You're probably thinking that social media will be a good way to go to promote your podcast. You might be right. I have no idea. Let's give it a shot.

Sign up for a Twitter account. Don't worry, it's not too hard. They'll be plenty of that later.

Enter a blurb about yourself, a profile picture, your website. Everything looks great.

Except, when you click your website, it redirects to a page that says things like "potentially spammy or unsafe," "malicious links that could steal personal information," and "violent or misleading content that could lead to real-world harm." ...what's going on?

Well my friend, seems like your cheap web host is hosting your site on a server with some very bad actors, and the whole stinking pile of silicon's been blacklisted. Twitter's also throttling the display range of any tweets that include your website. Like, if you wanted to use it for its intended purpose to promote your show.

There's a form where you can report your site as a "miscategorized link." (Spoiler alert: this will not help.)

Go ahead and open a Twitter support case. Just let that sit there, this is going to take a while. Make some coffee. Start a journal. Raise chickens.

Okay it's been two weeks. Ping that support case.

In the meantime, bring up the issue with your web host. They will deny culpability, refuse to move servers, and insist that you have to talk to Twitter.

Try that support case again. It's been nearly a month now, they have to answer soon. Start another case for good measure. Sit back, relax, count your chickens before they hatch.

In the mean-meantime, try your domain name provider in utter desperation. They'll ask what you think they have to do with it and recommend you talk to Twitter. Journal furiously.

Try Twitter again. It's been four entire months. Your chickens will be having chickens.

Open a third support case. While this is open, the flagged website problem will quietly disappear. By the time Twitter support replies, they will not know what you're talking about. Everything's fine, they'll say, as you rave and howl about how you got a Pullet Surprise for your journaling, what are you so upset about?

Your website will be blocked and unblocked a few more times (but never blocked when support is looking) and then stabilize, at least for now.

Well that was easy! Let's move on.

If you're on Twitter, you need followers, right? Somehow or other, you're going to need to bring that follower number from zero to, I don't know, whatever lets you sleep at night. Probably set a goal so you aren't endlessly avariciously craving validation and fulfillment. But hey, isn't that what social media's all about?

Some basic strategies for gaining followers are:

a) pay for them (this sounds like such a bad idea that even I haven't tried it),

b) follow people and hope they follow you back (either labor intensive, and that assuming you know exactly who fits the bill of your target audience, or else spammy and likely to gather you people who care more about being polite than your podcast, which remember is why we're here), and

c) make tri-weekly posts with lots of hashtags, cross your fingers, and wait. Even without the anti-website throttling, these will never seem to reach the eyeballs of more than 10 – 30 disinterested people, so how this works for anybody is a mystery. Still, it's your best option.

Got those posts ready? Time to wait.