Samuel raised his head and blankly looked at me for a few seconds. And suddenly his eyebrows furrowed, as if he just heard what I said. He then stood up and ran a hand through his thick hair. I loved running my fingers through his hair... Focus, Missa!

"What do you mean, take a break?" his deep voice brought me back from my fantasies.

"Oh... A break! A pause, a..." I gestured in the void, as if he could find the explanation in the air. His eyebrow raising told me he didn't. "I think we need some time to think things through and take the right decision."

"You mean YOU need some time to think things through?" He frowned and crossed his arms.

"Well... Yes. I mean... It all happened because of me and..."

"I already told you it was not your fault," he sounded pissed off. "You were just sick, and that can never be your fault!"

"I'm not talking about the depression," I sighed. I should have turned the light on, he might have understood what I was trying to say without me actually saying it out loud. He was usually good at reading me.

I tried finding the most suitable words to express what I wanted without being too dramatic, but didn't seem to find the right formula. Or maybe I was simply not confident enough to stick to that decision. Maybe I was too afraid to try and actually change. Maybe things could work just fine the way they were?

Things did not work that fine though, if we were having this conversation. Things went wrong at the very beginning, and side effects were simply delayed. I had to be able to face any other side effects that might happen later.

"You know you can talk to me, right?" He pinched my chin and lifted my head for our gazes to meet. "No matter what it is, you can tell me honestly."

He was trying to sound brave and confident. But despite the darkness, I could see in his eyes, his beautiful dark and deep eyes, a glimpse of fear and uncertainty. Once again, he wore his superhero mask to put me at ease. Seeing that squeezed my heart and comforted me in my decision.

"You should not have to remind me what happened after Clara's birth was not my fault," I said in one breath, with a calm and firm tone, eyes in eyes to show him I was fine, to tell him he could drop off the mask. "You cheated on me, and you should not be the one telling me it was not my fault. My fault was to keep for myself the fact your crush for Nina was mutual. Maybe if I didn't, you would have ended up with her, or maybe it wouldn't have worked and we would be together anyway. In either case, maybe that... 'accident' would not have occurred."

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for seconds. Now it was time to be melodramatic.

"Factually, it was not my fault. But I somehow contributed in creating the occasion. Because I was not confident enough to assert myself when Nina was in the picture. I'm not as beautiful as Nina or that lady from your HR department who looks like an African Kardashian. I'm not successful, in fact I'm rather a failure, given the fact I'm actually unemployed. I still struggle with taking care of my daughter and I'm afraid later she might see me as a pathetic woman, or worse inherit all my flaws. At first glance, there is nothing I really like about me, except having you and Clara. But I can't keep on relying on you to feel valuable. You've played this role for too long, you might one day grow up tired and our daughter could end up endorsing this role too. I want to work on improving and acknowledging my value by myself. And I cannot do that while being with you, because you're like training wheels for me. That's why I need some time off you."

Samuel's gaze dived into mine for a moment, almost a minute during which we stayed silent. I could feel he was examining me thoroughly, deep down to my soul. He was looking for any wavering inside my eyes. And holding his gaze felt harder than presenting a report to a bunch of executives.

Just when I thought I was not going to held any longer, he faintly smiled.

"And how long would this break last?" The question took me off guard. I haven't thought about that at all. In fact, that decision came to me while we were discussing.

He probably noticed my embarrassment and let out a chuckle. He walked towards the couch and elegantly sat down. The street lamp made him glow as if a layer of gold was spread all over his skin. And looking at him like that, I wondered if I would be able to stay away from him long enough.

"I don't know... A few weeks, maybe?" I hesitantly suggested. I walked towards him and sat next to him with a sigh. "I haven't thought about that to be honest."

"You've never been a good planner," he teased me.

I looked at him, surprised by how well he took it. Had it been me, I would have made a scene, cried my eyes out to make him change his mind... Or maybe he didn't mind?

"You won't file for divorce by that time, right?" his voice was a bit shaky and he didn't look directly at me. He was trying really hard to play cool. It made me smile. He did mind, but wanted to respect my decision.

"I won't," I tried to sound confident, and his shoulders sagged. "Not unless we both decide to do so"

"Alright then... Does that mean you are kicking me out of the house?" He was now looking at me with a small playful smile, and he seemed relaxed.

"Oh!" It only hit me then. I really didn't think about how it would be beforehand. I first thought it would be unfair to kick him out when I took that decision on my own. But then I considered he still had to pay for his betrayal. "Yes, I'm kicking you out. Sorry."

I woke up the next morning in an empty bed. It's been so for a few days now, but it was different because I knew he was somewhere in the house. Not today. His business trip suitcase was gone, with some of his stuff. It felt strange, knowing I wouldn't see him for some time. I missed him already. He didn't even tell me where he was going to stay... Could he sleep better? Did he have breakfast? I considered calling him, but it was not a good idea.

I went to see Clara, at least she was as playful as usual. One thing that stayed even. And it is under her watch that my first day off began.

The whole day mainly consisted in cleaning up with Meghan Trainor in the background. And I put extra care in our room. I emptied the whole wardrobe and got rid of clothes I could not use anymore, separated those that were out of fashion with the help of Super Clara. Some of these things were more than ten years old! At the end, only one third of my wardrobe appeared to be worth keeping. The rest went into old suitcases, they would be donated or disposed of later. And I would have to go shopping, it's been a while.

I also went through my old work papers. My computer has been eating dust for months, but fortunately it turned on easily. Going through the folders, I found my resume, and when I read it, I felt I was professionally out of age now. I thought about going back to work, but which company would hire me after more than a year off?

Then I considered my dramatic speech to Samuel yesterday. I had to value myself. In the past, I always applied with a defeated mindset. I have nothing special , why would they choose me among all the applicants? But looking at my resume after so long, I thought it was pretty good. I went to a well renowned college, had a master in data analytics with an honourable mention, I did a few internships during college and my first first jobs in good companies with good references. So in theory I had a really good profile. I had nothing to lose anyway, so I updated my resume. There was not much to add, unfortunately. However, I would look for some job offers I could apply to.

"Clara, mum is going back to work soon!" I said with enthusiasm.

Clara stopped in the middle of chewing the foot of her Barbie and blankly stared at me for a few seconds, then went back to chewing the poor Barbie. It made me smile. I was really afraid she would make a scene when Samuel didn't come back for lunch, but she didn't. In fact, it was as if she already knew he was not coming home. Maybe he talked to her?

The rest of the day went smoothly, we had dinner and I put Clara to bed. She remained gentle all along and never asked for her dad. And after all the work I did, I thought I would be exhausted and quickly fall asleep, but almost an hour after going to bed, I was still admiring the ceiling.

It was still early, only nine p.m. Had he been around, Samuel would have entertained me quite well. He would have talked to me about his day, or used his mouth for more useful things... I grabbed my phone and wandered in our message box. I considered calling him, then changed my mind. But I could call him just to make sure he was fine, see if he ate and if he needed anything... Let's not be pathetic, calling him when I'm the one who sent him away? That was not going to happen.

I left the phone on the bed - getting away from temptation - and went into the living room to dive into a cringe drama. There was nothing better than watching someone else struggling with their own problems to forget about yours. And it worked, for a moment.

Until the doorbell rang. I looked at the wall clock, who could it be at ten p.m.? I was not expecting someone, and nobody should come and visit at such an hour. Unless it was him... Could it be Samuel? It was the most logical explanation. Who else would come here so late?

I stood up to go open, but then became conscious of my attire. I was wearing an awful granny dress. I could not open to him like that. I went back in the room and changed into my best nightie, a red silk mini dress with its matching sexy underwear. I checked in the mirror and thought I could not open the door like that, it was too... obvious. He could think I was expecting him to come, which I was not, of course. And I should consider it could be anyone. So I grabbed a long wrapper before going.

The doorbell rang again. I stopped in front of the door and breathed slowly, checked my outfit, then faked a pissed off face, before opening. Upon seeing who it was, the fake pissed off face turned real. It was not Samuel.