So apparently you don't know what you're doing at all. Why don't you try asking some other podcasters for help?

Actual advice you may receive in terms of getting your first audience member includes:

1. Ask your audience to spread the word

2. Get to know your audience

3. Ask your audience to subscribe

4. Focus where your audience is

5. Engage your audience on social media

6. Send newsletters to your audience

7. Run contests for your audience in your podcast

8. Ask other podcasters with a similar audience size to do cross-promotion

9. Guest star on other podcasts

Now that last one you could in theory do, assuming anyone would want you guesting on their podcast. Perhaps you can advise them on how to not succeed in podcasting.

And if every iota of your time wasn't already consumed in not succeeding in podcasting, you might also try points 4 and 2 with a fantasy brainstorm of what your ideal audience member might look like, and where such a person might possibly hang out, and then spend the next few months trying to ingratiate yourself in that community. To improve your chances of not succeeding in such an endeavor, make sure to lead with promotion for your show before you have obtained any cred, and to spam everyone every chance you get.

Other helpful responses you may receive regarding how audiences were attained could be along the lines of: "we know a lot of people," "it took a really long time," and "we don't know where they came from."

One threat you might face to your not succeeding is occasional spurts of downloads over a few days or a month. The consensus is that these mean your podcast was promoted somewhere out there in the ether. If you had any means of communicating with your listeners, like that list of emails you apparently have for your newsletter, you might be able to find out who's promoting you. Maybe that would help or something.

I've been led to understand there are also lots of opportunities for not succeeding on Reddit, TikTok, and whatever new nonsense platform the internet spawns next.

Although at this point, expect to get "shadow banned"/banned for life on any other services you sign up for. Reddit. PayPal. Match.com. You are an internet terrorist. Not only does no one want to hear your podcast, but they're actively recoiling in horror.

Any useful advice you've received on not succeeding in podcasting?