fucking air getting things done and finally feeling loved even if it was for a fleeting moment.

Everybody loved the happy days. While he dated Jeongguk, that was all he ever wanted, all he ever really planned for. He didn't want those sad days; hell, he didn't think they were possible.

Relationships were always romanticized to make those who haven't had one, want one. Before, he would hear of perfect highschool sweethearts who got married and have families, or of cute dates and equally cheesy pictures of smiling couples online.

Nobody would ever tell the story of big fights, or huge misunderstandings. Even on shows or books, the main couples would have some fight, and they would be fine right away and be all gross and all over each other.

It made relationships sound so appealing, so easy and simple and fun— who wouldn't want one?

But he learned it was the opposite. He didn't plan to fight with Jeongguk. He didn't think he would be devoured by self-doubt and watch all of their happy days fall from his grasp.

Maybe he was a person who loved Jeongguk but wanted to be in a relationship for the sake of being able to say he was in one. There was a difference of being in it for the title and fun than the journey of working through every issue, every struggle together.

Clearly, he wasn't ready for that process.

But the longer he spent apart from Jeongguk, and the weeks he was at his side, watching him recover, he realized that there will always be bad and good days.

No matter if you were in a relationship or not, and that you had to face them. You had to get through them.

Because with every sad moment where life seemed to stop, it wasn't just there to make you suffer. Those moments shaped you into the person you were going to be. They made you the individual that you would be even if you had to suffer.

And at the end of all that pain, Taehyung finally understood as he sat there, holding onto Jeongguk, afraid if he let go, he would lose him.

Pain was necessary for happiness. It was inevitable and it surely wasn't appealing, but you had to have the bad times in life to finally experience the happiest moments of your entire existence.

"I love you," Taehyung murmured, pulling back, gaze meeting the younger's. "I love you," He repeated, declaring them with every fiber of his being.

"I would say it back but," Jeongguk chuckled, squeezing the older's cheeks, finding it adorable how his expression fell.

"I love you more than love."

"You're such a fricking sap," Taehyung groaned, shaking his head a little as his nose nuzzled against the younger's.

God, he loved this, hearing Jeongguk's airy laughter curl around his ear, feeling his warmth, and simply just holding him. But never did they kiss. Never did they let themselves do anything other than this, for it meant more than any possible gesture.

They didn't need to label anything or move fast when this was it. Holding another close beneath the sunset was all he ever needed to feel alive. To feel happy.

To finally, feel complete.

♡♡♡

Jimin didn't know if he was supposed to be here, or rather, if he did have any business being here.

He heard Jeongguk was having visitors, seeing how Yugyeom, San, and Jae were always chatting about ways to cheer him up. Taehyung was also spending less time with him, for he spent all his time at the hospital with Jeongguk.

Namjoon and Yoongi were talking about it every now and then, only knowing vague details for Jeongguk's dad shut down any rumor about his suicide attempt, but the duo never had the balls to ever do anything that wasn't beneficial to themselves.

Jimin honestly hated them, but what could he do? Namjoon was too drugged most of the time to care. Yoongi was just... Yoongi.

He shouldn't have came, he knew that. But he didn't know why he drove his car in the direction of the hospital instead of going to the store to pick up some dinner.

He already brought himself here before he knew it.

Jimin hated hospitals. God, he was sick of them. Ever since his mom died, they weren't his exactly favorite place to be. But he was here, and people saw him, and it would be weird to just walk in and walk out.

So, he gathered the courage to ask for Jeongguk's room number to not waste anymore of his time. The lady at the desk told him the four digits, but his dumbass forgot them, so he asked again, face red as he half bowed.

Then he asked for them again after wandering about. He was a fucking mess as he shoved his fingers into his blonde locks, and after a pep-talk, he supposed it wouldn't hurt to go up.

And he did, getting on that elevator and regretting it. Would Jeongguk even want to see him after all he did? No, so why was he here? He had no purpose here. Their story ended in the summer.

But his legs went against him, taking him to his floor and down the corridor where Jeongguk's room was. He tried not to look around the floor, already nauseous having to be here.

This was such a horrible idea, but he was doing it anyways. There wasn't any turning back anymore.

Luckily Jeongguk's parents were not here. He heard Taehyung mention that they never came at night until it was really late, but he guessed he was good seeing it was only nine.

He nodded at other nurses who smiled at him, right until he stopped in front of Jeongguk's room. This was it. He was here, and fuck, his chest. It was tight, his breathing unable to function properly.

There was nothing telling him that he had to talk to him, but a part of him wanted to. A part of him wanted to apologize, to tell Jeongguk he was sorry for his behavior. Taehyung even encouraged him to apologize.

And he wanted to. He really did. He wanted to say sorry, to patch up all the wounds he left that eventually destroyed their friendship. Even if an apology wasn't enough, he needed to let it out.

Jeongguk had been his friend since they were six. It hurt every fucking second to know he ruined their friendship by hurting him. He never wanted to. They promised to be friends forever, but here they were, merely strangers because he did hurt him, not on accident but on purpose.

This was his chance.

He, Park Jimin, probably wouldn't have the guts to come here again, so this was it. His fingers curled around the handle, a lump forming in his throat. The second it clicked, his head was spinning.

Jimin braced himself for the worst, but when he opened the door, his lips curved into an oval seeing Jeongguk wasn't alone on the bed.

On his side was Taehyung. He was spooning him, body curled into Jeongguk's. Jeongguk was nuzzled close into Taehyung, face buried underneath the crook of his neck. It was an odd angle, but he guessed if you love someone, it wouldn't matter.

They looked peaceful, in love, even though they were asleep. One look at them was enough to tell they were whipped for one another. A long time ago, he would have been angry at this, but all he felt now was content— for Jeongguk.

Great, so this wasn't his chance. A relief, actually. Jimin closed his eyes, swearing softly (holy fuck) and sucked in a shaky breath as he leaned against the door frame.

But he couldn't leave them. They weren't covered, and there was a chill that brushed at his neck, so it shouldn't have bothered him but it did.

Jimin knew he was testing his fucking time being here, but he spotted a blanket on the chair. Sighing, he went over, unfolded it, and went over to the sleeping boys.

He draped the blanket over them, seeing this was all he was going to do. When he stepped back, frozen when he saw Taehyung stir, he prayed he wouldn't wake up and when he didn't, he exhaled in relief.

"Noona?"

"Holy fucking shit!" Jimin swore softly, jumping back, seeing Jeongguk stir. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," He paced, trying to be quiet with his heeled shoes being little bitches below him.

Thankfully, Jeongguk went back to sleep, snuggling closer to Taehyung, only to be pulled closer onto his chest. Exhaling quietly, he watched, chest clenched when a content smile spread over Jeongguk's lips.

Jimin deflated, standing by the edge of his bed, biting at the tip of his thumb. He had to leave since this already backfired, but there was something holding him back.

He drew in a shaky breath, knowing this was what he had to do. He was being creepy already, watching them sleep. Eventually, Jimin ran his hand down his face before blurting out in a whisper—

"I'm sorry Jeongguk." He said, without anything else, and turned to leave, having done all he needed to do, thinking Jeongguk wasn't awake to hear him.

But the moment he was gone, far from the room, Jeongguk's eyes flew open, staring at the spot where he once stood.

"I'm sorry too, Jimin," Jeongguk murmured softly, and with that, he went back to sleep.

♡♡♡

as we hurtle toward the end, i wanna
look back at htt with you guys 🥺🥺 at
the beginning, i asked who your fave
character was when he didn't know them

so now, who are they? who do you like
now? and also, just for kicks, what was
your favorite scene? 💛💛💛

i love you guys!! and thank you, again,
for staying with HTT to the end. i'll see
you in the next chapter (:

(oh and p.s, if you didn't know, jimin has his own story HOW TO BE HUMAN already published on my acc!! it takes place the summer before HTT started!!))