When the blazing sun is gone,
When he nothing shines upon,
Then you show your little light,
Twinkle, twinkle, all the night.

It was Jun. Ra-ra saw him clear as day. He was standing near the door and he was smiling.

It was a little different than all the other times she had seen him enter, all the other times she had imagined him walking inside like all those days he had done so when he was still alive.

The first few months after the terrible news his mother brought, she had even deluded herself in believing is was really him. She had gotten up from behind her piano, leaving behind whatever sad tune she had been playing at the moment and she had run to him only to see him quickly fade away.

At those moments she had broken down and sobbed until her eyes had hurt.

Sometimes he would walk inside without looking at her. He would mumble a greeting and walk right over to the fridge. She could only stare at him, until he smiled at her and faded away like a distant memory.

Other times he would walk over and sit down next to her piano. His fingers would ghost over the keys and only in her mind would his accompanying cords be heard. At those moments she would close her eyes to keep the memory alive as long as possible. But every time, always, not one single exception, Jun would become a ghost himself. His figure would shimmer and fade and she would be left alone and empty.

She wondered why he appeared right now, it had been so long since she'd envisioned him the last time. It had been five years after his death, after all. She thought she had moved on. Her piano academy was doing great and the old flower shop had even been put on her name. Perhaps that had been the trigger.

Was it only three days ago that it had happened? She frowned and marveled for a moment at how many thoughts could pass through a mind in mere seconds.

The image of Jun was still smiling at her, even though a small crease appeared between his eyebrows.

His name had been on the paper the lawyer had brought her to sign. Sunwoo Jun. With his autograph. It had looked like it had just been signed and she had felt herself tear up again.

She wondered why his mother had decided to give her the building. Perhaps she too, tried to move on.

With a small smile she turned her attention back to Jun near the door. He cocked his head, as if to ask her what was wrong. Why wasn't she saying anything? Should she great him? But no, it was no use. She had talked to him, greeted him numerous times, yelled at him, cried and pleaded. But he could never say anything he hadn't already said before. She knew the words would echo in her ears for days on end and so she did nothing. She just stared at him.

Until she finally caved and broke the silence. One word. "Jun-i."

At that he raised his arms in a welcoming gesture.

She frowned. When had he ever done that? Had her mind began to imagine new possibilities? Why now, after all those years? Because she still wasn't over him?

There had been moments she'd considered dating, simply to break out of the shell she had build around her. She never saw it through.

She had even considered asking Mr. Cha if he was still interested in her. Anything to stop the sad, never ending emptiness that filled her after the last student left the building. But he had recently decided to return to his ex-wife and she was truly happy for them.

She heaved a deep sigh and stood up from her piano stool. Jun was still smiling at her but she couldn't bear to see him fade again, so she turned around and began to climb the short stairs to her bedroom.

Behind her his voice called through the empty space: "Ra-ra-ya."

Her heart stopped one split-second. It sounded so real this time. Not hollow, not fleeting. She turned around and saw how he lowered his arms and began to walk over to her. The frown on his face was deeper now and this time she also noticed his cloths.

She had never seen them before. The black pants, white shirt and black jacket weren't anything he had warn before. His haircut was different as well. More grown up. She squinted and looked at him a little closer. His face had changed. The lines had become more defined. Less of the roundness of youth. His cheekbones sharp and his chin firm. There were also new lines around his mouth. A tentative smile formed as he stood still in front of the stairs.

He looked so real she wanted to reach out her hand and touch him. Instead she hid her hands behind her back because if she would try, the image would disappear.

"Jun-ah," she sighed. "Why do you keep doing this to me?" His image began to blur and for a moment she thought he was disappearing, instead it were the tears in her eyes that caused it, so she quickly wiped them away.

"Ra-ra-ya, it's me. I'm here."

There was something strange about this hallucination. He looked different, sounded different and now he even used words he had never said before. What was going on? Was she finally going crazy?

"Why?" she wailed and with her blurry vision she saw his smile disappear. "I've moved on, I really have. I was doing really well and La-La Land is doing great and I'm babysitting Ji-a. Why are you coming back now? Hasn't five years been enough?" She was getting upset and even more upsetting was the fact that Jun seemed apologetic.

She had become angry at him in the past, but those times the imaginary Jun had always smiled at her. This time he pressed his lips together and moved his hands as if he was searching for words to explain to her why she was seeing him again.

"I guess I should have done this a little differently," he finally muttered.

Ra-ra was getting more and more confused. Perhaps she was dreaming. Perhaps she had fallen asleep behind the piano. Then it was probably a good time to wake up now. And the best way for that was to walk over to him. If she tried to hold on to him, he would leave.

So she took a step down, and another, and another. Very slowly, until she stood in front of him. She could see the specs of dust that swirled around him, thrown around by the breath that went in and out of his lungs. Those specs had no business whatsoever to be there. How dare they pretend to be real?

She couldn't quite fathom the look on Jun's face. It was almost like he was afraid. That didn't make any sense and so she took the last step down and placed her hand against his chest.

There was fabric where she had expected air. There was pressure where she had expected to push through and there was a heartbeat where there should have been silence.

Jun's Adam's apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed. He wanted to smile, she could see it in his eyes. She needed to wake up, but all she could do was stare. And stare. And finally ... she screamed.

She pushed Jun back with full force, making him stumble backwards until his back hit the piano. Meanwhile Ra-ra ran the steps back up to her bedroom, jumped in bed and threw the blanket over her head.

She was trembling all over. She had touched a ghost. Really touched him. She had felt the solidity of his body. Had heard him breathe and most importantly, she had felt his heartbeat under her palm. Did ghosts have heartbeats?

She froze when the creaky sound of heavy footsteps on wooden steps reached her ears. Was the ghost coming up? What should she do? Where was her phone? She should call someone, anyone. Mr. Chu seemed like a good idea, he always seemed like the kind of person that could easily scare anyone away.

"Ra-ra-ya?" Jun's voice came from very close by. The mattress dipped, another sign that said it was impossibly real. "Please, I didn't mean to scare you. I'm sorry I put you through all this. I didn't plan to come back. I wanted you to live your life without me."

Without him? What was he talking about? They made a promise, didn't they? How could he ever think she would want to live without him. Perhaps in time she would have had to, but she never wanted to.

Suddenly very angry she threw the blanket off of her, startling Jun. "Then why did you come back?" She didn't believe it, not really. The Jun that sat on her bed looked like Jun, spoke like Jun and acted like Jun, but he couldn't possibly be Jun. Nevertheless, if this non-ghost could provide her with answers, she would take them.

He hesitated and she stared at him, her brow creased and her lips pouted. After a while he said: "I didn't want you to see me sick. I didn't want you to have to go through years and years of worries and fear if I would even make it. The first chemo ..." He paused and looked at his hands.

Ra-ra felt her anger diminish a little.

"The first chemo didn't work as well as it should. I felt so sick, barely had my energy. There was just enough of it left to practice the piano piece. In between the chemo's I recorded my part and made my mother send it to you on Christmas eve. I was in the middle of my second chemo at that time and the doctors didn't have much hope."

He sighed and tried to take her hand, but she pulled it away, wiping a few tears from her eyes. She still didn't believe he was there, but there was no way her imagination could come up with this.

Thoroughly upset, even though she understood why he must have thought the way he did, but absolutely didn't agree to anything he said so far, she spit: "Did it ever occur to you that I would have rather stayed with you a thousand times over, no matter how sick you were, than having to live for five agonizing years thinking you were dead?"

Immediately Jun closed his eyes. He moved back as if she'd hit him and in her anger she was glad to see him hurt.

More and more she came to the realization that this was not a hallucination, not a figment of her imagination or a ghost appearance, but the cruel, painstakingly physical reality.

Jun was alive. Had been alive for the past five years. Had been away from her for even longer. Willingly, purposefully, knowing full well what it would do to her to hear he died.

She sat up and screamed: "You never even told me you were sick in the first place. Even after your dumb idea of pushing me away because you wanted to study abroad ..." Her eyes widened. "No, you lied about wanting to study abroad, all that time. Even then. You were sick, and you lied to my face!"

Ra-ra rolled over to the other side of the bed, jumped of and ran past him, out of the loft, down the stairs and out of the building. She was barefoot, but didn't even feel the gravel beneath her toes. She just kept running, downhill, away from him, away from the terrible truth that the boy she had been in love with, the boy she'd mourned, wasn't dead at all.

When she could run no more, and found herself next to the colorful piano in an almost empty street, she filled her lungs with air and screamed her head off.

Then she collapsed and closed her eyes.

---

She woke up in her bed and for one blissful moment everything was as it had been the past years. Then the happenings of the previous night came rushing back to her and immediately she squeezed her eyes shut. "No!"

The mattress dipped on her right. "Ra-ra-ya?"

Her eyes flew open. Ha-yeong sat at the end of the bed and looked at her with red rims around her eyes.

"Ha-young-ah ..." Ra-ra sniffed.

"I'll kill him. I will," the girl said, grabbing a fist full of blanket. "I would have, but Seung Gi beat me to it."

Alarmed Ra-ra flew up. "He didn't hurt him, did he?"

Ha-young snorted. "He merely punched him in the face. If it had been me I'd have pushed him of a cliff. See if he comes back from that."

Ra-ra pulled a face and cried: "Ha-young-ah!"

The girl crossed her arms and looked the other way. Clearly too upset to have any remorse about her vengeful thoughts. "Well, he deserves nothing less. Making us all believe he was dead. I don't care how sick he was, you just don't do that."

Ra-ra agreed wholeheartedly. Still, she couldn't bring herself to wish him any harm. Slowly she climbed out of bed. There were bandages around her feet. Oh right, she had forgotten to put on any shoes last night. With a sigh she carefully slipped in her soft fluffy slippers and then she looked out of the indoor-window of the room Jun had build for her all those years ago.

So much time had passed, so many wasted years. Why did he do that? She needed to talk to him, but at the same time she was scared to see him again.

He had smiled yesterday, as if nothing had happened. As if he hadn't been away at all.

She didn't see him downstairs and Ha-young said: "He's in Mr. Kim's greenhouse. My mom gave him an earful and I believe he also received a scolding from Mr. Cha. I think he's hiding. Be sure to hit him from me."

She didn't want to see Jun just yet. She made an elaborate breakfast and took her time with the shower and choosing her outfit. Ha-young went home so she was alone with Mimi.

"What should I say to him, Mimi?" Ra-ra leaned her chin on her arm and looked down at the tiny white fluff-ball. "I still can't quite believe he's alive. For years I kept expecting him to walk in the door and now that he did I almost wish he hadn't."

She instantly felt guilty for that thought. She stood up, cleared the breakfast table and stood in the middle of the room for a full ten minutes. Then she turned around, grabbed her coat from the hook and walked outside.

She found Jun sitting on one of the chairs Mr. Kim always sat on. He was listening to the white cd-player he'd bought. The new owner of the greenhouse had simply left the spot as it was and every now and then one of the loyal band of Eunpo friends sat down to remember the always friendly old gentleman.

To see Jun sitting there, after having imagined him so often, felt strange and even more unrealistic than if Mr. Kim himself would be sipping from of cup of tea, while listening to the same song, over and over again.

The lovely tunes of 'The Maiden's Prayer' filled the area and the fresh smell of plants that had just been watered made Ra-ra's nostrils flare. She was still angry. Still very upset. She wanted to talk to Jun, hear him out, make him explain again and again why he'd left her in the first place. But most of all she wanted to use her fists and hammer on his chest and yell at him.

When he looked around, she could see by the quickly changing expression on his face that he knew. But he stood up and slowly walked over to her anyway. There was a dark spot next to his left eye and pity fought with satisfaction on seeing what Seung Gi had done. Ra-ra bit her lip as feelings of longing entered her heart, but she was not yet ready to let them dominate.

Neither of them said a word for at least five minutes. Ra-ra felt how tears threatened to surface again, which made her upset and so she lashed out. "Did you know Mr. Kim died two years back? He died thinking you were already dead. Don't you think that was just too cruel?"

Instead of looking down in remorse, his eyebrows rose. "Mr. Kim knew. I ... I needed at least one person to know about everything and he was my closest friend."

Ra-ra felt as if she had been punched in the stomach. "Mr. Kim knew?" she whispered. "He knew you were alive? All those years?" She suddenly felt anger towards the old man as well, which made her even more angry at Jun. How could he? How could he have told everything to Mr. Kim and not to her?

"I made him promise not to tell anyone. There was always a chance the cancer would come back and I would die. I didn't want to get anyone's hopes up again and again." Jun made a helpless gesture with his arms.

"So you just decided to make one old man worry instead. Not only about you, but about lying to us as well. Do you think that was fair?"

A little desperate, Jun objected: "He told me he wanted to know. He wanted to know every little thing I went through. He never said it was too much."

"Of course he would never say that!" Ra-ra yelled. "He made a promise, and he would never break that. He cared for you so much." She stomped her feet. "You are such a child, Jun!"

"I'm twenty-five", Jun bristled.

"You were a child when you made those childish decisions and if you still think they were the right choices, you are a child still." Ra-ra turned around. She'd heard enough. If Jun thought he could just waltz back into her life without a care in the world, he was sorely mistaken.