hilahila - confusion

Emerson thinks about knocking on Claire's hotel room door as soon as he enters the hallway but as his knuckles hover over the wood, he stops himself.

With a sigh he backs up, his shoulder blades hitting the wall behind him before he slowly slides down, resting his elbows on his knees. His head sinks between his kneecaps, hands linked behind his head briefly before he becomes anxious and his fingers begin running themselves through locks of hair.

He doesn't know how long he sits in the hallway like that, head between his legs like a dog's tail between its own, but he stays there. Stays there as people walk by, not even giving him a second glance. Stays there when the phone begins to ring, Isaac's contact name illuminating the screen as he watches it vibrate against the dull carpet.

When the door suddenly opens, his head shoots up, his eyes meeting Claire's as she stares at him boldly. Almost as if nothing has happened. His lips part slightly as she watches him. She doesn't look as if she's been crying which consoles him.

"What are you doing?" She asks him, crossing her arms over her chest as she leans against the doorframe.

Quickly standing, he brushes off his pants awkwardly. "Uh...I was just thinking."

"You were thinking?" She asks him blandly.

"Yes."

"Out in the hallway." Her words are slow and drawn out. Her indifferent attitude brings even more confusion upon him. Why is she acting this way? He was expecting anger and hatred and possible begging for forgiveness. Yet here she is acting as if nothing has changed.

"I guess so, yeah." He laughs nervously, "So do you want to - "

"No." Her eyes harden immediately, "I don't want to talk."

Emerson doesn't know what to say at this point. She doesn't want to talk yet she expects him to act as if nothing has happened? He needs to at least know that they're on the same page. If he could only figure out what page he's even on that is.

"Oh." He replies, not being able to look her in the eye, "Well then what - "

"Just come in here you dork." She rolls her eyes, stepping aside and holding the door open for him.

He stares into the room, not quite sure what her intentions are at the moment. "You know you've really got to stop interrupting me." He  says lowly, smiling with relief when she gives him a flat look, a small smirk appearing.

As soon as the door closes behind him, he wrings his hands, sitting down on one of the beds. "You guys are a lot more clean than my roommates that's for sure." He tries for small talk but immediately silently curses himself. He needs to be reminded and remember that this is Claire. There's no room for small talk with Claire. Especially not now.

"Well I would offer you a space in here with us but that would present different issues." She tells him, sitting on the mattress across the way, landing with a slight bounce.

"Like?" He tries to keep the conversation going, feeling bothered by any sort of silence.  The nerves boiling in his stomach aren't exactly feeling merciful.

"Like..." She breathes in as if going through a list in here head, "like the way Gwen stays up until about three in the morning every night and refuses to turn the brightness on her phone down. Or...my habit of getting up to go to the bathroom at least four times a night."

"I could deal with that." He jokes, beginning to feel a little more comfortable. Emerson briefly wonders why she even asked him in here but quickly pushes away the question, just happy to have some time with her away from everyone else. He didn't realize how much he's missed her company.

Claire shakes her head, her short hair brushing her shoulders, half of it up in a light yellow scrunchie hair tie. "No it's terrible. Last night I got up, got confused and almost broke the lamp."

"What? How?" He laughs, eyeballing the tall lamp in the corner.

"I thought it was a person. And I wasn't wearing my glasses." She mumbles, wearing a small smile. Emerson's heart warms a little, happy to have some normal conversation to crack the ice that still places a chasm of space between them.

"Oh right, I forgot you even wear glasses. You wear your contacts too much." His words cause her small nose to scrunch up in disgust.

"They make me look like a librarian." This makes him roll his eyes because he's told her at least one hundred times that she looks nice in the circular frames. When she does wear them that is.

"You do not look like a librarian." He chuckles, "You look great in them. You just don't see it because you're female and it's practically in your genetic code to find some sort of hidden flaw in yourself that only you happen to see. Well have you ever considered that maybe the reason that you're the only one who seems to genuinely notice the flaws is because maybe you're the one that conjured it up in your head in the first place? That maybe these flaws truly don't exist?" Her reaction is priceless to him. Her dark brows furrow as she looks at him as if he's crazy.

"Woah, man. I did not come looking for a lecture. Save it for your psychology class, professor." Her dry chuckle creates another hairline in their chasm of ice.

"Sorry. You know me." He shrugs with a small smile.

"Unfortunately yes." The statement sounds so melancholy that he does a double take, wondering if she means it.

They sit in silence for a moment before she quickly stands up, "So," She begins, clearing her throat, "Are you hungry?"

"What?" The random question throws him off, his head spinning. Sometimes he forgets his difficult it can be to communicate with Claire when she's upset.

"Are you hungry?" She repeats, "Because Gwen and I brought a bunch of cupped ramen. I know how much you like the beef ones so I brought a few extra.

"You did?" He laughs, standing up with her and shoving his hands into his front pockets, "Yeah sure I'd love some."

"Okay." She says in a small voice, ripping the top off of the foam container before dumping some water from a bottle into it and shoving it into the microwave.

"Your room has a microwave?" Emerson asks in disbelief.

"Yeah, yours doesn't?"

"No."

"Oh." She smiles smugly, "Well you guys can always use ours." He can tell she doesn't necessarily mean this so he doesn't reply.

Once the ramen noodles are finished, she pulls the container out and places a plastic fork into it, handing it off to him. The smell of artificially flavored beef noodles pulls a grin onto his face, bringing back a flood of memories.

"Hey remember that one time when you and I got locked out on your balcony because, technically, I wasn't supposed to be there after ten? So your mom came in your room, saw that the door was cracked, thought you were in the shower like you told her, and locked us out." He laughs as he pictures Claire's panicked expression. Her hair was longer then and it had these thin highlights in it. He wasn't too fond of it then but he never said because Claire scared him...and still does. But he doesn't have to worry about that now because he likes her hair the way it is.

"Yeah of course I remember." She sighs, "It took us two hours to get back inside and we still got in trouble. Because you wanted ramen noodles."

"Oh yeah." He laughs, "Wait, how did we even get inside?"

"The loose lock on the garage door." She reminds him.

"Right." The memory brings a genuine smile to his lips. When he really thinks hard enough, there's not many genuinely happy memories he has that Claire hasn't been apart of in some way. "Well at least I finished my ramen before your parents busted out of their room and kicked me out." For a brief moment he thinks to himself how odd his behavior was that night considering how uptight he's become the past few years.

"Well we were only sixteen." She snorts, "Plus my dad was triggered. He thought we were making out and nothing I said would convince him otherwise." Her laugh rings out so true that Emerson almost doesn't process the words.

When he finally does, the smile falls from his face. "He did? Why?" His curiosity got the best of him, his face already burning.

Claire's eyes meet his almost slyly, "I didn't like you back then if that's what you're getting at...at least I don't think so. Either way, he thought so because you looked so freaked out when they came out of their room."

"Yeah probably because your dad has a license to carry and I was a sixteen year old boy."

"Fair enough." She shrugs before yawning. His heart beats a little faster when she takes a seat next to him, confusion spilling over the forefront of his mind when her arm brushes his. She eats hers own noodles, seemingly unaware of his discomfort.

No, it's not discomfort. It's something else entirely. "I-I have to go." He jumps up immediately, Rosalind's face popping up in his thoughts as he looks at Claire's confused expression.

"Oh, okay." She looks a little perturbed but not disappointed. He can live with that, "Well I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

Not looking her in the eye, Emerson darts off through the door that joins their rooms and shuts it behind him, locking it for good measure as if it'll keep all of the feelings of utter confusion away. There's only so much a guy can take.

He breathes in and out deeply before finally realizing he's not alone. Alex and Rhyme stare at him mid chew, slices of pizza in their hands as Gwen and Isaac laugh quietly on the pull out couch together.

"When did you get back?" He quickly stands up straight, realizing how suspicious he must look right now.

"Twenty minutes ago. We stopped and got pizza but that's when we got back you and Claire were nowhere to be found. We heard voices coming from her room so we thought we should leave you two alone to talk or whatever you were doing." Alex mumbles before swallowing a huge bite of food without chewing.

"Thanks I guess." He sighs, pulling off his shirt and grabbing a new one from his suitcase, pulling it over his head.

He stares at the open case, his belongings ruffled and slightly disorganized. At the beginning of the trip, this would have sent him over the edge. Seeing his toiletries and sundries mixed in with his clothing would have practically given him a panic attack. Yet, in this moment, he doesn't feel a thing.

All he can think about it Claire and her narrow brown eyes as she throws her head back to laugh at his stupidity. All he can think about is Rosalind and her sharp intuitive thinking. Her resolve and her thirst for adventure.

Groaning, he lays down on the floor, throwing the blanket over his head angrily.

"Yeah, no one talk to him." Rhyme mumbles lowly.

⃒ "when you love someone, you open up your heart. when you love someone, you make room." ⃒

Emerson sits in the back of the Uber, staying as far from Claire as possible. What's frustrating is that she's being herself. Her accommodating, caring and considerate self by treating him the way she always has.

He should appreciate this but it almost makes him feel as if he's hallucinated the entire thing. Or like it was one big bad dream. He hasn't seen Rosalind since the night before and even that puts his stomach in knots. He doubts she'll be like Claire. Neither kind nor accommodating. No, Rosalind only has one gear and that's forward.

When they stop in front of a slightly run down building, Emerson yanks out his earbuds, shoving them into his backpack where a book and a thirty two ounce water bottle was hastily shoved into the pack when Alex forgot to set an alarm and ended up waking everyone up ten minutes before they were expected to leave. Their only instructions from Rosalind was to dress in clothes they feel comfortable enough to sweat in. Whatever that means.

Walking through the door, he can sense Claire behind him a she mutters to Gwen, the two of them laughing under their breath. He forces a long breath from his lunges.

Rhyme's hand pats encouragingly against Emerson's should as they both take in the high ceilings and ridges in the walls. "I guess today is the day we learn to climb." He grins just as Rosalind waltzes over with a clip board.

"Good morning!" She smiles at all of us, adorned in a pair of baby blue tight leggings and a white sports bra, her blonde hair down and flowing freely, "I'm assuming you can all tell what we'll be doing today. I know it's not very out doorsy but this will help train you for our last hike coming in a couple of days before you leave."

"Must be quite a hike." Alex mumbles, his eyes still red from sleep. He's clearly upset that he didn't have enough time to get pretty for Rosalind. This brings a smug smile to Emerson's lips.

"Yes it is, Alex, thank you for pointing out the obvious." Rosalind replies fleetingly, "Alright! I have assigned everyone with a group, each with three people. I will be going back and forth between both groups to check on progress. The idea for today was to train our bodies but I've also noticed some tension in the group and I'm hoping to resolve that by doing some trust exercises."

Emerson's heart begins to pound as Rosalind looks over her list. He doesn't dare glance at Claire. "Okay." She begins, "Rhyme, Gwen and Isaac, you are together over at that pink beginners wall. I'll meet you there so go ahead and head over."

Emerson watches as Rhyme throws him a sad smile before following the happy couple to the pink wall. Once they're gone, Rosalind looks up happily but Emerson can't help but notice that she's avoiding his eyes.

"Okay...well the rest of you can head over to the blue beginner wall over there. There will be another instructor there to help you out with the exercises. Have fun!" She nods, walking away before Alex even has a chance to comment on how good she looks today.

Not that he's not on the right track. Rosalind always looks great. That doesn't change the frustration and anger stirring in him towards her for putting him in this uncomfortable situation. He contemplates announcing that he's sick before taking a car back to the hotel to hide but one look at Claire, trying her best to look unbothered, and the idea immediately vanishes.

She walks ahead of him, her hips swaying almost angrily as she crosses her arms. She looks much less exposed than Rosalind in a large band tee and a pair of Under Armor running shorts. Her short hair is pulled up halfway, a curtain of black hair brushing the back of her neck.

"Hi! My name is Alec and I'll be your instructor today. Fun fact, I'm actually a physical and emotional motivator and I am hired at several different facilities, all part time, for the position of physical therapist and just a willing set of ears." Alec grins as he speaks. Emerson's eyebrow twitches at the way he punches his hand as he speaks for emphasis. If he got locked in a room with this guy for "emotional support" he would end up leaving with an anger management problem.

"Alec? Woah that's crazy, my name's Alex."

"Your name is Alec too? Dude, no way!" Alex enthusiastically exclaims. Emerson heard Claire laugh but she quickly covers it up with a cough and turns away to hide her face, pretending to watch the other group across the room.

"Uh..no it's actually Alex. With an x. But I was just saying they sound pretty similar." Alex replies awkwardly, now seeming even grumpier than he was before.

"Oh that's cool..." Alec nods and they can all tell how hard he's trying to remember all of that training he got, doing his best to make them comfortable but in reality having the opposite effect.

"So we should get started, yeah?" Claire butts in, stepping forward and taking initiative. Emerson immediately sighs with relief, silently thanking her for stepping up.

"Right." Alec rubs his hands together, his biceps flexing annoyingly, catching Claire's eye briefly.

"What's first?" Emerson chips in.

Alec hooks all of them up to these weird contraptions almost like the harnesses they wore when they went sky diving. It digs uncomfortably into Emerson's thighs and when he's asks to spot Claire as she attempts to climb first, he can tell this is going to be comfortable in a lot of different ways.

"Okay I am going to be holding the rope so Claire will be perfectly safe. But I'm not going to use it unless it's absolutely necessary because the goal here is to establish newfound trust and to strengthen relationships. Are you two dating?" He asks casually, clearly just asking for informational purposes but Claire's face immediately reddens.

"No." She spits out, "We're just friends." Her voice does not betray her, the words ringing true even in Emerson's ears. Probably because it's the honest truth. Nothing has changed, they are still friends. Emerson feels relieved but the when he sees the look on her face, filled with concentration as if to not let emotions show through, his heart hardens.

"Let's just get on with this." Before he ends up hurting her more than he already has.

"Right okay." Alec clears his throat, writing something on his clipboard. A clipboard identical to the one Rosalind is holding. Alex and Emerson exchange a curious glance.

"What's the clipboard for?" Alex wonders aloud.

"Hm?" Alec finishes what he's writing distractedly before looking up, "Oh, this? It's just your assessment sheet." He smiles as if they should be delighted to have someone analyzing them as they climb fake rocks walls.

"Our assessment..." Emerson echoes.

Alec looks confused at our wariness, "It's okay guys, it's not like you're being graded." He chuckles, "I'll just give each of you a physical and emotional assessment after speaking with you as a group and watching closely. You'll receive a printed copy to reflect on as you leave. It has proven to be very helpful in eighty percent of our clientele!" He announces happily.

"Right..." Alex mumbles, probably now realizing that this is the worst possible morning to wake up in a bad mood.

"Alright! You ready, Claire? Emerson?" He looks between them. They both nod reluctantly. "Okay so Emerson just keep as close as you can without getting kicked in the face. Claire, it can become difficult to spot footing and holdings so if Emerson tells you to do something, just trust his judgment."

Emerson isn't sure that he's qualified to be trusted with this but, by the look Alec is giving him, he needs to be a little more confident. Under the instructor's watchful eye, he feels slightly shaken and uncomfortable. As if there's a camera pointed at his face.

Claire begins to climb but Emerson doesn't know what to do with his arms. Soon her rear end is basically in his face so he backs away, giving her space, but Alec quickly corrects him, "No, don't back away! You two are friends, she needs your support." This is beginning to sound like it's not about rock climbing but Emerson steps forward with a sigh nonetheless.

He takes initiative by placing his hands on her hips for support but she quickly stiffens and almost loses her footing. "Relax, Claire!" Alec says as if he's speaking to a spooked animal, "Emerson is only trying to help. Be a little more open with his support."

"Sorry." Claire mumbles before focusing on the task at hand. Emerson places his hands anywhere she might need a little extra support until she's too high up to physically help. So he stands back to examine where she's placing her feet and hands.

"Don't get too far to where you can't catch her if she falls, now." Alec warns cautiously.

With a nod, Emerson squints up with his arms out, doing it more to show Alec he's prepared than anything and he also doesn't want a bad assessment. He doesn't need some peppy fresh out of college therapist to give him a big fat F on his revision.

His thoughts take on a more serious tone when he sees Claire, her face strained with effort as it begins to redden, lifting her climbing shoe up to a ledge that looks to be too small and narrow.

"Claire, watch out!" He hollers and she looks down briefly with a nod, "Move your foot a little to the left...now a little more upward...there! You got it." He sighs with relief even though he knows she's fully supported. He doesn't exactly trust a guy who holds the supporting rope with only one hand and a cheerily smile.

When Claire makes it to the top, Emerson grins victoriously. "I did it!" She exclaims before Alex braces himself a little more and gives her instructions on how to get down safely and correctly.

Emerson goes next with Alex's support. Claire sits off to the side, sipping on a bottle of water as she watches Alex smack his butt several times as a joke, each time getting a displeased look from Alec before the instructor scribbles something down.

Claire was much better at it than he, that's for sure. She made it look almost effortless whereas Emerson doesn't seem to know up from down and falls several times before making it to the top.

When it's Alex's turn, Alex has Claire act as his support which she is none too happy about but does as she's told, taking it a lot more seriously than either of the guys. Emerson guesses she will get an A+ from Captain Peppy over there.

Once they've finished rock climbing, a few stretches, some trust falls and even timed planks, they're finally allowed to rest.

"You have five minutes for a water break and to snack on some food we have prepared on a table over there before I ask you all some questions as a group, and then a few separately. Get excited!" He pumps his fist, making Emerson cringe and move twice as fast to the food table where the rest of the group waits.

"This guy is a nut job." Alex tells Rosalind who rolls her eyes at his comment.

"Shut up, he's really good. He comes highly recommended and I even had a session with him when I first moved here. It actually helped." She shrugs as she places a few grapes on a paper plate, "Just give him a chance." Her eyes meet Emerson's briefly before they fleet away.

Why is she doing this? What motive does she have to subject him to a therapist? Emerson doesn't understand. Maybe he's overthinking this is this whole thing was already on the agenda but by the way Rosalind kept looking over at his group during their session, he feels she must have some sort of hidden motive. Why else would she put Claire and him together? And if she is the one who is supposedly interested in him then why on earth would she pair them up? It just doesn't make sense.

Just as he comes to the conclusion that he needs to discuss this with her sooner rather than later, Alec gestures them back over.

"Back to the slaughter house we go." Alex sighs.

"Just shut up." Claire mutters, rolling her eyes.

Alex leads them into a small room with a few chairs, a pitcher of water and cups on a table in the corner and some yoga equipment along with mirrors along the wall.

"Take a seat, everyone." He tells them, keeping his precious clipboard against his chest, sitting at the head of the circle. Claire sits in between the two boys, tucking her hair behind her ear, now falling freely around her face.

"What kind of questions are you going to be asking anyway?" Alex asks almost nervously.

Alec chuckles, looking down at the paper, "Well, since you've asked, here is the first one." He licks his lips, "What is one thing you admire most about the friends you are with?"

"Like, just the people in this room?" Alex asks.

"Yes, Alex, that is correct. Thank you for participating with your questions!" He says kindly before ducking his head and making a note. He looks up, directly at Claire. "You first, Claire. What do you admire most about these two guys?"

Claire begins to look a little uncomfortable being put on the spot but after she releases a long breath and gathers her thoughts, she looks a bit better. "Um..." She begins, "I appreciate and admire Alex's ability to lighten the mood. He really has a gift for setting the tone of our group as a whole."

Alex smiles over at Alex, "Wow that is so cool. Alex, what do you have to say to that compliment?" He grins, jotting something down. Emerson watches him, almost scared of the way he only has nice things to say and acts more like a tv show host rather than a therapist.

"Thank you, Claire. I had no idea you saw me that way, that's super nice of you to say." Alex's cheeks redden a little bit at the compliment.

"No problem." She laughs a little.

"And Emerson? What about him?" Alec asks patiently.

Claire looks over at Emerson, their eyes catching. He doesn't feel any sort of discomfort, only the connection with someone he trusts. "I guess all I have to say is that I admire Emerson's ability to reach people. He doesn't have to try to impact people or necessarily even he intentional about it. He just is who he is and that's enough, you know?" She says it in such a nonchalant way as if she didn't even have to think about the response.

Emerson's heart warms at her words, a smile spreading over his lips. "Thank you."

"Sure." Her eyes are removed from his gaze and fixated on her shoes before he can even blink.

"I see. That's really kind of you to say, Claire. Great use of expression. Good job." Alec comments, "Alex, your turn."

Alex jokes about admiring Claire's dance moves and also her famous chocolate chip recipe which lightens the mood and seems to actually effect Claire in a positive way. He tells Emerson that he admires his effortless hairstyle and also his ability to talk to people. By people Emerson gets the feeling he means Rosalind.

"Thanks, man." He chuckles as Alec watches the exchange between them.

"Alex, do you have a girlfriend?" Alec asks suddenly, chewing on the end of his pencil.

Alex looks surprised by the question, taken aback even. "No, why? Do you have someone in mind." A smirk takes over.

"Nope it's all just part of the assessment." He smiles softly, "Okay, Emerson my good man, it is your turn."

"Oh okay." Emerson rubs his hands together nervously. Even though his turn is last and he's had plenty of time to think about it, his kind goes blank. When the words come to him, he immediately begins, "I appreciate Alex's determination and resolve. I know he'll find an amazing girl someday who will be everything he needs and I'll be happy for him." He shoots his friend a wink which earns a chuckle.

Looking over at Claire, he finds her watching him with slightly intent, awaiting what he could possibly have to say about her. Suddenly, Emerson knows no words can describe how much she means to him, truly. "Claire...she's everything. She's the kind of friend that would do the unthinkable for the people she cares about. She's the only person I can cry in front of and not feel stupid for it." He laughs, making her smile, "She's someone I can't imagine my life without in some way. And I hope we never lose the friendship we have."

Another pause rings out in the silence of the room once he's finished and he finds himself clearing his throat, spotting some water pooling in her eyes.

"Interesting." Alex nods as if this is no big deal, "I think that was very sweet of you, Emerson. Claire?"

Claire blinks several times, "Thank you..it means a lot."

Alec claps his hands once loudly, jolting them all to attention. "Perfect! And now for the separation, unfortunately. Emerson, since you were last, you will now go first. The two of you can wait outside and snack some more if you want."

Once their gone, Alec pauses before narrowing his eyes, "Okay I've got to know," He leans forward, "Is Claire available?"

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OKAY that's another chapter DONE. it's a long one, folks, so i hope you enjoy!