HOW TO BE A HEARTBREAKER

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

When the graduation ball finally rolled around a few days later, Rowan was relieved. Daphne would not stop crying about how Pansy had bought a dress in the exact same shade as hers, despite telling all of the other girls that they were forbidden from dark green dresses at the start of the year. Rowan was just thankful that she wasn't Pansy, who'd had to deal with snide remarks no matter where they were in the castle, or what they were doing for the last week.

Once she had finished her makeup and hair, she slipped her dress on. Her black ball gown dress ebbed outwards in layers of dark tulle, hugging at her waist where on her top half was a black mesh strapless corset with darker panels going up the length of it. Around her neck sat the necklace that Draco had bought her for her eighteenth birthday, and she wore black gloves that reached her elbows. She felt powerful.

"Fucking hell, Yaxley," Pansy whistled, "Malfoy is one lucky bastard."

Rowan grinned widely and embraced her best friend, being careful of both of their large skirts. "As is Nancy, Parkinson. So, so lucky."

Pansy's dress was much more stunning than Daphne's, in Rowan's opinion. Whilst Daphne had gone for a sort of bejewelled fishtail look that, in her defence, definitely accentuated her curves, Pansy had opted for a stunning ball gown in the same shade of dark green. Her plunged neckline was rather distracting, beaded and beautiful, and her black bob sat around her jaw, her crimson lip nearly matching Rowan's shade.

"Let's just agree we will both be the best dressed there," Pansy whispered to her, the two girls smiling as they glanced over at Daphne who was nearly screaming at Millicent for teasing her hair with the comb too much.

"Deal," Rowan said, and then a moment later, "I'm nervous."

Pansy furrowed her eyebrows. "Why?"

"I just am!" Rowan exclaimed, "I want this to go perfectly. Tonight is one of the biggest of our lives."

"I am sure it will be very memorable," Pansy said, "I mean, look at those three. I bet you ten Galleons that they'll end up in some sort of argument before the night is over."

Rowan snickered. "I'm not stupid. I don't want to lose ten Galleons tonight, thank you very much."

Her heart was pounding when she and Pansy stood at the top of the staircase that led them down to the foyer before the Great Hall where the graduation ball was taking place. Students were everywhere from their year group, including a few from other years that had been invited as dates. Rowan first spotted Blaise and Luna halfway down the staircase, Luna in a rather peculiar dress, and they were kissing as if the world was about to end.

Then, like magnets, their eyes were drawn to one another.

His silver eyes burned into hers and glanced her dress up and down slowly, taking his time. Draco stood at the bottom of the staircase, Theo to his side standing next to a very giddy-looking Tracey. Draco pursed his lips. Rowan found herself breathless at the sight of him— clad in a black suit, his hair neater than it had been over the last few weeks.

He was beautiful.

Pansy squealed from next to Rowan, a shrill sound that nearly had her cringing away. Rowan saw out of the corner of her eye as Pansy raced to where her girlfriend was, the two meeting on the middle of the staircase and embracing happily.

Rowan exhaled and began to walk down the stairs, holding her dress so she wouldn't step on the skirt. She watched her step, her eyes flickering to Draco as she reached him at the bottom. He moved up one, and held his hand out. Rowan grasped it, smiling sheepishly as he guided her down the last few.

"You look beautiful," he told her.

Rowan felt her cheeks glow warm. Narcissa's death and the NEWT exams had Draco so distracted recently, his mind seemingly always elsewhere, but right now it felt like he was looking right at her— like he never wanted to look away, as if the thought of doing anything else was horrible.

"You look handsome," she replied, smoothing her hand across the broadness of his right shoulder. "You scrub up nicely, Malfoy."

She gave him a kiss on the lips, short and sweet. His hand placed on the small of her back, guiding her into the hall. It was almost set up exactly like the Yule Ball. There was a stage where a live band were playing popular wizarding music, a drinks and food table in the corner, and circular tables off to the side where food was to be served later. It had been decorated in shades of gold and silver, the magic ceiling above charmed to drop glitter to a certain point in the air.

"It looks amazing," Rowan said.

"It does," Draco agreed, one hand in his pocket, glancing around at the hall. "Hard to imagine this is the same dingy hall we've been eating all our meals in every day for the last seven years."

Rowan's heart skipped a beat. So many memories seemed to come flooding in all at once. She remembered sitting up on the stool at the front of the hall, her hands balled into fists and her eyes closed in anticipation as she waited for the Sorting Hat to cry out the name of the house she was destined for.

She thought of all of the meals she had enjoyed with Pansy, all of the pregame meetings they'd had before a Quidditch game over breakfast, all of the assemblies and Sorting Ceremonies she'd sat through since being a first year herself. The Great Hall was one of her favourite places in the castle, she decided there and then.

Dinner was served once all of the students had made it down to the hall. Everybody looked amazing out of their school uniforms, girls in huge dresses and boys in suits. Rowan couldn't help but scoff when she saw Harry— he would have looked nice in his dress robes if only he had managed to tame the mop of hair on top of his head.

"Potter looks like he's been dragged through a hedge backwards," Draco said at the same time as Rowan opened her mouth to make a comment.

She laughed. "He looks like he's been struck by lightning," she agreed.

"I can't believe it's all over," Pansy said sadly as they sat around the table, most plates nearly empty as everybody finished off the last of their desserts. "It feels like yesterday we were all first years in here, meeting for the very first time. It feels wrong that we'll be out in the real world after this."

"Like proper adults," Blaise agreed with a visible shudder. "Urgh, it makes me sick just thinking about it. I don't want to go to work five times a week!"

When the music started up, everybody moved over to the dancefloor, and it was obvious who had been drinking from the spiked punch bowl based on who was already dancing the most erratically. Seamus Finnigan was frockiling around as if he had a broomstick up his arse.

Rowan accepted a drink that Draco brought over to her in a glass. She gave it a sniff before sipping at the fruity concoction and then smiling.

"Thank you," she said.

"I think there is Firewhisky in it," Draco replied, taking a few gulps and then wincing ever so slightly. "Yes, I think there is definitely Firewhisky in there."

Rowan laughed and shook her head at him. "I have no clue how somebody has managed to sneak flasks of alcohol in! Snape's been standing next to the drinks all evening."

"Ask Blaise," Draco suggested, jerking his head over to where the boy was.

Rowan looked over and saw Luna talking animatedly to Professor Snape. He looked down his crooked nose at her, eyebrow quirked, a sort of disgusted and yet interested expression written across his face. Behind him, Blaise's flask was emptying what seemed like half a litre of clear liquid into one of the drink bowls. Rowan could only guess it was indeed alcoholic.

"Merlin." She shook her head in disbelief.

The rest of the night was enjoyed in the company of their friends. At some point and however many cups of spiked punch later, the Slytherins were sat at one of the tables, snickering jokes about Harry and Ginny. Her friends' voices fizzled out, her eyes burning holes into the dark-haired boy and his ginger girlfriend. The Captain and his Seeker. Two people who were genuinely in love— and Rowan guessed had no secrets between them. She couldn't help the pit of jealousy in her stomach.

When Ginny and Harry sat down and there wasn't much else to make fun of them for, they quickly moved on to mocking the way Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley were dancing. Blaise and Pansy even stood up to mock them, dancing only feet away from them and copying their exact actions. When Luna returned with some drinks, Blaise was quick to sit back down and pretend as though he had no part in the teasing of unaware Gryffindors.

A slow song came on and the dancefloor quickly filled up with couples. Rowan saw people she had no idea were even in relationships holding each other in the middle of the room. Her face lit up when Draco pulled himself from his chair and stood in front of her, holding out his hand for her to take. She couldn't help but grin, feeling giddy inside, slipping her hand in his.

Draco led them to the centre of the dancefloor. He held her hands as she rested her head on his chest, swaying in time to the song. They were finally getting back to normal. She felt so relaxed and so happy, as if nothing in the world could possibly make this moment ba—

"I know."

A hushed voice against her ear.

Her heart stopping.

The lump in her throat growing.

"What?" She dared herself to look up at him.

Draco clenched his jaw and didn't look down at her, playing the part as he held onto her, swaying. "I know that you made a deal with Nott. I know that you are being paid to make me fall in love with you, and that you were promised half his inheritance in return for my broken heart."

Rowan swallowed the lump. It was still there. A thousand things were going through her head. The first was why he was bringing this up here, in the middle of the ball, and the second was how he had even found out. The rest of the questions were flying in and out so quickly that she hardly had time to process what she was thinking herself, let alone consider what he might be thinking. She felt her hands shaking against him.

"Wha— I—"

He snickered, and his voice still didn't raise. "You have the exact look on your face I knew you'd have."

He was calm. Too calm. Surely that meant he had known for a while now. Who had told him? Was this really happening?

Please let this be a dream. Please let this be one huge nightmare. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.

"Cat got your tongue, Yaxley?" He hissed, and his face was hard, his grip on her hands nearly hurting her. Now he wasn't so calm. His face was turning.

WAKE UP!

"Come on," Draco laughed cruelly, "Is this not the part where you tell me it never meant anything to you? Nott's over there— I can get his attention if you'd like, so he can watch. Maybe he'll throw in a bonus if it's a public ordeal— then I would be really humiliated, wouldn't I?"

Rowan still couldn't speak. Why wasn't she waking up?

"I mean, how fucking stupid is this?" Draco spat in her ear. "Draco fucking Malfoy, manwhore or womaniser or whatever fucking shit you used to call me, finally actually falls in love with a girl– and it was all a joke. That's what everybody will say, isn't it? They'll say it was probably obvious the entire time— how could Yaxley ever like somebody like Malfoy? Somebody she hates so much."

"Draco—"

"You know what I think?" He hissed, and she had never seen him so furious as he dropped her hands, his face on centimetres away from his. "You are worse than I ever was, Yaxley. I hope you enjoy every fucking penny you spend. I hope it makes you really, really happy."

Draco marched away from her, his shoulders colliding with a few students that sent him harsh glares. A couple of people glanced at her, as if wondering why she had just been left by herself in the middle of the dancefloor. Her eyes quickly began to well up with tears and she nearly choked as she darted off in the direction Draco was heading.

"Draco!" She sobbed as he took off down one of the corridors. "Draco, please! Stop! Listen to me! Let me—"

Draco whirled around, and Rowan realised his cheeks were damp, but his face was furious. "Fuck off, Yaxley. Leave me the fuck alone. I don't want to hear a word that comes out of your lying mouth."

"I am sorry," Rowan bawled, "I am so fucking sorry. This has been tearing me apart for months, Draco. I haven't been able to sleep properly— all I have been thinking about is this moment and how on earth I was going to tell you this. I know how bad it looks, I know what it looks like—"

"How bad it looks?" Draco barked a mocking laugh. "It doesn't just look bad, Yaxley!"

"I know, I know," she cried, "I just–please just let me talk, though. Please. I know you didn't deserve any of this, and honestly maybe I do not deserve to be heard out, but I am begging you. I'm begging you, Draco, to let me tell you everything— I— Please!"

Rowan couldn't believe she was sobbing in front of him, when months ago she got angry if he saw even a tear slip or her lip wobble. Now she had her hands clasped in front of her, her makeup stained by tears, and she was desperately begging him to just listen.

Draco sneered down at her. "How do I know you won't lie again? Like you have been this entire time."

"I haven't been lying," she gasped, and she reached to hold the jacket of his suit, only for him to shove her hand away quickly. "I will take Veritaserum. I'll do it. I'll do anything."

"I don't give a fuck about anything you have to say—"

"I love you," Rowan gasped, and watched as his eyes scrunched shut, face tilting away from her as if she had insulted him. "I do. I love you so fucking much, Draco. I– The Plan, it was— it didn't change anything for me. I fell in love with you—"

"Shut up," he growled, "Just shut the fuck up, Yaxley."

"I can't," Rowan sobbed, "I don't care how embarrassing it might be to grovel at your feet, but I will never forgive myself if I don't try to make you listen."

Draco looked as if he was contemplating it for a few moments. She chewed on her bottom lip, feeling the tears slip out without any need to blink.

"I haven't decided yet if it's more humiliating for me or you if people hear this conversation," he said bitterly, and then began to march in the direction of the Slytherin dungeons.

She took that as a cue to go with him. Rowan followed behind, slipping her gloves off and chucking them over the arm of one of the statues, wringing her clammy hands together, fiddling nervously with the abundant of rings that she wore everyday.

It felt awful pacing to keep up with his long strides behind him, watching the back of him as he stormed closer to the common room. Rowan realised very quickly in perhaps an ironic way that she had ended up just like all of the girls she had been insulting at the start of the school year— chasing Draco Malfoy, crying at him, begging for another chance.

You're worse than I ever was.

Rowan swallowed when they walked into the busy common room. Some Slytherins glanced up upon their arrival, but nobody said anything once they noticed the stone cold expression written across Draco's face, and the makeup stains across Rowan's. She trembled as she followed him to the boys' dormitory, surprised when he opened the door for her and stood so she could enter first. She half expected him to let it slam in her face.

"Well?" Draco demanded after a moment of silence. "Speak, then. Tell me whatever excuse you've been fucking rehearsing."

"Who told you?" Rowan croaked.

Draco rolled his eyes. "Blaise did. The first time he came to visit me. Figured I deserved to know. I mean, it's pretty shit, isn't it? Your mother dies, and your girlfriend plans on breaking your heart by the end of the year. At least I could get warning on one of them, I suppose."

Rowan shuddered when she realised Draco had known for the last few weeks. She wanted to find Blaise and scream at him, smack him and tell him it wasn't fair and she was going to do it properly— and now it was ruined. Everything was over, and she knew she could talk for hours tonight if he would let her, but he probably wouldn't end up forgiving what she had done.

"I..." Rowan had no idea where to even start. "I was going to tell you. I honestly was. I was planning on telling you much sooner, but your mother... and then I just didn't have the heart to do it whilst you were still mourning. I thought I would give you some time."

"Oh, how kind of you, Yaxley!" Draco sneered, "I am so grateful that you were waiting until I was no longer crying over my dead mother just to give me something else to fucking cry about afterwards!"

"I was a coward, okay?" Rowan whimpered, "I didn't want to make you worse. It killed me seeing how upset you were over your mother. I wanted to be there for you, I thought you might need me–"

"I did need you!" Draco hissed, "But I needed who I thought you were, not this!" He waved his hand over her. "Not the actual real fucking version of you."

"I never once lied about having feelings for you," Rowan said desperately, "I cannot stress that enough, Draco. I promise."

"Funnily enough, your promises don't exactly mean much."

"I hated you and you hated me, okay? It's hard to– it's hard to remember exactly how we both felt back then, isn't it? That feels like so long ago because so much has changed and our feelings are completely different now, but back then— back then the thought process was entirely different, okay? Theo came to me with a proposition that I would be insane not to accept," Rowan said.

"Money."

"You say it like money is nothing," Rowan exclaimed, "Which maybe it isn't to you— but for me, money was freedom. Money was moving away from my father, it was getting away from all of his scary friends that were always at the house— it was feeling safe."

"I could have given you all of that," Draco scoffed, "And more. So much fucking more, Yaxley."

Rowan choked. "I didn't think I would actually fall in love with you, Draco. But the more I considered it, the more real everything was becoming. I mean, by the time we had our first kiss, I wanted it. On New Years Eve— when we kissed, it was real. I wasn't even thinking about The Plan. I hardly ever thought about it."

Draco rolled his eyes. "And is that why you fucked Nott in the library afterwards?"

Her blood ran cold. She had almost completely forgotten about that part. She really had no excuse for it— nothing that could explain her behaviour. Theo must have told Blaise back when they were friends. Blaise had never said anything to her about that!

"You and I weren't together," Rowan said, and tried to keep a clear and rational brain. "We didn't become a couple until two months after that. I never cheated on you. I never thought of anybody else during our entire relationship. I never wanted anybody else. Just you, Draco. Honestly."

Draco laughed bitterly. "Ah. That excuses that, then. You realise that is the equivalent of me fucking Pansy? You know how fucked up that is? That you didn't tell me about it? That– that you and Theo had some plan to make me miserable, and to top it off, you'd fucked each other whilst I was probably sat in my bloody room panicking over having real feelings for the first time!?"

"Draco," her voice cracked. "Don't. Please."

"What? Don't make you feel like shit?" Draco scoffed, running a hand through his platinum hair. "It's not a nice feeling, is it?"

"I've been trying to get out of The Plan for months now," Rowan said, "Theo turned against me because I actually fell in love with you. He wasn't going to let me off of the hook until your mother passed away. But I was still going to tell you– I just— I didn't even know where to start. There's nothing that excuses it. I can only emphasise how aware I am that it was a really, really shitty thing to do, and I should have never let it get so out of control—"

"I have no idea what was real and what was fake," Draco said, and it was sort of scary how all of the emotion seemed to have been sucked from his voice, drained from his face. "And that is the worst fucking part, Rowan. The worst part is that your pathetic fucking plan has worked. I suppose I am easily tricked, after all."

Rowan stayed silent, sniffling.

"Does it feel good?" He stepped closer to her, and when she didn't answer, he grabbed her jaw and steered her face to look at him. "Well? Is it the satisfying ending you and Theo were hoping for? Are you happy?"

"Far from it," Rowan hissed at him, and her tears spilled onto his hand. "You know that. Come on, Draco. You know I am telling the truth now. Please."

"I can't even stand the sight of you." Draco's lip curled and he released her face, shaking his hand as if he was disgusted by touching her.

"Then why have you stayed with me for so long?" Rowan cried, and it suddenly dawned on her that Blaise had told him all of those weeks ago and yet he had still acted as if he had no idea. "Why– why have you been kissing me goodnight? I mean– I mean we had sex the other day, for Merlin's sake!"

Draco barked a laugh. "You said it yourself once upon a time, Yaxley. I'm the most awful man in the world. I can sleep with women and then toss them to the side like it's nothing."

Rowan's lips trembled. "So..."

"Consider yourself no different to anybody else I've fucked and left," Draco spat, "All I had to do was bend you over so I didn't have to look at your face. Like the rest of them."

"Stop it!" Rowan said, growing pale as she felt more and more nauseous. "You don't even mean that. You love me. And– and you don't talk like that. That's not you."

"Oh, because you changed me?" Draco sneered, "Because I fell in love and everything changed?" He barked a laugh. "Fuck off with that. You weren't real! You lied to me. If your little lesson has taught me anything, Yaxley, it's that falling in love does nobody any fucking favours. It ends with everybody upset."

"But..." Rowan trembled, "But why? I don't— I don't understand why you only told me tonight that you had found out. I— I could have explained all of this sooner, we could have had time to work this out. We're leaving Hogwarts tomorrow—"

"I told you tonight because that was part of my plan, Yaxley," Draco said coldly.

"You have a plan now?"

"An eye for an eye," Draco replied.

"What does that mean?" She panicked at the expression on his face. "What does that mean, Draco? What did you do?"

"Ask Greengrass," he spat, "Or Robertson/Robinson, whatever the fuck her name is. Ask Vane or Brown." He laughed, "Fuck! Ask Parkinson's so-called lesbian girlfriend!"

Rowan wore a completely horrified expression. "You didn't. Tell me you didn't. Oh my—"

Draco swallowed thickly. "I suppose I am exactly who you thought I was, Yaxley. No revenge plan will work on me. I am a sick, twisted womaniser who only thinks with his dick."

"But I never lied about how I felt about you," Rowan wept. "I– I have never felt the way I do about you with anybody else. If we had– if we could have talked this out– Why did you– how could you sleep with all those girls?"

"Very fucking easily," Draco spat. She couldn't tell if he was lying or not. "And quite enjoyably too, actually."

She dropped her face into her hands and this time she began to cry loudly. Rowan hated that it was in front of him, but she had already been sobbing through all of her words up to this point. Now, she couldn't even string a sentence together. Her whole body was shaking. She felt like she could throw up.

Draco's mouth was next to her ear. "Now get out of my room, Yaxley."

When his bedroom door slammed behind her, she wondered how many other girls had stood in the exact same spot after hearing those final words, feeling like their heart was about to come out of their mouth.

Rowan bet none of them had felt as bad as this. She'd broken the heart of somebody everybody swore didn't have one, but at what cost? She wondered how this had happened so suddenly. One minute they were dancing, and the next it was over.

In the silence that settled over the corridor following the bang of the door, Rowan realised that this was the cruelest twist of them all: she had set out to break Draco, but in the end, it was herself she had destroyed.

THE END. 

epilogue to come next. 

also i have just posted the first part of my brand new draco malfoy book called 'lost it to trying'. feel free to check it out if that's your thing :) 

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