Author's note: so I am here again with another random chapter. looks like this arc might be shorter. anyhoo, if you are still reading this, I am finally on holiday so I will try to post a chapter on Sundays. wish me luck ;)Chapter 12

I was vaguely aware of the water running through my hair and over my face as I stood under the shower. It felt as though I was in the moment again, standing there and listening to her voice get further and further away. That's the second time, Kongpob. The first time could be excused as feelings being too overwhelming at the time, a moment of weakness. It could be easily explained away, but a second time walking away from your soulmate, how do you explain that?

Had she looked even lovelier this time? Her laughter, her walk, the sound of her voice all of it had beautiful. I could still hear it and if I closed my eyes her face was clearly in front of me. She looked so beautiful and so happy. In this life what was she like, what new personality has she added on. I was always intrigued to find out what they were like in every life. What they looked like, how they reacted and what they loved. Sometimes these things change so drastically that it was amazing I still remain in love with her when she felt like a completely different person. Maybe it was that underlying presence, maybe it was something that couldn't be explained.

I felt that unexplained thing again. If the halo was just a figment of my imagination, that feeling couldn't be. My feelings were a conflicted mess. I want to get to know her, but I am terrified to look at her. I don't think I can walk away from her again, but if I get closer P'Arthit would notice. I don't want to lose... I don't want to lose...

You don't want to lose what, Kongpob? What did I not want to lose? P'Arthit? You knew this would eventually happen. You can't put it off forever. He has a right to know and the deal was off. If P'Arthit finds out that I have found my soulmate, would he let me go? Would he step aside for my happiness? Or would he hold on to me?

"Hey, did you decide to live in there?" P'Arthit was on the other side of the door. "You were the one that said you wanted to come along, are you stalling now by staying in the shower so long?"

I didn't respond, just turned off the water. P'Arthit wanted to go see Rin after what happened. I got him to delay it a little but he was going to see her no matter what. He loves her and she loves him. If I was not in the picture they would probably be together by now. My soulmate was someone else and all I am doing is getting in the way of someone else's love.

"Hey, are you alright?" the worry in his voice was genuine. He acted cold at times but he was all warm and fuzzy inside. I am the only one he shows those hidden sides too. The one P'Arthit loves was me, not Rin. I know that and god help me, I love him too. With all of my heart, even if it is a heart that didn't fully belong to me, I love P'Arthit. I don't know how long I can keep loving him like this but I will love him for a little longer still. I will keep this feeling within me even as painful as it feels sometimes, even if I can't be right next to him.

I knew what my naked body did to P'Arthit but I stepped out like that and heard him choke. "Kongpob! Why aren't you wearing a towel? Did you wash away your brain too?"

"Why?" I smirked. "I just thought since we're both guys it wouldn't bother you so much."

"Argh, is this your strategy to distract me from going? It's not going to work."

"hm-hm," I inched closer to him and peered at his flushing cheeks. "Then why is your face red and your heart racing."

"What happened to not too intimate?" he was pouting as he avoided looking in my direction.

"I am just walking out of a shower and getting dressed. It's pretty normal."

"I'm going to make you run laps if you don't put on something in the next five seconds."

"Okay, okay, P'Arthit. If you say so." I walked over to the bedroom and found my clothes in the wardrobe.

"You don't have to come, "P'Arthit said from the living room. "If you really don't want to then... you can just stay here. I promise what you are worried about won't happen."

"I know." P'Arthit came around the corner of the wardrobe and peered over with his eyes covered. "I'm decent," I said with a chuckle.

He sighed and lowered his hand before shaking his head at my bare chest. "You are lucky sometimes you know, Kongpob."

"Why?"

"Because I am not jumping your bones right now."

"Why aren't you?"

"What—"he spluttered, "Because you told me not to. You've been pushing me away for a long time, Kongpob. But then you finally agreed to be with me, with the condition that I shouldn't cross the final line with you. Did you think I would ever break that condition?"

I shrugged. I both hoped he would and dreaded it. P'Arthit is such a decent person but his decency has managed to keep me alive for this long. Only for this long. "Isn't it kind of boring?"

His arms dropped at his side and he stared at me incredulously. "What are you saying?"

"Nothing. I am just overthinking things again. "

"What are you overthinking?" P'Arthit shifted forward a little with a deep worrying scowl. "You know you've been acting strange since we got back. I thought it was because you were jealous but now I'm wondering if it is something else. What happened?"

"Nothing P'Arthit. I am just... frustrated."

His rapid blink and blush were adorable. "but-but you were the one who said we shouldn't—"

I laughed and cupped his cheeks before planting a kiss on his astonished lips. "Don't listen to me. I am just stalling."

"I knew it." his disappointed frown was also adorable. I kissed him again. He wrapped his arms around my back and leaned into the kiss. We both separated at the same time and smiled at each other. The way it felt like our soul was connected used to bother me and make me feel tormented, now it reassured me. I am in love with P'Arthit. My soulmate is still a stranger to me. Maybe it would stay that way.

But I was too optimistic.

After the talk with Rin, P'Arthit seemed to be avoiding home. Something happened between them but he wasn't talking about it. I would catch him staring sometimes and when he came out of the house he was sporting a large handprint on one cheek.

The week that followed was almost unbearable. P'Arthit looked utterly miserable and I would be lying if I said it didn't fill me with jealousy that he was this broken up about Rin but I needed to fix it and get my P'Arthit back.

"Why don't you call her again?"

He started from his place next to me. We were watching a movie together but his mind wasn't there. He shook his head and leaned it on mine while snuggling tighter like a teddy bear. I turned and kissed where I could reach which was his chin. He chased my mouth till he got a kiss and then some. It was as though he was distracting himself with me. I let it briefly then said...

"Are you making me jealous on purpose?"

He leaned away and shook his head in question.

"You are brooding for so long about a woman. What do you want me to think?"

He smiled and shook his head. "Don't be silly." His head was back on mine again.

"Then for how long are you going to keep brooding."

"It's not about Rin. "

"Oh..." my skeptical voice drew a quick smile.

"I am... my father wants me to come home. Well... it's not home. it's the place I used to live when I was a teenager."

"Okay. If you don't want to go then don't go."

"It's not so simple." He hesitated then he said, "I owe him."

"What do you owe him?"

The pause that followed was long but I didn't worry. I knew he would tell me. P'Arthit wanted me to know everything about him. It was because of that that I learned my soulmate's name: Paula. She was his half-sister and apparently tormentor in his early years. The things he told me about her made me certain I wouldn't love someone like her, wouldn't look at her as a woman no matter what.

"It's nothing I can talk about." He pulled away. This surprised me. I was expecting him to tell me anyway. "Just don't worry about it."

'"I'm not," I said. "I am worried about you."

He looked thoughtful but I had the feeling he was just trying to avoid my gaze. "There's... um... I have to go home this weekend."

"okay?" that came out of nowhere.

"Do you want to... come with me." his eyes found mine then he faltered and sat straighter. "You don't if you don't want to. I don't want to put you in that situation either."

"Yes. I will go with you," I said. "Did you think I would refuse? Is that what you were worrying about?"

"No," he rejected it too quickly so I raised my eyebrow and he sighed a heavy sigh. "Partly. I know we just got together and I don't want to show you the real side to my dysfunctional family. I promise you won't have to put up with them for much longer.

I sighed and reached for his face, his skin felt smooth under my fingers as I stroke it. "Why don't you tell me what you are so afraid about, P'Arthit?"

"Paula," he admitted softly and leaned like a cat into my hand. I tried not to smile but it was a losing battle. "I don't want to see her or be around her. I don't want you to see me around her."

"Yet you have to go for some reason you don't want to talk about. P'Arthit, will my coming make you feel better?"

"Yes but... how do I say this." his eyes wandered away, that worry crowding his forehead.

"Just say it," I said, wiping at the frown with my fingers. "Whatever it is I will be okay with it."

He smiled softly and I felt him let go of whatever he had been fretting over, then he said, "My father can't know about us. We have to go as friends."

"hmm." I will be honest, that took me aback. P'Arthit isn't a homophobe, and neither is he stuck in the closet. Sometimes he doesn't mind public displays of affection, other times he is embarrassed and quick to end any form of affection in public, much to my dismay.

He caught onto my hesitation and groaned. "I knew it, it is too much to ask."

"No, I would do anything for you, P'Arthit. I am just trying to understand." It seemed P'Arthit had a secret he didn't want to share and I was mighty curious and I wanted to unravel it. I knew I could. Just a little pressure is all it would take. Just a little show of disapproval would make P'Arthit want to divulge anything to me. That was how much P'Arthit loved me and I valued that love more than my life.

"P'Arthit, if I have to go as a friend then I am more than happy so long as I can ease your worry. Next time though, instead of worrying alone," I took his hand and held it. "Tell me about it. Okay?"

He stared at me with what I could only describe as amazement then he shook his head, smiling. "Ugh. Why are you so good at being a boyfriend? "

I smiled. "Is that a compliment?"

"It is," he murmured as he leaned in to kiss me. "I can't fall in love with you any more than this Kongpob," he warned me.

"Really. That's too bad, I want you to love me even more." He laughed and made a move to kick me.

He cringed. "so cheesy." We laughed together and slowly drifted back into the bliss of being together. A week later, I visited P'Arthit's home and that's when things turned worse.