Stelle and I stared at each other across the table. She kept glancing to her right and I kept glancing to my left, shaking my head. Stelle stuck out her bottom lip. "Please?" she mouthed. 

"No," I mouthed back. I could feel the tension between us. Stelle promised on the way here she wouldn't say anything. She wouldn't tell anyone I was a time traveler. But now with our present company, I guess the urge was too strong. 

Some papers rustled and a hand reached across the table to grab an apple out of the bowl. Phil looked back and forth between us over the top of his newspaper. "What?" he asked. 

Stelle opened her mouth to answer but I beat her to it. "Nothing," I said quickly. Stelle had forgotten she promised to drop by Phil's hotel room for a friendly chat. I could only assume she brought me along to keep her in check. I realized I was going to have to tell Phil the truth that day unless I wanted Stelle to do it for me. 

It was my responsibility. 

"Ya' seem awful twitchy," Phil said, looking at me. Right then I felt a muscle twitch in my eye.

"What makes you say that?" I asked looking like a nervous wreck. It was hot in Phil's room, hence the reason he had the fan blowing directly on him while he left his shirt on the armrest of the couch. I meanwhile, shivered in my shorts. Phil shrugged and turned the page in his newspaper. 

"I dunno," he said. "Ever since you came to Australia you've been jumpy an' waitin' for one of us to strike." I glanced at Stelle who turned her attention to her cup of tea. Or I was waiting for someone to catch me in the act. "We really don't bite, love."

"Most of the time," Stelle muttered over her cup and Phil laughed. 

"Right," he said. "Most of the time." He stood up from the table to pour himself another cup of tea. I declined any tea as I was anxious enough already without the added caffeine. Stelle leaned across the table and I leaned closer too, so our heads touched. 

"When are you going to tell him?" she asked. "I'm dying over here."

"I don't know," I whispered. "I want to tell him when we're alone."

"I can leave," Stelle said. "I can pretend I left something in our room and wait outside until you're finished."

I shook my head. "Thanks, but it doesn't feel like the right time." I couldn't explain it but it didn't feel right telling Phil now. Phil and I had barely spoken to each other the entire time I was here and dropping this on him felt unfair. I wanted to gain his trust first. Right now he kind of felt like a neighbor. Friendly enough but I didn't really know him. 

Phil came back and Stelle and I backed away from each other. "Happy for another day off from work, Phil?" Stelle asked. "Shame the concert got canceled." My ears perked up. 

"Yeah, it's a drag," Phil said. "Lookin' forward to smashin' it out on the drum kit. But I'm alright with another break. The pool sort of...tired us all out."

"It's so hot outside, I wouldn't mind another swim, right, Hannah?" Stelle eyed me over her tea. Phil also looked over at me and I shrunk. "How about we go to the beach?" Phil sighed and leaned back in his chair. "Something wrong with the beach, Phillip?"

"Nah, nothin's wrong," he sighed. He stretched out his hand and waved it helplessly. "It's jus' so far from my chair an' I'm so comfortable right here...."

Stelle snickered and shook her head. "Alright then, what do you suggest? We can't let this beautiful day go to waste."

"You takin' photos today?" Phil asked.

"Nope. Running out of film as it is," Stelle said. "Today is a holiday for all." Phil smiled.

"Good. Don't have to shave today for the cameras." Stelle rolled her eyes and I laughed. My laughter was cut short when Stelle gave me a sly smirk. "Ya' think any others will wanna join us? For...wherever it is we're doin'."

"Great idea, Phil," Stelle said, standing up from the table. "I'll go pay a visit to their rooms and see if any are game. You and Hannah stay here." She pushed me back down in my chair when I tried to stand up to follow her. Swiftly, she fled the table and the room, leaving me alone with Phil Rudd and my secret. 

Thanks, Stelle.

Phil didn't pay any mind and went back to his newspaper. He flipped through a few pages and read silently. I stared at Stelle's abandoned tea mug and craved a cup of tea for myself. I kept myself occupied by twiddling my thumbs and refusing to make eye contact with Phil. "You're twitchin' again," he said. 

"Am not," I said, turning my face away. 

"Hm," was all he said, reading at the same time. If I could just keep my composure long enough until Stelle came back then Phil wouldn't question my erratic behavior and we could go on with our jolly holiday. Knowing Stelle, she would make sure to take her time asking the boys if they wanted to partake in festivities. "Ya' hungry at all?" he asked. 

"No, I'm fine," I said. More awkward silence. Phil finished the paper and folded it up, setting it down on the table in front of him. 

"So what do you wanna do today?" he asked. Making plans should really be left to someone else. Anytime I planned anything, it got canceled or postponed or it started raining or something. I was a jinx when it came to making plans. 

"I'm fine with whatever," I shrugged. "As long as it isn't some extreme sport or anything that requires physical activity." Phil smiled. 

"Too early for that anyway," he said. "Let's wait a few hours before sky divin'." I glanced at the clock on the wall. Stelle had been gone for five minutes. With the boys being on different floors of the hotel, and Stelle with a trick up her sleeve, this could take ages. This wasn't the right moment to tell him! I wouldn't give in to the temptation. I had to think of something else to talk about. 

"Have any plans for Christmas?" I asked. 

"Seein' family, I guess," he shrugged. "The usual, ya' know. Might get a couple weeks worth of sleep before startin' up the next tour. Been...." Phil looked at me with a slight frown before looking away. "Been a rough year, I'll tell you that."

I knew exactly what Phil was talking about. It was no secret anymore that he had been going through some shit this year. I didn't want to press him; I didn't have to. "I'm sorry to hear that," I said. 

"What about you?" he asked, changing the subject. "You have any Christmas plans?" Well, that depended on where I was when Christmas rolled around. Where, and when.

"Hopefully I'll be home by then," I said, hiding my nerves. "It'll be good to get back to the cold."

"I'm ready for the sun," Phil said. "It's not Christmas without sun." Spoken like a true Aussie. "But I'm excited for the tour, don't get me wrong. Playin's a lot of fun."

"Why was the show tonight canceled?" I asked. 

"Well, it-" He sighed. "Not really one thing called it off, more like a series of things that need a day or two of fixin'," he said. "Some amps are completely blown out an' we need to find more. Other equipment is runnin' out of steam an' they need fixin'. Today's show was a small one so we could afford to call it off....but we've been wearin' our stuff down over the month an' it's all about to break."

"That's too bad," I said. "Hope nobody is disappointed."

"I'm sure they are," he said. "Some are probably thankin' Christ we're not goin' onstage today."

"Nonsense," I said with a smile. I looked at the clock again and saw it was now ten minutes. I let out a long, drawn out sigh. This was going to take forever.

"Everythin' okay?" he asked. 

"I'm fine," I said. "I just....I'm not the best at keeping conversations going and Stelle won't be back for a long time." That explanation would have to do and it was far from a lie. Phil scooted his chair back and stood up. 

"Well I'll be in the shower for a bit," he said. "Feel free to do whatever an' that will take up some time." I watched Phil disappear into the bathroom and I slammed my head on the kitchen table. This was a disaster. 

Figuring I should have a bite to eat before doing anything strenuous on our day off, I stood up to scrounge around in Phil's fridge. I opened it up and gaped in shock at all the beer. I knew they weren't all for him. Plenty were in sealed cases for Phil to bring along when the band got together for a show or a party. But the sheer amount was still surprising. Pushing the cases around I saw a small carton of eggs and another of milk. It would have to do. Grabbing the ingredients I settled on a couple of eggs for breakfast. Something simple and plain and wouldn't make my anxiety worse. 

I grabbed a pan from the stove and set to work. Eggs were one of the only things I could actually cook besides pasta, smoothies, and boiled vegetables. I wouldn't mind having a bit of chopped spinach to go with my eggs but unfortunately Phil was fresh out. 

Or maybe it was behind Beer Can #9 and I didn't bother to check. 

Scraping the eggs onto a plate I stuck the pan in the sink and rinsed it off with water. I'd wash the dishes after I ate. Phil's shower was still running and Stelle was still MIA. My eggs were good, not to stroke my own dick or anything. Could have used a bit more salt. 

The shower turned off and I hustled to get the pan clean. It wouldn't do to leave Phil's hotel room a mess. He came out of the bathroom right as I put it back on its place on the stove. He held a towel to his hair and had put on a shirt. "See you made breakfast," he said. 

"Just a little," I said. Phil tossed his towel to the floor, not caring about leaving his own mess, and opened the fridge. He pushed around the cases of beer and pulled out a jug of orange juice. 

"Want some of this?" he asked, holding it up. 

I fucking hate oranges. I hate the taste, I hate the smell, and it's my least favorite color. But the Vitamin C was too tempting. 

"Just a tiny little bit," I said, holding up two fingers. Phil fetched a couple glasses from the cupboard and set one down in front of me. 

"Tell me when," he said, pouring the juice. I watched the orange juice splash around the glass and I grimaced. 

"That's good," I said. Phil pulled the jug away and looked down at my glass. It wasn't even half full.

"Ya' sure?" he asked. "That ain't much."

"It's enough for me, believe me," I said. Phil poured his own glass and resumed his seat at the table. I stared at my glass of orange juice and finally took a sip. I must have been making a hundred different faces of disgust because Phil broke out laughing. It was a tangy juice and tasted just like my motion sickness medicine back home. How anybody could drink a full glass of this stuff was beyond me. 

"Ya' didn't have to take any if ya' don't like it," Phil said, sipping his own drink. "I won't get offended or nothin'."

"No, I love it," I said, coughing. I started laughing at the same time and that made the cough worse. I was quite the spectacle for Phil and I regained my composure as he watched in amusement. That was enough sweet fruit for the day. "How was the shower?"

"Fine," Phil muttered. "There must be three drops of hot water in this entire hotel." He chugged half of his drink down. "An' Ang uses it all for his tea."

Something crashed behind the wall. I nearly jumped out of my chair but Phil just sighed. "What the fuck was that?" I asked. 

"My neighbors," he said. "Ya' wanna know why I'm excited to get goin' on tour?" He smiled. "Get away from these guys." He pointed his thumb at the wall behind him. "Every night when I go to sleep an' every mornin' when I wake up. Droppin' somethin', throwin' somethin'...gets tirin' after a while, love."

"Have you told them to quiet down?" I asked. Not like I would ever do that myself being much too shy. 

"Well, I stopped after the fiftieth time," Phil said, pretending to count in his head. "Thought they got the picture by then but I guess not." Another crash. Phil didn't seem at all fazed by it anymore. I wonder if Stelle had encountered these neighbors when she spent the night weeks ago. Speaking of Stelle...

The hotel room door opened as Stelle walked in, keys ringing in her hand. "They're all no shows," she called, closing the door behind her. I sighed in relief at her return. "Malcolm's planning a day with friends, Angus I assume was asleep since he didn't answer." She stood behind Phil's chair and put her hands on the back of it. "Ronald has a date with some woman he met last night and Cliff...." She shrugged. "I dunno, he just declined to go."

"So it's just us then," Phil said. "Unless either of you two wanted to call up some friends."

"No thanks," I said. Stelle brightened up and tried pulling Phil out of his chair. 

"Now what are ya' tryin' to do?" he asked. 

"Come on, let's go to the boardwalk," Stelle said, hoisting Phil out of his chair. Phil was mostly dead weight. He let Stelle pick him up and didn't struggle. "Hannah, grab his feet!"

I grabbed Phil's bare feet and held him up, both of us taking the man hostage. Phil laughed a bit and pointed at the floor. "Can I get my shoes first?" he asked. "Then you can carry me."

"If you're putting shoes on I think you can walk," Stelle said setting him down on the couch. He grabbed his shoes off the floor which was a pair of black thongs, still a bit wet from the pool yesterday. "So the boardwalk, is it?"

**********

The boardwalk was probably even more crowded than the beach, which wasn't an ideal environment for me to confess the truth to Phil. I think Stelle figured that too since she kept leading us to more quiet corners or nearly empty booths. I bought myself a cinnamon pretzel to make up for the one that died at my feet. It was even better than the first one and I savored every bite. 

Stelle let Phil go on ahead of us and slowed down to walk beside me. "So when are you planning on telling him?" she asked. "Since you 'forgot' at breakfast."

"I didn't forget," I whispered, wiping my mouth of sugar. "Don't you realize how hard this is?"

"Just do it quick, like ripping off a plaster," she said. 

Phil turned his back on the pier and lit up a cigarette. A couple people noticed him and crowded around him to talk. I swallowed. "Are you sure this was the best place to go?" I asked. "There's people everywhere."

"The crowds will thin out," Stelle said, as we watched a hoard of people swarm Phil for autographs. "I hope..."

Stelle found a photo booth and had her picture taken alone after I politely refused. It wouldn't work and Stelle would have nothing to take home. After the crowd around Phil had diminished some, he came back to us with a new cigarette and stuck his hands in his pockets. "Startin' to feel like the beach ain't so bad," he said, looking around. "Where's Stelle?"

"In there," I said. She came back out and grabbed the roll of photos. 

"And when were you two going to tell me my hair looked like a nest?" she asked, holding the photos up. Phil and I squinted to see what was wrong. "Candy floss!"

"It looks fine," I said as Stelle tried fixing it. 

"Ya' look cute, Stelle," Phil said. "Come on, let's head down to the beach."

"Okay..." Stelle said absentmindedly. "This is crackers, it must be that cheap hairspray I bought..."

**********

The beach was much less popular than the boardwalk that evening. Gulls flew overhead and investigated the bags of food left on the sand. A couple of them got into a fight over potato chips and I burst out laughing. Stelle, deciding her hair was fine as it was, grabbed a few stones to throw, watching them skip over the water. Phil found a log tipped on its side and sat down on the sand, resting his back against it. After the seagulls flew off, I contented myself with walking along the wet sand, letting the water wash over my feet. The sun was beginning to set but not over the water. Instead it was behind us, drifting away behind the trees and buildings. 

Still pretty all the same. Sort of wished a handsome man were here with me to enjoy it with....

Stelle and Phil had done most of the talking all day. They were more skilled at conversation and kept coming up with new topics to delve into. I listened to them and gave my opinion when asked for. My mind was too full to really pay attention, though. Here was the perfect opportunity to tell Phil. All alone and no one to bother us. Yet....I couldn't bring myself to do it. 

"How far are ya' plannin' to go?" Phil asked, suddenly beside me. I jumped, startled, and kept walking. 

"I'm not sure," I said. "Until I run out of sand, I guess." The stretch of beach in front of us wouldn't last forever. Phil had kicked his shoes off and walked through the sand barefoot, the ends of his jeans rolled up. 

"You're sure you're alright?" he asked. "I didn't want to say anythin' but Mal's noticed you've been actin' funny too."

"What did he say?" I asked, hiding the worried expression on my face. Phil shrugged.

"Don't remember much," he said. "He thought you an' Ang had gotten into a fight or somethin'." I relaxed a little.

"Oh, that," I said. "We worked it out the other day, we're fine."

Phil stopped to pick up a crab shell and launched it out to sea again. It hit the waves with a splash. "Much nicer here than up there," Phil said, motioning towards the pier. "Ya' know sometimes bein' famous is a drag."

"I couldn't be famous," I said. "Couldn't stand the constant attention and I'd end up saying something that would get me in trouble." Phil laughed.

"Yeah, the press are sharks," he said. "It'll be nicer down the line when we have nice stuff," he said. "Ya' know....a big house I can hide out in or....a car I can drive away in to get away from it all." We eventually stopped our walk and turned around so we wouldn't lose sight of Stelle. Couldn't have her thinking we were swept away by the water. "Ya' know, sometimes ya' wish you could take one day to just be some face," he continued. "Have the whole day to yourself." He lit up another cigarette. "An' of course go right back to bein' famous."

"Like an on/off switch?" I asked. 

"Kind of," Phil said. "Ya' get to keep the money, though, when you switch the fame off."

"Fair enough," I laughed. The sky turned a brilliant orange; much nicer than the juice from this morning. The few clouds in the sky were pink and the gulls were in traffic trying to get home for dinner. The pretzel had satisfied me for now but I was still craving real meat and vegetables. I decided the first thing I'd do when I got home was cook a real meal. Stelle's room service was a pretty good substitute but it had been handled too much. Too many spices thrown in and too many sauces. I was boring in every sense of the word, and that included my palate. "Is that why you came out today?" I asked.

"Hm?" Phil said. "What do ya' mean?"

"You could have spent your day off doing anything in the world," I said. "You could have called up some friends or gone on a date like Bon did." 

"Well, I guess you an' Stelle are friends," he said. "Stelle an' I made plans to hang out a while ago an' today was the first day available." We could see her come into view, resting against the log that Phil had sat by a while ago. "An' yeah, it feels nice to get out. Feels normal jus' bein' with friends."

My heart ached at everything I knew about the future. Everything Phil had gone through, or, was about to go through. I couldn't imagine what it felt like. Similar to how I felt around Bon and Malcolm, I was starting to cry. I couldn't let him see. I pressed my fingernails into the palms of my hands and the sharp pain kept the tears at bay.

"There's Stelle," Phil said nodding at her. It looked like she was about to fall asleep. She had also kicked her shoes off and forgot about her hair looking like a nest because she ignored the leaf that had gotten tangled up in her locks from the wind. "Come on, we should get back before it gets dark."

"Wait," I said, stopping in my tracks. "Phil?" He stopped and turned around to face me. Wind blew my hair in every direction and I pushed it away from my face. The entire day he asked if I was okay and whatever the answer was....I could only think of one thing. "Are you okay?" I asked.

He narrowed his eyes and looked down at his cigarette. "Fine," he shrugged. "Bit cold out here." 

"You sure?"

"Sure," he said. "Why do ya' ask?"

Without warning I grabbed him for a hug. Angus was still the only one who wasn't surprised at being hugged as Phil took the longest to respond. He gently patted me on the back and I pulled away from him. "Sorry," I said. 

"Now I'm concerned," he said, smiling slightly. "What did I do?"

"Nothing," I said, rocking back and forth on my feet. "Just thought you needed a hug, is all."

"I need a coat, is what I need," he said. "Come on." We started back toward Stelle and I could feel my panic rising. I was running out of time. Maybe it didn't matter if Stelle overheard, as she already knew, but I wanted to tell Phil in private. They all deserved that much. "Really, did I do somethin'?" he asked.

"No, of course not," I said. "I just...." I shrugged. 

"If you're askin' about my well bein' I appreciate it," Phil said. "It's not often the fans ask about stuff like that, not like they know much about what we go through on a daily basis...." Stelle got closer and closer with every step. "Everyone's got their own problems, ya' know? We all exist in this world...it's not up to the fans to be our little therapists, ya' know? But...it's appreciated all the same."

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay," I said. Phil stopped walking. 

"Ya' heard, didn't ya?" he asked. "My little...episode?" I looked at the orange sand and nodded. "What did you hear?"

"Not much," I said quickly. "Only that you were stressed out and needed a break." The less details I gave him, the less upset he might be that word got out. 

"Yeah, had a bit of a rough spot," he admitted. "I've got my shit together now, don't ya' worry." He rustled my hair a bit and kept walking. "Feel like a steam engine now."

He stumbled over a little as I hugged him again. This time he caught me in his arms and hugged me back. I couldn't help it. These men were important to me for many reasons and it hurt to see them struggle at all. That's life, sure. But I wanted to do my best to make things better for them. Any way I could help, I'd do it. 

"Phil?" I asked, still hugging him. "I'm from the future."

He tensed up in my arms and pulled away from me, hands on my shoulders. "What did you say?"