My stepfather was the only person home when I woke up the next morning. My mom and sister had gone Grocery shopping, leaving me to have to explain my weekend adventure with Ryder to the one person who would probably actually disapprove of the entire thing.

       Unfortunately, before I even had a chance to bring it up, he brought up the events of last night as soon as I sat at the kitchen table to eat a bowl of cereal.

       "Are you alright, Zoe?" He asked, voice soft, as if he were afraid of an outburst.

    I eyed him weirdly. "I'm fine? Why do you ask?"

       "Well, you were yelling and Max left looking really upset. Do I need to go find my old bat and beat him down?" He joked.

      It was enough to get a small smile out of me. "I'm okay, Collin, really. Just. . . just an argument, nothing happened."

     "You know I'm here for you, right?" He reached over and rested his hand on top of mine. "I know I'll never actually be your father, but know that I'm extraordinarily proud of the woman you've grown into and love you just as much as Katheryn."

       "Thank you, Collin." I swallowed, looking away.

   As always, my emotions tried to deceive me, and I'd learned the day my father had hit me that emotions were a weakness and would end up hurting me. I wasn't going to let anyone, not even my parents, see me feeling anything but happiness.

     I waited until we had both finished eating to nod in the direction of the Blake's next door. "I kind of got sucked into something with the Blake's. Can you let Mom and Kat know I'll be back either tomorrow night or Sunday morning?"

        "Wow wow, wait." He grabbed my hand before I could head back to my room to grab my stuff. "What now?"

       "I'm going on a little road trip to Nevada with Ryan and Ryder today." I scratched at my arm anxiously. "I promise I'll be fine. Mom would be okay with me going, she knows them."

       He rubbed his goatee, lips pursed and eyebrows drawn. "Okay. Please be safe and if you need anything, even if it's your mother or me to come get you, please call, alright?"

       I gave his hand a quick squeeze. "Yes, of course."

*

            To my surprise, neither of Blake's said a word about last night when they found me out on the swing set, my duffel bag at my feet. Ryan was muttering incoherently under his breath and unlocking his car, Ryder lingering a few steps behind, looking back over at me.

          "Come on, Zoey." He grinned. "No cold feet."

       I huffed out a dramatically long sigh and dragged myself after him, nearly throwing a fit when I realized there was no step-side on the truck.

       "How am I supposed to get in?" I asked Ryder, but Ryan was the one that answered.

     "You see those grab handles up there?" He pointed. "You grab it and hoist yourself up."

       I glared. "You're lucky you're way over there so I can't slap you. In case you guys were too caught up in yourselves, I wasn't the one on the cheer squad, that was Gabby. I legit have the upper body strength of a baby."

       Ryder laughed behind me and tried to step forward to help me, but Ryan shot him a dark look. "Don't even think about it. You are just as weak as she is."

      If given the choice, I probably would have rather had Ryder help me into the car. The bits and pieces of the scared boy I'd seen the last few days made me feel a little more at ease in his presence opposed to his older brother's. Ryan was still a giant mystery and façade of the boy I'd spent years just believing the rumors about.

     "Grab the handle." Ryan muttered once he'd walked around the car. I followed the order, completely aware of his body behind me and his hand on my waist. I shook the thoughts from my mind and tried to pull myself up. Ryan choked on a laugh the second my hand fell and my legs gave out. Of course, he caught me before I could hit the ground, even set me in the car himself, but it didn't stop the embarrassment from suffocating me. I buried my face in my hands, feeling Ryder hop into the seat beside me.

     "You're fine." Ryder nudged me, looking ready to fall into another fit of laughter. "Every person aside from the two of us have done that before. Hell, I probably have when I was drunk too."

    Ryan was smirking as he shut the driver's door beside him, starting the car. "There's no probably, bro. I had to throw you into the bed of the truck a few times cause I was afraid you'd puke all over my car."

      Both boys laughed. The laughing and conversation were so nonchalant it calmed me a little and I almost forgot what we were doing. Almost.

      "So this whole skydiving thing," I turned to Ryder. "that's just you doing it, right?"

        He snickered. "Zoey, my love, you know the answer to that question."

       I sunk into the seat, crossing my hands on my lap. "I'm not skydiving."

       "Yes you are." Ryder poked at my arm with one of his infamous grins. "You'll do fine."

            I decided it'd be best to not sit and protest and just back out last minute once we got there. Ryan connected his Bluetooth to the radio and passed his phone over without looking in my direction. I decided to just put on a playlist of Today's Hits, and within about thirty minutes of driving Ryder was knocked out beside me, head resting against the window.

         "He didn't sleep much last night." Ryan commented behind me, seeing his brother asleep. "Was up off and on throwing up."

          I frowned, turning my gaze back to the road ahead of us. Seeing Ryder, it was hard to tell that there was a disease ravaging through his body and slowly killing him. Though I'd noticed he'd dropped a little weight, he still wore the same grins and smirks, still had the same careless personality, at least that's the face he wore. Under all of it was a scared, sick teenage boy that I'd seen hints of over the last week.

            "You should have hit him, you know." Ryan broke the silence a few minutes later.

            "Ryder?" I responded, confused. "Why? What'd he do? I'm all for hitting either of you, but he didn't do anything."

            Ryan pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing. "Not Ryder, Summers. The egotistical jock that decided to kiss you against your will last night."

            "I don't see how that's any of your business." I glanced sideways at him. "Let's keep our personal lives out of this, okay? This is for Ryder and Ryder only. Not about you, not me."

            "Just be careful." Ryan droned on as if he hadn't heard a word I said. "Guys like him. . . they will try and get what they want, regardless if you want it to."

            "Max isn't like that. Stop projecting yourself on to him."

            He grasped the steering wheel a little tighter. "I wouldn't dream of doing some shit like that, Summers. But I agree. Let's keep this about Ryder."

            Leaning back into the seat and shifting my body toward Ryder, I allowed my eyes to flutter shut, and after a few minutes drifted off into a much needed nap.

**

            I was stirred awake by the door slamming shut. I jerked upright, looking both ways to find both seats vacant beside me. Peering out the door, I found a gas nozzle in the truck and Ryan leaning back into the bed, massaging his temples. After a few minutes of me sitting alone, Ryan poked his head back in, surprised to find me awake.

            "Didn't mean to wake you." He mumbled, cutting the engine on the car. "But Ryder's been in there a long ass time. I'm going to go check on him."

            Taking that as an indirect invitation to join, I hopped out of the truck, finding it to be a hundred times easier than getting in. I followed Ryan into the tiny, raggedy old gas station. The stench of stale cigarette smoke hit me like a freight train walking through the front door. Even Ryan's nose scrunched up in disgust at the smell.

            He stopped outside the men's bathroom, using one knuckle to wrap on the door. When nobody answered he pushed the door open and walked in. I stayed by the door, fearful there were other men in the bathroom. All that could be heard through the vacant bathroom was Ryder throwing up. He sounded as if he was dying the way he was puking, like there was nothing but his organs left to come up. Ryan tensed and headed for the stall at the end of the bathroom, knocking again before entering.

            "Fuck off, Ryan." Ryder's low growl was followed by another round of hacking. I heard shifting from within the stall.

            "Ryder, man, we need to get back home an—" Ryan started.

            "I'm fine. We're doing this, whether you want to come or not."

            Ryder stalked out of the stall, heading for the sink to clean himself up. Coming to the realization his brother wouldn't have left me out in the car, he looked to the open bathroom door, at me. He looked so drained, mentally and physically, it honestly hurt looking at him.

            He brushed passed me with a weak smile before heading toward the doors we'd walked through. I shifted, unsure whether to stay where I stood or go after Ryder. Just as I was about to turn and jog out after him, Ryan kicked the door of the stall and cursed loudly.

            "Ryan." I tried walking into the bathroom but he breathed out shakily and joined me by the door before I could. He pressed his fingertips into the small of my back and gave me a gentle shove forward, shutting the door behind him. We walked back out in silence, not uttering a word of what happened until we were a few feet away from the truck.

            "Ryan." I grabbed at his bicep as it was the only thing within a close proximity of me. I blushed and dropped it, but it had surprised him enough to finally look at me.

            "What?"

            I looked toward Ryder in the car a few feet away. "You need to loosen up."

            "Loosen up?" Ryan laughed coldly. "He's fucking dying, Zoey. There isn't any loosening up."

            "But there is." I bowed my head. "Regardless if he's dying or not, this is something he wants to do before the time comes, and you've got to show him you want to be part of this rather than be the resistance in it."

            "So you expect me to just stand here and agree to help him get himself killed?"

            I reached for the handle of the door, throwing a sad look at Ryan over my shoulder. "That isn't what I'm saying, Ryan. But if all of this does go south, or if the cancer does actually take him, do you want this to be how you remember your last few months with him?"