Waking up from a dream that seemed so close to reality was daunting. I wasn't sure if I was experiencing a flashback from Noa's life or if it was just my frustrated imagination going wild after nearly dying last night.

It was Sunday. In the afternoon, I was due back at Royden. Ash was supposed to be with me since I was technically his special servant for the day, but he had not called, texted, or left any response to the messages I sent throughout the morning. I was hoping he actually showed up to the hive, because if only I showed up, there will definitely be questions asked. It may result in me having to fight my way out of there—and I honestly wasn't sure if I could make it out alive.

On the bus to Royden, three ingredients mixed around in my blender of a brain. The first was seeing Noa's image upon falling to my death. He told me to use my talents to end the "right people." I didn't know who the "right people" were that deserved to be murdered. I wasn't sure if anyone deserved such an end in a world where so many factors and causes of death could send you into the afterlife.

The second ingredient was Ash. Noa's hand reached out to me, offering me an anchor in this world. When I grabbed onto it, I was holding Ash's hand. I wondered if that was a sign...a sign that Noa was trying to guide me through Ash. Ash, the son of the leader of our family's arch-rival gang.

The third ingredient was the dream. I desperately didn't want it to be real. If it was, and father beat Noa like that with little guilt or shame...it just boiled my blood. Getting injured in training was one thing, but to snap your son's wrist and punch him across the face until he swelled and bleed was abuse. And the whole "Operation Sweeper" couldn't have been real. Dad looked down upon the poor, like most rich folks, but to seek their utter decimation was a stretch. For starters, if my father had this idea years ago, then why wasn't it put into play yet? Poor families weren't disappearing. The homeless were still abundant in Chicago.

As the ideas mixed together, I started making connections. When I pictured Noa telling me to use my talents to kill the right people, followed by giving his blessing to Ash, and showing me my father's evil plan—I asked myself if he wanted me to join the enemy and bring the fight to my family. The dream really did show Noa frustrated enough to want to kill my father, something he never expressed whenever I hung out with him. He didn't want me to take on the life of an assassin, but he always reminded me that family was the most important thing to fight for no matter how small it may be.

"Royden," the bus driver announced over the static intercom. I tossed my smoothie of thoughts into the fridge for later use. I left the bus and made my way towards the hive.

***

When I couldn't find Ash waiting for me at the entrance of the abandoned factory into the hive, I got frustrated and at the same time I started to worry. I know that bum didn't leave me so I could get beat up by Auntie and her LSD soldiers in olive.

Then the worrisome thought kicked in: what if he didn't make it out of the high-rise yesterday? What if more goons captured him, or a police officer shot him for breaking and entering? If he ended up dead and I left him thinking I was a monster that didn't care for anyone...

"Finally!" Auntie huffed waiting by the tattoo parlor. "You take way too long in the bathroom girl. You got the shits or something?"

Ash was standing next to her, his back towards me, not even glancing over his shoulder. Seeing him there released the worrisome feeling. I felt like I was holding my breath the entire time while navigating the tunnels of the hive. Now I could finally exhale.

I played along with the lie Ash must've used to cover up for him coming solo. "Yeah, had some bad tacos last night."

Auntie chuckled. "That Mexican food is good, but it makes your ass hug a toilet forever if you ain't too careful. Now, how did the servitude go yesterday?"

Ash and I were both silent. I looked at him, but he didn't even offer me the same courtesy.

Auntie read the room and made a sizzling noise to signal the burning thread of our friendship. "Must've been a tough 24 hours." She looked behind us and saw the food stands opening up in the atrium and she signaled towards it with her hand. "Ash, you go grab something to eat. I'll take Zay here to start the next stage."

Ash didn't object. He left without saying a word. Then Auntie motioned for me to follow her. As we walked into the parlor, she grilled me like a mosquito that just entered the room. "What'd you do to my nephew?"

I shrugged my shoulder. "I don't know."

"Something's up between you two. That boy has been gloomy since he came in today. Did y'all sleep with each other or something?"

I was taken aback. Perhaps my cheeks went red. I mean, the first night when I was blindfolded, I slept in the same bed as him to comfort him, but like we didn't do anything scandalous.

Auntie's grill turned into a slight smirk. She guided me towards a desk set up solo in the middle of the parlor. It was a simple wooden school desk that must've seen time since the Vietnam war. There were termite holes scattered throughout the legs, a forest of gum coated the underside of the desk, and wooden carvings of boobs and penises because middle school kids are "oh so innocent darlings."

Atop the desk lay a single piece of paper and a pen. Auntie guided me towards the seat. "If you haven't noticed by now, each individual initiation has a ritual and an action. Each stage also has an outcome, or a lesson learned. When you retrieved the $5,000 in the first stage, it was an exercise to teach and simultaneously prove your ability to make financial sacrifices on behalf of the organization. Your blindfold and guidance by another Locust member were to instill trust in your community. The ankle bracelet was to prove your ability to be obedient to and available for the organization."

She motioned towards the desk. "The first four stages of initiation are very much the same for every hive. However, most people quit after the fourth stage. I will not tell you what it is, but I will tell you the outcome of this fourth stage: forgiveness."

I took a seat in the chair and was worried it would collapse under my weight. Surprisingly, it managed to hold me. I grabbed the pen and looked up to Auntie for instructions.

Auntie walked around me slowly like a lion patrolling her territory. "The ritual for this stage is very simple. You must write down a list of the people you love."

I looked at her like she was joking. Why would I need to list the people I love? Was it so they could blackmail me if I ever tried to leave the gang?

More than that, I wanted to laugh because there wasn't a single person in my life that I loved. "There's no one that I love."

Auntie's eyebrow raised. "We all love someone. There must be somebody in this world you wouldn't want any harm to come to because you care so much for them. That's a person you love. Most people put down family, boyfriends, spouses, pets..."

"I have no love for any of those people," I interrupted. "And the only family member I cared for is now dead."

Auntie paused for a second, taking in the new information before continuing. "...Close friends."

My emotions seemed to flashback to the night before. The intensity of dread and the racing of my heart that came when I felt that Ash was in trouble, only to be relieved when I found out he was safe.

But now, our friendship had taken a bit of a strain. Still, if any harm were to come to him, I'd imagine I'd be almost as devastated as I was when I lost Noa.

I wanted to slap myself for feeling such affection for this boy who dragged me into this quagmire. I had barely known him a week and suddenly I was willing to shed a tear if something bad were to happen to him. I felt like I've gotten weaker being friends with him. I was so desperate and lonely that the notion of having a single friend come into my life was enough for me to suddenly change.

"A name," Auntie tapped her purple manicured nail onto the paper.

She wanted a name, fine. This whole thing was stupid anyway. If they expected me to put down my family, they were wrong. I'll put down something they could never use against me.

I wrote down a single word, dropped the pen and got up out of the desk. Auntie lifted up the paper and held it in front of me. Her facial expression soured as she turned from the paper to me. Then she folded up the paper and slipped it into her pocket. "You're dismissed. If all checks out, we'll get in contact with you for stage five."

I left the parlor and crossed paths with Ash. He was eating some lasagna and didn't pay me any mind.

That's my life. If I don't lose the ones I care about to death, then I lose them to hatred.