When the EAF Building is completely packed with students, it's definitely the start of hell week — which simply means finals are coming.

Most students love to stay here than in the library as they can be free to have study sessions with different classes or departments.

I walk by several circles of groups before I catch a glimpse of Maize. She has her sketchbook and art materials scrambled on the desk. I pick the least messy side and put the drinks on it.

"Oh, my god. Milk Tea!" she squeals and looks up. "You're my savior!"

Giggling, I grab the chair opposite hers. "Me or the milk tea?"

"Both!" she grins, piercing the straw to the cup. "Why are you here, by the way?"

I point behind her. "Waiting."

She swivels in her chair before returning in place. "From avoiding to waiting for him. What a development, Remybear!"

"We're just going to buy more canvas."

Rolling her eyes, she smirks. "Reasons as always. If only you'll spill the tea and not leave me hanging."

"What tea—" My words hang in midair as I catch Fleur approaching Terrence.

Fleur has her arms crossed as she talks while Terrence frowns. It doesn't take long before they leave.

"Oh, he left," Maize mutters.

"Isn't it obvious?" I turn to her, not noticing how my brows are already scrunched together and sharp tone.

"Woah, woah, why are you snapping at me?"

'Did I?' Nevertheless, I soothe the sudden twinge from seeing them leave. A twinge that is too familiar and should have been buried a long time ago.

Fleur and Terrence graduated in the same high school so it's understandable they know together. Maybe he got someone to know him better while I down myself with self-loath.

'He's really a liar.'

And I'm the stupid one who always falls for it.

At that moment, a ring interrupts my thoughts. Terrence's name appears and because I'm already aware I'm the stupid one, I answer it right away.

"Where are you, Remy?"

"EAF Building."

"Oh, I just left. I'll get back there."

"Um."

I drop the call and Maize is just watching me.

"Look at you being smiley-smiley now. Being in love can really make someone crazy. Thankfully, I'm over that phase and just love my celebrity husbands," she comments, clicking her tongue at the end.

My brows arch. "That's such a big word, Remy. We just got our difference sorted a few days ago."

"But time can never measure a person's feelings, Remybear. Anyway, what time are you going home?"

"Not sure but I won't go to the atelier today."

"Okay. Mom plans to deliver me some takeout so I'll get some for you too.

"Really? I won't say no to that."

While we continue to gossip, someone taps my back.

"Terr— Uriel. Uh, hi?" I mumble as his smile has already frozen.

"Hi. It's been a long time. Remy. Are you avoiding me?" He slides his hand into his pocket.

"Isn't it you?" I return.

"I know I'm wrong at that time but—"

"Remy."

Just one word to make the both of us stop.

Terrence stands there with all his unappalled confidence that it always feels like a fever dream that he feels any sense of inferiority.

"Should we go?" Terrence says.

If not for Maize's nudge under the table, I doubt I'd be able to move.

I nod. "We'll go first. See you in class, Uriel. Later, Maize."

Getting up, I walked toward Terrence only to be stopped when Uriel grabs my hand.

Maize let out a small squeak while I can only look at him dumbfounded.

Luckily everyone is busy and no one notices us.

"What kind of drama is this now?"

'Or not.'

With Fleur's presence, the attention that I try to ignore multiplies. I quickly let go of Uriel.

In fact, I almost dash towards the exit. How I hate being put in the center.

When I am out, I stop in my tracks. Swiveling around, Terrence's figure is quickly approaching me.

"Are you okay?" he questions right away.

"Yeah. Where's your car?"

"Over here." He takes my wrist, the same hand that Uriel held a while ago.

When we got into his car, he already turns the engine on but he refuse to budge an inch.

Before I can ask, the door behind me opens.

"What's with you running away? Too excited?"

Frowning, I glance at Terrence and he is quick to understand.

"She broke her car. She wants to buy some canvas too since you know the university shop has run out of stock"

"Oh okay."

Fleur clears her throat. "Excuse me? I'm here. Don't talk as if I'm not existing."

Terrence just shrugs and mouths soundless words. "Leave her."

And so I did. Because truth to be told, Fleur's presence intimidates me. It makes me think of all my insecurities. A slap in the face of how I can never be her.

🎨 🎨 🎨

The drive goes smoothly and since we're in a rush of time, we got what we want without wasting any second.

But as Terrence is paying in such a long queue, what I want to avoid the most happened.

I am left alone with Fleur.

"You act so scared, I don't bite," she says while I try to make myself invisible.

"Uh..."

"I scratch," she continues and flexed her perfectly manicured nails.

I almost back away, stopping the grimace surfacing on my face. She proceeds to regard me from head to toe.

"I do love your fashion sense and in terms of looks, you're on par with me. But, I just don't understand why they like you."

"Huh?"

"Then again, Terrence has an obvious reason. I can see he's the type to be head over heels for only one girl despite his aloofness. But Uriel?"

"Huh?" My jaw almost drops on the floor.

"That guy is dense as a brick but you manage to make him fall for you." Her voice lowers as she speaks, looking away.

"What—"

She returns her gaze, full of determination. "So which one is it?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Who do you like? Let me know now before I take a brick to hit some person who is so blind to see what he's missing."

Frown and surprise mix on my face. "What do you mean?"

"Are you also that dense? Simple, I like Uriel. I have been with him since we are young but he refuses to see me as nothing more than a sister. I am even there when his stepfather is at the hospital but his mind is still occupied because of you. So tell me, do you like him?"

The answer that has been so easy to say just weeks ago is so difficult to mutter at that moment.

I remember entering college to make my family proud. Who will have thought I'll get entangled in these kinds of things first? Why are the scenes that should happen in high school coming shooting right back at me?

🎨 🎨 🎨

Going back, I have failed to give Fleur an answer.

"Do you want some coffee?" Terrence asks as we walk inside the campus.

I shake my head, still walking. When only my footsteps resound, I pause.

Turning around, Terrence is nowhere.

Suddenly, the ache pangs in my chest. Am I so boring that he just leaves me alone without even saying anything?

Too much for trusting his words that say he likes me.

'Like...'

That's right. The word has untangled the strings of the past. It's like after he confessed, something has been relieved within me.

it's as if I finally found a lifeline after being submerged for too long.

'Do I really like him?'

Or maybe, the question is, do I still like him after all this time?

While I become like a statue in the middle of the sidewalk, the aroma of coffee wakes me up.

"Here." Terrence hands me a cup of warm coffee.

The warmth slowly cools down the frost of being alone.

"I thought, we're fine already, Remy. You don't need to hide anything from me. Did Fleur say something to you?"

My mouth flaps open as I ponder if I should say it or not.

In the end, I say my thoughts. "Do you know she like Uriel?"

He nods. "Only he himself doesn't see it."

The soft breeze of the night passes between us. Heisstance is so palpable that no one dares to talk.

We are already in front of the dorm when he breaks the silence.

"Do you still like him?"

'Again.'

It's the question I've been avoiding because I already know I'm wavering.

"It's alright. You don't have to answer," he says. "But I do hope you can give me a chance, Remy. Let me make it up to you."

Only a small smile appears on my face, wishing it is enough to appease him.

After getting on the elevator and it stops on my floor, we wave goodbye to each other.

If not that boys are not allowed on the floor, he will have insisted on sending me to the room.

I insert the key, twisting it open. My line of sight quickly goes to Maize at the center table, busy eating. She glances up and notices me.

"Remy! You're just in time! Take a seat." She opens some of the packages and places them in the center.

I set my things aside before plopping on the chair.

"Say, I have a friend..." I start off.

"Uhuh. A friend, then?"

"She likes this guy and even confessed to him but got rejected. Then the guy who she likes before also confessed and he's been so good to her after realizing they just have a misunderstanding. And now she's not sure whom she likes because she still feels guilty about the new guy for some reason and she has not completely moved on from what happened before with her old crush."

Maize has already stopped chewing and gawking at me.

"Wait, wait, wait. You lost me at confessed. You did not tell me that Terrence confessed to you!"

"It's not him! It's a friend." I deny it in an instant.

"As if. Anyway, I don't see anything bad with that. Just follow what you want. Though it doesn't mean you have to choose right away. Love is a commitment that should be thought about twice, even thrice, and never try to rush it.

"But..."

She puts down her spoon and grabs her phone instead. "Okay, let's see it this way. Do you think your mood is affected because of him?"

"I think so." I hate to admit there was a tinge of jealousy when I saw him with Fleur earlier.

"Do you feel like you become want to become a better person or like to improve together?"

"I guess?"

He does help me a lot, despite he can be too strict sometimes but I have seen a little improvement in his snarky attitude when it comes to teaching.

'Art nerd.' A grin makes way on my lips thinking about how he is such a cheeky geek when it comes to it.

"Do you often think of him without no reasons at all?"

"I'm not sure."

"Then why are you smiling just now?"

"I just remembered something?"

"So is it him?"

A faint blush creeps to my cheek before I can mumble a yes.

"Then congrats, Remybear! Whoever you are thinking right now is the one you like. Let me guess, Terrence?"

My mouth slacks open. "How do you know?"

"It's so obvious. You two have been sticking together. in case you forgot. I can't even see you during our free time because you're with him."

"But isn't it weird? Am I moving on too fast?"

"I don't know, honestly. From what I can gather, maybe some things made you realize that you still like him."

With that, I finally tell Maize everything that has happened. Even my high school friends have no idea about my relationship with Terrence. But now, saying it out loud feels different.

It's like the last piece pulling me down has disappeared.

Looking at Maize's somber expression, she slides to my side and pats my back.

"You know how they say love's opposite is not hate but indifference? It's probably because hating someone still means holding on to them."

"Is that why I'm still stuck in the past?"

"I can't comment on that, Remy. Let me turn on the serious talk so don't laugh at me, okay? Listen, we're still young. Try if you want to. If it doesn't work, it's fine. As long as you are happy with the choice you made. If you want love, go for it. If you want to prioritize your dreams, choose it. There's nothing definite in our life. It's what we do that makes it permanent. But how can you do it when you don't move?"

Perhaps seeing my expression, she pauses and glances around.

 "Hmm. How can I make it simpler?"

I follow her gaze when she points to my side of the room.

"See that canvas? It's as blank as our beginning. It stays there and plain as it is until a stroke of the brush makes a difference. Once you finished, it will forever be there but if it does not work, who says we cannot reuse a canvas already painted? Those layers of failure make it unique. Even famous paintings are now renowned after the mystery of the layers of mistakes behind the depths of their masterpiece. And that goes the same for us. Failure molds who we are and only with that, we can learn."

As Maize's words sink into my mind, I realize she is right. 

And at that night, my brush moves like it is finally free from its shackles.