So say goodnight, our first goodbye
I’ve only got forever and forever is fine
Just take your time
We’ll stop the clock together and know that the timing was right

                                                                                  Vegas Nights, The Cab

“I can’t believe this!” I yelled for the nth time while I paced back and forth the living room. “It doesn’t make sense! Claire almost killed Sarah!”

Dad just kept eyeing at me from the couch, his elbows on his thighs, his chin resting on the back of his hands. It was hard to see if he cared at all with the unreadable look on his face. Sighing, he ran a hand through his neatly cropped blond hair. He was tired of my ranting and I knew it. I just couldn’t make my mouth shut up.

No matter how kind, how understanding, how complex, how stupid Sarah was, I just couldn’t believe she’d let Claire off the hook just because of Nathan. And why was she protecting Nate’s feelings anyway? It wasn’t like they were really close or anything.

“It’s Sarah’s decision,” Dad said, his voice hinting of disappointment. We all wanted Claire behind bars. No doubt about that. “The least we can do is make sure Claire won’t be able to get near Sarah ever again.”

“We can’t!” I snapped, ruffling my hair. “I’m leaving, Dad. How can I protect her when I’m not here? Damn it!”

Furtively, Dad gave me a meaningful look. I knew what was going on in his mind—Matt. Once I’m gone, he’d have to take my place. A big pain in the ass, but I got to learn to hand Sarah over.

My mouth opened to yell out some more of my outburst just as the door opened. Nathan’s head protruded from the crack of the door. He must’ve seen the tension in our faces because the wild mad-scientist smirk on his face slowly pulled down as he saw us.

I kind of froze then pressed my lips into a thin line. He shouldn’t get a single idea what a backstabbing evil hag his older sister was. Let him believe his illusions that Claire was such a saint. Dad’s orders.

“What did I miss?” he asked, looking around.

Casually, I took a glance at my watch. “Look at the time. Shouldn’t we be going?”

I didn’t want to hear the answer. How could we leave at a time like this? With Sarah being alone and vulnerable and all, I didn’t think I could live with myself if anything bad happened to her again.

“We…” Dad began, deep in thought. “…still have time. Talk to Sarah,” he told me.

I nodded, about to head for the door when I heard Nate complaining. “But we’d be late for our flight!”

Dad just smiled. “We won’t be late, Nathan. Your brother’s private jet won’t go anywhere without us. We’re not in such a hurry.”

Not so antsy to go, are we? I thought bitterly. If he so much as caught a whiff of what was happening, he’d practically beg Dad for us to stay. It was just so tempting. All I had to do was tell him the truth and I won’t have to leave Sarah. Dad would gladly postpone his surgery just for him.

I cursed at myself for thinking that way. It was selfish. And wrong.

“And Leon,” Dad called me back. He drew a gift box from under the coffee table. “I thought you were going to give this to Sarah?”

“Uh, yeah,” I took the box from him and stared at it as I walked out of the house.

It was my parting present I bought some few months ago. I was planning to just leave it at Sarah’s doorstep with a short note or something before we go. But now, I’d have to think of the right words to say to her. Luckily, my mind was blank. Nice.

I didn’t notice Sarah sitting in the porch until I was about to knock on the door. It was already dark. She was quiet. And from her shadowy corner, it was hard to see her face.

“I w-wouldn’t change my mind, you know,” she murmured, her eyes downcast.

With a deep breath, I sat beside her, placing the purple box between us. “I know,” I said, leaning my head back and looking at the skies.

The stars were much clearer, much more vivid tonight. For the first time, I actually spotted the constellations Sarah had been trying to show me way back then. The Big Dipper, the Little Dipper. Even now, I couldn’t really tell how they’d look like bears. But Sarah saw them. And I believed her. I believed in what she was seeing. Her eyes could see wonders I couldn’t.

That was right. All my life, I thought to see was to believe. Now, I knew better. Sarah and I won’t see each other but she’d keep believing in me. As I, her. All the memories we’d made in this small town won’t be erased no matter what. I’d keep them with me, cherish them because they were the best ones I’d got.

“I’m just worried,” I added, lowering my gaze to her. In the dark, her eyes were so blue tonight I couldn’t seem to look away. “With Claire still out there, it’s possible that something bad will happen again. And the worst part, I won’t be here to look after you.”

She just smiled weakly, gently shaking her head. “If something’s bound to happen, it’s going to happen anyway. That night of the… accident—you were there, weren’t you?”

“And I couldn’t do anything,” I replied absently. Ouch. “…sorry.”

I got her point. She was right. Whether I was with her or not, things still went out of hand. Not to mention that the cause of all her troubles were people connected to me. Claire, Megan, Camilla, Nate and his bunch of whackos. Everything bad started to happen to her the second I set foot in this town.

“Five bucks,” she said, her hand reaching out to me. When I couldn’t react, she pocketed her hand and fixed her eyes on the skies. “You forgot? Every ‘sorry’ said costs five bucks.”

“Oh,” I blurted, feeling stupid. It’d been a secret game between us. I made it up since she seemed to have the pathologic need to say sorry all the time even if things weren’t her fault. Who knew I’d be the once who’d say that word the most nowadays? “Sorry…”

“Now you owe me ten,” she chuckled faintly then let out a deep breath. “For some reason, I’m not sorry anymore.”

“About what?”

It took her a short while to answer. But when she did, there was an unmistakable light in her eyes. “About everything. I don’t regret that all these things happened. That I lost my memories and got to make new ones. Of course, I still… wonder sometimes. I might not be able to remember what used to be, but I like them just the way they are right now. That’s my silver lining.”

“What’s my silver lining then?” None. Zero. Na-duh.

“You’ll find it soon enough.”

The summer breeze swept past us, ruffling the little garden in the front lawn. It carried Sarah’s long hair to her face. I had the strong urge to push it back. But I didn’t move a muscle and contented myself with just being next to her.

Behind us, from inside the house, I could hear Jer and Freddy chuckle together, Kidnap barking at the clanking of plates as Emma did the dishes. This was where Sarah belonged; in this happy normal family. Not with me.

Suddenly, Sarah stood up and took my hand. “I have something to show you,” she said.

I barely had time to tuck her present under my arm before she towed me to the narrow walkway to the right of the house. It led to the backyard garden. Once, on her sixteenth birthday, I had a landscaper—with Becky’s help—turn it into a garden with all sorts of flowers and shrubs, especially, Stargazer lilies. They were her favorite. From then on, we agreed to work in maintaining that garden every after winter.

As she pushed the waist-high wooden gate to the garden, rows and rows of blue bouquets welcomed us. The bouquets were really clusters of small blue flowers that bloomed around the stalk so that they looked like blue spheres. Like snow balls. Cerulean, indigo, sapphire; all sorts of blue became the motif of the whole garden.

“Hydrangeas,” she walked past me, sitting on her heels to cup one of the shrub’s bouquets in her hands. “Hydrangea macrophylla. They bloom all year round, except in winter. And they’re… pretty.” Her gaze lingered up at me, then back to the flowers.

“Yeah…” I sniffed, raising a brow. “But I thought you like lilies better.”

“I don’t know,” she whispered thoughtfully, fondness evident in her eyes as she gazed at the flowers. “Somehow… they remind me of the color of y-your eyes. Whenever I look at them, I get the feeling that I’ll be okay.”

I couldn’t say anything. My voice was missing. So I just stood there and watched her smile to herself, wishing I could see that scene every day of my life. When I finally cleared my throat, I said, “Why say that now? Why show me this? You know I’m leaving.”

She took her time standing up, her hands pushing on her thighs as she did. When she looked me in the eyes, she seemed to be miles away, lost in thought. She opened her mouth, then shook her head and forced a smile on her pale face.

“I just… want you to know,” she began, her voice shaking a bit. “T-that no matter what happens, I would… I w-would never forget you.”

Her eyes were misty. But there was no sadness in there. Only acceptance.

Something in me wrenched to the point of breaking. This was goodbye. And all I could do was place the present on her hands, put a smile on my face and say, “Open it.”

Intently, she untied the ribbon from the box. While she was busy, I took the chance to breathe and compose myself. When she was done taking out the SLR from the box, she aimed the lens on me and pretended to take a picture.

“Not like that,” I told her, stepping behind her to lightly hold her hands. I set up the camera and focused on a lone iris flower nearby. She almost shied away when I touched her but she’d let me do it anyway. “Use your left hand to balance the camera and the right to adjust the lens.”

Once I’d let her go to take the picture on her own, it was like she’d just turn to stone. She held her breath, careful to not move a muscle while pushing the capture button. A picture or two later, she was already out of breath.

“You don’t have to hold your breath, you know,” I scoffed at her lightly.

“Yeah,” she rolled her eyes. “But I don’t want a blurred picture.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. She just looked confused, her lips pouting the smallest bit as she fumbled with the camera settings. She kept taking pictures of the flowers around us. But most of it were pictures of my midnight blue Vans sneakers since she couldn’t seem to aim well. It was fun watching her. I even got the chance to poke fun at her just to lighten up the mood.

I was about to tease her about how she was such a genius photographer when I heard the sound of Dad’s truck as it parked in front of Sarah’s house. As if that wasn’t loud enough, Dad revved the engines, just to make sure.

Nice timing, Dad.

Sarah lowered the camera and looked searchingly at me. In exchange, I sported my best smile. That’s right. Everything’s gonna be okay, Leon. You can do this. Just smile. And do your magic.

“I guess that’s me,” I said to her, backing away. “I’ll—“

“I’ll write to you,” she said before I could finish what I was about to say. “You don’t need to write back. But it’ll make me happy if you do. I’ll write to you every week. So don’t call or visit or anything until I say so, okay? Just… until I’m ready… Promise me.”

The truck’s engine’s revved again. I’d remember to tell Dad that the truck had a horn, just in case he didn’t know.

“Deal?” Sarah asked again.

“Deal. No calls. No visits. Just letters.” It was better that I’d hoped. I thought Sarah would totally cut me off her world. What she said just had my hopes rising again. Maybe someday. When she’s ready. “So… Goodbye, Sarah,” I kept my smile on, backing away as I did.

She didn’t say something back. She just stood there as I turned around and made my way to the truck. Honestly, I was relieved that she took everything well enough. Or at least, I wanted to think that. I didn’t make a second glance, but I thought I saw a flash from behind me just as I was walking away.

Nathan was in the front seat so I was forced to sit in the back with Moira. I leaned my head on the glass window and watched as the town’s reflection go by, disappearing into a blur. The city lights left behind a burn in my eyes every time I blink. All I saw were rain clouds and no hope.

The hardest part was finally over. Or so I thought. It didn’t hurt as much as I’d expected. I guessed I got over that phase. Instead, I felt hollow. I didn’t know where to begin. Sarah used to be the center of my world. And now that she was gone, it felt like I lost my direction. More so, I hoped she’d do better than me.

None of us talked during the whole trip. Only when we were inside the private jet was I able to settle down. As we took off, I wondered if Sarah had already found the note that came with the gift. I hoped she did. It’d make me feel better if she knew why I gave her a camera of all things.

I was staring blankly at the blackness outside the small window when the seat beside me shifted. At first, I thought it was Dad. He wasn’t the consoling type and I certainly didn’t need his advice right now so I didn’t stir.

“I’m tryin’ to get some shut-eye here, Dad,” I groaned, shoving the pillow on my face.

I didn’t want their sorry faces. Maybe two, three days tops and I’d get over it. Hopefully. Then I’d be the Leon as seen on TV again.

“Moira will be sending the guys their tickets first thing tomorrow.” It was Nate who spoke beside me. He was typing on his laptop with one hand while his other hand was full of jelly beans.

“The guys?” I scooted up, my forehead involuntary creasing.

With a leer, he slowly nibbled on a yellow jelly bean like he was enjoying the puzzled look on my face. “Chuck, Reed, Ricky. The guys.” He replied with a look that said duh.

It was Moira who butted in from the seat behind ours. “Sonnet wants you back… with the whole band.”

“Yeah? And what made them change their minds?” I muttered, dubious.

Nate started typing 4 O’clock Deadline on Google. The search engine listed like a hundred results with tags like small town sensation, favorite band, world tour and a list of our songs. I caught a glimpse of a popular Hollywood forum with a dozen of threads about us. Then Nathan clicked on one of the several YouTube links featuring a video of us while we were performing in Hopkinton just this evening.

“Behold,” Nate announced in his over-the-top tone. “The power of internet.”

Nathan blew up the screen so I could see the number of hits below the video plug-in. A bit less than two million views and it was just a couple of hours after our unexpected performance.

It was a fan upload but the resolution was pretty decent. The whole dragging-from-the-audience mix-up part, the stupid dramatic pause, the people chanting my name; it was all caught in camera. I must’ve looked pretty stupid now that the rest of the world had seen this. It was trending in social media, too.

I sighed. After all my hard work to look cool and all, a viral video just changed my reputation. Leon Walden a.k.a. Sappy McWeepsalot. Super nice. But it was a small price to pay if it was for the band.

“I knew this was all your idea,” I muttered, glaring at my brother.

“That’s a thank you, I suppose,” his smirk widened, ignoring my anger. “Apparently, we are getting all the attention from the media right now and that’s why the record company is practically pleading for the band to come back.”

“Some help here.” I turned to Moira. I couldn’t believe what Nate was saying. Sonnet had let us go so easily. And just like that, they’d be willing to suck up to us?

“The world tour will be two months from now. Just as scheduled before. I had everything arranged,” Moira said, her face smooth. It didn’t look like she was messing with me. “Sonnet just needs you to say yes.”

“So this is what Sarah meant,” I muttered to myself, staring vacantly through the window.

“What?” Nate asked, giving me a weirded-out look.

Normally, I’d give him some well thought-out retort. But now, I’d decided to give him a break. What he did for me and our friends was alright—no. My brother did awesome.

For the first time, I grinned widely at him. “The silver lining.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the title said. So don't you panic. I can't say for sure if this ends well or not. Just stay put and find out :)