What am I supossed to do when the best part of me was all of you?

What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay?

Chapter 14 – How to Confess to a Drunk Girl

I discovered why grounding became the most popular form of punishment in America. You’d literally kill yourself out of boredom. It gave me more time to think and go emo on everything that had happened. Seriously, I’d been thinking more about pain and suffering now. And it wasn’t just because my arm was jagged up.

And there was this problem about my new album. Seemed like my producers wanted a new kind of sound. Something I hadn’t done before. New kind of sound my butt. I’d rather be killed than caught dancing. Maybe something upbeat. Something more fun. And with substance. Erase pop. And ballads. Rock, maybe. Might as well put the emo in me to good use. Sighing, I threw the blank piece of paper on the floor. Nothing worth writing in my head. And I couldn’t use my guitar or my piano without my left arm anyway.

It’d been three days since Sarah and I talked. Not sure why, but Freddy still hadn’t showered the house with bullets. So that must mean Sarah didn’t say anything about the school incident.

In the living room, Nathan kept skimming the pages of the local paper. He might not be vocal about it but he was freaking out. Not to mention super scared about the possibility that Lynch had spotted us and seen our faces. So far, there wasn’t any news about the school incident. The Ferguson brothers might not be that smart, but they were sly enough to slink away from troubles like these.

“We going to jail yet?” I sneered.

Nathan tossed the paper away. “Unluckily, no. Too bad. I heard the chilli in there is to die for. Plus the gruelling manual labor would be good for my abs,” he muttered through a mouthful of jellybeans. “Freddy came looking for you, by the way.”

My feet got stuck on the floor. Gulping, I sat on the couch. Ugh, crud.

“What did he want?” I asked keeping my cool. Relax, I told myself.

My brother just shrugged and tossed a red jelly bean into his mouth. “I reckon he wants to hang you upside-down from that tree in their front yard and gut you down with a rusty butchering knife. But I might be wrong. He mentioned something about a plan. Not sure. Something about dinner with you and Dad. Said to tell Dad to bring some wine. Maybe he’d smash the bottle on your head when it’s empty.”

Ah, that plan. So Freddy didn’t come to kill me. Or maybe he was saving that for later.

* * *

“Sit down,” Emma said smiling at me and Arthur.

I smiled back and thanked her. No idea if she knew about the plan but she seemed nice enough. If she had an idea that I’d been teaming up with her husband in some sort of scheme to shock-treat her daughter’s amnesia, she would’ve kicked us out of the house three seconds ago. Dad handed her the bottles of wine we brought in for the dinner. I just hoped everything went well this time around. With the adults watching, I couldn’t really do much. So I’d better be more careful. There wasn’t any room for more mistakes. My three months was ticking and fast.

Sarah came down from her room after being called twice. Like the first time we’d come for dinner two years ago, she didn’t seem all excited about it. She just eyed at us blankly like she wanted to be anywhere else but there.

Seriously, my encounters with her two years back had been a big painful whack on my ego. I mean, I’m Leon Walden. Girls scream and chase me within a mile radius of detection and she just screamed at me with a lame “I don’t want your stupid tickets!” At first, I was just really taking aim at making her life miserable. But after all, Sarah was the only girl who treated me like a normal person. Like I was somehow me and not just some imaginary guy people see in TV or posters.

“Where’s Freddy, by the way?” Dad asked.

“In the kitchen,” Emma replied with a wry smile. “You know how he thinks he’s the better cook.”

I couldn’t agree more with Freddy. Emma’s cooking wasn’t really that good. Okay, it was horrible. The thought of that risotto two years ago still made my stomach churn. It tasted like glue. Shivers ran down my spine and I saw Sarah looking at me with some understanding. She had to live with that every day. Anyhow, I just smiled at Emma like I was sorry I couldn’t have some of her cooking. Which was a complete bogus.

Dad folded his sleeves up to his elbow. “Then let’s see,” he grinned while heading to the kitchen, leaving me and Sarah behind.

“So any progress yet?” I asked breaking the silence. “Time’s ticking, you know.”

With an unsure look, Sarah sat stiffly on the seat next to me. “N-not really. How much more time?”

“I’m all yours for less than three months. After that, I’m off.” I smiled at her, managing to make everything sound like a big joke. Like it was no big deal. Inside, I was just scared to death that Sarah won’t get her memories back before I had to leave for LA.

She didn’t meet my eyes though I was sure she was listening.

“But no rush. Let’s just… enjoy this.” I leaned back on the sofa and drew a deep breath. Somehow, even though she didn’t see me as how I’d hoped her to, just being in the same room as her quieted the nagging doubts in my head.

Slowly, she lifted her eyes to me but I pretended to not notice. “Does it hurt?” she asked hesitantly.

“What?”

She just looked at my broken arm with a hint of worry. “S-sorry, I was too clumsy. If it wasn’t because of me slowing you down it wouldn’t have hurt that much.”

“It just hurt a little. No worries,” I assured her with a wide lopsided grin. “Didn’t know you care.”

Awkwardly, she looked away looking confused before her forehead crumpled. “No actually. I just don’t want to owe you anything. That’s all,” she mumbled, her face turning a bit red.

That just made me laugh. I put her through so much trouble and she was thinking about my arm? She was worried about me after all. But something told me she’d rather eat her own hand than admit it. Sarah fumed silently to herself, giving me more time to look at her without her noticing.

When she scowled at me, I looked away mumbling “Sure, sure,” with a shrug, forcing a straight face. “I just want to say… thanks.”

“F-for what?”

“For not telling Freddy about the school…”

“Not telling me what?” Freddy entered the living room from the kitchen patting his burly hands with a towel.

“Nothing,” we both chorused. Sarah almost jumped from her seat.

Did I mention that Freddy was a little over six feet with huge buff arms, curly black hair, bristly chin and tanned skin? Much like your modern-day Viking Dad. And tonight, he wore a ruffled white apron that said Sexy Thing.

In panic, Sarah blurted, “I-I told him I wasn’t going to Yale anymore… He thought you didn’t still know about that.” Sarah looked pale. Such a lame liar too. But her efforts to cover up for me just had me stunned.

“Okay,” he said looking not at all convinced. “Dinner’s ready. I cooked so it’s edible. Don’t worry.” He gave me an unassuming wink before going back to the kitchen.

“That was close,” Sarah panted.

“Wait. You’re not going to Yale?” I repeated. For once something got me excited. Maybe she remembered something after all. Like our plans to go to UCLA.

With a sad little smile, she shrugged looking down. “Turns out, they would still have to evaluate if I am mentally fit to go to college. They’re doubtful if I could cope with the other students since I couldn’t really remember the last two years of my life… school included.”

“I’m sorry.” My smile faded. Sure thing, Sarah was stuck with me now and she won’t have to go to Yale. But I didn’t want everything to end this way. Hearing the bitterness in her voice made me ashamed of myself.

“Is there any other way? Like a test you have to pass so they’d let you in?” I added when she didn’t respond.

“Maybe.” She sounded miserable. I only realized how much she wanted this. “But it was no use. I don’t know what I did back then. It must’ve been something right to make me pass the tests and the interview, but I do know that I can’t do it anymore. All because of this stupid brain… I’m hopeless.”

All I wanted was to comfort her. Put a hand around her. Protect her from the world. But I couldn’t do it. I’d no right to. Instead, I turned to her and met her eyes. “Whether it’s hopeless or not, sometimes, it just depends on how you look at things. Perspective, Sarah. Perspective.”

“Yeah… I’m sure it’s that easy,” she muttered in a dubious tone.

“Try me. D’you want to know what I see now?”

She didn’t say anything but the light in her eyes told me that her answer was a yes.

“Okay. I see a girl. She lost her memories and forgot who I am. But that’s okay.” I didn’t blink. We just locked gazes for a while and I held on to that for as long as I could. “Because in front of me she’s still this wonderful girl who makes me smile. One who worries about my arm even though I almost lost her to a psycho school janitor. She might not remember how she got into Yale or that she got me this really cool watch for my birthday… but inside, nothing’s changed. To heck with your memories, Sarah. You’re still you.”

Three seconds passed. Five. Ten. She didn’t say anything. She just gaped, her lips parting a bit. With a quiet grunt, I stared at tip of my shoes. I shouldn’t have said that. I should NOT have said that!

“Kids! Dinner!” Emma called from the kitchen.

“Coming!” We both said as we hurried to the dining table.

Silently, we sat side by side. We didn’t speak to each other while we ate roast pork and potatoes. I kept popping food into my mouth. Sure, it looked good but I couldn’t appreciate anything. It was like chewing newspaper—the food got stuck in my throat. I got the feeling that she was ignoring me, again. Great. Way to go, Superstar.

After the homemade apple pie—half of which was eaten by Sarah—Freddy clinked the wine glasses and opened a bottle of red wine. As he filled in the glasses, Sarah cleared her throat and looked giddily at her dad.

“I’m eighteen, right?” she asked hesitantly like someone would say no.

“Yes. So?” Freddy paused.

“So… I can drink now. Come on Dad. Technically, it’s just four-point-five percent alcohol.”

Freddy threw a help me look at Emma who just shook her head subtly. Sarah wasn’t really a drinker. In fact, she was the worst drinker I’d ever seen. When I took her to Gloucester Beach in a yacht a year ago, she tried to jump off the deck after three glasses. So if Freddy would ask my opinion about this, I’d rather chain her somewhere far away from the liquor.

“Ah, let the girl have some fun, Freddy,” Dad said handing his glass to Sarah.

We all watched her took a sip. Then two. She seemed alright so the adults get on with their small talk while I stared at my wine glass. Hopefully she won’t wreak havoc tonight. All this replay thing wasn’t working as well as I thought it would. Maybe I should just tell her directly. It wasn’t like I had any choice. Maybe if she knew about us, some of her memories would come back.

“I’m completing a new project for Sonnet Records,” Freddy said putting down his wine glass. “And I’ve been having problems with my equipment right now. Maybe I should get back to LA to record.”

“No need. We have everything you’ll need at home,” Arthur replied. “You should see the private recording stu—“

“Dad,” I cut him off immediately before Sarah could hear and start asking questions. “Why don’t you just take Freddy there so you could talk in private about… business matters?”

“Great idea,” Freddy said a little too excitedly. “Let’s go see it now… and talk about business.” He threw Arthur a meaningful look which my dad didn’t quite get.

Anyhow, they both headed across the street to check out my newly constructed private recording studio in the basement. I’d been using that so I won’t have to fly back to LA every time I had to record a song.

I tried to help Emma do the clean-up in the kitchen but she smiled at me and said, “Can you do me a favor and look after Sarah instead? And please keep her away from the wine bottles.”

With a grateful nod, I headed back to the dining table. I pulled a chair and next to Sarah. The wine bottle was nearly empty. Which was bad. Sarah’s cheeks were pink and she was smiling at me now. That wasn’t a totally good sign. Before I could hide the bottle from her, she grabbed it from the table and downed it in one gulp.

“Whoa! That’s enough, Sarah,” I said, taking the bottle from her hand.

“Why? I’m eighteen.” Giggling, she got up and went to the counter to get another bottle.

Cursing silently, I got up and snatched the corkscrew from her hand before she could poke her own eye out. With a sigh, I said “You should turn in.” But she just ignored me. She leaned on the counter, filled a glass and pushed it to me.

“Let’s play a game,” she said with a serious look. “I’ll take a guess of who you are. If my guess is wrong, I’ll drink the shot. If I’m right, you drink it. Deal?”

“You’ve had too much—“

“Okay, first guess. You’re gay?”

“What? No!”

Before I could stop her, Sarah already glugged the first shot. “I thought so, but I just had to ask,” she laughed and toppled the empty wine bottle off the counter by accident. I caught it before it crashed on the floor. “Nice catch!” she cried, still laughing.

“Kids? Is everything okay?!” Emma called out from the kitchen.

“Yeah, Emma! Everything is…” I glanced at Sarah. She was already drinking straight out of the bottle. “…under control!” Exasperatedly, I took the bottle from her and plunked it between us. “No cheating,” I whispered through my teeth.

“Okay,” Emma answered. “I’ll head up now to check on Jer. Don’t stay up too late,” she added.

“Sure, Emma! Thanks for the dinner,” I said wincing. Okay, I could do this. I could easily handle the situation. Like a responsible adult. I heard Emma climb the stairs while Jer screamed and bawled from his room at the second floor. The kid was possessed, obviously.

Sarah poured us another shot. “You’re from chess club,” she guessed.

“No,” I answered while watching her down another glass. “But I did beat you in chess once. Wait, don’t you think this is a little unfair? You’re getting all the shots. Maybe I should give you a clue. Just so you won’t end up… drunk.”

“I don’t mind,” she said inching closer to me. Her storm-gray eyes were scrutinizing. Like she was observing a specimen. All of a sudden, she took off my glasses and stared harder.

“What’s with all the staring?”

She kept coming closer until her face was just two inches away from me. “No. I’m not staring… I’m just… not blinking,” she said softly. At this point, all I wanted was to kiss her. All I could think of was her stunning eyes, her lips, the sweet smell of red wine in her breath… She was messing up my head. Just when I was about to lose control, she cringed back to her seat groaning.

For the love of all things holy…

“You dated Becky,” she guessed again, rolling her eyes. She slumped on the counter woozily.

“No,” I grunted, rubbing my forehead as she took in another shot. “You know what? I’m having a feeling that you’re intentionally making the wrong guesses.”

“Why? Becky’s really pretty and all the guys seem to like her now. Know what? I feel like she doesn’t like me anymore. Can you be my best friend instead?” she sounded like she was about to cry.

Her head lolled back and forth and I had to catch her before she dropped on the floor. “Sure Sarah, just… please stop this.”

“Last guess,” she mumbled, gripping on my shoulder to keep from falling. “You dated me,” she slurred looking up at me.

Without any hesitation, I took the wine bottle, tipped it to her and glugged it to the last drop. “Right. Okay. So you win. Game over. You know what? I’ll take you to your room now.” I couldn’t believe it. I finally said it. Now everything would be okay.

Sarah didn’t say anything for a while. She just kept looking at me from behind her long lashes. Then she started laughing quietly and mumbled through half-closed eyes, “You’re too nice… You know that? You don’t have to try to make me feel better because I’m just so happy now, I might just start believing.”

“It’s true, Sarah,” I told her.

“Yeah, yeah,” she murmured smiling. “I thought you’re too… good-looking for me anyway. But thanks.”

“Sarah. Come on. I’m not kidding.” I lifted her face just to see that she was already fast asleep.

Swearing under my breath, I scooped her up and carried her up the stairs. Sarah seemed lighter now. Maybe she lost some weight. I kept my eyes on the way but they kept veering toward her. To her innocent face. To her lips. I just wished she got what I told her.

With a sigh, I placed Sarah on the bed and draped the sheets over her.

“Too nice,” she sleep-talked, still smiling.

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Oh god... long time no... uh. whatever. Well yeah, a long chapter to make up for the lost time. Might upload again after 3 days depending on the feedbacks on this so please continue voting commenting dancing singing playing computer games chatting with friends and voting, especially voting. Really sorry for the delay guys. Been really busy these last few days. :) Thanks so much for your understanding.

Peace, Love and Pepperonni Lasagna,

~shim :)