There's no way to do it, it'll happen no matter what.

I pity you, I'll give you some advice.

1. Things to avoid:

Saying anybody have a ____ (especially map or match)

Saying that would be nice.

Stuttering on the word c'mon.

The number Six.

Ending letters/forged emails with 'Sincerely'

Saying ___'ll be back. (Preferably you)

Saying be more chill. Just don't do it. Ever.

Don't mention coming from anywhere, but especially away

Don't offer them tic tacs. Or slushees. Or mtn. Dew. Or lottery tickets. (Or drugs but don't offer them that anyways).

Trees are forbidden, they'll start crying and screeching For Forever.

Don't tell them to take a break. I swear to god that will not end well.

Never say turn it off.

Don't mention rent.

Never y'all about Canada I swear to god just don't

If you call someone/something wicked you're screwed, big time.

Don't say bad. Trust me. Don't.

Please don't mention Orpheus, they'll be sad (and start singing).

No saying helpless or satisfied or like 90% of normal words.

Just don't say anything.

But also remember to talk or they'll start throwing Burr at you.

There is no way to save yourself. Absolutely none. I'm sorry.

(Hello Broadway cult, if you want to you can tell me stuff that annoys you and I'll write it)

- the musical obsessed friend