Date:August 14 2020

Hello everybody!!
Thanks for hanging in here with me on this journey. Y'all have been here from the start. I know you may be wondering how I am doing. Well, let me fill you in on what's been going on.

Reminder, December 4,2019 is the day I finally had left "The House of Hell",as I like to call it, on faith. Pastor of a church had paid for me an uber to get me to where I was going. Only had a little time to pack and be ready. So within an hour of finding out I threw clothes and a few stuff into a suitcase and couple of totes and a backpack. Since the day I first moved there I was seeing black spirits or black shadow people. I was never happy. I had anxiety and depression real bad. I ended up being on 13 different medications. The whole 4 almost 5 years that I was there. The drugs were a means to try to numb how I felt. I ended up staying with a lady by way of another friend. The friend is how i ended up finding my new church home and family. They became my God parents in my heart. Instant love and family from the start.
I was only at the first place for 2 weeks when I thought I was going to be there for 4 months. God had been guiding me from the start though. He knew what He was doing and where He was sending me. I was at a place where the female was doing drugs and other things that I was trying to get away from. While I was there though I gave her some Christian advice. It was up to her to accept what I told her. A lot of what she was doing and going through I had already been there done that. Told her how I got over it and through it. I took that time being there and started reading my bible and self help books more. I left there a day before Christmas Eve.

In December I ended up at a family members house. It was ok at first. I shared a room with an older lady who was bed ridden. But she was really nice. Had a great sense of humor. We got along really great. But it was all a reminder of what all God had brought me from and I really didnt want to take a detour and travel the same bumpy road I had already been on. I still got you and prayed had my morning devotion but my spirit was really going through alot. I smiled even though I was fighting inside. I could tell they didnt understand because peoples attitudes started changing and I could see it.

People let me say this if you're not prepared or mentally ready to help people like they need just leave them alone and let them go elsewhere. Especially if you knew before they moved in that they had no money or a job. Dont assume they will automatically get hired at a job because theres a big sign that says now hiring. Because really if you saw the sign theres no telling who else or how many who saw it too. There's no guarantee that they will be hired. I can say this"I tried!"
I called different jobs applied for so many different ones that said they were hiring. Even on job sites. So let me tell you what happened. I still can't figure it out. One place called me and we did a phone interview. They told me about the job and what it was going to entail. How much I was going to be making etc. Even had me send a copy of my birth certificate social security card to the job managers email. I did. No problem. I had to go up there sign papers and get my schedule. I go to the job site and it takes a good ten minutes for them to give me all my documents back that I brought with me for them to say there was a problem with it and they would call me! No explanation or anything was given. It hurt really but I didn't let it show and I kept doing applications.

This job called me and we did a phone interview again like the other one. My ID is expired so im thinking that may be the problem. I paid a family member to come get me to take me to the license place. I had to wait over am hour for the guy to tell me that it was suspended. I had to take DUI classes that I had to pay for. I had to pay a reinstatement fee and that I may have a warrant!! I was just floored!! I just politely thanked the man and left in a hurry!! Now I'm thinking about the suicide attempts I had done and they just said I was under the influence without checking my system with a test or anything. I was also thinking that maybe that's the real reason I couldn't get a job. It just be on my background check and they didn't want to say anything to me about it. I didn't get the job.

I've filed out many applications since then and I haven't received a call back or anything. Yes it's very upsetting.

All that coupled with how people were acting towards me had me about to explode and my spirit was slowly being broken.

I was hearing oh she still haven't gotten a job when so and so was here this amount of time and they got a job. She's not trying. Etc. Wow! what were they doing to help me? Did anybody ask if I needed to go anywhere that day. What about did I need anything food toiletries. The answer is a big NO.

The blessing that came from it all is february 4 2020 I met an awesome man. We left a few weeks later from there and he couldn't believe what I told him. He told me not to give up don't worry and that everything was going to be alright. I moved in with him.

Things happened so fast that couldn't be explained. But when I tell you God had a plan for us from the start! We know it was only Him. We connected right away. The love was so real and we had only been dating less than a month.
We share similar pains hurts dreams ambitions.

If you're thinking okay everything worked out for me and life was great. Wrong! We both had hurts and things of our past to deal with. I didn't realize how much I was holding onto my last and was taking it with me till it started affecting me and my boyfriend brought it to my attention during a disagreement. When we talked though I was crying I knew he was telling the truth. I had to apologize to him. I was holding onto my past and using it against him. I had a choice to make, stay in the dark that I was used to And just exist again or I could let it all go come out of the darkness and start living. It was hard but I took it
to God and in a heart wrenching ugly cry prayer I asked him to help me. Give me strength and courage to let it all go and I put my trust in Him that He would guide my footsteps and I no longer wanted to do things my way.
When i made that step things really started changing and were a lot better.

I had to open my eyes at what God has really blessed me with already that ive asked for. I finally have love peace happiness and joy. I've always loved animals and guess what my boyfriend wants to have a farm like his dad had! So we're currently working on it. We have a few animals so far. We pray and read the Bible together as well as go to church together.

I'm able to do the things I used to do that I haven't done in a long time like my writing my arts and crafts projects and just be me. Today I am currently 8 months 11 days clean! No more suicide attempts!! I love this healthy me. I love myself now. I'm proud of myself.

Of course there's good and bad days but I'm still doing things different so when the bad days seen to really get to me I reach out to my live and my God sisters and brothers in Christ. They all help me to go on and not give up.

I have been saying boyfriend but let me correct that and tell you he's my fiancee!! Yes we're engaged!!! I never would've thought that I would see the day that I became engaged to anybody! What's crazy is I never asked for a husband but God knows us and He knows what and who we need in our life better than we do. God had prepared me my whole life to get me where he wanted me to be. As soon as we get enough money Gods will we get married.

No I don't regret the past because I know now it was all for a purpose. That I have a purpose. Through it all I've always helped others. Now that I'm healing and loving myself again I can really help others. Especially those who share similar pains struggles and hang ups as me. I'm no longer taking all that medication. I came to terms with what all happened to me was not all my fault and that I had a right to feel how I felt. Yes I forgive all the people that have hurt me and I ask God to forgive me for those that I've hurt as well. I removed all contact with people that dont mean me any good. I went through my Facebook friend list and blocked those that meant me no good or were old drug buddies. I pray and wish them nothing but the best but I will no longer talk or hang out with them. I'm in positive motivating groups. Have only positive motivating friends. The devil still tries to attack me though but He knows that I know I am a child of God and his time is over with trying to destroy me.

I must say if it's one thing that I knew for sure is that I WON!! I wake up and thank God that he blesses me with the breath of life.

I'm still trying to live. Still trying to get a job. I know for certain though that this beautiful Queen is going to make it is making it and has a very great future ahead.

Thank you all. If you have any questions or comments please feel free to comment or message me I would love to hear from you. If you would like to hep me in anyway I thank you God bless you.
Cashapp $MzUnique7984

I may still share different things but this may just be my final chapter. I'm still in awe that I have almost 500 reads! Thank you again.