Over the weekend, I didn't do much. I pretty much lazied around for all of Friday and did my homework on Saturday morning. But, by Saturday afternoon, I had nothing to do. So, I did what I always did when I was bored- I became nostalgic.

It was much worse this time. Normally, I would look at my yearbook comments and think of how much I missed the easiness of the year before or how glad I was to have the friends I did. But, ever since I went to Prestwall, I kept pushing off my sadness for missing my friends. And that afternoon, it all flooded in.

I looked through the comments, page by page, line by line and created this perfect idea in my mind. I assembled all the moments I felt included and happy in my middle school, which while weren't plentiful were still present, and began thinking of how much I missed my friends. How much I missed going to school every morning and talking to them and being able to be myself. How much I missed hanging out with them on weekends. How much I missed being able to tell them anything and not having them judge me. And, before I knew it, my heart felt heavy and I was looking at the numerous pictures on my phone from the past three years.

Why had I chosen Prestwall? The people there were great, but they weren't inherently me. They were kind and inclusive, but I couldn't talk to them like I talked to my friends in middle school. They were... different.

I stayed like that for a long time, clutching my yearbook to my chest and re-reflecting the hard-pressed decision I had made a month ago. Was it really the right one?

I thought about it for hours. Only after I finished reading another book from my bookshelf did it all flood back to me.

The sixth grade was an awful year for me socially. One of my best friends from elementary school had gone to the middle school magnet and the other one had betrayed me in fourth grade. She had ditched me for the "popular kids." So, when I went to middle school, I was, most simply, a loser. I would sit on my own at the lunch table, reading a book or looking out the window. Sure, I didn't eat in the bathroom, but it was just as bad.

I would look forward to the days we had assigned seating because then I actually had someone to sit with. I would be the one person in class who had no partner and worked alone or with the teacher. During our overnight field trip called Outdoor Ed, I didn't have any friends to cabin with. The only person I talked to in my cabin was my mom.

It was torturous and awful and something I wished I could forget, but couldn't. The first half of seventh grade started the same way, until my mom pressured me to try and make some friends. So, I tried.

I had an Indian neighbor who would bike with me sometimes over the summer and she had a large group of friends. So, I tried to sit with her. But, her and her friends were like a posse with her being the Queen Bee. She purposely excluded me to make herself feel better. It wasn't bullying, but it was close.

If I didn't feel like a loser before, I sure did then. But, I still thought it was better than sitting by myself, so I stayed. I let myself be taken advantage of. My mom didn't know it was that bad until she invited them over for art classes. In front of her, they would only interact with me, but behind her back, they ignored me like in school. My mother was no fool. She saw right through them.

In an instant, the four girls were out of my house and I was receiving a long lecture from my mom about self respect. I went back to being the lonely girl at the lonely table. Things didn't turn up for me until I applied for the National Junior Honor Society.

When I got into the society with no problem, I met a girl. She had the same interests as me. We like the same books, were good at the same classes, and played the same video games. We were instant friends. Suddenly, my life had turned around. I had a friend, who would become my best friend, and I wasn't a loser.

I sat with this girl who was like the American clone of me. She had a small group of friends, but it became evident that they didn't understand her as well as we understood each other. We were in the same Spanish class and partnered up for practically everything. We chatted for all of lunch. We fangirled over the same books. To me, it was social heaven.

In the National Junior Honor Society (NJHS), we signed up for the same projects. We talked all through the induction ceremony. We even got yelled at by the teacher for talking, and that was a first for me after many years. Soon, she became my best friend.

One day, she called me over to her house. Her mom and my mom talked for hours and when we drove back home, I remember my mom saying, "Anasika, I think you've found a great friend here." It was probably the best thing I could hear from her.

Eighth grade was the the best year by far. I had this group of friends to talk to, but that girl was my closest friend. Her name was Vanessa. Shocked? Well, it's no surprise to me. But, we continued NJHS and did many projects. The end of the year approached fast as did the cruise.

Outside, my regular friend group, I had a few more people to talk to. I wouldn't call them friends, because we didn't sit at lunch together or go to each other's houses, or even talk after I switched to Prestwall, but I liked hanging out with them at school. They were two guys, and they were funny, smart, and just great to talk to. During the award ceremony, I got so many academic awards, one of them threatened to push me off of the boat if I got another award. I got another award, but luckily he didn't push me off the boat.

The cruise was one of the best social experiences of my life, although it was trumped by Justin's Ferry this year. I laughed and talked with my friends. We even stood on the balcony and watched other people. But, being the nerd I was, I struck up a conversation with my science teacher over the probability of white holes and wormholes in outer space. Nonetheless, it was extremely fun.

That's what made choosing Prestwall so hard. But when I thought about the little details, like how most of my friends didn't care about grades or obsessed over boys or would probably get tattoos in high school, or how I was still excluded by many many people in middle school, I didn't regret my decision. The only thing I regretted was leaving Vanessa.

She was different from the rest of our friends group, more like me. We got the same grades and obsessed over the same books. Books and their fandoms were a huge part of my life through middle and high school, so her liking the exact same books as me was crucial. I missed hanging out with her every day and just plain talking to her. So, we made a pact to call each other every night. It wasn't much, but it meant a lot.

Thinking about all of this, I closed my yearbook. I thought back to Justin's Ferry yesterday. It was amazing. My friends actually included me and I wasn't a loser. Suddenly, I didn't regret choosing Prestwall. With my great social life and the amazing teachers, it felt like one of the best decisions I ever made.

I looked at the clock. 6pm. It was time to call Vanessa. Smiling, I picked up the phone and dialed her number. It felt amazing to just talk every night, or as many nights as I could. Missing her hurt more than I ever imagined.

"Hello?"

"Hi Anasika!" Vanessa's mom answered. "I'll give it to Vanessa. She's just finishing up rereading Exile."

I smacked my forehead. I had completely forgotten! The third book in the series Vanessa and I were currently obsessing over was coming out next month and I still hadn't reread books one and two. I made a mental note to myself to do so and thanked Vanessa's mom.

"Hey Anasika," spoke Vanessa's excited voice. "Ready for Everblaze, book 3?"

I grinned. "Bring it on! I have to start counting down!!"

I could almost see Vanessa rolling her eyes in amusement. Every year I would count down for the book coming out. It was just my thing. "Of course," she laughed. "So, how was the field trip? Two days is a lot."

"Oh it was amazing!" I gushed. "The campfire was awesome, and while the hike was exhausting, it was totally worth it. But the make up work, all the make up work!"

"Aww," sympathized Vanessa. But, I could hear the hurt in her voice, feeling like I had already forgotten about her and replaced her with my new Prestwall friends.

"Of course it would have been more fun if you were there," I added. And it was true. I missed her, a lot. "How's Southeast High? What's the friend group like?"

Vanessa shrugged. "They've changed... a lot. I mean, they're still nice like before, but their anime obsession has gone over the roof." She shuddered. "They've all cut their hair and dyed it like their favorite characters. And Anala has gone all goth."

I frowned. They seemed like they were changing on the cruise, but I didn't know they had changed so much. "You still hang out with them?" I asked.

Vanessa nodded. "Some of them, like Nina and Diana, are still normal. But the rest... I don't know."

I decided to change the topic to something less depressing, and sort of creepy. "Oh well. Hopefully they'll come around. How's AP US History? I heard it's the worst." But, I didn't doubt that Vanessa loved it. History and Politics were her favorite subjects, in contrast to my love of math and science. That's why so many people were shocked when I chose Global over SMCS.

"Oh it's amazing!" she squealed. "We're learning about so many new things. And, sure it's fast paced, but I still love it. Other people... not so much. But, they're the ones who signed up for it."

I laughed. We talked for a few more minutes until my mom called me down for dinner. "Well, I've got to go. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Okay, bye!"

I turned off the phone with a final beep and walked downstairs. Prestwall was great, but so was middle school I reasoned. Honestly, my life wasn't that bad. Oh wait. I still had history homework. Internally groaning, I began to eat dinner. Oh well.