Ryan looked like much less like the "bad boy" he'd spent four years being, and more like the boy with no rebel left in him. Ryder had obviously taken some weird offense to Ryan coming into the bathroom to check on him, because the tension in the car was so bad I could pull out a knife and try to slice through it. I was extremely hungry, and even snacking on leftover cookies from Max's party, my stomach continued to growl. I just wasn't going to be the one to break the uncomfortable silence and get my head bitten off by one or both boys.

Eventually Ryder dozed again, causing the tension to dissipate a little on his side. I could still feel hostility and anger radiating off Ryan next to me. His elbow was pressed into the door, hand pressed into the side of his head. His other hand was on the steering wheel, clutching and unclutching it as he continued along the highway.

"I don't understand why you agreed to this. But thank you. I think he needs it." Ryan said quietly.

"To get away?"

"You."

I didn't know how to respond to his words, so I kept my mouth shut and stared at Ryder beside me. He looked so peaceful, at ease, when he was asleep. Like he was able to out run everything that was crashing down at him on once.

"You know, I know nothing about you." I looked over at Ryan. "Like, Ryder I had classes with and got to see everything first hand, but you, all I knew about you were all the rumors."

"Mhm." He tapped his index finger against the wheel. "And you believed them, didn't you?"

"I never had a reason not to." I answered. "I didn't know you or care to know you if everything everyone said about you was true."

He rolled his eyes. "I was so happy to get out of this hellhole. All Ryder and I did was live a life of rumors and bullshit after our mother died. We never had a chance to be us. We had to prove to everyone we weren't everything they believed we were."

When I didn't respond, he continued.

"Graduation Ryder started acting weird. Hadn't drunk even a sip of alcohol but threw up all over me and there was blood in it. Later that night he had cold shakes. I forced him into the car and took him up to the hospital. You can imagine how shocked and pissed I was to find out he'd been there a few months before and been diagnosed with leukemia. On top of that, he's refusing treatment. Doesn't want to take any medication. Doesn't want to do Chemo. He has a personal death wish."

I looked away from Ryan and at my lap, curling my fingers inward. Before I could respond, I felt Ryder's leg twitch next to me and he spoke.

"You saw what happened to Mom, Ryan. None of that worked. She still died. Instead of dying herself, she died a doped-up mess of who she used to be. I'm not letting that happen to me."

The mention of their mother caused Ryan to grow stiff beside me, his grip around the steering wheel growing so tight his knuckles began to drain of color.

"So you'd rather kill yourself and leave Zoey and me to mourn you, right? Because that's easier than trying to fight this shit."

"It's my choice!" Ryder yelled, sitting upright. "You can either learn to accept that or stay out of my life. Nobody told you to be here today."

Ryan snorted. "But it's okay for your to drag Zoey into all your problems too, right? Someone you've tormented our entire lives."

"Like you were any better! She actually gives a shit about me, unlike you."

Before an even bigger argument could erupt out of their bickering, I pointed ahead of us. "We're here!"

Ryan looked ready to turn the car around, but Ryder leaned forward, excitement glistening in his eyes.

I sat back and waited until Ryan had parked the car and Ryder jumped out to breath out a sigh of relief. I hadn't thought it'd be possible for me to feel anything but fear being in this parking lot. But being in the middle of the tension between the boys gave me a clear understanding as to why it was always a warzone in their house. I wanted nothing more than to jump out and be away from the tension filled cab of Ryan's truck.

"Aren't you going to go with him?" Ryan questioned after a few minutes of silence and watching Ryder stare up at the sky.

I bit the inside of my cheek, regretting the words that left my mouth. "I will if you will."

**

I had never felt so nauseated in my life. Between the small plane moving, the wind rustling my hair, and staring down at the tiny people on the ground below us, I felt as if I was going to throw up and cry, and possibly even wet myself.

Ryder looked as nervous as I did, but was trying his best to not show it. He was shifting back and forth on his feet, biting his bottom lip. It was Ryan who stood at the foot of the open door of the plane, ready to dive out.

"Since you two want to stand there and get cold feet." Ryan waved. "See you on the ground."

He then threw himself out. I gasped, running to watch as his parachute opened and he fell further away from us and closer to the ground. Ryder joined my a few minutes later, touching my shoulder with a small, encouraging smile. "We got this."

"Speak for yourself." I groaned, swallowing hard. "I don't want to jump."

"I don't either." Ryder confessed. "But I'm going to anyway. Just so Ryan doesn't give me shit for it."

I grumbled, feeling the need to stomp my feet like a toddler throwing a tantrum. Instead, I grasped his forearm, meeting his eyes. "We go together on the count of three?"

"One." He breathed out.

"Two."

"Three!"

With no other worse spoken between us, Ryder grasped my hand and we threw ourselves out of the plane, screaming at the top of our lungs.

**

Ryan was leaning against the grill of his truck, scrolling through his phone, when we finally approached. I collapsed a few feet away, touching the hot pavement.

"A little dramatic, no?" Ryan joked, peeking over his phone to look down at me. I flipped him off and turned to see if Ryder was being just as judgmental as his older brother. His hand hovered over my shoulder until I stood up, his eyes on the ground, mouth open a fraction. I wasn't sure if he was about to throw up or pass out, but him staggering forward was a sign one of the two was sure to follow.

"Hey, you okay?" I whispered, grasping his forearm to try and steady him. Luckily, Ryan was still too preoccupied texting with a bitter look on his face to realize what was going on with Ryder.

"Yeah, all good." Ryder said, smiling wearily. "Just a little dizzy."

"It's okay, I am too." I comforted. "It's probably all the adrenaline draining from us."

He squeezed my hand gently, almost as if he were silently thanking me, before he pulled away and got in the truck. I stared at the door for a moment before walking back around the truck and opening my hand expectantly. Ryan slipped his phone back into his pocket, the scowl on his face turning into a look of confusion seeing my hand.

"Can I help you?" He asked.

I pointed toward the keys in his left hand. "Let me drive."

"Hmm, let me think about it." He tapped his index finger against his chin. "Should I let a five foot nothing girl drive my beautiful truck and risk all of our lives?"

"Funny." I crossed my arms. "Come on, Ryan. I know you're exhausted. I have my license, remember. Just no car yet."

He hesitated, then slowly deflated and dropped his keys into my hand. "Don't make me regret this. If you get even as much of a scratch on my baby girl, I will destroy you."

The joking tone in his face actually brought a small smile to my face. He squeezed in on the other side of Ryder so he was pressed against the passenger side door and Ryder was now the middle man. I couldn't help but feel a little relieved I'd have four hours out of the middle of the tension between the two.

When I climbed in, Ryder stared at me with a look of genuine shock. "You're letting her drive?"

"Why's that such a surprise?" I laughed, shooting Ryder a quick sideways glance. "Do you not trust my driving?"

Ryder stared at his brother for a long time, then finally turned back to me with a suggestive look that left me shifting uncomfortably in my seat the for the next few hours. "No, it's not that. It's the fact that Ryan won't even let me drive his car. Must have a soft spot for you or something."

**

Around the halfway mark back home, as the sun started to set behind the tall mountains, Ryan interrupted the peaceful silence with a complaint about being hungry.

"I know you are too." He added a few seconds after. "You're stomach has been growling for the last hour."

"Shut up." I snapped, but a small smile broke out across my face.

Ryder had dozed off again, a side effect of all the medications Ryan was trying to force him to take I'd assume. His head was resting against his older brother's shoulder, mouth open a fraction so he was drooling on Ryan's black shirt.

"I never thanked you." I broke the silence a few minutes later, glancing toward the GPS on my phone to see if there was a restaurant anywhere near by.

"For what?"

I was thankful to not be able to see his reaction when I spoke. "For the party. Taking the phone from that guy so he couldn't take a picture. I know you and Max had a lot to do with me not being all over social media. I appreciate it."

"You don't have to thank me. You do have a nice body though, Summers. You should show it off a little more."

Even though it was quite possibly one of the most Blake comments possible, I actually felt a little relieved to hear it. It had been a while since I'd heard either of the boys make some little remark or innuendo, and having it finally leave one of them was a wave of normalcy in this mess.

"You're friend," I already knew I wasn't going to like the question he was about to ask. "do you feel the same way? Is that why you're always jumping to his defense?"

I wanted desperately for a restaurant to magically appear on the side of the road and save me from having to have this conversation.

"Not that it's any of your business, but no I don't feel the same way. I was in denial he felt any type of romantic feelings toward me until yesterday."

"Then why don't you date?"

I started to retreat back into myself at the question. This wasn't any of his business, but somehow I felt that I owed it to him to at least let him in on a little bit of my personal life. Maybe he'd do the same. We were going to be in this mess with Ryder together, so the least we could do was try to get to know each other a little better.

"My dad, he always taught me that emotions, feelings, were weaknesses. That all they would do is hurt me and those around me in the end. He told me if I were to ever let myself fall in love, that the emotions would consume me, and when the guy left, he'd take my heart with him and leave the shell of me behind." My voice wavered a fraction, but I continued in hopes it'd stop the tears from pooling in my eyes. "So, I decided to focus on my academics while my best friends were off sewing their oats. I figured I'd be better off not risking falling for someone."

It felt as if a small weight had been lifted saying the words aloud. When I glanced over at Ryan, that weight started to press back down. The look he wore was so full of pity and sympathy it made me want to curl up and die.

"You know that isn't true, right?" He whispered, careful not to wake Ryder. "It's okay to feel, Zoey."

I shook my head. "Every time I let myself feel, I can't stop feeling."

Ryan smiled sadly. "Man, I feel that in my soul."

"What do you mean?"

I slowed the car to a stop beside a gas pump, cutting the engine a second later and turning to look at him. He was staring out at the beautiful horizon, the painted pinks and oranges reflecting off the window and on to his face.

"I feel too much, I guess. I've tried to give my heart to girls over the years, but realized recently that I was lying to them and myself. Because my real heart shriveled up and died and was buried in the ground with our mom five years ago." He tore his eyes away from the beautiful sunset and stared me down, blue eyes glistening. "Whatever sick grudge Fate has against me has taught me that. Everyone I've ever loved has either died or left. And now the one person who has kept me holding on and denying the fact, is about to fall victim to the same thing."

I just stared, knowing my expression was likely a mirror of his own. "Guess we're all pretty messed up, huh?"

He flashed me another sad, half smile, but looked down at his brother rather than me. After grasping Ryder's shoulder and gently shaking him awake, he met my eyes for the last time tonight.

"You can say that again.