A chilly breeze brushed past my skin, and I groaned before rolling even further underneath my covers. I breathed softly for a few seconds before I heard a persistent and even beeping sound echo around the room. 

What the hell was that? 

Curiosity soon got the better of me, and I slowly opened my eyes, rubbing them a little to wake myself. Blinking to clear my vision, I found myself staring at a white pristine ceiling of an unfamiliar room.

Fulling spreading my eyes open, I took a proper glance around the room. It was a fairly simple room with a large open window to my side and a little table beside me on what rested a heart monitor machine.

Shit – I was at the hospital.

I got my confirmation when I glanced down and found thousands of different wires sticking out of my hand along with a thin, little hospital gown coating my body.

Confusion aside, my panic started to set in, and I felt my heart start to pick up. I couldn't be in hospital; I just couldn't. I promised myself I'd never go. In the middle of another shaky exhale, my ears latched on to a sound that I hadn't notice up till now. It was the sound of light, gentle breaths. 

My eyes drew to where the sound was coming from, and I blinked rapidly in shock as I found Nathan sound asleep on a chair. He had tucked his head up in an uncomfortable position on the armrest, and even from here, I could see his dishevelled hair and the dark circles under his eyes. He looked unmistakably ill.

"Nathan?" I croaked out, my voice coming out a little weak. He stirred a little but soon came back to rest. 

"Nathan?" I said a little louder. 

"Hmm," Nathan hummed lowly as he slowly sat up. He ran a tired hand through his hair, and his eyes half-opened, so he could stare at me through groggy and disorientated eyes.

"Sophie?" he said weakly. His eyes scanned softly over my figure before suddenly widening. He lurched himself into an upright position and continued to stare while I watched him all the while with furrowed brows.

Before I could even spit out another word, he tossed himself off his chair and met me in two long strides.

 "Nathan, I-"

 He robbed me of my words as his arms seized hold of me and enveloped me into a hug. His arms tense and shaky held me tighter than I even thought possible like he never had any intention of ever letting me go.

I stilled, so confounded by confusion. Nathan was hugging me. The boy who couldn't stomach calling me his friend was hugging me. He buried his head deeply into the crook of my neck before peppering relived kisses to my skin, all while repeating nonsensical words of thanks.

Finally, he managed to pull away, breathing raggedly as he did. His lips lifted into the most vulnerable of smiles, a stark contrast against the exhaustion burning through his eyes.

"Sophie?" he whispered for a second time.

My heart felt as though it was being pulled in a thousand directions as I stared into his broken eyes. Nausea ran through me as I wondered how long he'd been like this.

"N-Nathan, what-" I started to cough before I could fully get my words out, my breaths coming out panty and rough.

"Crap, you need a drink. I should have got you a drink," Nathan chided himself as he hurriedly marched over to the bedside table to pour me one. His hands shook considerably as he poured the glass, making me feel all the more anxious.

He rushed back over to me. "Okay, here, drink this," he said as he gently held the rim of my glass to my lips.

Even as I took the glass from him, he kept a firm grip on the end as though terrified I couldn't bear the weight of it alone. I drank half of it in three long gulps, not realizing how badly thirsty I was until now. Once I had enough, I pulled it away from me and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. 

"No, you need to drink some more," Nathan urged as he pushed the rim back to my lips. 

I shook my head and pushed it away. "No, I need answers first," I mumbled as my eyes darted around the four corners of the room. "W-what happened? Why am I here?" I repeated shakily, the nerves inside of me threatening to boil over.

The strong smell of antiseptic spray, the bright lights, the faint sound of distant voices - I was at the hospital. All the pain and heartbreak I'd felt when visiting my mum at this kind of place came bubbling back to the surface. In walls like these, I was told my mum had cancer. In walls like these, I was told my mum wouldn't be coming home, and in walls like these, I was told my mother was going to die.

"Nathan, I said, why the fuck am I here?" I yelled, my voice cracking almost painfully.

He sat on the edge of the bed. "Hey, hey, hey, it's alright, you're fine, okay, you're fine," he repeated as he reached out for my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

The warmth of his hand was enough to soften my racing heart, and I focused on it as I tried to even my breaths. 

  You're fine, Sophie. It's only a stupid hospital; you're fine.

When I felt strong enough, I opened my eyes and found him staring at me with guilt-ridden eyes. He shook his head. "I-I'm so sorry, Sophie, it was all my fault," he said, his voice breaking.

 My eyes spanned over his face in confusion. "Nathan, what are you talking about? What's wrong?" I asked in alarm as I slowly pulled myself up into a seated position. 

As I made my first movement, a sharp stab ran through my spine, and I tried not to grimace as my head started to ring.

Nathan noticed my struggle almost immediately and lurched out to support my back. "Hey, Woah, take it easy. You've been out for more than twenty-four hours," he said as he hurriedly worked to fluff up the pillow behind me.

I rolled my eyes at his fuss, but then my ears drew into his last few words. "Wait, I've been out for twenty-four hours," I repeated, freezing in shock.

Nathan nodded his head and stifled a laugh even though there was little to no humor in his eyes. "Twenty-six hours if we're being specific," he said with a bitter laugh.

I furrowed my brows, feeling shaken by confusion. "B-but how?" I questioned slowly as I desperately tried to piece together the last of my memories. "All I remember is riding in the forest with you, and you were telling me about your brother. And.. and now, I'm here. I'm so confused," I stuttered, my head starting to feel like it was pounding.

Nathan let out a deep exhale and lowered his gaze to the floor. "Y-you lost control of the horse, and I didn't see you. And then," he swallowed, lifting his shaky chin up to look at me. "And then you fell," he said, the tears in his eyes threatening to spill over. He rubbed them angrily away with the back of his sleeve. "I should have given you a fucking helmet; I'm so stupid," he cursed.

I sat there in silence, and slowly the little pieces of memory started to weave their way back into my mind, stitch by stitch. I remembered all of it - losing my stirrup, screaming for Nathan, uselessly pulling on the reigns, and then the hit. 

"Oh, my god," I murmured as the seriousness of the situation started to sink in.

With a pounding heart, I lifted my chin up to Nathan, guilt-gripping my heart as I realized how immaturely I had acted by agreeing to race him. "Your horse is okay, right?" I questioned slowly, the thought of robbing him of something he loved haunting me.

Nathan looked at me for a long while before slowly narrowing his eyes. "Are you fucking kidding me, right now?" he laughed, his voice holding a chilling darkness to it.

His sudden shift in mood took me aback, and I stared at him with cautionary eyes. "Erm...no?" I answered slowly.

Nathan ran a hand through his hair and sunk his nails deeply in as though in pain. He paced back and forth around the room, and the weight of each of his steps seeming to intensify the rising tension in the room.

Finally, his gaze swerved back to mine. "Do you think this is a joke?" he scoffed.

I opened my mouth pathetically. "I.., I-"

"No, you don't get to talk. "People who rank a horse's life above their fucking own don't get to talk," he yelled. 

He took a couple heavy breaths before continuing. "I told you no, Sophie, I told you that we shouldn't fucking race but did you listen to me?" he hissed, his eyes flickering manically all over my face. I averted my gaze, hating the way his eyes were making me feel.

"You know, I'm starting to wonder if you're purposely trying to torture me," he laughed. "What was your plan, to shove yourself into my life, so I get to watch you die?" he yelled, his voice hitting a striking octave.

I shook my head furiously. "Nathan, of course, I didn't," I explained desperately.

"Are you sure?" he interrupted. "Because you seem to act recklessly all the time. First, you fall out of that tree for the sake of a dumb squirrel, then you force me not to take you to the hospital. And as though that's not enough, you pretend to fucking drown as a joke. What, so I'm supposed to find the idea of losing you funny, am I?" he scoffed. 

"You scared the shit out of me, every single fucking time. And now you've done it all over again but worse," he yelled, his voice getting increasingly harsher with each word he spoke.

His outburst robbed me of all my words, and like a fool, all I could think to do was stare.

"Nathan, I-I don't know what to say...I'm just...I'm just sorry, okay," I murmured weakly. I didn't even realize how badly I felt until I felt buds of tears start to prick to my eyes.

All signs of anger started to melt off his face, the tension in his skin, the rigidity of his jaw- all fell away; the moment he watched a tear roll down my cheek.

"Shit, Sophie, I'm so sorry," he groaned. He walked over to the bed and flopped down onto the edge of it with a sigh.

"I didn't mean to be so harsh, I'm..I'm just so tired, and I've been so scared," he whispered.

Those deeply captivating eyes of his, still reddened with emotion, stared deeply into my own, and silenced all my thoughts. "I guess; the thought of my best friend never waking up again didn't sit right with me," he whispered, his mouth twitching up into a smile.

As soon as his words were spoken, a weird electricity fluttering feeling soared all the way through me, and slowly but surely, my mouth pulled up into a shy little smile of my own.

After all these weeks and months of denial, he had finally told me the words I'd been most dying to hear – that I was his friend.  

----------------------

Author's note:

Double update time, swipe for more :)