Sorry for the slow updates, I'm focusing on the rewrite for Death Is My BFF because I plan on getting it published! Take a look at it, if you haven't already. I promise you'll love it!                

Also, you might want to reread a few chapters since I haven't updated in a while. Sorry! <3333333 xoxoxo

P.S- This chapter was written purely for humor so please don't start any fights or I will delete them and block you. 

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               "Smiley's right behind me with a freshly sharpened machete, isn't he?"

                  They all nodded.

                  "Ronny," I whispered slowly, feeling the heat of Hunter's body behind me. Any moment now, he was going to go ape-shit. So I created a code, and hoped to God that Ronny and I had a gay best friend to sassy best friend bond that was strong enough that we could telepathically communicate. I had read that in Cosmo somewhere... "Dark Orchid Jimmy Choos are on sale. I repeat, Jimmy Choos are on sale!"

              Ronny frowned at me. Damnit, he didn't get the code. "Pumps or sandals?" he asked.

              "Pumps!"

              "Hey, Serial Killer with a Nice Ass!" Smiley's attention switched to Ronny. Ronny flicked his sparkling star wand out. "Eat my sparkles!" An explosion of glitter and colorful smoke rocketed out of Ronny's wand and hit Hunter right in his Smiley mask. He was thrown into a coughing fit, which somehow emphasized Hunter's deep, smooth and sexy voice in my head.

              Lord, he was a Sex God.

              "Into the cell!" I shouted, quickly unlocking the cell and throwing everyone inside. Gary was the most reluctant, ready to fight Smiley, but with a hard kick of my boot into his ass, he was forced inside. I was the last one in and locked the cell closed.

              "Quick, make sure he can't get in!" I commanded Ronny.

              He flicked his wand at the jail bars, and explosion of glitter rocketing out of the wand. "Lady Gaga is my Mother Monster!" he shouted. "There, that should do it! Now we're safe from him."

              " Lady Gaga is queen!" Jock said, pressed against the corner of the cell. His big line backer body shrunk the cell. "I went to see her in concert!"

              Ronny pursed his lips. "What about Britney Spears?"

              "I know the choreography to all of her music videos, and I was her for Halloween!" He looked off into the distance. "I worked that mini skirt..."

              Ronny narrowed his eyes, looking at Jock skeptically. "Are you sure you're not gay?"

               Hunter shook himself like a dog, his coughing finally coming to a halt. Glitter surrounded his mask and lay like a thin blanket all over his clothes. His head whipped towards me and a low growl slipped from his mouth.

              He totally wanted some Pepper on his steak.

                  "Ronny!" I gripped his shoulders. "Are you sure this cell is Serial Killer protected?"

                  Hunter tried to stab his machete through the bars of the jail cell, but as if an invisible wall had been placed in front of our cell, the machete bounced back and the handle of the blade smacked into Hunter's mask. "Jock Twain!" he began, his voice changer activated.  This voice changer had a striking resemblance to Bane's voice in The Dark Knight Rises, and I started to hysterically laugh. "You are next on my list. If you don't come out within the next minute, your family will be slaughtered."

                  "Including my guinea pig?" Jock squeaked out, horrified.

                  Smiley nodded slowly.

                  "Well shit." I put my hands on my hips, facing Gary and Ronny. "He means business. What should we do?"

                  Gary, who had been glaring at Smiley, lifted his lip up in a small snarl. "There's only one thing we can do at a time like this. We have limited resources..."

                  "So we should let you out to assassinate him?" Ronny guessed.

                  "No need, "Gary said. "I reached into my pocket called for backup as soon as I saw Smiley behind you." He paused for dramatic effect. "I called for... One Direction."

                  "Yaaaas! The boys!" Ronny shouted, clapping.

                  Smiley inclined his head to the side, confused.

                  Just then, a part of the ceiling outside of our cell exploded, and down dropped a boy with green eyes and curly brown hair. "Harry!" he said, striking a pose with his microphone.

                  Another boy dropped from the ceiling with dark brown hair and a pierced ear. "Zayn!" He squatted down, striking a pose with his microphone as well.

                  A boy, who kind of looked like Ellen DeGeneres... with blonde hair and blue eyes landed next to Harry. "Niall!"

                  "Liam!"

                  Lastly, came a brunette. "And I'm--"

                  "The least important member of the band who kind of looks like a forty year old at certain angles?" Jock said.

                  "No, that's Liam," Harry snickered.

                  "Hey!" With a girlish gasp, Ronny slapped Jock right in the face. "That's my husband!"

                  "Oh, Larry's your husband?" I asked.

                  "No, Louis, you bloody American!" Louis said.

                  "L-E-W-I?"

                  "No."        

                   "L-O-W-I?"

                  Louis crossed his arms over his chest.

                  "C-R-U-M-P-E-T?"

                  Louis shook his head, not amused. "L-O-U-I-S!" he shouted.

                  "Why is the S silent?" I asked. "Pointless to have that last letter,  if you ask me. That would be like my name being pronounced 'Peppe'."

                  Jock snorted. "Pepé Le Peu."

                  "Sod off, the bunch of you!" Louis struck a pose with is microphone like the rest of the band.

                  "I bring the Payne," Liam said.

                  "Liam is the most dreamy, if you ask me," Ronny whispered to me. "I'd do him a favor...and do him. He can bring the Payne to my bed."

                        "I bring the Payne," Liam said.

                  "Hi, we are One Direction," the boys began in unison, reading terribly off of their phones, "and contrary to our personalities and characters in real life, we are usually portrayed as sex addicts, gay--" Niall kissed Harry on the cheek, "--and abused bad boys in many terrible fan fictions. We all have hot accents and dress really well. We're an English-Irish pop band who came in third place in the seventh season of X-Factor. But we don't like to talk about that. We are hot. Kiss our ass, Backstreet Boys. Xoxo, Gossip Girl--"

                  "Shit, wrong Wikipedia page!" Harry nudged the rest of the boys. "Look up and act pretty!"

                  "I bring the Payne," Liam said.

                  "That's effortless for me," Niall whispered snootily, flipping his hair.

                  They all looked up at Smiley and grinned.

                  "Did you bring the fans?" Gary asked.

                  "Right outside and ready to attack. We got you, bro," Harry said.

                  "It's over, Smiley!" I shouted through the bars, catching Hunter's attention. "Give up while you can! You can't get Jock! We've got the perfect weapon! A boy band and their crazy fan base!"

                  "That's where you're wrong," Smiley answered, leaning real close to the bars. "I brought my own backup."

                  The ceiling exploded on the opposite side of One Direction, and down dropped four boys, one with vibrant purple hair.

                  "Luke!"

                   "Michael!"

                  "Calum!"

                  "Ashton!"

                  They struck poses.

                  "We are 5 Seconds of Summer, and we're here to kick your bums," they said in unison.

                  "This is rubbish!" Harry burst out. "We helped you guys get to where you are today by bringing you on tour, and now you're going to fight us, you bunch of koalas?"

                  "I'm starting to think locking us in here was one of the best decisions of my life," I whispered to Gary, Ronny, and Jock.

                  "I bring the Payne!" Liam screamed. His back hunched, and he brought his fists together like the Hulk, and sure enough, his t-shirt ripped right down the middle, his skin turned a puke green, and he exploded into a...

                  Jock's jaw fell open. "Well that escaladed."

                  "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?" Gary asked, appalled.

                  Luke cracked his head to the side, visibly angry. "I know you shagged me Mum, Turtles! You're going down!"

                  Everyone looked at Harry with wide eyes. "It was one time!"

                  "Please don't fight. Just do me, please," Ronny begged, pressed up against the jail bars. "Please."

                  "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Officer Mustache and Officer Beard came sprinting down the hallway. "THE APPOCOLYPSE IS HERE--!" Officer Mustache and Officer Beard stopped right in front of Smiley.

                  "Wait, why were you running for your lives--!" I started.

                  "He looks familiar..." Officer Beard said, narrowing his eyes. "Mustache, hand me that Most Wanted poster in my back pocket, will ya?"

                  "Sure thing, Beard." Officer Mustache reached into the other officers back pocket, took out the poster, and slapped the officer's ass.

                  Beard frowned. "What the hell was that?"

                  Oblivious, Officer Mustache held up the poster next to Hunter's mask.  Officer Beard analyzed the poster as well, stroking his beard.

                  On the wanted poster was a photo of Smiley, who was in an identical pose in the photo as he currently was.

                  "I know who you are!" Officer Mustache narrowed his eyes, tossing the poster to the side, leaning in real close to Hunter. Dangerously close. "You're one of those door to door salesmen! You tried to sell me a microwave. Hey, about that microwave... " He clasped Hunter on the shoulder. "I've actually started craving Hot Pockets, so I might take you up on that three payment offer--"

                  "Enough of this rubbish! CHARGE, TURTLES!" Harry shouted, and the boys all flexed until their shirts ripped and they became the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

                    If you're wondering where the fifth turtle is, blame the Canadians.

                    Those dang Canadians.

                  The two police officers and Smiley threw themselves to the side as One Direction and 5 Seconds of Summer collided, and like a tidal wave, fan girls with pocket knives, bras, and sharpies came flooding into the police department.

                  Liam swung an electric guitar around him like a ninja before hitting Calum of  5 Seconds of Summer in the crotch. "Hi-ya!"

                  Calum fell to his knees. "You got me right in me Kangaroo!" he shrieked.

                  "Calum is vulnerable! Let's touch his abs and sing Story of My Life until his ears bleed!" Directioners screamed, falling on top of him.

                  Blood splattered into our cell. Gary, Ronny, Jock and I were both plastered against the far wall, until I decided I needed to save the day once again.

                  "Hey, everyone!" I shouted, pointing at Hunter, who happened to be facing my direction. He was probably imagining wringing my neck out. "He's a Bad Boy! And an Alpha Male!"

                  The fan girls all froze, whipping their head towards the serial killer.

                  Hunter slowly took a step back, bumping into a fan girl who stood right behind him.

                  The room went silent.

                  "Oh....god." Officer Mustache, with blood dripping from his nose, tore himself from a group of fan girls and clasped Officer Beard on the shoulder, who already had two black eyes that were so swollen, he clearly couldn't see. "I say we run while we can, and go take a coffee break and watch Cops."

                  "Agreed."

                  The two made a dash for the exit. But Officer Beard, with his black eyes, smacked into the wall a few times, before finally finding the door.

                  "That supernaturally intimidating and pretty girl with the blood on her shirt is right!" A girl with a picture of Harry on her t-shirt stood in front of the fan girls, acting like a leader. "I say, we stop fighting and join together for one cause. A great cause, at that. That man with the creepy smiley mask, amazing physique, sexy cologne, and multiple weapons just screams Bad Boy! Look at his butt, it's perfect! Let's kidnap him and tie him down until he suffers from Stockholm Syndrome and loves us!"

                     "YAAAAAAAAS!" Ronny agreed.

                  "YAY!" All the fan girls for both enemy bands attacked Hunter.

                   A girl hung onto Hunter's arm, staring dreamily at the monster who made me into a hybrid. "You like sharp objects, huh?" She winked suggestively. "I'm into that, Mr. Grey."

                  Thinking quick, I threw Jock to the floor and stepped on his back. "Lift me, like you've never lifted me before, Jock!" I commanded, pointing at the window.  

                  "I haven't lifted you before..."

                  "Just do it!"

                  Jock rose with me standing on his back until I was high enough to  punch a hole into the high window of our cell. My hand was cut up from the glass but healed over quickly. I climbed up into the window once I pushed the rest of the glass out of the way, laying Jock's sweatshirt over the shards at the bottom of it. "Talk about a convenient get away! Now come on! Let's go plan our attack tomorrow, while Smiley is being sexually assaulted by the fan girls!"