Author's note: hey guys. this is an early update. i am so proud of myself right now. my second deadline aced. *victory dance* I am so glad people are still reading this. I'm getting closer to finishing it. I hope you all stick around till the end. thanks for reading and please enjoy.

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Chapter 15

We returned to the house an hour later. I was hoping that the family was sleeping and I wouldn't have to speak with them again but when Kongpob and I walked into the house, Paula was in front of the TV staring at it as she could see through it. She didn't even notice us until Kongpob called her name.

Her eyes found us and she blinked a few times, took us in, and smiled a weak smile. "You are back." She began to rise to her feet then for no reason at all she tripped. She was falling forward and I could see that she would catch herself but Kongpob was already there catching her. Now she was in his arms, against his chest and they are looking at each other with their faces too close for my comfort. His eyes...

I coughed in discomfort when they kept looking at each other and finally they separated. It was almost as if they forgot what they were doing and that I was even in the room.

"Be careful, "he told her with unnecessary concern. I wish he would stop being so nice to Paula. She didn't deserve it. At least now she knows the type of hell she put me through. Hopefully, she got a good taste of her own medicine and knows just a fraction of how I felt when she did it to me.

Remembering my stepmother saying Paula was abused, I almost didn't believe it. Where would someone like her go to get abused? Paula as I remembered was rude, gutsy, and had an arrogant mouth. She didn't give off a weak appearance, plus she had my father's love. He must have made good certain that she was safe, always. Unless it is a lie that she was abused. Maybe she thinks that if she pretends to be a victim, I would be touched, or perhaps I would just forgive her. Why did she want my forgiveness though?

"Why are you still awake," Kongpob asked, finally putting some appropriate distance between them.

"I didn't get to show you your bedrooms." her eyes flickered to me and I looked away. "We prepared two but I don't know if you would rather stay in one."

That caught me off guard, causing my eyes to turn sharply to her. What did she mean by that? Hopefully not what I think it is. It can't be that she knows or something, right?

My father will find out I liked men, Kongpob in particular, when I am officially free from him. He can't find out now. "What—"I stumbled to say.

"We need two separate rooms," Kongpob interrupted me. I met his eyes and he gave me a look I couldn't quite translate. What's going on? Did Kongpob know something?

"Okay," Paula smiled a relieved sort of smile that I couldn't help accepting. I was right. She was suspecting us of being a couple. I guess I shouldn't ask how when I have been literally all over Kongpob since we got here. Even my stepmother must have found it strange, that's why she asked what our relationship was. Even though I knew consciously that I am supposed to keep a brotherly distance between us, my body reacted differently. I held his arm way too much and whispered to him too closely.

It doesn't matter though. If Paula is suspecting us then I have to throw her off. I opened my mouth as she passed me but words didn't come out. How should I throw her off? In the first place, how do I talk to her?

She went upstairs without me saying a word so I looked at Kongpob for help or for an explanation. Maybe both.

Kongpob smiled as he came closer. "She saw us hugging outside. Considering you were losing your mind that time I was hoping she didn't interpret it that way but I guess I was wrong."

"She can't know," I said in the most serious tone I have ever used. "If she knows then my father will find out and I don't want to fight that battle yet."

"What do you owe him?" Kongpob asked me after looking at me with his constant worrying frown. I don't want that frown to get even worse so I shouldn't tell him about it. If he knows that I owed my father ten years of my life and free will, he would try to do something about it. That ship already sailed. I am too entangled to get out now, plus... it's already been four years so we only had six years left. It is a meaningless battle. If Kongpob doesn't find his soulmate and is still with me six years later then I will introduce him to my father and be free to tell him to go burn in hell if he doesn't accept my sexuality.

"Later," I said.

He sighed and nodded. "Then let's go see our rooms."

Like a bad joke, Kongpob was placed in my old room. Paula was inside it explaining where everything was in a cheerful voice and I just stood at the door, more like froze in place, my eyes going over everything. The curtain, the table, and the bookcase with all the books I could afford to buy on my meager salary, the bed with the same plain blue bedspread. Nothing, absolutely nothing had been changed. I would have thought my stepmother would have gotten rid of any sign that I lived in this room. She would have cleaned it so there wasn't a trace of what happened in this room.

My breath sped up a little as an unhelpful memory floated into my mind. It was dark that night and Paula had snuck into my room while I was sleeping. I woke to the feel of her hand under my shirt. She was straddling me. As usual, I shouted at her and told her to leave me alone. She laughed at me and warned me what would happen if people found us like this. What her mother would do to me and what my father would say. At that moment, my stepmother had walked past and the door was clearly open. She stood for at least ten seconds and I thought she would stop it, that she would intervene and get Paula off me but she just left.

"P'Arthit?" Kongpob noticed me standing there in the doorway and called my name. I heard but couldn't speak.

"oh my god, I'm so sorry! I didn't think... I didn't put you in here because I knew it would be too hard on you, but I wasn't sure... mean I didn't know it would... I am so sorry." Paula's flustering only made my blood boil. Kongpob was reaching out a hand to her shoulder when I took hold of that shoulder and slammed her to the bathroom door. I glared and probably snarled at her.

"Why did you pick this room and why does it still look like this. Do you think you can fool me by sounding nice? You just what to see if I would still be affected, if I was still traumatized. Did you have your fun?" I was almost growling at her.

"P'Arthit." Kongpob's warning tone was meaningless. I took the hand he was reaching out to grab me and told Paula simply, not caring how she interpreted it,

"We don't need two rooms, after all, one room is perfectly fine."

Kongpob made discomfited sounds as I all but dragged him out of the room and into the hallway. The room Paula prepared for me was on the left-wing so I took Kongpob there and shut the door on Paula's face. She could pretend to be oblivious all she wanted but I saw through her. The only person she was deceiving and making a fool of was herself.

Once we were inside Kongpob tore his hand out of mine. "Why are you overreacting again? I thought we said we were going to make this as painless as possible?"

I gaped at his expression that was full-on pissed. He was mad at me? Why? "I am not overreacting."

"Then what do you call that? Because it sure looked like you were just looking for a reason to be irritable."

"I just..." I took deep breaths and tried to explain what being around Paula, being in this house and in that room did to me. It made my skin crawl to look at Paula, to watch her fumble and act nice. Where was the girl who forced me to do things for her, who entered my room and ripped my books and clothes to pieces if I so much as said one word of refusal? Who used the threat of rape to sexually harass me far too many times? Kongpob didn't know her as I do. I couldn't find the words to tell him all this.

He sighed and said, "Look, I understand that you hate her. I know she put you through a lot but you have to remember why you came here. You told me it's to end everything so you never have to see Paula again. That is still the truth, isn't it? Or... did you come here for another reason you didn't tell me about?"

I shouldn't have avoided eye contact, I knew that but... "No," I said.

Kongpob walked into my space and said this very slowly, "Tell me you didn't come here to see them suffer? Tell me that the resolution you are looking for isn't the fact that Paula was abused and her mother has cancer."

I can lie to Kongpob but I can't lie to myself. Still, what would Kongpob think of me if I told him that was it. Deep down when Paula told me that her mother was sick I felt, happy. I hated that feeling because I am supposed to be above it all and I am supposed to forgive and forget, but whoever wrote those words did not know what it feels like to live in a home yet feel like you are living in hell. That hellish life Paula and her mother made for me since I was seven, that person can't have known about it to say something so hard so easily.

When I scan my feelings for Paula and her mother, when I think about how they looked at me, treated me, and how I had no one literally no one to help me, the word hate comes to mind.

"P'Arthit," Kongpob said my name with a sigh. He ran his hand over my arm and said softly, "did you suffer that much?"

I didn't fully explain the extent of the abuse. It wasn't something as simple as denying me food, it was way more than I could tell Kongpob. "I truly can't forgive her, Kongpob. I can't stand her at all."

"Then... should we leave? There's no point being here if all it does is make you suffer."

I appreciated the offer and I love how he isn't waiting for me to explain anything. I said quietly, "I would like that but let's stay till tomorrow morning at least."

His fingers ran through my hair in a way that usually made my toes curl in pleasure, but I wasn't feeling very pleasurable. Yet it felt good. Kongpob only had to look at me, only had to touch me and be by my side for my past to disappear. I dread the day when he is taken from me. I can't believe such a day will come. If it does come I hope I have the strength to let him go.

"Let's do that, "he nodded and kissed me softly. I hugged him when he pulled away and once more, the racing in my head and the boiling in my blood rolled away. I am so completely in love with him. Every day it seems I fall deeper and deeper in love with Kongpob and I don't know what to do.

"Thank you, for somehow understanding everything without me having to say a word, "I said

He laughed into my neck. "It's funny, I used to be able to understand only one person this well."

"Who?" I asked and immediately regretted it.

Kongpob didn't reply but pulled away to smile at me. He glanced behind me and asked, "Do you want to use the bathroom first or should I?"

"Uh," my mind couldn't quite catch up so I sounded like an idiot for a moment till I found the words." you can go ahead."

He nodded and left me to stand looking at him as he walked away. Why did I always do that? I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. I keep dragging my attention back to Kongpob's soul mate. That person who only had to exist to gain Kongpob's love whereas I suffered so much before he finally let himself feel one ounce of love for me.

I knew Kongpob was still in love with her or him, whoever it is. I don't know but I keep praying they never meet. Not until I can turn that one ounce to at least fifty. So that it wouldn't be easy for Kongpob to decide to leave me. If Kongpob never finds his soulmate, will he suffer? Does he miss them even while he is with me? Well obviously. He still loves them very much and I would become an afterthought the minute they meet.

We fell asleep really late that night but I woke up very early. Kongpob and I share a bed at home but when things get a little heated, Kongpob would move to the couch. He would look a little pale too. I noticed he always wore long-sleeved shirts to bed. This is a recent development, I think around the time we started dating and I thought that he must be trying to reduce our physical contact but when I woke up that morning, I couldn't help remembering something from last night.

I had been so angry at the time but when we hugged I noticed something around Kongpob's collar. It looked like a burn scar, where and when did he get it from. It has to be recent because last time I saw him naked he had no burn scar.

I reach across the sensible amount of space between us and touched the neckline of his shirt. It was a lot looser than his shirt from last night. I began to lift it when he turned slightly so I froze. He wasn't waking up but just getting comfortable, with his hand tucked under his chin. I got caught up by how adorable he looked sleeping and almost forgot what I was doing.

I caught myself smiling at his face and shook my head. Something told me Kongpob didn't want me to see this burn scar, if he woke up and I asked about it, he wouldn't tell me, would he. I lift his neckline and tried to see the skin of his back.

Nothing.

Wait, that can't be right. I saw it clearly last night. I shifted closer and took a better look, all the way down to his waist. All olive skin peered back at me.

" P'Arthit, what are you doing so early in the morning," a sleepy voice said from under me. I am over Kongpob and I guess it looked like I wanted to steal a kiss.

I couldn't very well tell him I had been looking for a scar that didn't exist so I instead leaned downward for the kiss. He let it happen and moaned when I pulled away. "Friends don't do things like this so early in the morning you know."

"Well then, "I reached in for another kiss, "it's a good thing we are not friends."

He let me kiss him and returned the kiss with lazy enthusiasm then smiled again. "This is so unlike you, P'Arthit."

"What is so unlike me? "

"You initiating a kiss so early in the morning. What happened to you?"

I lifted myself from the bed and tried not to look too suspicious. "Nothing happened, what do you mean."

Kongpob raised himself on his elbow and studied me more closely. "You are acting a little suspicious."

"I'm not." I said, not happy that my voice was a little raised there.

Kongpob chuckled and shook his head. "I'll believe you for now."

"Not just for now," I grumbled.

"So, what now. Should we just get up and go or do you want to try again."

I honestly didn't want to think or talk about it. I let out a heavy sigh and gave it a thought anyway. I could already see how the day was going to go even before it started. I don't want to talk with Paula, my father and my stepmother. I wish I could just forget them but if I leave now then Paula in an endeavor to keep seeking my forgiveness would keep appearing before my eyes and I don't want to see her again.

"I think I can do one more day."

"Really!" he sounded too happy there. My eyebrows shot up and Kongpob changed his expression to a solemn one. "I am just so proud to see you trying so hard."

My eyes narrowed. "Now who is acting suspicious."

"To be honest, and don't hate me for it, I actually feel sorry... for Paula."

"You are kidding," I said.

"I didn't mean to but she looks so... sincere. Don't tell me you still think she is pretending."

I opened my mouth and closed it without being able to say a word. The reason is that when I looked over what happened yesterday, it seemed like Paula was trying so hard to get my forgiveness and I just treated her like dirt. I essentially translated all her actions as malicious and didn't even give her a chance. Kongpob was right about everything. I didn't come here to make peace but to cause suffering for those two people who ruined my life, but...

I don't care anymore. My life is pretty great because I have Kongpob and I am not unhappy, plus those two can never hurt me again. I just have to be the bigger person and let things go. Somehow. Sometime in the future. Maybe. God, I am still so bitter and spiteful, I can't lie to myself.

"I am not sure anymore," I told Kongpob honestly. "I don't think I can have a conversation with her but I'm willing to endure for a little longer."

"Yeah, do you want me to keep her off your back? So you can get closure from your stepmom?"

I shook my head in confusion. "How would you do that?"

"Don't worry about it. I have my ways. "He shifted off the bed and said, "I'm going to use the shower first."

"But I woke up first."

He winked at me and said, "We could always share it."

I grabbed a pillow but he disappeared before I could hit his stupid face with it. Such a tease. One day I am going to scare him by taking him up on his offer. Just wait. I am not such a prude that I can't share a bath with my own boyfriend.

I smiled like an idiot the way I always do when I thought of Kongpob as my boyfriend. Why did this make me so happy yet afraid all at once?