❥❥❥

"You didn't come today," Jeongguk said once the two of them exited the store. His voice was softer than usual.

Both of their feet dragged against the gravel, muting the sound of Jimin's throbbing heartbeat as a humid breeze whipped through their hair. He leaned against the brick wall and let the back of his head brush against the rough surface. Jimin exhaled, trying to play it cool like he always did.

His gaze was trained on Jeongguk, who stood in front of him, doe eyes unwavering and his hands tucked into the pockets of his volleyball varsity jacket. His hair was damp. His expression was rather passive, but that was how he really was.

The Jeon Jeongguk everyone at school knew was lively and loud and arrogant. Expressive. Overly flamboyant.

The boy that was standing in front of him was quiet, crafting his thoughts carefully in his mind while he studied Jimin close enough to make him slightly squirm. Composed. Thoughtful.

You could say it was a pretty massive contrast, but this version of Jeongguk was a rare occurrence to encounter, and Jimin knew it.

"I slept in," Jimin said. It wasn't necessarily a lie, but Jeongguk could see through him. He always did.

And that— that was why he was like this.

He knew that Jimin fucked up.

Jimin was pretty fucking aware of it too, but having his mistakes, big and small, laid out before him wasn't exactly the situation he wanted to be in right now. Especially when one of those bigger 'mistakes' was missing from the table, and the only one aware of it was Jimin.

"You missed an entire game," Jeongguk murmured. He didn't seem mad, but then again, Jeongguk was good at keeping his cool. Unnaturally good.

Like this guy barely snapped, and when he did— well, that was another story for another day.

"I know I did." Jimin crossed his arms over his chest, keeping his eyes fixed on the younger. "I'll be there. At practice. Tomorrow. No need to worry 'cuz I'll be ready by then.

Jeongguk didn't look too convinced.

"I'll be ready." He jutted his chin at him, putting an extra emphasis on ready despite how each word came out in a brittle breath.

Jeongguk sighed, freeing one of his hands to run through his dark hair. "Chim, are you alright? I'm not here to fight."

"I know you're not." Jimin swallowed. Jeongguk pressed his lips together into a thin line.

"Was it because of—," He already knew what he was going to say, and there was no way he was letting him bring it up.

"—No! No, what? Why the fuck would you think that?" Jimin sputtered out incredulously, his palms sliding over his thighs as he slowly shook his head.

Jeongguk shrugged. "I don't know. We were both drunk. I just assumed... I assumed you probably remembered."

He remembered.

How couldn't he?

But there was no way he was going to let him know it affected him. Now that would just be ridiculous. He wasn't going to tell Jeongguk memories of that night appeared everytime he closed his eyes, vividly, oh-so perfectly, so tangible on his skin that goosebumps littered his arms as if he could still feel Jeongguk's hooded eyes watching him intently—

Shit. Jimin wanted to jump off a cliff.

"Yeah, but it meant nothing," Jimin said, trying his best not to stumble over his words as his heart raced a mile a minute in his chest. "I wasn't feeling well b-because of other reasons."

"Other reasons," Jeongguk repeated.

Jimin averted his gaze away from the ground. He inhaled slowly once Jeongguk came into view. He couldn't read his expression. Suddenly breathing became a little harder than Jimin expected.

"We did drink a lot that night." Please take the hint.

"Yeah, we did," Jeongguk answered, nodding a little. "I'm just glad you didn't get your stomach pumped honestly. I made a joke about it, but really, glad that wasn't the case."

Even though Jeongguk let out a light chuckle at an attempt to lighten up the mood, Jimin could barely breath.

"Yeah. That'd be pretty shitty if I got my stomach pumped." Jimin forced a grin over his lips, begging his tumultuous heart to settle the fuck down.

Neither one of them said anything for a solid minute.

Jimin wondered what was going on in Jeongguk's mind. It was hard to tell what he was thinking. Sure, he was his best friend and he practically grew up with Jeongguk, but there was always this part to him that was hard to uncover; decipher.

He wasn't sure if it was intentional, but he noticed, especially lately, that Jeongguk had this wall.

Why did he have one? Jimin wasn't so sure. He kept his thoughts guarded behind a neutral expression. Other times, he would be grinning one of those shit-eating grins, and people would take it the wrong way but maybe that was what Jeongguk intended.

Maybe he didn't want anyone to know what he was thinking.

Jimin could relate to that. It was definitely weird when there was someone who understood you so well that they could take your own internal thoughts, interpret them, and give you some genuine advice meant to make your fucking life better.

Sure, Jeongguk understood him, but there weren't many times where they would sit down and talk abot their feelings like some sort of support group.

And it wasn't like Jimin wanted to know what he was thinking at this very moment.

Part of him was afraid of what Jeongguk thought.

Part of him wondered if his heart was beating as uncontrollably as his own, but Jimin knew that was a stupid thought he couldn't afford to entertain.

"Alright, well," Jeongguk clapped his hands together, gaining Jimin's attention on an instant. "I should let you go back to working."

"Oh, right," Jimin swallowed, but the lump in his throat wouldn't go down. "Yeah. Of course. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, you better come back tomorrow." Jeongguk walked over and patted his chest. Jimin inhaled sharply, forcing himself to meet Jeongguk's gentle gaze.

He was smiling at him, though it didn't reach his eyes. That was another thing he noticed. He never really smiled the way a smile should be smiled, but who was Jimin to judge? 

"Have fun at work. Text me later," Jeongguk said. He stepped back, removing his hand, but Jimin could feel its weight linger on his shoulder, a burning memory of something he couldn't pinpoint in the turmoil of his inner emotions.

He watched Jeongguk's figure fade the further into the distance as he walked away.

Jimin couldn't breathe. Or well, he tried, but his lungs were incredibly tight, and this definitely wasn't because he vaped in his free time.

He had to force himself to turn away, to stop thinking, or else he would definitely be cemented to that spot. Jimin wasn't an overthinker, but it didn't mean once the thoughts began to flow he would be invincible to the damage his own brain would create.

Jimin didn't want to think because thinking was dangerous.

Well, that sounded pretty fucking ridiculous. Honestly, it sounded like he was some egotistical middle schooler, thinking they were living life on edge after drinking their first can of alcohol and that school wasn't of any importance in their seemingly infinite life.

No, he just didn't want to dwell on things. That was all.

The more he dwelled, the greater power he gave those thoughts to fuck him up, to twist something that really wasn't there into something else— and that, that wasn't what he wanted.

"Hey." The store bell jingled as the door open, revealing Taehyung behind it. His eyes were big with worry behind those thick frames of his.

"Hey." Jimin's mouth was dry.

"You okay?" Taehyung asked softly.

Jimin exhaled unevenly. "Can a person ever be okay?"

Taehyung's brows furrowed as he made an unamused expression. "Shut up. Don't go all fake woke on me please.

"You're so polite," Jimin teased, which made his nose wrinkle in response. "It's kinda hot out here actually." He tugged on his collar. A part of him was glad Taehyung came outside, for their conversation dulled the incessant throb in his heart.

"Then get inside loser," Taehyung said. "Don't pull the 'hot guys don't get hot' hullabaloo on me."

"Hullabaloo? And who said that to you?" Jimin thanked him with a nod as Taehyung held the door open for him.

"You'd be surprised how many rascals I come across. I'm the student council president, so I have to be a hall monitor from time to time," Taehyung explained, slightly annoyed.

"That doesn't sound fun," Jimin chuckled,

"Not really. I have to deal with a lot of jerks," Taehyung grumbled.

"Well, I'll let you know I'm not a jerk." Jimin couldn't help but crack a little grin.

Taehyung rolled his eyes. "Why thank you for the assurance. Now shut up and watch this with me."

"Sure thing," Jimin said, already forgetting about Jeongguk as he joined Taehyung back behind the counter in their own little, detached reality from the rest of the world.

❥❥❥

His house was a little too quiet when he came home that evening.

The only part about summers that Jimin disliked was the fact he had to come home. They weren't at the dorms just yet, and they weren't due to move in anytime soon, so he had to make do with his house.

It wasn't a bad place. No, it was far from bad.

Jimin lived in a fairly rich neighborhood. It was the benefits of having a rich business man for a father, he supposed. The privilege that came with it was obvious, and it reflected not only in his house but also in his belongings.

People noticed it. Of course they did. He was always under some sort of scrutiny, either for his face or for the things he owned.

Jimin didn't really care about that much.

He didn't care how much others stared. They only saw what they wanted to see most of the time.

It wasn't a problem, but you could say Jimin was thankful nobody took it upon themselves to delve deeper into what they saw. People his age nowadays rarely cared about making genuine connections.

The only connection Jimin truly familiarized himself with was the typical pairing between a dick and a vagina (oh, and of course, the other combinations too).

But even so, there wasn't enough observation a person could possibly do to even figure out what happens in Park Jimin's private life.

Not when his father was more unpredictable than his own behavior.

"You're home."

A low lull of a voice echoed throughout the empty house, cutting sharply into the thick atmosphere. Jimin stopped in his tracks, inhaling slowly as he straightened out his posture. He didn't have to know where his father was sitting. He was on the couch like he usually was when his study was too stuffy for him, laptop on his lap, and his glasses perched lowly over his nose with a glass of rosé in his hand.

"High again, son?" His dad's voice was smooth, but there was no denying how his words seemed to cut him once they landed.

"No. I just came home from work," Jimin replied, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"You don't need that silly job," He said. "You already have everything. What else do you want?"

"Nothing from you," He muttered, though it was soft enough that his father didn't pick up on it. However, Jimin's shoulders stiffened when he heard the couch creak and the gentle clink of glass on the coffee table.

"You're greedy you know that? You just always want something. It reminds me of someone." His dad sighed. "I give you all the things you want, and yet you entertain these futile attempts to do something on your own."

"It's not like that," He whispered, but he knew he couldn't hear him. He didn't want him to hear him anyway.

"Haven't you realized you're completely useless, son?"

Jimin let his eyes squeeze shut, letting his father's words sink in. His fingers dug into his palms. Every breath he took in made his lungs ache. There was something crushing about this man's presence. It was as though every interaction they had, his father tried to make him feel smaller and smaller.

His father was an interesting man, to say the least.

Although, he wasn't always like this.

Jimin did have a few memories of the man being a decent parent. He wasn't always this rotten, but he supposed people started off like that. They hid who they truly were until they couldn't anymore.

And once they couldn't anymore, it got frustrating. Frustration lead to anger. Anger lead to hatred. It was a cycle Jimin knew all too well, and he happened to be at the end of it.

Give up, he wanted to tell his father but he couldn't. He just couldn't.

"Where's mom?" Jimin asked quietly, wanting to go to his room already and crash.

"You know where she is," His dad said dismissively.

Jimin didn't say anything. He willed himself to keep going without another glance in his direction. His father knew he didn't have any fucking power over him as much as he preferred, but he acknowledged the old man's mental attempts to grab hold of him by the throat. It was an endless power struggle even though the end was already determined.

He would try to wittle him down to the best of his verbal ability until he was nothing, but to be fair, Jimin believed he would beat him to it first.

Self-destruction was a whole different story.

Jimin went up the grand staircase and to the second floor. He wanted to check on his mother— the only person in this household who could bring a genuine smile to his lips.

It wasn't too hard to find her. She was in a separate bedroom where she spent her time with the piano inside of it, or doing other little crafts that satisfied her simple heart.

When he approached her door, he lightly tapped his knuckles against it. Usually she doesn't say anything, so he let himself in after a brief minute or two.

"Mom?" He called out, voice gentle as the stress in his shoulders eased a little.

She didn't say anything back, but there, sitting on the window sill was his mother, enveloped by the moonlight which made her entire figure glow faintly. She didn't notice him coming in, but Jimin didn't expect her to acknowledge him anyway.

He kept his distance by the door, leaning a little against the frame. She seemed fine. Quiet, but that was how she usually was nowadays.

Jimin didn't stay any longer than he should, for he knew if he did, he would get this nasty tug in his chest, which he wasn't in the mood to deal with it.

Standing there for a few more seconds, watching his mother timidly, he finally urged himself to shut her door and retire to his own room.

Another thing Jimin didn't like about his home was how empty it was. Perhaps that was because it was massive, but he guessed that no matter the size, he he would feel alone anyway. That feeling was most likely inevitable— the loneliness.

Only Jeongguk made him feel different. But it wasn't like he could have Jeongguk all to himself. It didn't work like that, and those thoughts alone were dangerous for Jimin to entertain.

He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to shake the stupid thoughts of the day out of his head. God, he didn't want to do this anymore. He was exhausted as he crashed onto his bed, being sure to avoid tripping on his volleyball stuff scattered about and the piano in his room.

All he wanted to do was pass out and forget as much as he could. These thoughts were too much for his tired head. Way too much.

But it wasn't that easy. Nothing was easy anymore, and Jimin knew that the moment his nose picked up the familiar scent of flavored vape juice coming from his opened window.

"Hey Park," his lovely neighbor said.

"Yoongi," Jimin replied, leaning his back against the headboard as he watched Yoongi climb over. His legs were quite long, so he did it elegantly and landed perfectly in his room. Though he knew his manners and sat by his window to let the smoke out.

"No night of mine's complete without you stumbling in." A crooked smile found its way to Yoongi's gummy lips.

"Fuck off. I'm tired. And you smell like bananas. Gross," Jimin grumbled. He let out a throaty chuckle in response.

"I just wanted to check on you," Yoongi said, completely ignoring him and proceeding to blow another cloud of banana-scented smoke into Jimin's room.

"Sure you did," Jimin said, holding his hand out for Yoongi to toss him one of his pens, already knowing what he wanted.

Well, all he wanted to do was sleep, but he knew that wasn't going to be the case, and that definitely wasn't the only thing in his mind. Yoongi always seemed to know when to help relieve his stress, mostly because they've been in the same friend group for years.

If he missed practice again, Jeongguk would definitely kill him.

But that wasn't if Jimin could kill himself first.

❥❥❥

htt jimin's pov is a bit difficult for me
to nail haha. he's like a combo of edgy,
sarcasm, and a bunch of other things. i
like to believe he thinks his personality is
tacky haha. well, i hope you guys like this
update and hopefully it was worth the
long wait! (:  let me know what you
guys think so far 🤍 love you all!!