HOW TO BE A HEARTBREAKER

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

Over the next couple of weeks, Rowan began to feel worse and worse about The Plan. Her dreams completely revolved around it, and every time she saw Theo, even out of the corner of her eye (which was very often), she felt her heart skip a beat in her chest. Dread had made its home inside her chest, neighbour to the anxiety that had nested itself in her stomach. She was harbouring all sorts of horrible feelings, and all she could do was anticipate the fallout.

In all other aspects of life, hers was perfect. She had everything to look forward to, especially with her father out of the way now. Yet, she dwelled on the impending doom set to completely ruin her life.

Theo was sat in the library revising for Herbology when Rowan approached him. He sat by himself at a large oak table, his notes and books sprawled out all around him. He was writing on parchment, drawing diagrams of plants, labelling them, underlining things. It looked like he was much further along with his revision than Rowan was.

She pulled out the chair in front of him and sat down. Theo looked up, his gaze hardening when he realised that it was Rowan of all people. She pursed her lips at him, her hands folded on top of the table, and only then cursed herself for not thinking of what to start the conversation off with before she had sat down in front of him.

"What can I do for you?" Theo said, bored, finishing the sentence that he had been writing before she'd intruded on his independent revision session.

"To the best of my ability, I have to try and break Draco Malfoy's heart," Rowan swallowed, nervous. "That's what my side of the Unbreakable Vow stated. To the best of one's ability also means 'as well as you can', meaning it is objective. Which means... It means that whilst somebody's abilities may be high, anothers might be low, but they still put in the same amount of effort— they did it to the best of their individual abilities."

Theo rolled his eyes and slammed his quill down on the table. "Spit it out, Yaxley. What's the point you're trying to make?"

"Sometimes, though somebody may attempt to do something to the best of their ability, they still may not succeed in getting the job done," Rowan replied.

Theo raised a brow. "So, you have come over to tell me that you have tried to break Malfoy's heart, but you have not succeeded, and that doesn't break the Unbreakable Vow?"

"Yes," Rowan nodded. "That's exactly what I am saying. It's over, I found a loophole."

"Good for you." Theo shrugged and then grabbed his quill, continuing on with his work without so much as a second glance at Rowan.

The dark haired girl furrowed her brows, her lips parting as she watched him. Internally, she felt herself start to panic all over again.

"Why don't you care?" Rowan spat, "I've just told you that I don't have to take part in The Plan anymore. I could have stopped whenever I wanted to, really— Pansy's words weren't closed enough."

"I know," Theo said, "That loophole has always been there. I've known it the whole time, you might have too if you hadn't been so busy falling in love and playing Quidditch or whatever. Now the school year's coming to an end, I thought you might begin to start panicking and try to pick holes."

"But it doesn't bother you?" Rowan frowned, "And if you knew there was a loophole, why didn't you ask Pansy to rephrase the question?"

"I didn't think you'd try to get out of it, so I wasn't all too fussed on being overly-picky with Parkinson's language. I thought we were a team and stuff. And, like I said, you were the only girl that I knew would help me with my plan," Theo said, "One, because you wanted to hurt him like I did, and two, because you were the only person at school Draco has every properly liked."

"You knew he liked me in fourth year," Rowan hissed furiously.

Theo shrugged. "It was more of a theory that Blaise and I both had and teased him about. And I think I was right— all you had to do was start acting nice to him and he was all over you, but you weren't supposed to like him back. That's another reason I wanted you to do it. I thought you had at least a little bit more willpower. You're just like every other girl at this school."

"You're a misogynistic pig, Nott," Rowan snapped, "And maybe I was more sexist than I had thought at the start of the year, too. Maybe I judged people like Draco so much because I had stuff going on in my own life, and I thought I was better and knew more than everyone else. I don't know more than anybody else. Neither do you. You don't get to play God, Theo. None of us do."

"Somebody's forgetting what a shit friend he was to all of us! How long do you think he'll last acting like this, Yaxley? He's acting like a gentleman now, but how long until he gets bored of you and sleeps with somebody else? He's been absolutely horrible, and you know it. He hurt all of us at some point or another— I used to think of him as a brother, as somebody who would never do anything to hurt me—"

"He has things going on in his own life, you know," Rowan growled, "It's not an excuse, but for fuck's sake, Nott. Even if you can't forget, can you not just learn to forgive for the last few months we have here?"

"What's the point?" Theo shrugged. "I don't want to be friends with Malfoy, and I certainly don't want to be friends with you, Yaxley. After all," he laughed, "You seem like a rather dishonest person, from what I've heard. Stringing Malfoy along and all of that."

Rowan narrowed her eyes at him. "When did your revenge plan against Draco turn against me, exactly?"

"This isn't about you," Theo muttered, "You're only in the crossfire because you decided to actually fall for him and then throw a hissy fit and try to end it. Had you not, I think we both would have been eagerly anticipating the ending of Our Plan."

Rowan felt sick to her stomach at the thought. She was not who she used to be all those months ago.

"Well, there will be no ending. It's officially over. I'm telling you now, I tried to the best of my ability— I failed. I couldn't break his heart," she replied.

"And like I said before, that's fine," Theo said nonchalantly, "Just because The Plan is over, doesn't mean Draco won't find out."

"Theo, please—"

"You're not involved anymore, don't worry, Yaxley. But I still feel like Draco has the right to know the truth."

"No! Please, just— please. I'll do anything, Nott. Don't tell him."

"That was the point of this whole plan," Theo growled angrily, gritting his teeth as he moved closer to her, hissing, "Get a grip, Yaxley. You always knew how this would end."

He swiped up all of his belongings and left the library, leaving Rowan with a pounding heart and her face pressed to the desk, her eyes closed as every single scenario played in her head.

None of them ended well.

...

Rowan lay on Draco's chest, listening to the soft thumping of his heartbeat, though even that couldn't bring a smile to her face or make her feel any better. Theo's words were drilled in, and Rowan only wished that she had never fallen in love with the boy laying beneath her. Then it would be a lot easier to break the heart that she loved to press her ear against every evening.

His large hand played with her hair, his other hand holding a book. Rowan didn't know what it was– whether it was for a class or just fictional— she was too concerned with everything going on in her head to zone in on the little details.

"Hello?"

"Hm?" Rowan tilted her head, glancing up at Draco. "Sorry, did you say something?"

"Right," Draco huffed, rolling his silver eyes as he shut the book and shifted upwards on the sofa, pulling Rowan with him so they were both sat up. "What is going on? You've been so fucking spacey over the last couple of weeks."

"Thanks," Rowan spat bitterly, "That's a lovely way to put it."

"Don't get defensive," Draco said, "You know it's true. What's wrong? Is it N.E.W.Ts? Because this is a bit excessive for some exams coming up."

Rowan rolled her eyes. "Sorry some of us care about our exams," she replied, though she was almost sure the real reason she was stressed would impact her exams negatively— and she couldn't stop thinking about that, either.

Draco huffed and went back to his book. Rowan bit her lip as her heart thumped hard. She bet Draco would take news of The Plan better coming from her mouth than Theo's, and yet, she didn't think she could ever stand to look him in the eye and tell him that this had all started on a stupid revenge plot and lies.

"Have you ever done something and then regretted it?" Rowan asked, fiddling with the bottom of Draco's shirt, her eyebrows furrowed.

Draco thought for a moment. "I've done plenty of things I've regretted. I wish I had respected my mother more growing up. I wish I'd been a better friend to Theo."

Rowan hummed. "But Theo forgives you."

"Hardly," Draco scoffed, "I see the dirty looks he still gives me, Rowan. Don't tell me you don't see them either. We've hardly exchanged words in months. If anything, I think his resentment for me grows by the day. He just tolerates me because we're roommates. And I can't say I blame him. At the time I thought he was being absolutely ridiculous, but I... well, I sort of understand how he must have felt about this Lorelei girl by now."

Rowan was silent as she considered Draco's words.

"Why do you ask?" Draco said, "Is there something you regret?"

"I..." Rowan was a little startled, not having expected the question to be redirected towards her. "I don't know. I was just thinking about something I read a year ago or so. About this girl who woke up every day regretting something she had done in the past. It ate her alive. She wanted to tell somebody, but she didn't know how to do it. Eventually, everybody got hurt. Including her."

Draco furrowed his brows. "What book is that?"

"I don't remember," Rowan replied, "It just... jogged my memory seeing your book. The cover was similar, that's all. Made me think about... that."

"She should have just told somebody," Draco scoffed, rolling his eyes. "I hate that sort of trope in a book. It's too frustrating."

"But the girl... she didn't want to hurt the person she had to tell the secret to," Rowan said, "She was scared her friend would never want to speak to her again. I really... felt sorry for her."

"Well what did she do?" Draco said, "It's dependent on how bad it was."

Rowan thought for a long while. "I can't remember exactly."

"Must have been a boring book," Draco remarked, "You can't remember any of it."

"My memory is terrible," Rowan replied. "But anyway, back to the whole Theo thing— I feel like we sort of brushed over it— does he really not even talk to you when you're in your dorm?"

"Not really," Draco shrugged, and he looked uneasy. "Sometime's we'll talk in a group– mostly about upcoming exams or classes or whatever– but it's not what it used to be. Not by miles."

Rowan pursed her lips together and gave his forearm a gentle squeeze. "I'm sorry," she sighed, "That must be rubbish."

"It's my fault," Draco said, "I deserve it, in a way. I hurt him. And I was never really properly sorry until recently."

Rowan chewed her bottom lip. "Do you think it would have been different if you had been genuinely sorry when you'd been caught?"

"Maybe," Draco shrugged. "Not sure. I suppose that part's dependent on Theo. I was too immature and careless to understand why he was so upset in the first place– I thought I could say a few words and things would bounce back to normal. I'd say sorry again now, but I don't really know how much of a point that'd be."

Rowan's face lit up in realisation. Perhaps, if Draco and Theo were to make up, Theo wouldn't want to go through with the plan. She remembered one of the first small tasks she had been given was to get Draco to apologise to Theo– to create another friendship between the two boys so Draco would forgive Rowan for being the one to snitch on him.

Perhaps she could do it the other way around! Maybe she could get Draco to apologise again, and then maybe Theo would really accept it this time— and then he'd be able to put The Plan behind him. Maybe he'd feel as sick as Rowan did on a daily basis.

"Maybe you could try apologising again?" Rowan suggested, "He might really appreciate it if you go out of your way to try and mend things before Hogwarts is over and everybody goes their seperate ways."

Draco hummed, and Rowan wasn't sure if it was dismissive or not.

"I'll think about it."

....

"It's a good idea in theory, Row, but wouldn't you feel forever guilty hiding The Plan from Malfoy anyway?" Pansy asked unsurely from where the two girls sat beneath the largest tree at the end of the school field, safe from the beaming sun. "I mean, it's going to have to come out at some point anyway, isn't it? You can't seriously have a proper relationship with him after Hogwarts without him knowing the truth. It'd never last."

Rowan could have pulled her hair out from the frustration and stress of it all.

"Well, I know that, it's just— I feel sick to my stomach about this whole thing," she said, "And it's really unfair because I don't think I lied to him once, Pans. I really did fall for him whilst he was falling for me. I never complimented him and didn't mean it. The only thing I did was... allow myself to feel those emotions. The Plan just made me... consider him in that light, if that makes sense. Before I didn't have to nor want to."

"I know that, but he would never see it that way," Pansy huffed, "I can think of a million things to do to get rid of Theo, but none of them solve the underlying issue of your relationship starting off as something he had no idea about."

"Tell me some of the ways you'd get rid of Theo," Rowan sighed, slumping back against the hill. "Humour me."

"Well, firstly, we could do a simple Avada Kadarvra."

"Mhm, perfect," Rowan closed her eyes, smiling. "I'm imagining it now. Theo's mouth just zipping shut. Life is peaceful. War is over."

"Next idea is to blackmail him. Not sure what over. I'll figure that one out another time. Third one is to just slip him a love potion. Make him so infatuated with some other girl he doesn't give a fuck about The Plan anymore. Fourth, we could Obliviate him so he forgets all about The Plan. Fith, we Polyjuice me or Blaise to pretend to be Draco, Theo tells 'Draco' The Plan, but it's not him—"

"You've put a lot of thought into this," Rowan laughed, sitting up to look at her best friend. "Why haven't you said any of this before?"

"Because it's all good dealing with Theo, but he's not the real problem here," Pansy said, "Not truly, anyway. The problem is that you do need to tell him if you want to ever stop feeling so awful every day."

"I know," she sighed, head in her hands. "I know."

...

The day that Rowan planned on telling Draco the truth, Narcissa Malfoy passed away.

She'd woken up at five in the morning to banging on the dormitory door. Everybody was up and alert, the five Slytherin girls sharing startled looks, each one as scared as the other to go and open the door to see who was on the other side. Pansy was the first to rip the eye mask off of her face and storm over to the door, furiously yanking it open to see who had disturbed her beauty sleep.

Light made each girl squint their eyes, a tall figure in the doorway. It was not Draco Malfoy but a shell of him. Nobody had ever seen him this way before— pale, horrified, eyes swollen from crying, clothes messy.

Rowan darted out of her bed without a word and Pansy moved to the side. The first and only thought whirling around in her selfish brain was that he had found out about The Plan. But he didn't look angry, and much to her surprise, he'd flung his arms around her the moment the door shut behind Rowan.

She held him back, her heart going a thousand beats per minute, and tried to guide him away from the bedrooms and to the common room. No doubt had he woken everybody up with his knocking and crying.

"What- What's happened?" Rowan panicked, holding him at arms length as soon as they sat down on the dark leather sofa, examining him. "Draco, why are you crying?"

"My mother is dead."

As soon as the words were out in the open, he was crying again. Rowan had never seen another person cry like this— yet alone Draco Malfoy. It was as equally heartbreaking as it was scary. She let him grab her again, and this time she was holding him as if she was scared he would break apart. She held all of his pieces together, her hands making fists out of the back of his bed shirt.

"Fuck," Rowan whispered, feeling some tears of her own glide down her cheeks.

Her eyes felt hot, her lips trembling. She wanted to cry too. She wanted to sob for the woman she had started to know and love, and she wanted to cry because Draco's whimpers alone were enough to break her heart.

"This isn't fair," Draco kept crying, "It's not fair."

She smoothed his hair, blinked tears into his shoulder, nodded in agreement.

"I'm so sorry, Draco," she whispered, "I'm so, so fucking sorry."

After that, Draco went home for a week. It had made headlines that Narcissa Malfoy was dead, and that she had been sick for ages and hiding it from the press. Rowan studied the section in the paper that showed Draco and his father walking up the stairs of the hospice Narcissa had been staying in.

Both clad in black suits, both with dark circles beneath their eyes, looking as if this was the worst thing in the world that could have ever happened to them. Which it was, Rowan assumed. She'd lost her mother when she was a baby, but she was sure if she'd been able to mourn her, it would have been extremely difficult. She thought it must be the equivalent of losing Pansy or Draco himself. She couldn't imagine it.

"I had no idea."

Rowan flinched when a body sunk into the sofa next to her. She turned to see Theo, who's eyes were slightly pink, his hair messy.

"What?"

"I didn't know his mother was sick," Theo admitted, "I loved Narcissa. Blaise and I would always go to Draco's house when we were younger. I didn't have a mother. She was like that to me. She made the best tea and she always told me I'd done a good job when we used to play Quidditch."

"I didn't know you played," Rowan hummed, looking at the photo of Narcissa they had chosen— she looked really young in it. She must have been about twenty.

She looked face on at the camera, a serious portrait, her dark and blonde hair pinned backwards, her youthful skin covered in a thin layer of makeup, a man on her side with his hand on her shoulder whom she instantly recognised as a much younger Lucius Malfoy.

Photograph A: Narcissa Black and Lucius Malfoy announce their first pregnancy 1979.

She watched as they both smiled, the moving image looping to show Narcissa holding her flat stomach where Draco must have been.

"I was really good at Seeker," Theo said, "I couldn't audition, though. Draco was Seeker."

Rowan exhaled heavily. She didn't particularly want to talk about this right now. The last thing she wanted to think about was what she had done and was still doing to Draco, meanwhile, he was mourning his mother and attending her funeral at the age of just seventeen.

"I can't believe she's gone."

Rowan glanced over to him and realised he had tears in his eyes. She furrowed her eyebrows and folded the paper, placing it on the armchair next to her. Theo seemed to snap out of his trance, blinking quickly and shaking his head. A few fat tears rolled down his face, dropping onto his lap. He was quick to reach up and swipe at his skin.

"I had no clue you were so close to Draco's mother," Rowan said.

"Yeah, I—" Theo swallowed thickly. "I woke up to Draco crying— and at first I thought he knew about The Plan. I remember how much my heart was pounding— almost like I was going to be sick. I wasn't sure if it felt good or not. In that moment, I sort of thought hearing him sob like that was really..."

"Scary?" Rowan offered.

"Yeah," Theo replied softly, "Really, really scary. Like it should never happen or be that way. Nobody should cry so hard they can't catch their breath. And I was panicking for a second, thinking that now everybody is going to know I'm part of the reason Draco Malfoy is so depressed he's crying swimming pools in the boys' dorm room, but then he was saying something about his mother, and I..." Theo looked sick. "I loved Mrs Malfoy so much."

She was unsure why Theo was telling this to her. Maybe he felt like he couldn't talk to anybody else, but what made her any different? If anything, she should be telling him to piss off and go cry into his pillow. He had been nothing but unsympathetic towards her, after all.

"Is there a reason you're saying this to me?"

Theo cleared his throat and brushed his eyes. "No. No, I just saw you reading the Daily Prophet. I just..." He hesitated, and then he stood up. "I'll leave you to it, I suppose."

Rowan watched him scutter off towards the boys' dormitories and said nothing. 

...

sorry you had to wait a while for this! i've started a new job and the whole stuff with liam payne happened and i've just been so exhausted and felt quite emotional over the last few days. i've been a die hard one direction fan since they were on the x-factor and i'm just so heartbroken :( 

but anyways, the ending of this fic is fast approaching! maybe like literally 2 chapters left or one really long chapter? insane stuff! i'm literally going to work on the next chapter as soon as i post this one lol. 

i hope you enjoyed it, thank you for reading! <3

dyiansobrien