trigger warning: talk about rape Chapter 16

"Good morning." The first voice we heard that morning when we came down the stairs was Paula's, bright and warm. I returned the smile briefly before glancing at P'Arthit. He wasn't smiling but at least he wasn't frowning. I waited with my breath held to see if he maybe wanted to apologize about last night. He was a little too rough with Paula last night and no matter how upset he was, that wasn't right.

The silence stretched, then P'Arthit cleared his throat a little, and Paula said, "Good morning, P'Arthit," in a soft small voice, as if cautious of a skittish cat.

"Good morning, "he mumbled back and I let myself breathe. I don't care what happens after now, even if the ground opened up or the sky starts to rain fire, this moment would be all that mattered. I will be able to look at this moment and cherish it.

Then Paula moved closer saying, "actually, P'Arthit—" she was going to start explaining herself and try too hard which would just aggravate P'Arthit and destroy the moment I wanted to cherish.

I subtly shook my head and gave her a warning look which she understood immediately. P'Arthit was behind me so he couldn't see what I was doing.

"What are we having for breakfast," I said now that Paula has lost what she wanted to say. She looked at me clueless for a moment then said in a rush,

"I'm preparing it right now, just sit for a bit."

"You cook?"

She laughed. "No, I assist." Paula moved back and forward slightly as if unsure where the kitchen was. When P'Arthit and I just stared at her wordlessly, she said, "I will go now."

I nodded at her, smiling a little to see that she was like I had thought, a little clumsy and a little dazed too. She left with a freer shoulder than before, which I thought was an improvement.

"Breakfast? Really?"

"It was a distraction, "I turned and confessed. "Paula tries too hard which only pisses you off."

"Yeah well, you are not wrong. "He looked to the ceiling and wondered out loud, "are they up yet."

"They should be."

Just as we said that we heard the sound of footsteps on the stairs. Dressed in casual yet stylish clothes, the husband and wife came down together. P'Arthit's father's thick brows furrowed deeply and he grunted, "I thought you left last night."

Winry was expressionlessly looking at us, but a touch on her husband's hand quelled whatever he was going to say. He looked like he had a lot to say and I didn't care to let P'Arthit listen to any of it.

They both quietly climbed down the rest of the way and stopped in front of us. Winry faced P'Arthit and there was calm to her face that wasn't there last night. I thought she didn't like P'Arthit, to put it kindly, but now if I was seeing her for the first time I would have thought she cared a little.

"I was out of line last night. Please forgive me."

P'Arthit and I looked at each other, the word shock painted in bold on our faces. Did Winry just apologize to P'Arthit? The woman looked like she couldn't say sorry even if her life depended on it.

She let out a breath. "I didn't intend for things to turn that way but I just couldn't help it. Are you planning to leave this morning?"

"Yes," I replied. P'Arthit was looking a little apprehensive and I was afraid he might say something to ruin what must be some kind of challenge for this woman.

"If you don't mind Arthit before you go, I would like to speak to you, privately. There are some things I want to say. Things that would make you angry, most likely, but they need to be said anyway."

P'Arthit scoffed almost silently but he didn't refuse which made me let out another sigh of relief. "That's fine. I think a little privacy might help, "I supported and got a sharp look from P'Arthit. "One last time, P'Arthit."

At my whisper to him, he pulled in a deep breath and nodded. "Fine. "

"Would you come upstairs?" without waiting for his response, Winry was already walking back up. We both watch her walking away without words.

"I don't want to go with her," P'Arthit mumbled to me and I smiled what I wanted to think was a reassuring smile. Even I felt a little worried but I can't let P'Arthit see it or he would never do this.

"I'm right here if you need me. Just listen to her and if you get angry just walk out on her. We will leave immediately."

He held my gaze and I almost began to worry that he wouldn't go, that he would tell us to leave, but he nodded and walked towards the stairs where his father was looking at us as if we were strange.

I watched him till he disappeared upstairs then my eyes moved to P'Arthit's father's eyes. He was still staring so we stared at each other in awkward silence and I felt like a gun would be pointed at me at the next moment.

What came, however, was a question. "What was your last name again?" he asked out of the blue.

We had not mentioned my last name intentionally during my introduction last night because P'Arthit and I both knew his father would be able to recognize it. In the business world my family, minor as it is, was still very well known. I do not want to be given any kind of special attention because of it, not here. Still, I shouldn't lie since this was P'Arthit's father, even though he was a bad one.

"Oh, where is P'Arthit? " Paula came at just the right time saving me from coming up with some kind of distraction. "I wanted to ask if he didn't mind peanut butter."

"About that, I think we can skip breakfast. I saw a nice garden on my way in yesterday, will you show me around?"

"Of course. That is one of the things we are proud of as a family. P'Arthit used to groom it when he lived here. He was paid for it, of course. He didn't do it for free." The last part was hastily added and I had to smile. I already know that P'Arthit was treated no less than a servant while he lived here with them. At least she knew that what she did to him was wrong. I just wish it didn't take her having to experience it herself to know that.

When we were finally outside, I could finally feel the tension leave my body. P'Arthit's father was truly intimidating. I can't imagine growing up with him as my sole provider.

"Where did you say P'Arthit went off to?" Paula stopped at the entrance of the garden and turned my way. It was a little sudden and since I was walking behind her I had to stop before we collided but it was a near thing.

"Uh, he is having a talk with your mom," I said.

"Oh. "Her eyes squinted for a moment.

"Are you worried?"

"No. not really. "there was a short pause then she added, "maybe a little. My mother isn't very nice. She tries to be but I know she can be a little too mean. She didn't really want me to get P'Arthit to come home. Please don't tell him that."

"That's fine. I think P'Arthit already knows that. Why did you tell him that she wanted to see him though? "

She took a deep breath and gestured for me to start walking next to her so I did. We walked through the path created by flowers and grass and her voice was accompanied by the quiet chirping of birds.

"Truth be told, after what happened to me I... started to understand things a little more. I guess you could say I grew up and the thing that tormented me the most was what I did to P'Arthit. My mother was also a huge part of it so I thought she should also apologize to him. I didn't stop my mother when she was mean to him and so I feel responsible. That is why I convinced mom to apologize with me. Mom is sick with cancer but the doctors are sure she would be fine after the surgery so it's not like she is going to die anyway but I just imagine her going away without making peace with P'Arthit. I didn't want there to be any more bad blood in our family. "She sighed through her lips. "But I know I am the only one who cares about that. "

"I see." She seemed like a kind, thoughtful person. "Did you mean it when you said you would never appear in front of P'Arthit again after this?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I don't think he will ever be able to forgive me and if I think about it, I also can't forgive that person who..." she trailed off for a moment. My eyes were on her face so I noticed when they brightened. "Oh look, the turnips are finally budding."

We go over to look at some newly planted turnips. They were budding alright but it didn't look like they would live long. Their petals looked twisted and dirty.

"I planted these myself," Paula said with a proud smile.

"Oh."

"Yeah, I know. Gardening isn't one of my many talents."

"Well, I wouldn't say that."

She laughed. "What would you say?"

"That I am surprised you even managed to dig the ground to plant them, I have never held a shovel in my life. You are way more talented compared to me."

She began to laugh. "What are you, scared of getting dirty?"

"Among other things."

"I thought it would be hard too but it's awfully calming. I think I'll make a garden when I move to Bangkok next week."

That caught my full attention. "You are moving to Bangkok?"

"Well yeah. I got a job there so it would be a problem if I have to commute all the way from here."

"But, then..."

She could read my expression and she laughed. "Don't worry, I am definitely not working with my father. Where I work there is zero chance P'Arthit and I would ever run into each other."

"Don't say that. Now you are definitely going to run into each other."

She laughed and I couldn't get enough of it. I smiled back as she said, "you believe in that."

"Well it's a flag," I nodded.

"If that happens, I hope P'Arthit doesn't pretend to know me."

I couldn't tell her not to worry and that P'Arthit wouldn't so I just smiled.

"What I am really worried about is living alone. I haven't let myself be alone since... it happened."

"ho—do you mind me asking how it happened?"

She made a sound and I knew she was uncomfortable, but I couldn't get over the fact that something like that happened to her when we haven't met yet. Pain only found my soulmate when we are together. Is it because of me? Did my being with P'Arthit cause something to shift and cause this?

"I was in the US," she said in a small voice. The US was where I was until six months ago when I ran back because I wanted to see P'Arthit again. It didn't surprise me this time that my meeting P'Arthit had somehow made me miss the time to meet Paula. If I hadn't met P'Arthit in high school, I wouldn't have become obsessed with him and come running back to Thailand the second I graduated, and then maybe I would have met Paula.

"I was studying there but I was reckless. I went clubbing and did everything that I am not supposed to do. I didn't know that it would bring the attention of a stalker. So one day when all my friends have gone to class and I was alone, he broke into my house and..."

"It's okay, you don't have to say it."

"It was the worst day of my life," she said, tears filling her eyes. "I thought it would never end. I thought I would suffer forever. At that moment, P'Arthit's name was the only thing in my mind. I don't know why but I just kept crying for him. After it was over, I thought it was because I was being reminded by... I don't know... God that I hurt someone like this. Maybe not exactly like this, P'Arthit and I never... I didn't... but it was awfully similar. I took his will and I held him prisoner."

Her face turned pale as if only just realizing what she was admitting. I knew of the sexual harassment even though P'Arthit didn't tell me in so many words. I just knew that Paula must have done some inappropriate things to P'Arthit but she didn't rape him. Did she?

The question I think was answered and to be honest, I was scared to know. When I looked at Paula again, she was crying silently, holding herself as if she was cold. We were still crouched in front of the flower and Paula looked daze. My hand reached towards her but I paused.

"Come on Paula, let's sit down."

She blinked, smiled through her tears, and nodded. "God, when am I ever going to tell this without feeling so cold." she touched her face and made to wipe at the tears. "And when am I going to stop bawling my eyes out. It's already been a year now. I think. Well, almost a year. It doesn't feel that long ago. Wow, gosh, I am a mess."

No matter how hard she wiped, the tears were still falling. "Here, "I said, holding out my handkerchief. She reached for it and I noticed her hands were shaking a little. I ignored her hand and used the handkerchief to wipe her face carefully.

She stared at me, eyes red, and mouth open. As I met those wounded eyes, it felt like I was being pulled in, sucked into a sadness that was so cold and empty. The halo flashed above her head and I confirmed yet again, that this is my soulmate. This is the person I loved so much I bound my life to them. This is the person I swore to protect and never leave behind. Yet here she was, alone, sad and broken.

I pulled Paula to me and I hugged her gently. I am so sorry. I am the worst kind of person. You who didn't know anything got bound to me and for reasons, you don't know have to suffer like this, yet I... yet I let myself love someone else. I am so sorry.

"What's wrong?" she asked her body tight in my arms.

"nothing." I didn't want her to see the tears in my eyes so I didn't let her go. "I just wanted to do it. Please endure it for a moment"

I felt her smile on my shoulder, her body becoming a little soft. "This feels...nice. "She hugged me back. "I haven't been able to touch a guy since it happened but... I don't know. I don't feel scared with you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I don't know why but from the second I met you, I felt like I knew you. I felt safe. It's the weirdest thing isn't it?"

More tears filled my eyes and I had to clench my fist. 'No, it's not. That feeling is the right one. I am your soulmate but you know nothing. I have all the answers and you are in the dark. That's how it has always been but I kept trying to look for you in someone else. I kept thinking of someone else till they filled my entire mind and consumed my whole heart. I still feel love for you. I want to protect you more than anything.'

I released her abruptly and said, "Let's meet again in Bangkok."

"Eh?"

I smiled at her surprised face and felt a little lighter with myself now that I knew what I needed to do.

The talk with P'Arthit and Winry didn't go so well. P'Arthit stomped out of the house and almost ran into my arms. He glared at Paula who was right next to me then he grabbed my arm and said, "We are leaving."

Like I promised, I let him drag me out of the compound and into the car. Once we were in P'Arthit pulled in sharp breaths and hit the dashboard a few times, scaring me.

"What happened?!"

"Nothing."

"Clearly it's not nothing."

"Why did I come back here? I shouldn't have come."

"Will you stop shouting and tell me what happened?"

"She—she knows, about us."

My mouth fell open and I blinked a few times. "How?"

"...I slipped up. All she had were guesses but she played me into making sure that I helped her confirm everything. She wants us to break up. Can you believe her? She thinks she has the right to decide what I do with my life now. Damn it I wanted to hit her."

"Don't get so worked up, P'Arthit. You and I know she can't make us do what she wants."

"Yeah, but she could tell my dad. If he knows then he would make my life hell. "

We fell into silence and I let it sit for a moment. Something keeps bothering me and I have been trying not to let it show. I shouldn't say it when P'Arthit is so worked up but I am at my limit. "P'Arthit, are you going to break up with me just because your father wants you to?"

His head whipped to me and he stared. I met his stare head on but P'Arthit looked away immediately." You don't understand."

"Okay, then explain it to me." I am not letting him get away with it this time. He has to tell me everything right now.

He didn't look at me as I waited. "P'Arthit."

"You know I love you, right?" He shouted and glared at me. "How long did it take for you to love me back? How many rejections did I have to endure to get here, where we are?"

"What does that—"

"And yet you don't even love me back entirely." He laughed in self-mockery tone and gestured at the road. "Just drive, I don't want to start an argument right now."

Now I was pissed. I have been so calm with P'Arthit, gentle and understanding because I thought that was what he needed. He needed me on his side no matter what, so when I thought he was going too far I still never said anything, I supported him in his anger and I tried my very best to understand how he feels. But I think I have tolerated him enough for one day.

"We are not going anywhere until you tell me." My teeth were jammed together and I was squeezing the steering wheel trying to contain my anger. "Not together." My eyes found him and he was shocked. I guess he hasn't seen me this angry but I was already at my limit and I didn't care to hold back.

"Kongpob?" his voice was wary and the anger in his eyes seemed to have fled or taken a backseat to his surprise.

"Why do you keep talking like I am out of your life the minute your father says so? I didn't know I meant so little to you."

"You don't!"

"Then? What is the reason? Explain it so I can understand and don't try to distract me by bringing up my soulmate again."

"But that's the thing, isn't it. You are out as soon as your soulmate walks in so what do you care. It doesn't even matter to you when you already have one foot in and the other out. You don't get to talk to me about who is going to dump who."

I wanted to scream at him and I wanted to shake him. He was so good at throwing me off but I just... shouted my frustration at the car and turned on the engine, letting out explosive sighs from my mouth so that my anger could have somewhere to go. It's no good. We have to get out of here first. I don't want anyone to see us have it out.

end note: another deadlined met. hope you enjoyed it. please leave a vote before you go, thanks.