Jackie-

There was no need for him to do this. To save me and my mother and to put his whole family in danger.

He shouldn't have done this. That.

Anything.

I didn't deserve that, I don't deserve saving. I don't deserve him.

The cops arrested my dad again. After both scolding and thanking Ash, of course.

He deserves better than me...

That night, I asked Mom if I could stay at his house for a few days. She didn't mind it, as we lived really close. As long as his mom didn't mind, and I smiled.

She wasn't gonna know...

I was gonna hang out on the roof until he was in there and then sleep with him. Innocently. Or not, who knows? I kind of wanted to see what would happen.

Yes, I know what you're thinking. It will be awkward. Uncomfortable. I'm not ready for this, I know.

But I'm willing to put that all off to make him happy. I think it will, at least...

I'm willing to- well- sell my body off, I guess.

I'm already deflowered. I know how to do this. I know what I'm doing. Colton made me do it for him.

We used to be best friends, and when he figured that out, he was angry and hurt. He was angry and hurt that I'd never said anything sooner.

But I couldn't. I couldn't speak of it without getting sick myself.

Which is why I showed him the journal. Last summer.

And he betrayed me in the biggest way.

I became his whore. Whenever he wanted me, he'd have me. He promised he wouldn't tell anyone if I gave him jobs... You know what I mean... The only reason I drew the line was because he wanted me to actually fuck him.

He told everyone about the hand jobs and he lied, even. Saying we fucked and we never did. he never saw me naked.

I became the slut.

I became everyone's call for a job. If you know what I mean.

And it was all because we'd been friends for years and I didn't tell him this for fear of him telling others.

He just told them all he deflowered me, not my dad.

But their sexual advances, everyone's sexual advances... He made me the whore of the school.

He did that. And Mom knows nothing. She just knows we've been hanging out less, 'growing apart,' I told her.

He knows everything. And I've just dragged Ash into this, into this mess. I might as well give him a blow job. 

I might as well show him who they think I am.

I still have some of the things Dad made me wear. 

Mom doesn't know about that. She just knows about the fact he touched me. He fucked me. And she knows that.

 Just not- Well- not about the outfits. Not about all the other deep kinky shit he loved. I mean he honestly tied me up and gagged me... He whipped me and worked me over- He did all sorts of shit...

And I still have  few of those things. We've always lived here, you know? And I still have them...

I already have a few things in mind for Ash- Which isn't good. I know it isn't. But that's what they think I do, that's what I've done before. I might as well do it, you know?