Before:

He still had to talk to Fitz about everything. But now was not the time. So Keefe let the warm feathers envelop him and carry him away to his least favorite place on earth: home. 

Away from anything fun, and choices, and pranks, and laughter. And worst of all, away from the beautiful turquoise eyes he could never get out of his head.

Keefe appeared at Candleshade, suppressing a sigh. Time to go have fun with the World's Best Parents. If they were even home. They probably didn't even know that he'd been at a friend's house. Or at school.

The tower looked extra creepy and dismal after seeing Havenfield with its bright colors and energy. Sophie's house was practically pulsing with love and laughter, while his was shrouded in darkness and disappointment.

When he opened the door and entered the kitchen, he kicked off his dirty boots onto the expensive carpet like usual, pleased when mud flaked off.

The grin was wiped off his face when he realized only two things made him happy anymore: ticking off his parents, and her.

Keefe dropped his bag onto his dad's favorite chair and listened to the sounds.

The creaking of the table Keefe had sat on a few times too many.

Wind rustling through the branches of trees outside.

But there were no voices or sounds of life of any kind, so Cassius and Gisela likely weren't home. Cassius was probably in his beach house or Atlantis retreat, and Gisela? Who even knew anymore.

Who even wanted to know anymore. It was the same old thing, over and over.

Keefe, alone for hours and sometimes days, cooking for himself, doing everything by himself. Occasionally, he went to school, or over to a friend's house. But that never lasted long enough. He always had to come back to the lonely tower that managed to not be large enough for the three of them. Whenever they were both gone, the grime and dirt piled up until Cassius and Gisela came back. Keefe didn't clean, because he knew that both of his parents hated messiness. The gnomes weren't allowed in the house, and they didn't like Cassius anyway because of his habit of treating them as less than intelligent species.

Although sometimes it was worse when they WERE there. When Keefe had to withstand Cassius shouting at him about his almost perfect but not quite grades, his detentions, his pranks, his art, his hair, his wasted potential.

While Gisela stood there, silent. Not interfering. Not adding to the insults, but not stopping them either. Escaping as soon as possible to go to her friends or her retreats. Or leaving to the room she didn't share with Cassius.

Not helping.

Not talking.

Not caring.

Just standing. While Keefe waited for the moment he could run up to his room, hiding the scars behind snark and jokes, hiding the wounds that hurt like broken glass.

He wished he had an escape that wasn't in the tower.

He wished he were old enough to move out.

He wished they weren't his parents.

He wished he could stop caring that they were.

Most of all, he wished that she would notice-

Nope. Keefe shut down that thought before it could go anywhere.

He was doing what any good friend would do. Which reminded him, he had promised to hail Fitz. But he probably wasn't done with whatever he was doing with Sophie. Was probably staying there for dinner.

Keefe shot down the stab of jealousy before it spiked. He was done with envy. She chose him, and that was fine. He was fine. He'd accepted it.

He loved lying to himself.

His imparter buzzed, and he checked who was hailing him before he answered, hope hope hoping it was Sophie or Fitz.

It was Biana.

He answered, and sat down on his mother's favorite chair. He found it uncomfortable, but it gave him the chance to scatter crumbs and put his feet on it.

"Hi! How are you?" Biana asked, her eyes showing concern.

"Cut right to the chase, huh? I'm good," Keefe lied.

"Sure," Biana snorted. "Because you were completely fine with seeing Fitz and Sophie together today. And feeling their emotions at the same time."

Keefe swore under his breath. Sometimes Biana could be a little too perceptive. "I'm fine, okay?" There was no use denying it. Keefe was pretty sure everyone had figured it out except for the person it affected.

Because that was Keefe's wonderful, fabulous life.

"Whatever," Biana rolled her eyes, obviously not believing him. "Anyway, I wanna know... when are you planning on confessing?"

"I think you mean if, and the answer is never," Keefe told her.

"The answer you're looking for is tomorrow. Or today. I'm fine with either."

"No." Keefe crossed his arms, then remembered she couldn't see anything below his chin and tilted the imparter so she could.

Biana sighed. "Why? What, do you think she'll hate you? Reject you?"

"No to the first question, yes to the second. Why would she like me? Even if I have awesome hair, and an amazing body, and beautiful eyes," Keefe resorted back to comedy, his only shield. But it melted away a second later. "She likes him."

"Why?"

"What?" Keefe had never considered the question. He knew why he liked her, of course, but he had never stopped to wonder why she liked Fitz.

What did he have that Keefe didn't?

Keefe thought for a while, (about two seconds) before telling Biana, "Duh, he's Fitz."

"And?" Biana showed him her crossed arms. She quirked an eyebrow, letting him know how stupid he was being. But it was true.

Why would Sophie like a no-good prankster boy with daddy and mommy issues over a golden boy with a perfect family?

"Who would choose someone perfectly ordinary or worse than ordinary over a Vacker?"

"Hmm, I don't know. Maybe you should tell me? After all, you chose Sophie over me," Biana pointed out.

Keefe suddenly felt panicked. "Look, I'm sorry, I just-" He stopped when he realized Biana was laughing.

"No, it's fine," She giggled. "I was just messing with you. Sophie isn't ordinary anyway, I was kidding. Plus, I am totally over you now. I've got Dex-" she realized what she said and went pale.

"OOH, so you and Dex, now?" Keefe snorted at the look on Biana's face.

"No!" Biana's voice was too high-pitched. "Nothing!" Which didn't even make sense. "Nothing's happening!"

"Riiiiight..." Keefe shook his head. "Biana, Biana, Biana. When are you going to learn you can't hide things from an empath?"

"We aren't even talking in person! It's not like you can read my emotions," Biana protested. But she knew it was futile, and she sighed and pleaded, "Please, please, please don't tell anyone! We wanted to keep it a secret! And don't ask why," she added, forestalling Keefe's next question.

"It's okay, I won't tell anyone," Keefe grinned, letting the beat drag on a few seconds before saying, "IF you stop hinting about the whole... situation to Sophie. If I can't interfere in your personal life, you can't butt into mine."

"What? But it's way too much fun messing with..." Biana's voice trailed off when she saw the look Keefe was giving her. "Fine," she grumbled. "But you'd better tell her eventually!"

"Since that could mean one hundred years from now, sure!" Keefe agreed. "Eventually."

"Whatever," Biana conceded. "I'm sure that's the best I'll get."

"It is," Keefe confirmed. Then he heard the door open. "Okay gotta go bye!" He clicked off before Biana could ask why, and made sure his feet were firmly planted on the seat of the chair. His mood was significantly improved from before the conversation, and he was ready to stand up to his parents.

He waited for Gisela or Cassius to come in, bracing for the insults sure to come about the prank he'd pulled earlier that day and the subsequent lunch detention.

But neither of his parents came.

Instead, there was a knock on the door and a handsome head poked into the kitchen.

"Alden?" Keefe gasped, standing up and dropping his imparter on the floor. The Emissary opened the door all the way and slid his body inside. Keefe watched him take in the dirty dishes, the dusty shelves. The mud on the carpet, the bag tossed on the chair. Alden didn't change his expression, but Keefe saw the faint look of disapproval in his eyes.

A blush rose on Keefe's face. This was the one adult he actually cared about impressing, besides his mother.

And this was the reason Cassius was always saying to look your best at all times, even in your own home.

Well, he had to be right about something.

"Is this about Fitz?" Keefe asked. Alden had never come to Candleshade before.

Alden shook his head. "No, Fitz doesn't even know I'm here."

"Then why are you here?"

"Where are your parents?" Alden avoided the question, casting another concerned glance around the room. He must have known the Sencen parents would never allow their home to be this messy.

"Out," Keefe mumbled.

"When did they leave?" Alden raised an eyebrow that was probably supposed to be concerning, but just looked like pity.

Keefe shrugged vaguely.

"Okay," Alden sighed. "Do you... do you want to sleep over at Everglen tonight?"

Keefe considered his options. If he agreed, it might sound like he wasn't okay with his current situation. But on the other hand, he would get a chance to ask Fitz questions and get out of the Tower Of Doom.

"Sure! It can be a Vacker slumber party plus one!" Keefe accepted.

"Great!" Alden didn't look as clear of worry as Keefe would have liked. "There's no reason to worry," he added, seeing Keefe's questioning look. "I just want to talk to you for a minute. Let's go in here, shall we?" Alden led the way into the living room, and they sank down onto the couch.

"I... don't really know how to say this." Alden looked uncomfortable for what was probably the first time in his long life.

"So, what's up? You telling me the whole world is in love with me? Because I already know." Keefe tried a smirk, but the tension radiating off Alden was kinda killing his vibe. Keefe expected him to ask about his parents, was he okay with them, how were they treating him, etc, but the words that followed were almost worse.

"So... I know about Sophie," Alden started.

"Um, so do I. Blond, blue eyes, daughter of the Ruewens... think I know her pretty well," Keefe hoped Alden would just stop there and leave, but he continued.

"No, I know how you feel about her," Alden said firmly. "And I just have to ask you... why haven't you told her?"

The conversation was a million times more awkward than it had been with Biana. Alden was talking to him about feelings? The horror.

Keefe realized that Alden was waiting for an answer. So he decided to stall.

"She's my friend." He tried to harness the emotions that Sophie always seemed to feel when she was denying his crush and hoped that he seemed convincing.

"Keefe, there is no use denying it. I should know," Alden said, waiting for him to take the bait.

And (gosh darn him) he did. "What do you mean?"

"I know this may seem hard to believe, but when I was your age, I liked someone who was in love with my best friend."

"Really?" Keefe was internally screaming. Who said anything about love? He was in love with Sophie, but she only liked Fitz. He could feel that. But it was the kind of crush that could lead to love. And Keefe was content to let that happen with his friends.

Apparently, he was lying a lot today. To Sophie, to Fitz, to Biana, to Alden, and especially to himself.

"Yes. I lost both of their friendships when I confessed my feelings to her. If I could go back, I would never have done that. I made a huge mistake. We will never be friends again." Alden turned an intense gaze on Keefe.

"So, you're saying... never, ever tell Sophie about anything," Keefe mumbled. He was dying to know who the girl was, but he wasn't gonna ask. Anything to make this conversation shorter.

Alden nodded. "Just let them be happy."

"I'm trying!" Keefe suddenly shot out of his seat. His temper, which had been simmering for a while, boiled over. "Don't you see that? I'm trying to be a good friend! I'm trying to let them be happy! But everyone keeps on telling me what to do and I'm sick of it! I. Am. Sick. Of. It.

"I know what to do! Despite all evidence, I am not stupid! I can think for myself and make decisions and know what's right! But no matter what I do, I'll disappoint someone. It could be you, or Fitz, or my dad, or Sophie, or my teachers, or even Maruca, but I CAN'T PLEASE EVERYONE. So can everyone just STOP telling me what to do, and TRUST that I can handle MYSELF and do what I WANT and not what everyone ELSE wants and BE MY OWN PERSON?"

 Keefe collapsed on the ground as suddenly as he had stood up. He laid on his back and stared up at his perfectly clean sparkling white ceiling, hating the clean-cut perfection of it. "I can't take this anymore. I can't," he whispered.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. He shook it off. He didn't need Alden's comfort. He was used to having to deal with his own pain.

But the hand stayed, and Keefe groaned and rolled over, squishing his face into the carpet.

"Keefe."

Alden said nothing but his name, but Keefe still felt the meaning behind the words. Alden's hand was practically shoving emotions into Keefe's brain. He could feel how guilty, sad, and annoyed Alden was to have to do this. But he also detected a hint of... satisfaction?

Keefe tried to ignore that, focusing on how sorry Alden was to hurt him. And he rolled over. Sat up. Stood. Put on a semblance of normal.

"I'm going to go now," Alden said quietly. He was still kneeling on the ground. "Are you still going to come over?"

Keefe shook his head. "No, I think I'll stay here tonight." He would still have to hail Fitz, though. Boy, was he looking forward to that.

"Okay," Alden stood up too. "Remember what I said. Let them be happy." Alden stepped outside and held his crystal up to the light. Right before he leaped away, he said, "I'm very proud of you, Keefe. I want you to know that."

Then he was gone.

Keefe stood there, shellshocked. A stubborn tear slipped down his cheek, and he squeezed his eyes shut. His good mood from the talk with Biana was completely, absolutely gone. One Vacker had cheered him, another had brought him back down.

He opened his eyes just enough to climb on the Vortinator and ride up to his room, where he sobbed into his pillow for a good thirty minutes. Then Fitz hailed him.

Keefe ignored him.

He didn't want to talk about anything. Especially not his convoluted, messed up, absolutely insane feelings.

Keefe didn't remember falling asleep. He just knew that somehow it was morning, and he didn't know how the time had passed.

And he didn't really care, either.

Okay. So this chapter is... a little depressing.

But it does get better. It gets worse first, but, you know, it does get better