(23) Grounded for the Rest of My Peppery Life

Hybrid.

                  HYBRID?! Honey... I could give you one-hundred reasons why should be turned by that gorgeous hunk of blindness.

                  'Hybrid,' I mouthed, staring at the spot where Hunter once stood. So he wanted to turn me into a hybrid. Had that been his plan all along, or was this his new purpose in life? To put a leash around Paprika's neck and keep her forcefully at his side and naked in his bed?

                  Not that the second part wouldn't be completely willingly...but still.

                  Half-leech, half-dog. Would I be a hybrid for an eternity? Be his for an eternity? His mate? Was I his...? Oh, god. Oh, goody-goody-god-god, chiddy-chiddy-bang-bang. This took Bella Swan four books to get asked and here I was. FOUR. And there I was after a few weeks in Orange Gate County, standing in the middle of my room, stunned that Hunter Trinidad, the blind sex god that I had once thought hated my guts, had offered me immortality. And in return, he would help me kill Smiley. For good.

                  "I promise you the only bitch that will be smiling will be me when Smiley is dead."

                  This had to be a trick.

                  But what if it wasn't? What if Hunter Trinidad wanted me at his side forever and had some sort of creepy attachment to me like a smarty that's been licked on one side and stuck on some nerdy kids t-shirt while he wasn't looking by a group of annoying guys that think they're all hot and amazing but secretly all four of them have a spare pair of underwear in their backpack encase they pee themselves because of their "bed wetting" issue?!

              "Pepper! Pepper, come down here!" Mom shouted from downstairs.

                  I shook myself from my thoughts. "Coming!"

                  I turned all of my lights on in my room and stared at myself in the mirror. There was Pepper Ballard standing back. Yes, she had a little bit less frizz than before. Yes, she had a little bit more makeup on. And yes, she had on her new kickass ninja outfit. But it was still me staring back at me in the mirror. Me: Pepper Ballard the average human being with a lot of sass and a lot of punch. Honestly, I wasn't anything special. Maybe being a hybrid would change that. Maybe...

                  I stopped, moving my attention to my abandoned phone on my bed. What would Sin Trinidad have thought about Hunter's proposal?  Surely, he would have been furious. Absolutely, positively furious. He already had an unbelievable amount of jealousy for Hunter and I, and Hunter and I didn't even have anything to be jealous about. Right?

                  Most importantly, wouldn't Sin have helped me find Smiley without any gigantic changes to my life?

                  As I rubbed my eyes, willing the monstrous headache within my skull to cease, when I realized my bedroom door was now open.

                  "Miss Ballard?"    

                  I leaped twenty feet in the air, slipping on a pink scarf that Hunter had thrown to the floor and landing hard on my butt. "Bern-turd!" I shouted, "you scared the freaking Cheerios out of me! I didn't even hear you come in!"

                  Bernard adjusted his monocle, his stoic expression never wavering. "Yes, well I knocked many times and you were talking fairly loud to yourself. Your mother and father want to speak with you downstairs."

                  "Tell them I'm sleeping," I sighed dramatically, plopping down onto my bed. "I'm too depressed to get a sex talk or something."

                  Bernard clasped his hands behind his back. "I cannot lie to them, Miss Ballard. I could lose my job--" he started.

                  "OH, BERN-TURD!" I cried, burring my face into my pillows and sobbing violently. "My life is just a big, fat cliché, isn't it? My parents are hunters, I have twins that want to be Peppered like they wouldn't believe, my best friend is a gay guy named Ronny. And Goth Boy! I think he's always hated me. It's my boobs, isn't it? Mom was right, I have mini-muffins as boobs and Gary wants a set of giant beach balls!"

                  Bernard choked on air. "Goodness gracious, Miss Ballard! Perhaps I should leave--?"

                  "But that's beside the point! The point is, I can't take these clichés! I can't find Smiley when I'm struggling to stay sane and deciding whether or not to become a hybrid so that Hunter Trinidad can destroy Smiley once and for all!" I cried, sitting up on my bed and bringing my hands up to the ceiling. "Why, god? Why? In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit...why must I be dragged into this world of hunters and vampires and psycho serial killers that are seeking revenge because of him?! Who is even him? Smiley's father? Smiley's friend? Smiley's dog?" In the corner of my eye, I saw Bernard press his fingers against the bridge of his nose. Calming down, I slapped my hands against the comforter in defeat. "Bern-turd, I'm a nice girl, right? Would you date me? Am I attractive? Is that why Smiley didn't kill me and teasingly left his mask here? If I didn't know any better, I'd say Smiley is a flirty little bastard. Never mind that. All I know is that I'm the worst hunter in the world for screwing up my chance of scoping out Crave to find Smiley."

                  "Hunter?" Bernard adjusted his monocle. "Hunter Trinidad?"

                  "No, not Hunter Trinidad! Hunter, as in, h-U-N-T-E-R!"

                  "Miss Ballard... that's what I said."

                  "Ugh! The "h" isn't capitalized!" Bernard jumped as a screamed at him again. "Hunter, as in"-- I stabbed at my chest with an invisible stake many times, then fell over onto the ground, clutching at my invisible wound and making loud gurgling noises. Finally, I stilled, my eyes wide open, and played dead.

                  Bernard cringed at me. "I get the picture, Miss Ballard."

                  I leaped back onto my feet. "You can't tell anyone that I told you this, Berny-wormy! You're officially a part of the P.E.E. O.N. M.E. P.L.E.A.S.E secret organization! Created and directed by yours truly."

                  "Please, keep your voice down." Bernard loosened the tie at his neck slightly as if he was growing uncomfortable. "The what organization?"

                  " P.E.E. O.N. M.E. P.L.E.A.S.E, aka People Encouraging Evolutionary Operations that Navigate and Manage Exclusive Police Logistics in Exciting Apple Scented Environments," I said in a matter a fact way, then went over to my desk and spritzed a little bit of my granny smith apple body spray. "Get with the program, Bernard. This club is globally recognized."

                  "Please, Miss Ballard, stop screaming..."

                  "I'm sorry for yelling, but I can't stop now! It's too late to stop anything! Smiley already knows where I live! He knows what I look like! He probably even knows my social security number and credit card number and is buying all the smiley face masks in the world!" I stopped pacing. "Oh my gosh. What if he buys his murder weapons through my account? What if he's a cocaine addict and the police trace all of his evil drug-addict purchases back to me? What if I get put in jail?!"

                  "Miss Ballard...?"

                  "Sheesh, do you even listen to me, Bern-turd? I'm venting here about sneaking out in the middle of the night and going to Crave and coming face to face with the towns newly found serial killer!"

                  "Miss Ballard--"

                  "What!"

                        I turned my head towards my bedroom door, which was wide open, to see my father and mother standing next to each other with shocked expressions.

                  "You're grounded," my father growled.

                  ***

                  As it turns out, my parents hadn't heard the entire conversation I had had with Bernard, only the last piece about sneaking out of my room at night to Crave and coming face to face with the towns newly found serial. After giving Bernard the longest look that read, 'Don't you dare tell them anything," he politely bowed and left the room, leaving me alone and allowing my parents yell at me for a good thirty minutes about disobeying them and almost getting myself killed.

                  Bernard was so getting kicked out of P.E.E. O.N. M.E. P.L.E.A.S.E.

                  "I'm really sorry," I had said to my father after he was done fuming. "I wanted to have a little fun, I'm more than capable of defending myself. I got back well before my curfew--"

                  "Did you smoke dope?" Dad demanded, starting a back and forth questioning between my mother and him.

                  "Did you sell your body?"

                  "Let me smell your breath."

                  "Our baby has STD's!"

                  "Did you drag race? Did you drive a Harley? What kind of Harley was it?"

                  "Popping pills is the new drunk, isn't it? We'll have to childproof the medicine cabinet!"

                  "I think she's high right now!"

                  "She must have anxiety because of her small breasts," Mom concluded, biting at her nails. "I'm taking you to the police! She was probably molested!"

                  "Mom!"

                  "Did you sneak out with your friends and sleep with a stranger?" Mom said in her high-pitched angry voice, eyes narrowing. "You went with that boyfriend of yours, didn't you? Larry...or Harry! Whatever his name is! He's a bad influence on you, I bet you didn't even use those condoms I gave you! Those are good condoms, too!"

                  I gagged a little at that last part. " I didn't have sex with Gary!," I groaned, face palming myself. "Just ground me and leave me alone, alright? I get it, I'm the spawn of Satan! I'm sorry!"

                  " I knew he sounded like a drug addict!" Mother continued frantically. "I knew he had too many piercings! My baby is addicted to drugs! You could have been killed because of some drug addicted boy! A boy that you will forget entirely in twenty years! High school relationships don't last and they're awkward! Stay away from awkward drug addicted boys, Peppy!"

                  Dad stiffened. "Honey...we started dating in high school," my father whispered.

                  "Possibly forget entirely in twenty years!" Mom corrected quickly.

                  "Well maybe if you guys were home once in a while you would have noticed I was gone!"

                  That didn't exactly shorten my punishment.

                  I woke up the next morning with my pillow over my face as if I had subconsciously wanted to suffocate myself. Fipping over onto my stomach, and screamed into my mattress. Four weeks. For four weeks I was officially grounded. This is what I got for trying to be the good guy and save the town from a serial killer? Four weeks of chores and being locked in up in a snobby white mansion?

                  My phone buzzed on my chest, startling me, and my heart momentarily leapt from my body. Was it Gary? Ha! My parents hadn't taken my phone away from me!

                  Ronny: I think I left my bedazzle gun at your house. :(            

                  I sat up and peered groggily around my room until I spotted a pink bedazzler gun on top of my desk.

                  Me: You did. As of now I'm on lockdown so I can't give it to you.

                  Ronny: What? Why?

                  My heart started to hammer in my chest. Did Ronny know about Gary and I? Had Gary told him what had happened the night before?

                  Me: My parents are just spooked by this whole Smiley thing so I'm not allowed out.  Just wondering...is Gary ok?

                  Ronny: Why?

                  Me: Just check on him, ok?

                  Ronny: Why? Do you want his D?

                  Me: Ronny!! Please just check, ok? Just tell me if he's in his room or something. Seriously. It's important.

                  Ronny: Ok... brb

                  I rolled over on my side and impatiently played with the buttons on my phone. All I could think about was Smiley in the parking lot. Gary's disappeared truck. The fact that he just left me. After many moments, my phone buzzed.

                  Ronny: He sleeps naked you know. Don't tell him I told you that, my mom will turn me into fairy dust.

                  I laughed out loud            .

                  Me: So he's ok?

                  Ronny: Definitely...

                  Me: What's that supposed to mean?

                  Ronny: He must have knocked his covers off in the middle of the night. Holy D's on ice-cream, it's hot in here. Send you pic? :P

                  Gary slept in the nude?!

                  Me: RONNY. GET OUT OF YOUR BROTHER'S ROOM!

                  Ronny:  Hey he's the one that didn't lock his door. OMG. We should hang 2day and play dress up. Plus we totes have to talk about this sudden obsession with Garbear that you have. Lolz. If he doesn't go gay 4 me you can have him. Straight guys are soooo boring in bed. Trust me.

                  I ignored most of that text.

                  Me: I'm grounded!

                  Ronny: Because...?

                  Me: I maybe snuck out last night... I got back before my curfew...but still.

                  Ronny: You were grounded because you came home before your curfew? And I thought my parents were strict...

                  Me: I might have snuck out with your brother last night and pretended to be New ersey Crave to scope out the exits because I think Smiley will be there tonight and then crashed into Smiley after Gary ditched me and left me with the club owner who talked like Dracula....

                  Ronny: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!?!!!!!!

                  Ronny called me.

                  "WHAT?!?!" he roared into the phone like a dragon breathing fire. "You did WHAT?"

                  "Hi to you too, Ronny! Calm down!" I half-whispered into the phone, listening carefully to the house to make sure my parents weren't coming up the stairs or down the hallway. I momentarily wondered if they were taking time off because of the murder investigation. "I need you to help me sneak into Crave again tonight."

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