"So, beautiful woman who is living in my house, tell me your fantastic story." Bill leaned across the table, his hands cupping his face, eyes twinkling at Fiona.

The group had settled at a large table next to the bar and pool table. David, Richard, Dan and Emlyn were all impressing women with their pool skills. Fiona laughed heartily into her third bottle of Peroni. She was becoming quite drunk.

"Wow! You don't take long to get to the point do you? It's boring and predictable I am afraid." Fiona sighed as she spoke to Bill determined not to fall under the spell he was seasoned at producing.

"I will be the judge of that!" Bill smiled, whilst surveying the room for available women. Bill knew Fiona was damaged goods. If he wanted a good time tonight he wasn't going to get from her. 

"Well it's your average girl meets boy at university. Girl falls madly in love with boy. Boy's family don't think girl is good enough for boy. Girl spends all of her time keeping them together as a couple. They get engaged, set a wedding date, find said boy in bed with another girl and run away to London story really." She looked at Bill and sighed.

"Did she have two fannies?" Bill inquired bluntly. He stared at Fiona. The girl who her fiancé replaced Fiona with must have been a total fox.

"I beg your pardon?" Fiona sat back in her chair.

"You heard. The girl in question did she have two fannies?"

"No, not that I am aware of." Fiona knew that medically women could have two vagina's, however, she was quite sure that horse face witchbag Gillian only had one.

"Please take this the right way, I know women, I mean I KNOW women. I have in my time known many, many, many women. You look like you would be a firecracker in the sheets. The red hair, the large bristols, you know." Bill waved at Fiona's breasts, "I have never met a Scottish woman who was shit at the horizontal arts and I speak as a man who has over ten four nations rugby tours under his belt."

"I thank you on behalf of my race and gender for your comments kind sir!" Fiona laughed and took a gulp of beer. If she didn't know better she thought he was hitting on her. She pulled her knees tightly together just in case she involuntary mounted him.

Despite herself, Fiona found herself enjoying being out. She was sure that her time in London would be reading Jane Austen, taking cold showers and listening to The Smiths. In truth, she found this a far better option.

The music in the hospital bar was fantastic. Someone had put on The Style Council's Cafe Blue album. She found herself singing to herself 'long hot summer'. The bar was situated in a large basement room located with windows at the top. The actual bar was along one wall. Tables and chairs packed into the remaining area.

"Ok, so what was wrong with the prick then?" asked Bill gazing at Fiona.

As Fiona was about to respond Dan stumbled over from the pool table.

"What prick is that...you?" interrupted Daniel pointing at Bill.

"No, the prick she was just telling me about, the eejit that dumped her and made her run away to London, straight into our little domestic arrangement." Bill gestured to Fiona.

"Dumped her? Must have been a total eejit. Anyway, how are you settling into shag towers?" Dan asked.

"Hard to say as it has been just over three hours." she giggled, "My status report thus far is that it's like living with a boy band, is anyone ugly in the house?"

Fiona decided not to have any more lager, she was now on her fourth and it was becoming a little bit of a truth potion. She could feel a growing warmth in her cheeks and she knew if she didn't eat soon that she would be totally trollied.

"No! We have an attractiveness alarm that goes off if anyone is not at the right level and you passed, the boys have voted and you can stay!" Dan laughed.

"Why thank you, kind sirs, you not playing anymore?" asked Fiona gesturing to the pool table.

"Nah, David and Richard are playing against that physiotherapist he knobbed earlier today and her two flatmates". Fiona looked up and recognised Lyn and Nikki.

"Oh, her flatmates are Lyn and Nikki who I met on my course today. " Fiona waved over to Lyn who waved back gesturing that Richard was hot. Fiona knew that was code for introducing Lyn to Richard.

"Really? I need to even up the score." said Bill to the group but mostly to himself, grabbing Fiona's hand he kissed the back of it," I am enchanted by you Ms. McDonald and I will set my cap with the rest of the house to woo you." Bill disappeared into the bar to the shrieks of several females.

"Easy prey." Dan and Emlyn said in unison and rolled their eyes. Emlyn went to the bar and came back with a heaving tray of drinks and two packets of crisps in his mouth.

"How the hell do you all know each other, were you put together by some Pop Svengali?" Fiona waved her new bottle of lager at them.

"Me, Dan and Emlyn all went to primary and secondary school with one another in Cardiff. Then we went to Cardiff University and met David. David's dad was Welsh and his mother wanted him to go to University in Wales. We all play rugby so we played for the same team. Poor David, only yank on the campus, he took a lot of shit in his first year that and...." Richard started.

Dan nudged Richard and gave him the look to shut up, "David and Bill did their House years together in London, so that is how we all know one another." Dan completed Richards sentence keeping an eye on Richard lest something else untoward pop out of his mouth.

The rest of the night passed in a lovely blur. Fiona flirted with the barman, Jon a dentistry student. After £5 and half an hour she worked out how to get her songs into the jukebox and lost two games of pool with Dan and Bill. She made small talk with the whole pub who at one point in the evening wanted to talk to one of the boys in her house share.

Fiona chatted with Nikki and introduced her to Dan at Dan's behest. Fiona found herself having a nice time. She wasn't sure if it was exhaustion or the lager or the company, for the first time in a month, she laughed, really laughed. Her every thought wasn't about HIM and HER and the INCIDENT.

After seven bottles Fiona decided to leave the pub and  mostly stagger the 100 yards to the house. She fumbled to find her key. She instantly regretted the last bottle of lager as she urgently needed to pee.

Mindful of the general comments of everyone about the cleanliness of the other bathrooms, she climbed the four flights to the one on her landing. Fiona marveled at how any bathroom could worse than the one she had tackled earlier. She shuddered at the thought.

David had slipped out of the pub earlier. Richard had snuck out with Claudia's flatmate Lyn and he knew from that afternoon Claudia's flat was too crowded for what he had in mind. He decided to take Claudia back to Grove Road.

The clean bathroom was the clincher. He knew most self respecting women would balk at the state of the place and run off. Now that the bathroom was clean he decided to get dirty and clean at the same time. Claudia had been eager to join him in the shower. She was saying a lot of very hot and wild things to him, at least he hoped that is what she was saying in Portuguese.

Claudia was so loud he was sure Jilly in the basement would be complaining. He was sure that had Claudia been quieter he would have heard Fiona trying to get into the bathroom.

David could not believe his eyes, he had never really experienced anything quite like it. It was as if a hit woman had crashed through the toilet door. Without looking around Fiona took on the task in hand.

Fiona dropped her pants, swayed on the toilet singing Take That's Pray. She let out a sigh of relief and produced a pee that a racehorse would have been proud of.

It was at that very instant she locked eyes with David and Claudia. Fiona looked up at them both and burst out laughing.

"Oh Hello." Fiona said cheerily "What are you doing in the shower?" 

"Shagging." said David matter of factly.

"Shit!" Fiona could have died from embarrassment for the second time that day.

"I hope not!" he smiled covering himself and Claudia with the new shower curtain that Fiona had hung that afternoon.

"Oh MY GOD, I am SO sorry, LOOK THE OTHER WAY WHILST I PULL UP MY PANTS" she shouted at David, "Oh Claudia I am sorry about this."

"Would you like to join us?" asked Claudia eyeing up Fiona and looking for agreement with David.

"I bloody well would not! I hardly know him or you! Oh sorry, I know that you don't know one another...." she stammered. 

Not sure of whether it was the shock, the seventh beer or the lack of food, however at that very moment Fiona spun around and threw up. 

"Oh God, I am so so so sorry!" She wailed between rounds of heaving.

When she had finished, David grabbed one of Fiona's towels from the fresh bale and wrapped it around his torso. He picked up Fiona and took her into her bedroom.

"Oh, David I could not be sorrier. I would have gone into one of the dirty bathrooms had I known."Fiona buried her head against his wet chest. She found his chest very nice. She would have a small fantasy about him later.

"It's ok, we will work out a system for the future. It's all your fault. If  the bathroom was in its normal state I wouldn't have brought her here." he laughed. She was as drunk as a lord. Very unsteady on her feet and very cute.

He placed her down gently onto the bed and turned to leave. As he did his towel caught in Fiona's bed clothes leaving him naked. They both locked eyes.

"I think for me this is a record five women have seen my knob in two days!" David hastily grabbed the towel and wrapped it around himself.

"I am counting myself in the lucky club." Fiona pulled the quilt over her head and let out a laugh from her boots, followed by an equally loud belch and promptly passed out.
-------------------------------------------------------

Authors note

Thank you so much for reading

Please vote and comment

So what do you think of Bill?

Is there too many characters?

Dan has a fancy for Nikki

Richard has hooked up,with Lyn

Who will Fiona hook up,with