Chapter 10

Some things shouldn't fit so perfectly. The way P'Arthit settled back into my life was like the perfect fit of a leg to a shoe. We didn't have to move anything in the house because P'Arthit didn't take anything with him when he left that night. We didn't need to work out a living routine because we've already been living together for a while and one month apart didn't make any difference.

The only thing that changed was now... we slept on the same bed.

"I don't know if this isn't too intimate," I said as P'Arthit patted the bed down.

"It's just sharing a bed," he said.

Honestly, I knew that sleeping on the same bed couldn't mean that much but I wasn't hesitating because of that. Sleeping on the same bed with P'Arthit, feeling his warmth right next to me, hearing him breathe, knowing that I could reach for him at anytime and he won't refuse me made it very bad idea for my self-control.

"Let's try it just once," P'Arthit said, already seated on the left side which he favored.

"Just once? Why just once?"

He laughed." Because you look like I'm asking you to sleep under the ocean instead of on a bed."

That didn't sound too far from the truth. I am a starving man. I didn't hunger for food or for air but for P'Arthit. If I don't control myself, if I am unable to stop myself from touching him and kissing him and get yet another reaction from the soulmate bond, I will be two steps closer to getting the repercussion of breaking the soulmate bond.

"I won't touch you." he looked so reassuring, his face earnest. "I just want to sleep next to you."

"Okay," I said, resigned to suffer either from the soulmate bond or from the pain of depriving myself of what I wanted so much.

We lay on the bed a good gap between us, no touching and no movement. It was awkward. I wish P'Arthit would say something to distract me from focusing on the scent of him, a mixture of soap, cool and some kind of spice.

P'Arthit shifted. I didn't have to look to know he was facing me and staring. This is unfair. I want to look at him too. Ignoring my instincts, I turned too and we stared at each other.

"Hey look, it's been almost ten minutes and you are still alive," he said and I chuckled.

"Great... I wonder what would happen if we... get a little closer."

He gave me an incredulous once over." daring, Kongpob."

This pulls a laugh out of me again and we both decided without words to move closer at the same time. We had an inch space between us. P'Arthit's scent was stronger now and I can feel his breath on my face. His eyes were clear and they held an emotion I didn't want to recognize.

"Can I reach over?" he asked out of the blue.

"Why," my body tensed, not out of fear but desire.

"I just want to move this," his fingers brushed my forehead as the pulled a lock of hair out of the way. "Now you can stare at me better."

"You are right this is so much better."

The silence settled between us again, this time it felt a little charged with something. I swallowed, my skin tingling a little where P'Arthit touched. "I think we should..."

"We should what?" he asked when I couldn't continue. Saying it would just complicate things. I should be okay with just this much.

"Never mind," I shook my head.

P'Arthit blinked. "Then... if you don't mind can I touch you. I mean!" he stopped, breathe deeply then said," never mind. That would be too much."

"What."

"Nothing, just go to sleep." He turned to face the ceiling which was a damn shame. I love meeting his eyes and knowing I wasn't the only one who wanted to breach this one inch between us.

"Don't mind me." he said.

"I really want to know now," I persisted, resting my head on my hand, elbow on the bed so I could see his face.

"It's probably no good."

"Is it kissing?"

He looked at me, glanced away and shook his head. "Not exactly..."

"Touching?"

He swallowed. My eyes followed the movement of his throat and saliva pooled in my mouth. P'Arthit had such white clean skin, how would it taste if I lick it.

It was meant to be a thought but I noticed too late that I was leaning towards P'Arthit and reaching for that exposed neck with my lips. I felt P'Arthit freeze under my mouth but didn't stop kissing his neck. Once, twice and I found his pulse. P'Arthit's heart was racing and the feeling drove me on.

His fingers climbed from my arm to my hair as he exposed more of his neck to me. That drove me lean even closer, press my lips even more to his cool skin and open my mouth a little. When I neared his ear, P'Arthit shivered and I heard a sweet moan from him.

"hmm," I put his earlobe in my mouth and P'Arthit's fingers tightened in my hair, pressing down. This is probably far enough, my brain was saying but my hand had moved to touch P'Arthit's, my knees pressed into the mattress and I made myself more comfortable, my kisses more intense and open mouth.

P'Arthit's breath caught and released. "Kongpob, enough," he whispered, even though his hand is still holding me in place. I moved from his soft earlobe to the ear and blew into it before kissing it again.

"Seriously Kongpob, stop if you are not going to finish it."

I pulled back and met P'Arthit's eyes. His face was flushed, his mouth parted. I tried not to look at his mouth, to crave the taste of him and to desire his kisses but I couldn't have stopped that if I tried. Even if the soulmate bound manifested as a leash and bound me. I wanted him. To kiss him was the equivalent of wanting to catch my next breath.

"Don't kiss me." he said panting. "I won't let you go if your mouth so much as touches mine. I'm serious... god, I need to kiss you before I need to breathe and if I kiss you then I am going to need you to take me all the way. No more stopping."

If he was trying to stop me I wish he had said something else because now I needed to kiss him and not stop until I am satisfied.

We were saved by the phone. It rang just in time or I would have been nursing another rebound from the soulmate bond acting up. The caller also helped. It was Nue. Her name alone drove my desire to court death back.

I pulled back with sheer force of will and was almost defeated by P'Arthit's pout and disappointment. He looked flushed and needy. Smiling a little in secret I reached for the phone on the nightstand.

"Who calls at a time like this," P'Arthit muttered.

I let the call go without answering, my eyes staring at the caller name.

"Why didn't you answer," P'Arthit asked.

"I'm going to call back."

"Who is it?"

If I told him it was Nue, he'd want to know why she was calling. P'Arthit didn't act like it but he was very jealous of Nue and anyone who would try to take me away. He would demand to know everything and that would just complicate things.

"A friend," I answered.

"A friend?" his incredulous tone was funny. "What kind of friend? Female, male?"

I leaned over and kissed the corner of his mouth, shutting him up. He glared but he was blushing so I couldn't take him seriously.

"Don't ask so much questions, it is no one for you to be jealous of."

He scoffed. "Who is jealous."

"Be right back."

"You are not even going to call them back in the room. "

"I'm going to the kitchen, just thirsty." I lifted myself from the bed and walked into the kitchen. A wall hid the kitchen from the bedroom so P'Arthit wouldn't be able to really see me.

I sent Nue a text. Let's talk later.

Why does that sound like you are hiding? Is P'Arthit with you?

I smiled as I poured a glass of water. Why is she so perceptive at things like this? This isn't supposed to be a secret and I won't let it be something I have to keep from P'Arthit, but there is too much going on right now. I can't risk it yet. I could almost picture P'Arthit's reaction if he finds out the truth.

Let's talk tomorrow. I closed my phone and returned to P'Arthit.

"Here," the water was held to him.

"I didn't say I was thirsty. "

"Just keep it there then."

"Actually, "he took a glance and smiled. "I was thirsty, thank you."

I sat down on the bed and watched him finish the water and set the glass on the nightstand. "What? " he asked me. "Why are you staring, go away it is embarrassing."

"I just want to look at you for a while, can't I?"

"No, go away." He pushed me and gestured to the other side of the bed. "Get in first."

"okay." I climbed over him, startling a cry out of him. My legs went over his and then I settled near, our shoulders pressed together.

"You" he warned, "you are making this not too intimate thing difficult on purpose aren't you."

"Isn't that your fault?. Who asked you to be so cute and easy to tease?"

"Easy huh, I will show you easy." I didn't mean to provoke him but he pulled me under him and started to attack me with kisses on my face. We laughed and tossed. At some point I was on top, kissing and tickling P'Arthit, and then he was doing the same.

As the night went on we settled down with my arms around P'Arthit and his head on my chest. Sleeping like this was pure happiness. It felt like completion and I could finally feel whole again. With someone who isn't my soulmate I felt happy, no not just happy, I was in bliss. My world had more color when I held P'Arthit in my arms or when I touched him. Simply being with P'Arthit made sense to me but he was not my soulmate. It was truly a fascinating and troubling thing. To think that I could love someone other than the person I swore to love forever, for eternity.

When I thought like this before now, I would always be overcome by guilt. My soulmate who died over and over again, never quite knowing why until the end, but still loving me over and over again without fail did not deserve my betrayal. Someone who put their complete faith in me the day I bound them to myself. The day I promised them I would never love anyone else did not deserve this. Why can't I love only them, why can't I think of and yearn for them alone? Why does my heart keep seeking P'Arthit, why won't my mind stop thinking about him? Why can't I run from him, why can't I forget him? How could I let myself fall so deeply in love with P'Arthit?

The guilt buried me, self-loathing was a mild term for what I directed at myself but strangely, while I was sleeping with P'Arthit in my arms, my fingers combing his hair, it didn't feel wrong. The guilt didn't surface to torment. Everything was silent and calm, and blissful. I know I don't deserve to be this happy, which is why I must do the right thing and find my soulmate.

"P'Arthit is under the misconception that you love him and have accepted his feelings. He told me that the two of you are a couple now."

I made plans the following week with Nue and now we were at the café by the school talking. She didn't look nor sound very happy with me but that was understandable.

"Why did you agree to start dating him, huh?"

"Nue, how many times do I have to tell you that it is not any of your business?"

"If you really think that then why are you here right now? Why did you agree to see me?"

We glared at each other but I was the first to look away. "You were right, I wanted to tell you that."

"What am I right about?"

"My feelings for P'Arthit won't go away, no matter how hard I wished it would."

"That's why you decided to date him? Oh please, Kongpob. You can fool P'Arthit but you can't fool me. You and I know that it was fear that pushed you into this relationship with P'Arthit. You were scared when I told you I was going to tell P'Arthit the truth. Tell him that I loved you and I wasn't going to let you call off the wedding."

"Let me. There is no let me, Nue. I will call of the wedding and that is that."

"It doesn't matter," she smirked, irritating me on purpose I am sure. "Whether you call it off or not, if P'Arthit realizes that I have feelings for you and we have the support of your parents and society, giving up would be his only option and that would have been good for him. Knowing that, you decided to rope him back in, keep him glued to you."

"I didn't stop you from telling him the truth though, "I said. Nue texted me that she was going to tell P'Arthit the truth about us. That she loved me and was going to fight for me. P'Arthit who already had one foot out the door because he didn't know if I loved him or not, if he knew I would marry someone else, he would give up completely. I should want that, except the terror that gripped me to the point the phone in my hand slipped from my fingers was too great to ignore. Like a crazy person I rushed to P'Arthit's office without a plan and ended up creating a relationship I had no business starting. Now I couldn't back out of it and even if Nue should confess now it wouldn't matter because I have given P'Arthit more hope than she could break. Right now, only my soulmate can make P'Arthit give up.

My phone began to ring and the name of the caller made me smile. Every day since we got back together was like this. P'Arthit found out I was bored and missed him so he called me at least once every two hours just to chat randomly and then hang up.

"Hey," I said.

"Where are you," he asked. "Not still in the apartment, right?"

"No, I went out with a friend. I miss you," I said softly.

"Ugh, don't say that. I can't... I need to behave right now."

I chuckled, "where are you calling from?"

"In a meeting that's about to start."

"Okay then tell me you love me before you go."

His scandalous gasps made me laugh. "are you crazy. I just told you that I am in a meeting, people are everywhere looking at me."

"Come on, you said you'd say it whenever I asked."

"You needy bastard, you want to embarrass me to death right?"

"I'm your boyfriend, if I don't embarrass you who will."

There was silence. The person on the other side was just breathing.

"Say that again," he said.

"Say what again."

"You know what." I laughed.

"Say you love me first."

"Kongpob!"

"Just this once. I won't ask you again."

"Okay..." he took a deep breath and then a kiss sound. Did he kiss the phone?" did you... get that."

I could picture him blushing and my insides felt too sweet. What is this, why is he so adorable. I want to kiss him so much right now and hug him till we can't breathe. "hm," I agreed. "I'm your boyfriend who loves you very much!"

There was a silence then a chuckle. "I seriously hope you are alone right now otherwise that would be so embarrassing for you." I laughed with him and winked at Nue. "My friend knows all about it."

"Okay, I gotta go. See you." The phone cut off and I lifted my eyes to Nue.

"You really love him, " she whispered as if amazed.

I pocketed my phone. "Then... if you don't mind—"

She cut me off. "Then what is this about a soulmate? I asked you before but you didn't answer me."

She must have heard this from Rin. It was a bad idea for this two to meet. One was in love with me and the other in love with P'Arthit. They definitely shouldn't become friends. I sighed. "It's not something I can explain," I said, when really I meant you wouldn't understand it even if I told you.

I sighed again and said without hurry," can you just put all this aside for now."

"Why? How can I be sure that you are not just doing all this to confuse me or something? You can be very cunny when you want to Kongpob so forgive me if I don't completely trust you."

"That's funny. You talk as if you know me. I have never tricked you before, Nue."

"Never," she huffed. "How many times did you lie to me and gave me the slip just to avoid going on a date with Me." her hands were folded but she didn't really look offended. "You are the last person I will just trust blindly."

I wasn't expecting anything else. "So what do you want me to do to gain your trust."

"I don't know. "she turned her eyes away, her lips pursed. I hoped whatever she was thinking wasn't something too hard to do.

"Rin..." she said and paused. Why call her all of a sudden. "She really loves P'Arthit and you keep hurting him. Just saying you are dating now won't be enough to convince her to stop."

"Why do you care?" It was baffling to hear Nue talk about Rin like this. As though she cared about her. They just meant if I am not wrong. "What Rin wants doesn't have anything to do with you. Why did you let her tell you what to do?"

"You weren't there! You didn't see her, you didn't hear her. She was pretty convincing. "

No, you are just very weak willed, I thought. "Don't get involved with her again, Nue. Nothing good will come out of it."

"You are just saying that because you don't want us to gang up against you. Remember that you are the bad guy here, Kongpob. "her smug tone grated but I let it go. The bad guy, I guess that wasn't wrong.

"Anyway, I am going to do my best to support yours and P'Arthit's relationship. I don't know if Rin will feel the same way."

"Leave that to me."

"Why," she gave me a suspicious once over. "are you going to confront her after this."

Should I? She went a little too far but I understand her too well to blame her. I would have done the same thing if I saw someone I loved getting hurt the way I hurt P'Arthit. It was best I pretend not to know what Rin had tried to do. It didn't work out anyway. Thinking about P'Arthit giving up and going back to Rin annoyed me so much and it terrified me.

"I won't. I just want this to be forgotten."

"Then consider it done. Just don't break P'Arthit's heart again. I liked him better when he is hopelessly in love with you."

I gave her an accessing look which she blinked at. "Are you sure you are in love with me."

"shh," she ducked, holding one finger to her red painted lips, "don't say that you idiot."

I laughed and looked over her head. That was when I saw it. There was someone standing by the counter ordering or paying for something and the smile slowly left my lips. Over the head of this person was a blue light like a ring, flickering on and disappearing only to flicker on again.

The color was not as blue as I remember but there is no doubt about it. That was the halo. The same one I tried to see over P'Arthit's head many times when he made my heart flutter, when he caused intense yearning in my body but didn't. I looked for it so often because I loved him so much I couldn't imagine that he was just another person. I didn't really believe that I could love someone else.

There must be a mistake, I thought, maybe the soulmate halo just hasn't activated yet. Maybe it would activate soon. But no, right in front of me there was someone with the soulmate halo hanging over their head.

"Kongpob!" Nue shook me till my eyes moved to her face. I hated every second of that and quickly returned to track the halo. It was moving away. "Kongpob, what is wrong?"

I shook off her hand and got my feet. The halo was all I could see, my mind felt slow and uncomprehending. I followed the halo.

Nue was hot behind me. "Kongpob, are you insane? What is wrong with you? If we are done talking at least tell me, don't just walk off. And just when I thought I could put up with you. Ugh. Where are you going? The exit is that way."

She said more but I wasn't paying her any attention. The halo, the woman with the halo continued to walk further into the café and then she stopped. It seemed she was meeting with some friends. They laughed and welcomed her with hugs. The halo did not go away. She was really the one. I continued to stare at her.

"Kongpob, have you lost your mind?" Nue whispered with gritted teeth next to me. I realized that I had moved even closer till I was standing right in front of the seat of my soulmate and staring at her. No, not at her, at the halo but I realized from Nue's uncomfortable tone that I might be doing something wrong.

Yes, I was standing in a café and openly staring at a girl I don't know and who doesn't know me without saying a word.

"Um, can I help you," the girl seating by her left asked. I think I glanced at her and opened my mouth but I didn't know what to say. My eyes finally met that of my soulmate. Hers were light brown, her skin very fair and smooth, and her pink mouth thin and small. She had colored her hair white blonde and it that flowed over her shoulder, straight and thin. She was beautiful. More beautiful than any other female form she has ever had.

"Um," I cleared my throat. "My name is Kongpob," I said.

"Have we met?" she had a confused look on her face like she was trying to place me. She must feel like she knows me but the uncertainty will bite at her and it would make her curious till she cannot bear it. Then we will get to know each other. I would make her fall in love with me all over again and we would live happily till death finds us again. Then on her death bed she would remember our life together and we would promise to meet again. This was the step but I—for the first time in my lifetimes, stepped away. I kept moving backwards with a growing panic. I don't want her to recognize me. I don't want her to remember and I don't want her to die again.

I took off out of there. Nue didn't follow me, I was too fast for her. By the time my senses returned to me I was by my car panting and staring at my front tires. Why did I run away? I thought I understood myself but I just ran away from the person I have always spent my life looking for, the person I couldn't bear to part with, the person I desire to be with, to have and to cherish for eternity. My soulmate. Did I really just run away?

I turned back to the café blinking and panting. How long have I ached to meet her again? I missed her... didn't I? No, I was so busy falling in love with P'Arthit to miss her. So distracted by his eyes, his lips, his existence to remember that there was someone else I love. I ran away from her. I have to go back.

I gritted my teeth and held my chest in pain. This hurts.

"What's wrong with you Kongpob. Oh my god, you are insane. "

"Drive me out of here, Nue?" I shouldn't get behind the wheel right now. "Fast!"

"Okay!" she understood immediately that I didn't have the attention for her and that I wasn't okay. "But what about my car."
"You can come back and get it later, just drive." I toss her the keys and walked hunched over still grabbing chest to the passenger side and got in.

Nue entered the car after me and she began to drive us out of the parking lot. I rested my head and closed my eyes but I can't stop seeing it. The soulmate halo was on someone else. My soulmate really was someone else and I found them. I found them but I am running away from there. P'Arthit cannot know. I can't let him find out that I have found my soulmate or he would leave me. I clenched my jaw and exhaled.

I am leaving my soulmate behind and going to someone else. After meeting my soulmate all I can think about is P'Arthit. I didn't know how much I loved him until now. P'Arthit... I want to see him so badly but he would ask questions. He can't know the truth. As the car drove off I saw the halo again. She had come out of the café and watched my car drive off. I closed my eyes and forced myself not to notice. Tears slipped through them anyway, rolled down my cheeks unhindered.

Author's note: thanks for reading. please leave a vote before you go.