We are driving to her house and then she grabs one of my arm. She lays her head there, and I start to feel something. I feel like I'm not lonely anymore, I feel like I've found someone who will be good to me even though I hate her. I try to deny my feeling and I try to focus on my mind. I tell myself that all I will do is making her love me so much then leave her just like that.
"Why are you so silent, darling?"
"Oh um, nothing."
"Hmm, okay we're almost there."
"I know."
"And we're here."

She smiles while she's getting out of my car. I didn't open the door for her. Why should I? Not my business. I get out of my car, then I don't know what happened to her but she pulls me into her house and then locks the door.
"I love you, Rainbow Dash."
I didn't say anything back to her, but she instantly kisses me so deep until I can barely breath. I didn't want to kiss her back because I don't want to love her or even like her. It's nothing real, only revenge.

She is so wild, she kisses me so deep even though I only kiss back a bit. She even goes down to kiss my neck but I push her away, then I yawn.
"I'm so tired."
"Oh.. um you can sleep with me."
"Uh okay, I guess."
"You will wear my clothes, Okay?"
"No I'm good with mine now."
"Alright, let's get in."

We walk to her room and I feel crap and also happy that I'm not lonely anymore, but again. I only do all this crap so she will get hurt. So yeah. I would not give any damn about her.
"Here we are. Go to my bed and I'll change my clothes. "
"Okay."

I sit on her bed then lay down. I wait for her to change her clothes I think it'll be long, so I take my phone and go on my social media, but it's not that long after that she comes to me and then I take a look on her. She wears a really small piece of clothes. It's only a tight and transparent lingerie. I got really surprised but she walks closer to me and then she sits beside me. She gets closer and she kisses me... again.. ugh.. fine this time I'll kiss her back but I won't give it too much.
She keeps kissing me and tries to open my hoodie but I stop her and break the kiss.
"Why, darling?"
"I'm not in the mood Rare.. sorry."
"Oh it's okay. Let's just have small talk."
"Okay."

She's finally calm and lays down now. She's looking at me the whole time but I ignore it but anyways, I'll start this small talk.
"Sooo, let's make it obvious. Why do you like me?"
"Hmm.. because you're not like the other girls. You're sexy, strong, and charming."
"But you left me. Now you like me out of sudden. Just Why?"
"Well, back then you're so depressed but now you're not. Now you've changed. You became a really strong and sexy girl who I really want to spend the night to having fun with."
"Oh so you only like me for sex?Unbelievable."
"Oh, no, darling."
"It sounds like it."
"I didn't mean that, my dear.."
"Let's end this small talk. I wanna sleep."

I instantly turn off the light and turn away.
She is only being silent. She's probably sad or something. I don't care. I'll sleep even though it's early. I don't care about that girl who is really sexual as hell.

I try to sleep but I somehow can't. I guess I will wait until she falls asleep then drive to my house, so I keep waiting until she's asleep but I hear that she's crying. I turn around to see her and yeah, what I heard was right. She's crying, so I grab her shoulder. And I will try to ask why.
"Why are you crying?"
"I.. I hurt you.. you probably don't trust me anymore.."

All I do was being silent. I don't know what to say. I don't want to do all this with her because I'm not in love, but I got no choice. I just want her to feel what I felt, but after seeing her crying for minutes, I got sad and I don't know why. Probably because she cries like she got a worst problem ever. But I guess now I'll give it easy on her. I will hug her even though I feel so numb. I don't want to see her crying anymore, not because I love her, but I somehow can't stand it anymore.

I hug her and she starts to stop crying. She hugs me back tightly, I can feel her breath on my skin. I can smell her because she's in my arms. All she's doing is trying to stop her tears and trying to talk while she's breathing heavily.
"I.. I'm sorry."
"It's ok. Next time just don't dress like that in front of me."
"Oh.. Okay.. "

She's still hugging me tightly until I stop her. I tell her that I got to go to my house, so I instantly walk out and get into my car.

My mind is so messy right now. I don't want to be alone anymore. All I want to do is having someone who I really love and loves me back as well. She probably loves me but actually I still hate her.

I think maybe I should just stay together with her so I don't have to feel lonely anymore. But I don't know about all it. I can't lie to myself.

Being with her makes me feel not so lonely when I'm alone but I just don't love her. I just can't to force myself to love her.
All I wanna do is ending all this complicated thoughts.

When I'm with her I don't feel lonely but I don't have any single feeling for her, not even a bit.

I will just drive fast to my house and then I will drink a lot of beer and smoke. I don't care about my health because my mind is too screwed up to think about my life. I'll just let it be. I will drink as much as I can until the morning comes.

And I'm arrived at my house. I instantly get in and then go to my kitchen. I grab 2 bottles of beer with a lot of alcohol. Then I also take my cigarette and go to the living room.

I sit on one of my couches and then I drink the beer from the bottle. I don't need a glass, because I will drink all after all so, yea..

After it I put one cigarette into my mouth and then I strike the match to burn it. I smoke a lot and drink a lot while I'm thinking about my life. I drink as fast as I can until I made 2 bottles of beer empty in some minutes.

I'm so sad and screwed up that I can't think anything at all anymore. Everything is a mess.

I'm so tired of all this and I start to feel dizzy and then everything got really blurry as I close my eyes then I fall asleep.