there's actually 6 chaps left
until the epilogue ):

♡♡♡

The Kim Taehyung he used to know wasn't a fuck-up.

He was careful, considerate. He dedicated himself to working hard, to chase his dreams of getting into a good school because there was nothing else that concerned him. All he was focused on was blending in, blurring into the crowds of faces because every second in his life he stuck out.

And once those people noticed him, they were cruel. Called him ugly. Made sure his life was a living hell even though all he did was exist.

So Taehyung always played it safe. Always played it nice. He wanted to be the good guy, the one that everyone could trust. He wanted to be liked, even though his looks back then stripped him of an easy chance.

He kept his friend circle closed, never letting anyone in without being sure. He was good at school, did his job well. He helped others every chance he had, and in return, he was nice to everyone even if they were rude to him because he told himself every single day that he would never stoop so low.

But look at him now.

The Kim Taehyung he used to know was not like this. Rash, indecisive, cruel, or full of overwhelming regret and guilt that left his head spinning, stomach churning— nauseous.

Surely, the old Kim Taehyung also didn't go around kissing boys that weren't his boyfriends.

Boys that weren't Jeon Jeongguk.

Fuck, after they were caught, he couldn't breathe. It started off with quiet swears and shaking his head over until his vision blurred, then suddenly he was blinking back tears, hot, angry tears directed mostly at himself for being so goddamn stupid.

He still couldn't feel his chest. It was airy, tight, all of the oxygen inside of his lungs nonexistent as though he didn't deserve to breathe. He didn't deserve shif because he cheated. He was a cheater.

Taehyung had never stooped this low in his entire life, and as much as he wanted to cry, and scream at the world for being unfair, this was his fault.

All of this was his fucking fault.

Jimin didn't talk to him after Yuta left. The older merely stared at the floor, trembling with quiet rage, not daring to meet Taehyung's eyes. When he tried to touch him, to pat his shoulder, Jimin swatted him away.

"You should leave," Jimin exhaled shakily, nostrils flaring and eyes fixed down on the carpet. "F-fuck, we n-need to tell Jeongguk."

"J-Jimin, I'm sorry," He whispered, words wavering, breaking apart on his tongue. "I-I'm so sorry."

"I-It's not me you should be apologizing too," The older sat up, staring back at him, eyes heavy with pain. Disappointment. Taehyung nodded numbly as he got off the couch.

"You need to leave." And so, he did.

He went back to the dorm; it was all that he had. Of course, there was no way he was going to Hoseok and Jin, knowing they would be mad at Jeongguk when really, the younger did nothing, but those two would side with him any day.

Plus they had other things to worry about— real ones. Problems that considered their futures, not useless drama and fucked-up mistakes that only Taehyung could deal with.

Nobody else needed to get involved. He already hurt Jeongguk. That itself was enough pain on his own.

Fuck, he could barely hold himself together as he opened the door. Taehyung leaned against the door, hands trembling, lungs struggling to suck in air as his chest rose and fell unevenly.

Taehyung squeezed his eyes shut, forcing himself to breathe through his nose. He didn't deserve to cry. Not now, not ever. He didn't even have the fucking right to be sad right now.

He shut the door behind him, flinching slightly when it slammed closed on accident. He glanced at the door, staring at nothing in particular as he tried to get a grip, tried to hold onto the pieces of himself before he could shatter because now, he didn't know if he knew how to put those parts together again.

Jeongguk did that for him. Jeongguk put his pieces back together and called him beautiful all that time ago.

He rubbed his hands down his face, trying to snap out of it, but with each passing second he struggled to pick up his own pieces. They fell from his grasp, scattering around the ground, until he could no longer hold them in anymore.

Taehyung let out a quiet sob, his arms hugging his body close as his fingers dug into his biceps. He bit down on his lip, teeth clamping on the skin as he tried to hold it in, tried to push it back in but the tears escaping past his eyes were already flowing.

God, he regretted this, hated every second that he spent without Jeongguk, but what could he do? He did this to himself and he hated it.

He hated that he couldn't be in his warm arms, hold him and never fucking let go like he promised. Or lean into the crook of his neck and inhale his scent to remind himself that he was loved, that he was safe. Feel his lips graze his forehead, fingers pushing his hair behind ear, and whispering to him that he was all kinds of beautiful.

God, they had it all. They had it all and he ruined it. He let go of it and took it for granted. They had the chance to talk it out, to fix themselves, but now even one conversation couldn't repair the damage already done.

No matter how much he wanted Jeongguk, he knew he already lost him.

There was no excuse when you hurt someone the way they hurt each other.

"Taehyung?"

He swore he heard him among his quiet sniffles, but he was sure it was just his head messing with him. He swiped roughly at his eyes, palming rubbing at the skin beneath his fogged glasses.

He slowly glanced up, hiccuping, the rims of his eyes slightly swollen as he noticed a shadow approaching him. Taehyung sucked in a ragged breath, nails digging into his skin upon hearing footsteps.

It took a second until his vision focused, and the moment it did, his breath hitched. Was he seeing things right? Was he really seeing Jeongguk?

Jeongguk stopped in front of him, hands at his sides awkwardly. Neither one of them said a word, instead staring at one another, unable to move as if there was some invisible barrier between them, making them unreachable.

The younger was changed, wearing a pair of sweatpants and an oversized hoodie. He wore the hood, the dark material casting a deeper shadow over his features, but if he peered closer, he could see the hurt in Jeongguk's pale features.

"Jeongguk," He whispered, name so soft on his tongue he wasn't sure if he really said it out loud. But he must have done so, for Jeongguk was already striding toward him.

"I'm—," Taehyung gasped, feeling Jeongguk's strong arms throw around him and pull him close, his chest pressing hard against his, almost knocking the wind out of his lungs.

"Don't," Jeongguk mumbled, voice rough, gravely as though he had been crying. "I just... wanna hold you." He said, hugging him closer.

"P-Please, let me hold you."

Taehyung said nothing, eyes falling shut as he leaned his head against his shoulder. God, he couldn't, he shouldn't be doing this after what he did. Half of him wanted to throw up, the bile already collecting in his throat, knowing he cheated, that he didn't deserve this.

And the other half of him missed this. He realized that it had been so long since the last time they held one another properly, and now that he had it, even for a moment, he didn't want to let go.

If he let go, he was afraid of what would become of them. So, Taehyung forced the bile back down and buried his face into the crook of Jeongguk's neck, breathing him in, letting his smell overwhelm the guilt, the regret, and the pain devouring him whole.

"I'm sorry," Taehyung blurted, words muffled against Jeongguk's skin. For a moment, Jeongguk's grip loosened. In seconds, he was already panicking, but at the same time he was ready to face that this was it.

This would be their permanent goodbye.

But it wasn't. Not yet at least as Jeongguk pressed his body into his impossibly closer. He fit into him perfectly, being the last missing pieces to really make him feel whole even if this was only temporary.

"I'm sorry, too," Jeongguk whispered, squeezing the older's waist. He buried his face into the side of the older's dark hair, breath hot and shaking against the shell of his ear.

"I was thinking," The younger said, "I remembered when we were at the train station. I remembered my promise to you." Taehyung squeezed his eyes closed, heart ripping out of his chest.

"Do you remember it?" The older nodded.

"I told you that you drive me crazy," Jeongguk chuckled a little at the memory, though behind the light sound, Taehyung could hear the pain in it. As if it broke him to remember how happy they were.

"You still do, honestly. I can't picture myself without you." Me either, Taehyung wanted to say, but if he did speak, he would end up sobbing. No. He wanted to stay together, to live in this final moment before it would all go wrong.

Before Jeongguk would find out that he cheated on him, and the love he had in his eyes would turn to hate. As much as Taehyung hated rejection, he knew he deserved Jeongguk's.

"I want you to know, that I wanted to choose both you and volleyball, Tae," Jeongguk whispered. "I promised you that we would work this out, together, but I left you. I fucking left you."

"Taehyung," The younger pulled back, and now they were facing one another, gazes fixed on each other's pained expressions and puffy, red-rimmed eyes.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," Jeongguk reached up, his fingers grazing his cheek barely. Taehyung gulped, not wanting to stare at him any longer, for his head was fucking spinning for I cheated repeated in his mind.

God, he couldn't do this. He just couldn't.

"You mean a lot to me," Jeongguk said quietly, gaze flitting between his mouth to his eyes.

There was hesitance in his softened gaze as the cusp of his palm ghosted over the side of Taehyung's cheek. He seemed conflicted, whether he should be touching him or not, and eventually, he pulled his hand away, unaware of how Taehyung's stomach dropped.

"I should have tried harder for you. For us," He inhaled slowly, his hand instead cupping the side of Taehyung's neck. "I didn't want you to feel like you were a second option."

"Because you aren't. You were never an option to me Tae," Jeongguk stressed, the skin between his brows drawing together.

"You're the answer."

"Jeongguk," Taehyung breathed, shaking his head slowly, hating every second his heart broke at the way Jeongguk's expression fell. "Don't say that."

"Why not?" Jeongguk asked, "I care about you. I care about you more than fucking volleyball, Tae. Do you care about me?"

"Yeah," He nodded numbly, "I do. But Jeongguk, you can't choose me."

"Why not?" The younger pressed, his lips curving into a frown that Taehyung badly wanted to erase with his thumb. "Why can't I choose you?"

"Because it's your future on the line," Taehyung murmured, unable to hear his own voice over the pounding of his heart. Jeongguk scoffed lightly.

"I want you in my future," Jeongguk said, firmly, arm around his waist squeezing him. "I want us to have some future Tae. I can't— I can't lose you."

"But we hurt each other," He said ever so softly. The younger let out a noise out of frustration. He leaned forward, forehead pressing against his own, their noses brushing against one another's.

"And I won't hurt you anymore," Jeongguk's hands slid down to his forearms, his fingers now gripping the back of his elbows. "I won't lose you."

"You're not losing me," Taehyung told him, unable to peel his open unless he wanted to cry. "But Gguk, I can't. I hurt you." I cheated on you.

"I don't care anymore," His voice trembled with this sort of desperation that didn't quite suit him. "I don't care if you hurt me anymore. I need you."

"You're hurting me saying that." The younger pulled back, confusion sprawled over his features as he faintly mouthed what.

"Jeongguk, I'm hurting you," Taehyung said softly, bringing his shaking hands to Jeongguk's face, pouring every ounce of confidence he could to hold his jaw in his palms once more.

"So?" Jeongguk whispered, words cracking. "I told you I don't care."

"Hurt me all you want if it means you will stay."

"Do you even hear yourself?" Taehyung sniffled, "Do you hear what you're saying? Is this really what you want us to do? Hurt each other over and over again?"

"Do you not see how bad we are at this?"

"We can get better," Jeongguk said curtly. Taehyung shook his head, running his thumb over his cheek while the tip of his tongue wettened his bottom lip.

"But what happens if we don't? What if all we do is hurt each other?" Taehyung asked, voice brittle. "We can say we won't do something ever again as much as we want, but in the end, we'll do it again without realizing it."

"What are we gonna do if we argue again? What are we going to do if we don't have time for eachother?"

"We'll make it work."

At that, Taehyung let go of Jeongguk and pushed him away from him, willing himself not to cry as he watched Jeongguk's expression break before him, the sound of his heart shattering cutting through the silence.

"Where are you going?" Jeongguk asked, choking over his words as Taehyung turned back to the door. He followed after him, calling out his name, but the older refused to turn around as tears prickled at his eyes.

"Taehyung, please—,"

"I have some work to do," Taehyung said, throat tight as his fingers curved around the doorknob. Before he could open the door, Jeongguk's fingers slipped beneath his chin, tilting his head to face his.

"What?" He asked, breathing heavily.

"I love you," Jeongguk blurted out.

Taehyung shook his eyes, studying the desperation in his eyes, and as much as it hurt, he knew he just said to get him to stay.

"I'll see you at first period if you show up," He tried, but Jeongguk wasn't backing down just yet.

"I love you," He repeated, this time his teeth were gritted, jaw clenched tight. Taehyung blinked at him. He was saying it, but he didn't mean it. When he said them, they were merely words without a meaning.

Was that how they were now? Together without a meaning? Or well, there was meaning, but now he seemed to have lost it. They lost it the second they started to hurt one another.

"Taehyung, please," Jeongguk begged, "Stay."

"You're hurting me."

He ignored the way his heart broke apart when Jeongguk instantly released his grip from his chin like he touched something hot, fear flashing in his eyes. It was a lie; he wasn't hurting him physically, but inside, he was destroyed.

He merely glanced at the younger once more, who was staring off at the wall. The hood covered half his face, but he could see he was crying by the way his chest rose and fell unevenly, and how his fists curled and unraveled by his trembling sides.

Another time, he probably would have ran back to him and hugged him tight. Perhaps even kissed him, told him how much he loved him, and run his fingers through his hair while Jeongguk sobbed into his shoulder.

But this wasn't another time. And so, Taehyung left.

♡♡♡

"Wanna go somewhere after practice, Jeonggukie-Chan?" Yuta mused, arm draping over the younger's shoulders, but in that moment, Jeongguk really wasn't in the mood.

"No," He said curtly, pushing his arm off of him. "I'm staying." Yuta snorted.

"You've been turning me down all week," Yuta said, opening the door to the lockerroom for him. "It's March. It's spring. The cherry blossoms are blooming. It's finally nice out!"

"I said no," Jeongguk retorted, barely muttering a thanks as he brushed by him. "I need to practice more." He repeated, tone firm.

Or rather, he couldn't go back to his dorm and face Taehyung, because if he did he would hurt him even more for being such a pathetic loser. But that was quite the mouthful, and Yuta didn't need to know shit about things between Taehyung and him.

Plus, he didn't want to talk about it. There was nothing to say.

"What happened to you? You always said yes to me," The older said, faking a pout as he jogged up to catch up with his strides.

"You're all silent and mopey now~ Smile more, Jeonggukie-Chan. It makes you cuter!"

"Is there something wrong with just wanting to practice?" There was nobody in the lockers yet. Made sense since they got here especially early to warm-up together.

Their coach insisted they did so to work on their chemistry, which Yuta eagerly jumped at the chance once it was offered. Jeongguk, on the otherhand, only agreed because it was for the team. If they didn't work together, what even was the fucking point of volleyball?

"You've been practicing nine hours a day. No breaks in between. That's torturing yourself," Yuta pointed out. "You're gonna reach your limit."

"I don't have a limit," It was a lie, but Jeongguk said it anyways, wanting nothing more but for this conversation to end. He just wanted to get out on the court already and hit something. Feel something that wasn't pain.

Feel something that didn't involve thoughts about Taehyung.

"Liar," Yuta teased, trying to hook their arms, though the younger simply wasn't into it. "Hang out with me after."

"I have a boyfriend," Jeongguk said curtly, turning the corner without batting a lash at him. At that, Yuta snorted loudly, unaware of the way Jeongguk's chest tightened at the sound.

"Jeongguk, I didn't mean—," Jeongguk rolled his eyes.

"We both know what you mean," He muttered, jaw clenching slightly. "I said no. I have a boyfriend."

A long time ago, his heart fluttered at the idea of calling Taehyung his. But now, saying it felt like he was ripping chunks of his heart out.

"Then where is he?" Yuta asked bitterly. "Where is your boyfriend?"

"Somewhere," He tried to pick up his pace and lose him, break the distance, but Yuta was insistent. Always insistent.

"I haven't seen you two together at all since I came here. If I didn't know, it would seem like you never had one in the first place."

"What are you trying to say?" Jeongguk's lips tugged downwards. He glanced over at him, brows knitted as Yuta flashed him a shrug.

"I'm just saying, I meant what I meant in that hallway," His brows furrowed deeper feeling the older's fingers wrap around his wrist, tugging him to a stop.

He spun around, ready to tell him off, that they should be practicing, but Yuta was standing close, the distance between them nonexistent.

"What are you doing?" Jeongguk asked, jaw now tightened, his teeth clamping down tight. Yuta stepped forward, prompting him to take a step back until he was backed against one of the many lockers.

"I told you I was going to treat you better," Yuta said lowly, grip around his wrist tight. "I mean it."

"I have a boyfriend," He repeated. At that, Yuta scoffed, rolling his eyes at him.

"Do you? Boyfriends don't ignore each other for long periods of time. He's not a boyfriend, Jeongguk. He's just somebody holding you back," Yuta snipped.

"Some person keeping you from loving somebody else."

Jeongguk opened his mouth to say something back, but before he could, Yuta got him cornered against the lockers. He grimaced, the back of his head hitting the metall, but he kept his shoulder squared and expression hard, unreadable.

"Yuta, can we just practice?" Jeongguk asked, voice slipping into a whisper as he stared up at the setter. "I'm not in the mood for this."

"Y'know, you have a habit of running from things. If volleyball doesn't work out, maybe track can take you," Yuta joked, even smiled, but the younger remained stilled beneath his body.

"Why do I even matter to you? And don't just say it's because we play volleyball," Jeongguk murmured, watching humor flicker through the older's eyes.

"Well that's part of it," The corner of his lip tugged upward into a smirk. Jeongguk rolled his eyes when the older propped his hand against the locker, caging him in.

"I just really like you. I think you're cute 'n you're all passionate about volleyball," Yuta shrugged. "I also like hanging out with you. I've never had something like this with anyone else."

"There's nothing between us," Jeongguk whispered, crossing his arms. Yuta snorted, leaning forward so that their faces were parallel, only a short distance from one another's.

"There's more than you and that boyfriend of yours," The older snorted, his other hand reaching up and brushing aside Jeongguk's hair behind his ear. The younger inhaled sharply, watching him carefully as his finger grazed his cheek.

"Tell me, Jeongguk, does he make you happy?"

The question caught him off guard, and when he thought he had everything together, Jeongguk nearly lost it. He swallowed thickly, tilting his down to force the tears and hide his trembling lips as Yuta's words rung in his ears.

They were happy, he thought. He could remember it freshly, their happiness, as though it just happened yesterday, and not all those months ago.

He could remember Taehyung's rectangular smile, his deep, honey laughter that erupted at all his dumb jokes, his arms around him, and his lips pressing all over him— on his clavicle, his cheek, his own mouth, his forehead, and the skin between his brows.

Happiness. They were happy. Temporarily. But now, all he was doing was sulking, crying, even, over a happiness he once had.

A happiness he missed so much that it left this void in him that not even volleyball could fill.

"Does he treat you right?" Yuta asked, his breath tickling his earlobe. "Does he make time for you? Understand you? Fuck you good?"

Yeah, he wanted to say. He was the best I ever had.

"I don't wanna talk about this," Jeongguk tried to push past him, to escape to the court before he could suffocate, but Yuta wasn't having it. He glanced up at him, jaw clenched tight.

"What is your problem?" He snapped, hands pushing against his chest, but again, the setter was hard to break through.

"You are my problem," Yuta murmured. "I've liked you ever since I saw you in Japan. You're talented. Smart. Funny. Cute."

"Yuta," Jeongguk shook his head, swallowing, hard. "You're just a setter to me. We're friends."

"If you wanna say that, then sure. I'd love to be friends considering your history," Yuta chuckled, his hand hovering over his jaw, thumb brushing against his cheek bone.

"I heard about Taehyung and you. I didn't quite pin you as this friends with benefits type of guy, but I'll work with what I can get," He teased.

"That isn't your business," Jeongguk tensed, his hands trembling as he tried to push Yuta away from him once more. Yuta simply grinned, grabbing his wrists, trapping him.

"I'm better than Taehyung, Jeongguk. Let's face it. I can do so much better." You could never be.

"Mind your own fucking business," Jeongguk squared his shoulders, standing up straight as he tried to pull his wrists free from his tight grip.

"Don't talk about him like that."

"Why shouldn't I? Everyone else at this school never liked him. Heard the kid got a makeover to suck Park's cock," Yuta snorted. "He's desperate."

"And you aren't either?" Jeongguk snapped, ripping his wrists away from him. Finally, he was able to push him off, creating distance between them.

"Leave him the fuck alone," He said, tongue poking into the side of his cheek as he glared at the older. "You don't even know him."

"Do you even know him Jeonggukie?" Yuta raised an eyebrow at him, stepping closer this time, their chests pressed against one another's.

"What do you mean?" Jeongguk asked, "Of course I do. He's my boyfriend." Yuta rolled his eyes.

"Then why?" Yuta asked, cupping Jeongguk's face and tugging him close.

"Then why did I catch him with Park last night?"

"He what—?" Before Jeongguk could reply, Yuta's lips smashed into his own. He didn't kiss him back, hands gripping his shirt tight in shock, for his words caught him off guard.

Yuta's lips moved against his feverishly, and for a second Jeongguk froze, too stunned to think right until he realized what he was doing and shoved him off in a panic. He exhaled unevenly, wiping his lips with the back of his wrist.

"You caught him doing what with Park?" Jeongguk snarled, breathing heavily as he scrubbed any traces of Yuta off of him. Part of him hoped this was some joke, some pissed off lie, but Yuta looked genuine.

"They were on the couch of his dorm. I went to go there 'cuz Park is my temporary roomie," Yuta said coldly, watching as Jeongguk's expression darkened with every revelation. "Both of them were naked."

What.

"Your 'boyfriend' was fucking another bitch behind your back," Yuta whispered against his ear. "He was fucking his ass hard, Jeongguk. Called him beautiful. Was moaning out his name."

"Taehyung cheated on you."

Jeongguk exhaled unevenly, his fingers clenching into white fists by his sides. The edges of his vision blurred, his mind suddenly spinning on a fucking axis. No, he was joking. He was lying to him.

Taehyung would never cheat on him, right? He loved him, right? It was only him. It was always going to br him. He promised. He fucking promised.

He trembled in silence, jaw clenched so tight his teeth were grinding against one another. He inhaled sharply, trying to get a grip of himself, but he just couldn't. He couldn't as he dug his nails into his palms, the lining of his vision tinged red.

There was no way Taehyung cheated on him.

But it made sense. He hadn' seen him around in a long time, and maybe while he was gone, Taehyung was probably fucking Jimin behind his back. In fact, it made so much sense— Taehyung didn't even like him in the beginning.

For so long, Taehyung wanted Jimin, and the second Jeongguk left, maybe he took that opportunity and cheated. Fucked Jimin when Jeongguk wasn't there.

Was all of this some lie? Was Taehyung playing with him the entire time because he was bored, or was it because he was his second option this entire time?

"Fuck you. Go back to fucking Japan and never show your face unless it's on the court," Jeongguk shoved past Yuta and stormed toward the main gym, fuming.

He entered the main gym, scanning the area for a particular Park. He knew Jimin liked to practice early— they used to come together back when they were friends and everything was alright.

Back when they didn't fuck each other's lovers.

Jimin was slamming a volleyball to the ground as he seemed to be talking to Namjoon and Yoongi. He hadn't seen them since the beginning of school, and with all honesty, it did hurt when they didn't even react after Jeongguk stopped hanging out with them and showing up to parties.

But none of that mattered. Nothing else mattered except the rage squeezing his throat and coloring his vision red as he approached Park Jimin.

Yoongi noticed him first, and as he got closer, he saw the three seemed to be arguing over something. Jimin shoved Namjoon back, only to be met with an apology from the older, but it was Yoongi who got their attention averted toward Jeongguk.

"Jeongguk? What—," Jimin spun around, brows furrowed as Jeongguk closed the distance between them with his fist.

He never hit people. He had enough self control and morality to keep himself from using his fists. But everything lately seemed to be fucking testing him, and now morals and control were out the window.

Jeongguk's fist landed square across his jaw. He breathed through his nose, fuming with rage as he grabbed Jimin by the jersey and yanked him toward him.

"You fucking bitch," Jeongguk shouted, reeling his hand back to punch him again, all of his anger and frustration channeling on his bunched fist.

"Let's talk—," Jimin started, blood trickling from the edge of his lip, but Jeongguk didn't listen— he was too pissed off to.

He punched him square in the face, teeth gritted as his force collided with Jimin's nose, the crunch of bone ringing through the gym.

He shoved Jimin to the ground, eyes narrowed and teeth barred as he got down, ready to punch him again, adrenaline and anger electrifying every nerve in his body.

"I fucking trusted you!" He screamed, ready to hit him again and again until he was nothing but bruised and bloody but Namjoon and Yoongi grabbed him by the shoulders, holding him back.

"I fucking love him and you knew that!" Jeongguk thrashed, gritting his teeth tight as he flailed between Yoongi and Namjoon's grip.

"Settle down, Jeongguk," Namjoon said, pinning his arms behind his back. Jeongguk scoffed, shaking his head as he made another attempt to charge Jimin.

"He was my fucking everything and you went ahead and fucked him. You let him fuck you!" He growled, struggling to free himself. Jimin propped himself onto his elbows, clutching his swollen nose as blood gushed out of his injuries.

From the front of the gym, Yugyeom and San had walked in laughing to something, but the second they saw what was going on. They ran to the scene. San crouched down to Jimin, handing him the towel over his shoulder to staunch the blood.

"Jesus christ, Jeongguk!" Yugyeom ran his fingers through his hair, glancing in shock at the scene.

There was bright red blood splattered all over the floor. Jimin's shirt was drenched with it, the lower half of his face, and so was the volleyball.

Jeongguk's face was as red as the blood staining the gym floor, veins bulging from his neck and muscles twitching on his clenched jaw. He cussed like a loose canon, throwing swears and insults at Jimin while Namjoon and Yoongi tried to restrain his flailing.

"Tell us what's going on!" San screamed over the shouting, interrupting Jeongguk who was telling Namjoon and Yoongi to let go of him.

"I said, tell us what's wrong!" Everyone went silent, including Jeongguk, who was breathing heavily as the red from his vision faded with every blink.

"He fucked Taehyung!" Jeongguk snarled, knowing deep down he probably looked like a blood-lusting animal with his frantic eyes, bloodied knuckles, and muscles flexing with every rippling movement.

But none of that mattered anymore. Nothing mattered except his heart was shattered and the boy he loved probably never loved him back.

"I did not fuck Taehyung," Jimin shouted, words slightly muffled behind the towel as San helped him to his feet. "We didn't fuck. We kissed."

"I told you to never fucking touch him!" Jeongguk barked, barring his teeth as he lurched forward, wanting nothing more but to destroy Jimin's face.

"And I didn't, Jeongguk. I didn't. He kissed me 'cuz he was overwhelmed," Jimin said calmly, wincing as he wobbled to the side. "Fuck, I don't like him like that. I kicked him out after."

"It was nothing, Jeongguk," Jimin whispered, leaning against San's side. "Yes, Taehyung and I are friends, but that kiss? It was an accident."

"Nobody meant it." Lies. Fucking lies.

"Fuck you," Jeongguk cried out, no longer fighting Namjoon and Yoongi. Instead, his features contorted with pain. Fuck, his chest hurt. Everything hurt, and suddenly, he couldn't breathe.

Fuck, his lungs, they were tight, and he was fucking spiraling. God what did he do? He was falling apart, there of all places— his pieces no longer able to hold together anymore. His heart seemed to have been torn from his chest and tossed aside to the ground before being stomped on. Ripped apart. Shredded.

"H-he told me I was his always," He whispered brokenly, choking on every word. He struggled to suck in a proper breath.

"He told me he l-loved me."

"Jeongguk, calm down," Yugyeom pushed Namjoon and Yoongi aside to grab the older. He placed his hands on Jeongguk's shoulders, sliding his palms up and down as he whispered breathe repeatedly.

"We'll take care of the gym," Namjoon said, watching as Yugyeom pulled Jeongguk aside.

"We'll take Jimin to the infirmary," San hooked his arm around Jimin's waist. "We shouldn't let this get out to his dad. The headmaster will murder him."

"We know," Yoongi interrupted, glancing over at Jeongguk who was being led out of the gym. "God, Jimin, what did you do?"

"I kissed his boyfriend," Jimin said monotonously. "It was a mistake, but that doesn't matter, huh?"

"I'm sorry he punched you," San murmured. "He never hits. Jeongguk never solves his issues with his fists."

"Looks like I'm the first," Jimin said sarcastically.

"C'mon," San said, glancing worriedly over at the gym entrance where Yugyeom led Jeongguk. "Let's get you taken care of. At least one person will be okay." He added quietly as he helped Jimin walk.

♡♡♡

"He knows?" Taehyung's voice broke as he stood in the kitchen, phone cradled to his ear.

"Yeah," Jimin croaked into the speaker, voice slightly slurred. "Bet that bastard Yuta warped the story. I got the beating of a life time:"

"Shit, Jimin, I'm sorry," Taehyung murmured, leaning against the counter as he stared at the sink. "Are you in the infirmary?"

"Don't worry about me. Worry about Jeongguk. You two need to sort your shit out right now," Jimin said tiredly. "Do it. Explain everything. Jeongguk's not in the state to take bullshit."

"I wasn't going to bullshit him," Taehyung whispered, twirling the edge of his shirt with his free hand. He heard Jimin scoff.

"Just fucking tell him the truth Taehyung," Jimin snapped. "No use in hiding shit anymore."

"We weren't going to hide anything," Taehyung said, brows furrowed as he stood up, glancing over at the door as if Jeongguk would walk in any second.

"You not telling Jeongguk right away is hiding shit," Jimin argued. Taehyung gulped, knowing he wasn't wrong.

"Let it all out and figure out whether you're done or gonna make shit work."

"What happens if we do break up?" The younger asked softly, voice slightly cracking, panic beginning to rise in his chest.

"Then break the fuck up then and stop making it complicated than it already is," Jimin snapped. "This was bound to happen, Tae. I don't know about you, but even though I deserved that punch, you're also at fault for lying to his face about it."

"I'm sorry, Jimin," Taehyung eventually whispered when the other line went silent. He heard some shuffling around and a few other voices before Jimin finally spoke up.

"It's alright, but just please, talk this out," He sighed, and with that, he ended the call.

The second he set his phone down on the counter, his breath immediately hitched when the door to the dorm swung open. Taehyung swallowed, stunned as his gaze met the younger's.

There, clutching his bloody fist to his chest, was Jeongguk.

Neither one of them spoke. Jeongguk tore his gaze the other direction, staring down at the floor instead as he kicked the door shut behind him. Taehyung wasn't so sure what he should, or what he should say.

Fuck, what did Jeongguk even hear? It wasn't in his nature to hit people. Jeongguk was above that, and no matter how much he wanted to punch somebody, he told Taehyung he couldn't live with himself if he punched somebody.

Whatever he heard must have changed things.

"Jeongguk," he started, biting down on his tongue when the younger past by him and toward the fridge for an ice pack. "Jeongguk, please."

"Jeongguk," He repeated softly, clutching the edge of the counter while Jeongguk hissed quietly when the cool pack came in contact onto his knuckles.

For a split second, he was able to see the damage done. Jeongguk's fingers were curled inward, the skin around his knuckles were cracked red and raw. Dried blood stained his hand, some even splattered across his chest.

Taehyung winced, wondering how many times he must have hit Jimin to end up like that. His adam's apple bobbed nervously, head slightly spinning as he stepped forward, quietly reaching out to help, to ease this silence somehow, but Jeongguk swatted his hand away.

"Jeongguk," His name died on his tongue as the younger turned away from him, his own poking inside his cheek in annoyance. "Please."

"Don't," Jeongguk murmured raspily, gravelly voice wavering.

"I can explain," Taehyung tried, hopelessly reaching out, but the second his fingers brushed against the younger's biceps, he ripped away from him as if his touch burned.

"You don't need to," He scoffed, shaking his head at him, unable to meet his gaze. Taehyung struggled to swallow the guilt on his tongue, for it felt like shoving a rock down his throat.

"I didn't mean to," Taehyung pressed, not giving up even though his body trembled and his voice was on the edge of cracking. "I didn't mean to cheat."

The second the words left his mouth, Jeongguk froze, shoulders tensing.

"Jeongguk—," He tried once more, but he was quickly cut off by the younger scoffing at him.

"You cheated on me," Jeongguk spat out, face contorted with anger, pain flashing in his dark irises. "You fucking kissed another guy, and you expect me to listen?"

"N-No I just," His shoulders fell, the confidence draining with every second Jeongguk stared at him, his eyes drowning him in regret.

"Did you ever love me Taehyung?" Jeongguk snarled, gesturing at him angrily. "Did you ever love me, or was I a joke?" The older's eyes widened as he opened his mouth to speak—

"Or was I a rebound? Was I your fucking rebound?"

Taehyung pressed his lips into a thin, his answer on his tongue fading as he averted his heavy gaze to the floor, unable to put together a single word without his chest squeezing and his throat swelling shut. His fingers crumpled into fists at his sides, nails digging into his palms.

"Was I your fucking rebound, Taehyung? It's a simple yes or no," Jeongguk snapped. He pinched his eyes shut, trying to control his breathing. The younger never talked like this to him— ever.

But now, he realized he deserved it— the agitated growls, snarky remarks, and glares. He fucking deserved his rage. He was the one who deserved to get punched in the face, not Jimin. He was the one who cheated, who was lying.

This was all his fucking fault.

"Are you going to answer—,"

"Yes," Taehyung breathed unevenly, squeezing his eyes instead of returning Jeongguk's incredulous stare, fearing to see his heart shatter in front of him when he could hear it slam to the floor, bursting into a thousand pieces.

"You were a rebound at first."

He said truthfully, realizing this was the lie he kept all along. When he did get the guts to see Jeongguk's reaction, he was staring right at his back.

"But," Taehyung inhaled slowly, voice shaking in its whisper, words struggling to string together. "It all changed. I do love you, Jeongguk. I really do. I realized it was you."

"How do you expect me to believe you?" Jeongguk whispered, the way his tone was heavy, shattered beyond repair tugged at Taehyung's chest.

"How do you expect to me to believe that?"

"Jeongguk, please," Taehyung murmured, clutching the side of the counter. "I'm saying the truth. I fell in love with you. It's just you."

He tried to reach for him, to hold him close, to keep him close before he could lose him, but the younger stepped away, unable to look at him. Fuck, his chest rose and fell faster, tears prickling at the back of his eyes like thorns digging into his retinas.

"Tell me the truth about Jimin," Jeongguk breathed, his shoulders rising and falling quicker than usual.

"Tell me, were you seeing him?" His voice cracked.

"Yes," Taehyung's chest tightened unbearably, his fingers digging into the counter to steady himself. "But we were hanging out as friends. Nothing happened."

"Then why did you not tell me?" Jeongguk asked, betrayal evident in his tone. Pain. Hurt. All because of Taehyung, who wanted to suffocate, to be the one breaking instead of him.

"I don't know. I should have," He whispered, eyes tearing up. He sucked in a shallow breath, unable to hold himself together, his own pieces crumbling into dust.

"I'm so sorry."

"Fuck you," Jeongguk murmured, whipping around, and there in his eyes was this new emotion dancing with the pain, the pure devastation in his irises.

The one emotion he swore he couldn't live with knowing he created. Hatred. Taehyung wanted to look away, to run, but he stayed put, meeting his piercing gaze even though it ripped him apart to see Jeongguk this way. To see that he hurt him.

"You were my person, my best friend," Jeongguk whispered, shaking his head as bitter laughter fell from his lips, hollow and broken. Ruined.

"You were my fucking everything, and in your eyes, I was nothing but a rebound, huh?"

"Jeongguk, I'm sorry," Taehyung cried out, vowels brittle. Jeongguk shook his head, eyes pressing shut as he inhaled slowly through his nose, chest shaking, shoulders stiffened.

"I thought you were my always," Jeongguk stared at the floor, voice muffled over the rush of Taehyung's heartbeat slamming against his ears and the sniffles that suffocate him with each sharp hiccup.

"But it looks like you're temporary, just like the rest."

"I'm so fucking sorry," Taehyung choked out, tears blurring his vision as he watched Jeongguk stare at him differently, like he was some stranger, some person he no longer knew.

"I wasn't lying when I said I love you, Jeongguk," He whispered, "because I do. I do now. I loved you ever since I met your family. You are my home. You're my everything. You're still my always."

"You were my home," Jeongguk continued like he said nothing, expression unreadable yet his eyes glistened, rimmed red. "But I don't think I can trust you."

"I don't think I can come back to you anymore."

"What?" Taehyung whispered, stepping closer to him. "Jeongguk, n-no. W-We can work this out. We can f-fix this." He said, scrambling for something to hold, for a reason to get him to stay.

"You were right this morning," Jeongguk murmured, words emotionless as he shook his head.

"We're far beyond repair."

"Jeongguk," The older cried out, grabbing his wrist, fingers digging into him to hold him, desperate to keep him by his side, desperate to make sure he didn't lose him even if this was the final string.

"I love you," Sobs wrecked through his chest as he squeezed his wrist, holding on to him with every fiber of his being. He couldn't lose him like this. He couldn't let go of him.

"I thought I did," Jeongguk blinked, a single tear slipping down the curve of his cheek. "I thought I loved you but now? I-I don't know anymore."

"I don't know who you are anymore."

"Jeongguk," Taehyung shook his wrist, biting down on his lip as Jeongguk tugged his arm away. "I'm so fucking sorry. I'm so so sorry."

He closed the distance between them, his hands grabbing the sides of Jeongguk's face and pulling him close, pressing their foreheads together. He cried, sobs wrecking through his body with every tremor, every pained noise destroying him until he was nothing.

"I'm so sorry," Taehyung whispered, tilting his head up, nose brushing against the younger's. "I'm so fucking sorry. I love you. I fucking love you." He said, every inch of him shaking.

He kissed him, or at least tried to, but Jeongguk tugged his head aside, prompting the older to brush his lips against the side of his cheek. Gently, the younger broke away from him, shaking his grip off of him.

Taehyung stepped back, shoulders slumped in defeat and heart nothing but a pile of rubble in the void of his chest as he watched Jeongguk uncover his wrist from beneath the ice pack. He sniffled, sucking in a breath seeing his bracelet

The bracelet he made for him so long ago.

His gaze met his, searching for the stars he used to find in them, but instead, he was met with nothing but darkness. A black, empty void of nothing. There were no more stars, no more galaxies. No more sparkles.

And even though for a split second, Jeongguk's stare softened, it hardened once more, and it was then did Taehyung realize he destroyed the universe in his eyes.

He destroyed every star, every planet, just like that.

Jeongguk said nothing, wincing slighty as he pulled the bracelet off his wrist and over his fragile fingers. Taehyung swore he couldn't breathe, his entire world fucking spinning.

The younger tugged the bracelet off, tossing it onto the counter beside them and said those five words Taehyung never imagined him to ever say.

"I'm breaking up with you."

"J-Jeongguk, you promised—," Taehyung started, but Jeongguk said nothing, face stilled except for the silent tears dripping down his face as he pushed the bracelet toward him.

"We all break promises don't we? Nobody said they were permanent," Jeongguk whispered coldly, his attitude changing in a split second, enough to give the older whiplash.

"This is what you wanted at the beginning huh?" The younger asked, shoving the bracelet at him, watching Taehyung flinch as it clattered to the floor.

"You wanted Jimin, not me. So go. Go fuck Jimin. Go date Jimin. Go tell him you love him," Jeongguk seethed despite being oddly calmed. "Go to him. I'm giving you to him just like I planned."

"Jeongguk, please, d-don't," Taehyung breathed out raggedly, unable to see in front of him through the tears gushing from his eyes.

"Move out by the end of the week," Jeongguk said curtly, scorn dancing in his narrowed eyes. "I want you out of here. I don't want to see you ever again."

"This was what was supposed to happen! You happy now? Well you better be."

"Jeongguk," Taehyung sobbed, lips trembling, falling into a frown. "I'm sorry."

"Just go, Taehyung," Jeongguk shook his head, hatred sprawling across his features as he eyed him once more, brows furrowed and lips pursed into a scowl.

"We're over. You go to Jimin, and I'll go back to volleyball. This was what we wanted in the first place."

The older said nothing, realizing that Jeongguk meant it. This was it. They were over. They were broken up, and their hearts were shattered to pieces far from recovery.

With that, he nodded dumbly, swiping at the tears in his eyes and spun around. This was the right thing to do, he told himself as he dragged his legs to the door, sobbing silently to himself as his heart seemed to be crushed into fine dust with each step.

He lingered at the door, fingers curled around the door knob. It took every fiber of his being not to turn around, to look at the pain he caused in Jeongguk's features, to turn and run back and beg the younger for forgiveness.

Taehyung knew this was the right choice, but this— this wasn't how he imagined they would end.

Eventually, he caved in, allowing him to sneak one last look at Jeongguk even though it killed him to stay there.

The second he glanced over his shoulder, Jeongguk was already gone.

♡♡♡

took 27 chapters to get them
together & five to bring them down

i hope you forgive me for
breaking your hearts😔😔