Dear Nathan, Natalie, (sorry, I tried, but it didn't look right).

I know letter writing seems a little stupid, but it's the kind of shit they do in old-school romance movies, so I thought you, as a posh boy (no offense), might appreciate this.

I'm not really sure how to start this letter, but first of all, I just want to say I'm so, so, so sorry. I fucked up. BAD! Like I fucked up so badly that even the biggest fuck ups in the world would judge me. And I'm a fuck up because I hurt you, and I'm so sorry for that.

When I first met you that night at the club, I was very, VERY angry, and that led me to make the dumbest decision of my life which was the decision to hurt you. I thought I had you all figured out after one interaction, but I hadn't even figured one layer of you out.

So it goes without saying that you're probably doubting my feelings right about now, so I'm going to prove to you why you're wrong. So prepare yourself for a long list of all the reasons why I'm basically obsessed with you and why it was basically impossible for me to not fall in love with you. Ready? Okay, let me start.

*Dramatically clears throat*

1. You're the kind of guy that lets a girl you hate crash in on his dinner date just because you don't want her to feel embarrassed.

2. You smell ridiculously good (Shut up, it's a good reason).

3. You're the kind of guy who comes all the way to someone's flat just to fit in a fire alarm.

4. You endure me calling you Natalie.

5. You play games with a claustrophobic person in an elevator to try and distract them.

6. You don't call the police even when a crazy girl breaks into your apartment.

7. You're an adorable worrier who literally attempts to kidnap someone after they refuse to go to the hospital.

8. You're a really, REALLY, good kisser and way too good in bed. Like scarily good.

9. You flew a girl all the way to Greece just to make her feel better.

10. And finally ten, because you're Nathan, and that's enough of a reason in itself.

So, yeah, those are the ten reasons I love you Nathan, and they aren't even close to all of them. And again, I'm sorry, like really, sorry. And though I don't deserve it, I'd quite like it if we could still be friends. I've missed you.

Sophie xx

Reading over the letter, I re-folded it back up and tucked it neatly back into its envelope, all ready to deliver to Nathan. Crossing the road, I made my way over to the rather extravagant-looking apartment complex.

 It was the very place I had slept in a little over a week ago - it was Nathan's block. 

Though I was nervous, I knew I needed to carry out my plan. I owed it to Nathan to at least try and make things better. I knew it was a long stretch to ever get him to see me romantically again, but a friend would more than suffice. Now, what was my plan, you may ask? 

Well, it was simple - I was going to finish this the same way I started it, which was by annoying Nathan into being my friend. Obviously, there was a little more detail to it than that, but that was essentially the crux of the plan. And well, if that didn't work, I guess I would have to think of a plan B.

Upon reaching the building, I stopped and leaned up against the little wooden post in the outside courtyard area. I considered waiting inside the lobby area, but I decided to pass on it, knowing that Nathan's creepy lobby lady was likely inside. I had endured enough weird conversations with her to last a lifetime. Whenever I went to his flat, she would always ask me weird shit like what cologne Nathan wears?

I seriously needed to have a chat with Nathan about her stalkerish tendencies because I was starting to worry, she might kidnap him one day.

After about three minutes, and no sign of inside movement, I glanced down at my watch anxiously.

Come on, Nathan, come on. Please don't skip again.

A feeling of guilt twisted in my stomach, knowing he had been missing lectures all week because of how badly I made him feel. It was shitty enough that I had ruined our relationship, but it was even more messed up that I was impacting his education as well.

As that thought left my mind, I heard the sharp sound of a door swinging open. I snapped my head up almost immediately, and my eyes immediately latched onto Nathan. My stomach turned over in both excitement and dread at seeing him. Excitement because that's the natural response when you see the man you love and dread because I knew this interaction would likely be painful.

He hadn't noticed me yet as his head was still down, and he seemed rather preoccupied with typing away at something on his phone as he walked. I had absolutely swarmed him with texts and voicemails all of yesterday afternoon, but I hadn't gotten a single reply back on any of them.

 There were a couple of times where the typing symbol had come up, then the next second it was gone. I couldn't help but wonder if that's what he was doing now.

Finally, when he was a meter away from me, he pocketed his phone and looked up. The moment our eyes met, he quite physically stopped walking. A flash of some kind of emotion broke through his eyes, but that was all - a second. Keeping all his emotions locked away, he stared right through me with deadened ghostly eyes.

The rest of his appearance came to my notice, and a part of me winced as I took in the heavy bags under his eyes and the rigidity of his stance.

I cleared my throat. "Erm... hey, Nathan, how are you?" I asked politely. 

Nathan didn't say a word to me and continued to dig his gaze into me like a dagger. 

I tried again. "Here, I got you a drink. It's your favorite, black coffee." Throwing my backpack off my back, I slid the coffee cup out of the side pocket of my bag before handing it over with perhaps a little too eager of a smile.

He took it stiffly but took it, nonetheless. I opened my mouth to speak, but before I could, he brushed past me and walked off.

My mouth hung open a little in shock at his rudeness, but I quickly composed myself and jogged after him. 

"Woah, give a girl a little bit of warning before taking off like that," I chuckled. Nathan continued walking and took a long sip of his coffee without even sparing me a glance.

Well, I mean, at least he was drinking the coffee...

"No, but seriously, Nathan, I came here to apologize again for what happened," I mumbled, trying again to start a conversation. "The way you found out was awful, and I'm so sorry for not being honest from the beginning. There was no excuse."

Though I could tell he was fighting himself not to, he looked over at me with an edge of a softened gaze. Finally, he shook his head at me with a scoff. "Why the fuck are you even here?" he said coldly.

The familiar pang ricocheted through my heart, but despite the pain, I kept a weak smile on my face. "Well, for one thing, it's to give you this," I said. Sliding a hand into my pocket, I pulled out my envelope and held it out for him.

 "I wrote you a little letter, it's erm...," I cleared my throat, feeling a little nervous under his probing gaze. "-it's my silly way of saying sorry," I finished off.

Nathan looked at me, then down at the letter, I was holding out before me with tightly pressed lips. "I could read it out to you?" I suggested. 

Letting out a small, drained sigh, he snatched it out of my hand before continuing right back to walking. Despite his rudeness, I still couldn't help but bite back a smile at the fact he still took it. I mean, he could have refused it.

After a couple of strides walking in dead silence, I grew frustrated with the silence. "This..erm kind of reminds me of the beginning days of our relationship," I said with a snort. "You know, me awkwardly trying to start a conversation with you while you ...glare off into the distance," I mumbled.

Nathan didn't even humor me enough to turn my way and walked faster.

I quickly caught up again. "So, are you going to ignore me now?" I hummed.

More silence.

"No sarcastic commentary? No insult? Nothing?" I probed, trying to egg him on. I knew an insult wasn't ideal, but at least it would be something. After all, mean comments were exactly what started our relationship. Maybe they could fix it too.

Nathan gave me a glare this time.

"Oh, come on, Natalie, I'm giving you free rein to insult me right now. If I were you, I'd take this opportunity and run with it," I said, shooting him a teasing smirk.

"What was it you used to call me? Bitch? Annoying-ass bitch? Pain-in-your arse? Come on, literally say one of them, just one," I urged. "Nathan, I'm legitimately begging for an insult!"

Nathan's lip twitched, but he quickly composed himself, and his solemn look returned.

"Fine, how about we switch it up, and I say anything you want me to say?" Think about that Nathan, the possibilities are endless. I could tell you that you're-"

As I blabbered away, I took a step out into the road, and suddenly Nathan lurched forward and ripped me back away from the road by my waist.

A shaky gasp escaped my lips as a car suddenly whizzed inches from my face, in the exact place where I was about to step.

Holy shit, that would have run me flat over...

Still breathing heavily from my shock, Nathan slowly loosened his hold on my waist and quickly twisted me around to face him. I was surprised to find him with fiery eyes, and a glare ten times more powerful than before. 

"Was lying to me for months not enough for you, or do you also want to hurt me by getting yourself stupidly killed as well?" he scoffed with a striking bitterness. "Next time, focus less on chatting shit and more on where you're going."

Absolutely speechless, I stared at him breathlessly. Then, shamelessly my heart started to flutter a bit at the thought that he must still care about me in a: 'I still want you alive' kind of way. It wasn't much, but it counted for something...

At that moment, I probably should have said thanks, or yeah, that was stupid me or anything sensible, but instead, all I did was smile up at him stupidly.

"I got you to talk to me," I mumbled.

Nathan narrowed his eyes at me and let out a rude disbelieving laugh before taking off again.

Nathan determinedly ignored me through the rest of our walk and only broke his silence to occasionally tell me to shut up or go away.

We got there about twenty minutes before the lecture started, and instead of waiting outside the hall, he took off in the direction of the library without a word.

It confused me why he wanted to go there, then I soon realized that it was probably because he thought I couldn't blab to him too much if we were in a quiet space.

Nathan completely pretended I wasn't here and weaved in and out of the different isles in the library while occasionally picking up a book of interest from time to time. Once we reached the back of the library and were no longer in sight, I felt confident enough to start up a proper conversation.

I cleared my throat and leaned my back against a bookshelf as I watched him browse. "So, what are you looking for?"

"A book," he said bluntly, without even sparing me a glance.

Ignoring his sarcasm, and clear disinterest in the conversation, I smiled. "What in particular? I could help you if you want?" I offered.

Suddenly, he slammed the book in his hands shut and lifted his head up so that those intense green eyes of his dug into my own. "Why are you doing this?" he asked bluntly, getting straight to the point.

I took a while before answering, then finally, I shrugged. "Because I don't want things to end like this. I just...I just want you back in my life. I'm sorry, Nathan, but I can't give up on you; I won't."

Nathan swallowed harshly as though he was struggling to keep his emotions at bay. Then at once, something in his eyes changed. "You know what, I want to show you something," he said.

Putting his book back on the shelf, Nathan approached me in two long steps causing me to widen my eyes. Before I could get in a word, he grabbed me by the waist and pushed my back into the closest bookshelf.

His warm breath brushed right up against my lips as he closed me in. My eyes darted back and forth between the softness that was his eyes, hardly able to believe what was happening.

His gaze still, and controlled settled on mine, then before I could even process a thing, his lips descended on mine.

I groaned in surprise at the contact, and seconds later, his hands were drifting from my waist down to my hips so that he could press himself flatter onto me. I instantly melted into it, the sensation like returning to a home I never thought I'd see again. 

My mind was a complete mess, and I couldn't think straight for the life of me, all I could think of were those soft lips of his. Not even caring that someone could walk around the corner, I wrapped my arms around the back of his head to pull him even closer to me. 

But despite all my elation at the fact he was kissing me, I couldn't help but notice it felt kind of odd. Normally his movements were passionate - fast movement followed by slow, but now he seemed to be kissing me roughly and purposely like he was trying to prove some kind of point.

Suddenly, he ripped himself back and broke our kiss. When I opened my eyes, I found his face still close to mine, hypnotizing me still with its presence. After a second to collect myself, I finally had enough sense to talk.

 "Why did you...I'm so confused right now," I whispered, eyes searching his in disbelief.

Nathan let out a small breath of air that could have sounded like a laugh if not for the bitter undertones. Letting his arms drop from me, he stepped back and let them fall limply at his side.

 "I did that for one reason, and one reason alone. Not because I forgive you, not because I like you but to show you how little I care about you. How easy it is to kiss you and walk away. How easy it is to feel nothing when I look at you. How easy it is for me to play around with your feelings. Give you hope, and then step on it."

His words hit my heart like a painful pang. "What?" I whispered, a sickening feeling of disappointment running through my chest.

He looked back and forth between my eyes, then with narrowed his eyes, he plucked my envelope out of his pocket. My letter. 

Then looking me dead in the eyes, he ripped it right through the middle, then again, and again. His eyes never leaving mine once. I barely noticed the shreds of paper hitting the library floor at all and could only stare helplessly at the cold expression on his face. 

 Once he had torn it into sizeable chunks, he took another step closer to me – the redness to his eyes more visible now in the light. "And that," he hissed. "That was only a fraction of the way you made me feel. So tell me Sophie, how does it feel?"

I willed myself to say something, but no words escaped my lips.

He let out a bitter laugh. "Just as I thought," he whispered. And like that, he pushed himself off the bookcase and left. 

-------------------

Author's note: 

Messy times, folks, messy times...

Anyway how many people did I confuse with that random-as-hell kiss?

Next Update: Wednesday (6-8 PM - UK time)