It's my fault when you're blind

It's better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside

Now you're the first to know...                          ---The All-American Rejects

She didn’t have much time to begin with.

Of course, that was what she would say. But what she actually meant was…

“I don’t have much time, Leon.”

“What d’you mean you don’t have much time?” I raised a brow. It could be an alibi. Sarah was trying to get rid of me after all. But why was it that when I looked her in the eyes, I couldn’t tell if she was lying?

Tears were on the edges of Sarah’s eyes, in the brink of falling when she snickered humourlessly. She pointed a finger on her temple. “This. This is the problem.”

I could hardly breathe. Before I knew it, I was already in front of Sarah. I grabbed her hand and dragged her through the crowd of spectators. She half-ran, half-stumbled as she followed me.

“W-where are we going?” she panted.

“We’re going to talk now, Sarah and you’re gonna give me answers.”

It wasn’t long before we reached that ride with floating swans that went into a tunnel. I didn’t bother knowing what it was called. I just paid for the ticket, hopped in and pulled Sarah with me. I waited until we were in the tunnel before I gathered the courage to look at her.

Sarah was looking down while fumbling with her fingers.

“Now, talk. What d’you mean, Sarah?”

There was no immediate answer but when she started to speak, her voice was shaky. “I had the operation.”

“The brain tumor?” She looked surprised that I knew. “Freddy told me.”

Gently, she nodded. “After that, the headaches were g-gone. Some of my memories came back. S-some… didn’t.”

“And you’re trying to get rid of me because of that?” My voice was small.

“N-no…” she trailed into a short while of silence. “That’s not it.”

“Then what is it?”

“I… Remember when I told you before. ‘You can’t see me but—“

“You will always be there watching.” I nodded, feeling my lips pull up a bit. “Back there in Boston… during the band’s press con. You were there.”

“I was always there—“ She bit her lip before she could say more.

All those years, I thought she was out of my reach. Just the thought of her being so near to me without me knowing was excruciating.

“Why didn’t you let me know?”

Soon enough, I could see light at the end of the tunnel.

Sarah didn’t answer right away. She waited until we were back inside the tunnel before finally facing me. In the darkness, her eyes glistened.

“I… don’t have much time,” she answered. “I don’t want you to keep waiting for me.”

Anger bubbled up inside me. “Do you think I enjoy this? I don’t want to wait for you, Sarah! I don’t! It’s tiring. And I dunno what I’d end up into and when I’d finally realize how screwed up I’d turn out to be. This is in no freaking way normal, you know that? A perfectly sane guy my age would mope for a week or two and move on. But I couldn’t help it! I couldn’t help wishing every single day that I’d see you again. That on that day, I’d never let you get away.” I shook my head, running a hand through my hair. “I don’t want to wait. But I’m scared that whenever you push me away, I won’t stop hoping. And it’s gonna drive me crazy. So please…”—I met her eyes—“don’t make me.”

I was out of breath by the end of my monologue.

Sarah’s lips parted, closed and parted again as she looked at me with wide eyes. “T           he diary w-was right. You really talk too much when you’re agitated,” she mumbled distractedly under her breath.

I couldn’t read her expression. My mouth opened, but my brain couldn’t supply the words I was supposed to say.

The tunnel ended again and I was almost blinded by the light.

Sarah bit her lower lip, her gray eyes fixed on me. “The doctors said… I might never get back my memories. They said the tumor might… it might come back.”

“Then…” I let her words sink in. “Then, let me be there for you.”

She shook her head. A tear rolled down her cheek. “Don’t! Just don’t. I don’t want you feeling sorry for me.”

“That’s not it, Sarah.”

She took my hand and placed it on the side of her head.

I could feel a long narrow bump on her scalp just a couple of inches over her hairline, running to the back of her head. I realized it was a scar. And a big one.

“They had to… shave my hair. A-after I woke up from the coma, I couldn’t move. I was—I was paralyzed for three months.” The corner of her mouth twitched into an ironic smile. “I couldn’t do anything for myself. I couldn’t eat by myself. I couldn’t dress, or even go to the bathroom. I… couldn’t even write to you. I was bald and pathetic and useless. It might happen again. And who knows? Maybe this time, I might not be as lucky as before—“

Every word from her mouth was like a slap to my face.

“You can’t tell that for sure.” I clenched my fists so hard my nails bit into my palm.

“It’s a possibility!” she cried. “Now tell me. Can you really ‘be there’ and watch everything? Can you stomach all that? Because I can’t!” She clutched on the hem of her blouse. “I just… can’t.” Her voice was barely a whisper, shaking.

“For God’s sake, Sarah!” I tried to lower my voice as we were nearing the boarding area. “I thought you know me better than that.”

She gave me nothing but a sad smile. “You deserve someone who could give you her forever.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.”

As soon as the swan boat hit the bank, Sarah got out of the ride and walked as fast as she could away from me.

I ran after her.

People bumped against each other, but most of them were going to the opposite direction. It looked like they were just in a hurry at first. Then came the screams and shouts. Fear was obvious on every face I saw. A bad feeling crept at the pit of my stomach.

All of a sudden, I heard a gunshot. Reddish light shot several hundred feet to the sky. My brows scrunched up. It did sound like a gun, but I wasn’t sure if it should light up like that.

Next thing I knew, people were already running.

Panic quickly spread and it seemed to be coming from the direction Sarah was heading to. People pushed against each other. The happy carnival sounds were drowned by cries and the quickly shuffling of feet.

I keep pushing my way against the tide of people until I saw Sarah’s head not too far away.

“Sarah! Come back here! Sarah…”

I saw a guy in a black hoodie run like crazy towards us. Two cops were running after him. One had his hand gun ready.

“Sarah!”

I started running, but the crowd kept pushing me back.

Another sound of a gun being fired made the people around me shove at each other while covering their heads as if that would actually keep a bullet from hitting them. A few were crying as they get trampled on.

The small commotion turned into mass hysteria in a matter of seconds.

“Stop! Thief!!!” one of the cops shouted at the guy in black, aiming his gun at him. “Or we’re going to shoot you!”

The guy didn’t even stop to look. He kept running, dodging frightened civilians along the way. He slid a hand inside his jacket and pulled out a knife. He must be really stupid. He couldn’t possibly defend himself against a gun with that.

Looking around, I caught glimpses of cameras everywhere. A woman in a beige trench coat was standing in front of one of the cameras with a bulky microphone in her hand. If I wasn’t in an amusement park, I’d think she was a reporter. And maybe, she was.

Then, it dawned on me. Reporters and cops often, if not always, meant nothing but trouble. This was serious.

“Sarah!” I shouted at the top of my lungs.

Good thing Sarah heard it even with the noise of the commotion. She turned around, eyes darting left in right in confusion.

“Here! Come here!” I waved at her.

Once she spotted me in the crowd, she stopped and gave me a hesitant look.

The cops were just a couple of yards away from the thief. But the thief, seeing as he would have to choose between getting stuck with the stampeding crowd or ending up jumping into one of the rides, slowed down. He turned left and right then went straight for the nearest possible person he could get a hold of—Sarah.

“Come on, Sarah,” I mumbled under my breath. “Don’t be stupid.”

That hesitant moment was long enough for the thief to come near her.

My feet were moving before I could think ‘run’. It was me or him who would get to Sarah first and I won’t let him or any guy for that matter get their filthy hands on her.

Just before the guy could reach Sarah, I managed to snatch her wrist and pull her out of the way. The guy swung his knife recklessly. I spun on my heel with her in my arms, using my body to shield her so that my back was facing the guy with the knife.

I braced myself for the pain, but none came. Instead, an arm slid under my chin. I was tugged backwards and I could feel the cold tip of the knife touching the side of my neck.

“Make a move and you’ll see your blood on the ground,” the guy growled behind me. “A lot of it.”

It was only when the guy dragged me back that I realized Sarah was still holding onto me. I removed her fingers from my arm, making as littlest possible movements as I could.

She tried to fight back, not letting go.

“Let go,” I whispered. And when that didn’t seem effective, I pushed her away.

The sudden movement must’ve made the thief angry because he yanked me by the neck to the point of strangling me. As the air was being drained of my system, I tried to think and not focus on the pain in my throat.

The guy was taking me hostage for all the obvious reasons. He was done for. If I tried to fight back, I might have a chance because he wasn’t any bigger than me. Although, the odds might be in his favor with his knife was pointed at my throat. One wrong move and I might actually see my blood pooling on the ground.

“I—I c-can’t… breathe…” I coughed.

The guy loosened his hold on me.

“Don’t move!” His voice was a weird growl. “Or I’ll—“

“No!” Sarah screamed before the guy could finish his threats. She was crying. “Please… Please don’t hurt him.”

The guy didn’t say a word. He just kept dragging me away. His shoulder shook as he did, but I was pretty sure it wasn’t because he was afraid. If his knife wasn’t basically digging into my jugular, I’d think he was laughing quietly.

Carefully, Sarah took a couple of steps toward us.

“No. Stay where you are!” I shouted at her.

As expected, she was not listening. She kept inching her way closer to us.

When the cops came, they cautiously approached us, guns up.

“Don’t come any closer,” one of them said to Sarah, pulling the hood of his cap down so that it cast a shadow on his face. “It’s dangerous. You better let us handle this.”

The guy from behind me stopped moving. He chuckled humourlessly when he realized that we’d been backing to a wall all along.

“There’s nowhere to go,” I told him, my voice gravelly. My heart was pounding and I could feel it up to my throat. “It’d be easier for all of us if you’d just turn yourself in.”

“Shut up.” He hissed, pressing his knife a tad deeper into my neck. Something wet rolled down my shoulder. And I knew that it was blood. “If I go down, I’ll make sure I’ll take you with me.”

“No! Leon!” Sarah started running to us.

Moira suddenly emerged from the crowd and held Sarah back.

I didn’t know she’d be here, but still, I was thankful.

“Why don’t you say goodbye now, lover boy?”

“Take her away, Moira,” I rasped. I couldn’t believe how resigned I just sounded. “Just… don’t let her watch—“

“It’s not fair…” Sarah whispered as Moira was about to lead her away to a safer place. “It’s not fair.”

I tried to smile. It was hard but, I didn’t want her to be scared. “Everything’s going to be just… fine. Believe me.”

“I should be the first one to go. N-not you.”

“That’s not true, Sarah.”

She wiped her tears. “It’s true. And I was… scared. I was so scared I lied. I thought I was doing you a huge favor. But now I know I’m just being a coward… and selfish. And stupid. Because… Because I—”

I could feel my smile being more than just an awkward twitch of my lips. “S’okay…” I mumbled, gazing at her fondly. “It’s okay. Even if you had just a day left, I would’ve stayed with you anyway.”

Her face went blank for a few seconds as if she was struck by lightning. Weakly, she hunkered down and buried her face in her knees. Her shoulders trembled, her sobs getting louder and louder.

Crying like a little girl again.

And she was crying for me.

Because she cared.

I was glad.

So glad I could die.

The guy behind me grunted and jerked his right arm under my chin. “Now that that’s over with, let me end this with a splash of color.”

He pulled his left arm back and thrust the knife into my neck.

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Hi! It's been a hell of a week but I finally made it! So yeah. I hope you enjoy the read. And yeah, if you want to get in touch, please follow me on twitter @Simply_shim or like the Reapers page https://www.facebook.com/ReapersTheThirteenBrothers I can't quite go online on wattpad all the time so if you have suggestions, violent reactions or just wanna say hi, I'll be there!  

Love and Drama, SHIM