Groaning in pure boredom, Louis slammed his head down on the tabletop in front of him, earning an amused chuckle from Luke next to him. "He talks soooo slow".

"I think it's his kind of torture strategy" Luke snickered quietly.

"How can anyone follow what he is talking about without falling asleep? Are they even human?" Louis glanced around the room where his fellow students all seemed to pay close attention to the professor, who talked abnormally slow.

"I don't think so" Luke tried to hide his grin but failed.

"Please, kill me" Louis lay his head back down, burying it in his folded arms.

"Nah, I need you to suffer with me, Tommo" Luke gently patted Louis' back and it made Louis flinch against his will. He tried to not make it too obvious because he didn't want to hurt Luke.

"Thanks" Louis snorted exaggeratedly to prove a point.

And to distract from the flinching Luke may have still noticed. Louis just couldn't help his instinctive reactions. Human physical contact was triggering to him by now. He had watched himself wince, jerk away, twitch in discomfort or blatantly flinch away from any human contact. At first, he didn't understand himself because he couldn't actively remember anything bad happening to him that he had categorized as bad or abusive during that time. But from his point of view now, he had come to the terrifying realisation that he definitely has been a victim of abuse but has always tried to find excuses for him. He hasn't seen the problem because he has been blind, blinded by his own feelings. Now he had to live with the consequences, including being unable to let anyone get close to him ever again. Not even for a simple hug.

Except for Jonah. With Jonah, Louis suddenly didn't know that problem. When Jonah touched his back or his arm or rested his chin on his shoulder Louis didn't so much as flinch. He didn't react at all, apart from feeling weirdly safe. Jonah's touch didn't scare or trigger him and Louis had no idea where the difference was but he also didn't care. He wanted Jonah close. End of story.

"Thank God, it's over" Luke exhaled deeply when they finally walked out of the door into their freedom.

"How am I supposed to pass this class when I can't follow what he is even talking about without falling asleep?!" Louis wailed dramatically because he could.

"We could study together" Luke offered to him and Louis didn't know how to feel but couldn't say why. "With Àmbar as well".

"Ah, yeah. That sounds like a good idea. We could do that" Louis preferred the version of the three of them together. "But now I have to go. Sorry but I have plans with some friends".

"It's okay. Have fun, yeah? See you next time".

Waiting for the other guys at their meeting point in town felt strange to Louis. Surreal even. He still didn't understand why they wanted him here, why they had invited him to tag along. Louis had referred to them as his friends to Luke but they really weren't anything. They barely knew each other. They weren't friends ... But maybe they were getting there? Louis had no idea.

"Louis, hey. You're early" Harry was the first to show up, startling him when he lightly touched Louis' shoulder, who obviously jumped at the sudden unwanted touch but Harry didn't notice.

"I walked here from Uni and realised it's not that far" Louis replied even though it didn't make any sense in consideration of Harry's words but Louis was bad at talking to people.

"Our local university? Weird. I go there too. How come we've never run into each other?" Harry knitted his eyebrows together in wonderment.

"The campus isn't small and we don't share any courses" Louis shrugged. He knew even if you wanted to see someone it could be an impossible task if they avoided you.

"I still ran into Àmbar before I knew she lived right next to us and she said you share one course, right?" Harry checked interested.

"We do, yeah" Louis nodded, not knowing what else to say.

"See? That could have been you" Harry sounded excited and Louis didn't understand why.

"So, you would have liked to run me over?" Louis tilted his head aside, watching Harry's face fall.

"No!" Harry exclaimed with big eyes, making Louis wince. "I meant we could have met before instead of Àmbar and me".

"And that would have been a good thing because ...?" Louis still didn't get what he was trying to say and he knew even if they had any shared courses together they wouldn't have 'met' earlier because Louis hadn't even talked to Luke and Àmbar because of him. He had kept him isolated. He would've killed Harry.

"Um ...".

"Hey, guys" Maribel showed up with Liam perfectly in time to save the situation from getting any more awkward. "What's up?".

"Nothing really. We were waiting for you" Harry cleared his throat obviously uncomfortable and Louis felt bad but he couldn't help it. Maybe he was stupid to not understand what Harry had been talking about but he was so far in his own head nowadays, always trying to grasp the overall situation and get a grip back on his life. On himself.

"How about some food? I'm sure you didn't get to eat much yet, right?" Liam addressed mostly Louis.

"Not really. Came here right from Uni and skipped lunch" Louis admitted almost ashamed.

"Food is always a good idea. How about we pay Hope a visit, H?" Maribel suggested thrilled.

"Sure. She'll be happy to see you again" Harry started beaming.

"Who is Hope?" Louis asked nosily. Was she his girlfriend?

"Hope is an amazing woman, who dearly loves our baby Harry" Maribel answered for Harry, making Louis frown.

"Shut up, M" Harry pushed her aside, only making her laugh with Liam. Rolling his eyes at his friends, Harry faced Louis with a soft smile. "She is my boss".

"You have a job?" Louis blinked in surprise.

"Yes, I work in a bakery on the weekends and on free days I can spare every now and then. Somehow I have to pay for Uni. Maria and Paul can't pay for everything on their own for all of us" Harry unfolded to him, reminding Louis that Maria wanted to talk to him about this as well. He really needed a job.

"That's nice" Louis smiled at Harry. "Maribel made it sound like she is your girlfriend".

"Why would I have a girlfriend? We're both living in the same house. You should know I'm gay" Harry looked bewildered.

"I didn't. Gay is not the default sexuality in the house. There is more than just gay. You could have been bi or pan or ...".

"He has a point, Harry" Liam agreed with Louis, accidentally cutting him off. "I mean, it's clear you like guys with you living there but you could like girls as well. Or just the personality".

"That's what I meant. So, Hope being your girlfriend wouldn't have been such a weird thought considering all of that" Louis justified himself defensively. "Adding that I didn't know she is your boss".

"Even then you could be dating her. Maybe you're into older women. We wouldn't know. He wouldn't know" Maribel snickered way too amused by all of this.

"Don't put that thought into his head" Harry grimaced. "I'm gay. I like guys, dicks, all of that. Not women, especially not older ones".

"Noted" Maribel couldn't stop laughing.

"Why is she like this?" Harry asked Liam puzzled.

"Who knows?!" Liam looked as if he knew something they both didn't understand.

"Don't worry, Harry. I'm not picturing you with an old lady doing the naughty in my head. You're gay. It's noted" Louis assured him.

"Good" Harry looked relieved and turned around to his friends. "Don't bring this up when we're inside or I'll kick you out".

"You're no fun. Hope would laugh with us" Maribel pouted cutely.

"Belle" Harry growled at her.

"Fine" Maribel groaned exaggeratedly.

"Liam?" Harry threw him a threatening look. Louis wasn't sure if he liked this side of Harry or not.

"Don't look at me. I didn't say anything" Liam held his hands up.

"Whatever. Come on" Harry gave up and led them over to a small bakery, opening the door for them.

Inside the bakery, they bought some food and a drink each before sitting down at a table by a window. While the other three started to talk about their days, Louis took a look around the place. It was a small bakery but not tiny. It looked cosy and lovely and just loved. The woman behind the counter was Harry's boss Hope and she appeared to be just as lovely as the place. Working here suited Harry as far as Louis could tell.

"Louis?" someone called his name.

Snapping back into the moment, Louis tried to make out who had addressed him but he came out blank. "What?".

"Where have you been with your thoughts?" Liam wondered without any judgement in his voice.

"Here and there. My course was tiring. Sorry" Louis apologised guiltily for zoning out.

"It's okay. I get it. Listening to the professors talk can be quite a handful sometimes. We've all been there" Harry offered him an understanding smile.

"What do you even study?" Louis tried to steer the conversation in a different direction, away from him.

"Biology. I've always loved it" Harry let him know dreamily.

"That's pretty cool. I failed biology" Louis blurted out.

"What do you study then?" Harry hooked curiously.

"Obviously literature like Àmbar, smart ass" Maribel shook her head at his stupidity.

"But I also study English. I've been torn between that and Drama for ages but I had to make a choice" Louis opened up to them.

"Are you part of the uni theatre then?" Harry checked invested.

"No" Louis denied simply but felt like everyone was waiting for an explanation. "Um ... I didn't think it'd be a smart idea to get distracted during my first semester".

"Makes sense. Theatre requires a lot of time and that's not something ...".

"But a bit of fun can't hurt" Harry cut Liam off.

"It can. In the long run" Louis contradicted him before thinking his words through. Why did he say that?

"True. Exam time and opening nights fall on the same days pretty often. Aria once wanted to watch one but her exam was on the next day, so she couldn't go" Maribel unknowingly saved his ass.

"What do you study, Belle?" Louis took his chance to stop Harry from asking questions he wasn't ready to answer. Ever.

"I'm learning to become a nurse. I don't study" Maribel told him.

"Wow, that's amazing. My Mum's a nurse as well" Louis got excited for a second but thinking about his mother made him sad.

"I work mostly with children and it gives you so much. I can't explain that feeling. It's just ... out of this world" Maribel raved.

"I know what you mean, Belle. I've tried finding a word to describe what I'm feeling when I'm working on a song but I simply can't. The whole process of producing a song is spectacular. It's different when you really do something you love" Liam could relate to her words and got lost in his own world. Louis knew that feeling. He actually really loved his uni courses.

"I wish I was good at something creative but I'm shit at anything music-related, I can't do any sport and I can't paint or w ...".

"You mean like Jonah?" Maribel asked over his words.

"Yes. Jonah is an amazing artist. So talented" Louis praised his new best friend.

"And pretty handsome, mh?" she wiggled her eyebrows at him.

"Maybe but why does it matter?" Louis didn't understand.

"It doesn't. I'm just curious to know what that is between you two".

"We're friends, I think," Louis told her awkwardly.

"You think?" Harry cocked an eyebrow at him.

"What are you trying to say? We're not dating or anything" Louis was getting defensive.

"Maybe not yet but are you sure you don't have feelings for him or him for you?"Liam asked hesitantly.

"We don't have feelings for each other" Louis denied everything.

"I'm not sure about that. Don't get mad but to me, it looks like Jonah is crushing on you" Liam let him know what he was thinking and what they were hinting at.

"That's nonsense" Louis frowned deeply.

"Really? Remember when we all met up at Àmbar's place? He came with you and I'm pretty sure it was only because of you. He never talked to any of us before you came along. Not once. He always stayed to himself, never letting anyone come into his room or let alone stay there. With you, he is different" Harry tried to make him see what they were seeing and didn't sound amused.

"That's what a real friend can do to someone" Louis looked at them as if they were all stupid.

"But is a friend solely focused on you?" Harry searched for his eyes and Louis wasn't sure what he saw in Harry's eyes.

"What do you mean?" Louis was confused.

"That whole time were all together, Jonah not once talked to any of us directly. Or even indirectly. He only replied to you or reacted to stuff you did or said and never let you out of his sight and don't think we didn't see how close you were. Physically. Is that really only friendship?" Harry asked in a weird voice.

"You didn't talk much either" Louis stared him down.

"That's not the point here, Louis" Harry got frustrated.

"All your points are stupid. I know what I feel and Jonah ...".

"Is crushing on you" Harry cut him off again. "It's so obvious".

"It's really not. That's all in your head. He is not crushing on me. He can't. Why would he like me?" Louis felt his insecurities coming to light. No one could genuinely like him.

"You're gorgeous. Why shouldn't he?" Harry said surprisingly, causing Louis to look back up at him.

He looked shocked. Pale. As if he didn't mean to say that out loud and Louis got that. It was a lie and he didn't mean it. Of course, Harry was shocked that had called him gorgeous when Louis really wasn't. He was pathetic and awful to look at.

"The point is ..." Liam started to say but Louis was done with all of these false claims about him and Jonah.

"That you're all wrong. We're only friends. End of story".

"If you're sure" Maribel looked unconvinced.

"I am," Louis said surely.

"Sometimes feelings can catch you off guard and a friend suddenly is so much more to you. Or a friend of a friend" Liam nibbled on his bottom lip.

"Can you just finally admit you have a crush on Kayla? For God's sake, Lima!" Maribel exploded, making Harry laugh.

"Fine. Yes, I have a crush on her. There you go" Liam admitted his feelings and the attention finally was off Louis. "But I don't know what to do. I don't think she even considers me as someone to date and I ... know she experienced some shit with straight guys but I wanna show her that we're not all like this. It doesn't matter to me as what she was born. She is the most beautiful woman to me".

"Tell her exactly that. Let her know how you feel and how you see her. I don't think she knows how beautiful she is" Maribel advised him genuinely.

"The most beautiful people never know how stunning they are and what someone would do for them" Harry added softly.

Something inside of him twisted ugly at Harry's words. A part of him longed for those words to be directed at him and Louis didn't understand where this feeling was coming from. No one would ever say something like this about him, least of all Harry. And since when was Louis feeling the need to be appreciated? To be entirely worshipped by someone? To be admired? That was new and so out of place. He wasn't loveable anymore. No, the bit of charm he once had has been lost for a long time.

"I have no clue what to do" Liam sighed out defeated.

"We'll help you, Lima. You can count on us" Maribel reassured him, hugging him sideways.

"That's what friends are for. Right, Louis?" Harry included him in their motivational speech. "We're always there for each other".

"Yes, always. Friends help you, no matter what" Louis focused on Liam instead of Harry and whatever game he was playing.

"Thanks, guys".

"Sometimes I wish I would have known you guys earlier in my life. Your honesty is something I badly needed" Maribel looked so serious out of the sudden.

"Why? Have your friends been lying to you?" Liam wondered as confused as Louis and Harry.

"Not necessarily but they were shitty. I know you would have told me my boyfriend was toxic. They didn't. They praised him and made me feel bad even though I should have left him earlier" Maribel opened up to them and Louis still wondered where this was even coming from.

"What happened with him?" Harry hooked worriedly. "You don't have to tell me, obviously".

"He was manipulative and possessive sometimes, always jealous really. He forced me into a lot of things without me realising he did. All I wanted was for him to love me and be good enough but that made me blind and I couldn't see what was happening. He ... my first time really wasn't a nice experience when I look back at it. He forced me into it in such a manipulative way that it makes me feel sick. He made me feel like I had to do this now to make him stay and not leave me; like it had to happen right at that moment or he would break up with me because I was weird. I wasn't ready but he didn't care. There was no consent. I never really agreed to it. I just let it happen. It wasn't rape technically but also not willingly and that includes more than just sex. Our whole relationship felt like that but someday I realised he was bad for me and I left him. It took me a lot of time to realise what he was doing was wrong and that I was in a toxic relationship. I didn't see it before" Maribel revealed to them and Louis soaked in every word, letting them sink in.

"How could you not see this sooner?" Harry frowned deeply.

"You couldn't really think it was love, right? You don't treat the people you lovelike this" Liam agreed with Harry.

"Sometimes feelings make you blind and when you're surrounded by toxicity 24/7 you're used to it and don't see it's not normal. It's very hard to realise you're in a toxic or even abusive relationship when you're in it yourself and even people around you can't always help you, sometimes they make it worse. I was lucky he never scared my friends off. This would have been my downfall. Without Àmbar, I'd be nothing. She helped me out of this" Maribel explained to the two boys how it felt to be in a situation like this.

Louis could hear his heartbeat so loudly that it was deafening. Maribel's words had brought him back in time and made him look differently at moments he had lived through. His naïve self had never thought it would be possible to manipulate someone into having sex or treat someone you claim to care about poorly without it being their own fault, his own fault. Maybe it hasn't been his fault, maybe it has been his. Maybe this was all on him. He had so much to think about and reconsider. He needed to have a moment to himself as soon as possible but right now, he needed distraction.

"I'm happy you're free and happy now, Belle" Harry smiled supportingly at her, squeezing her hand.

"Me too".

Later that day after saying goodbye to Liam and Maribel, Louis and Harry were walking towards the house of love in dead silence. Somehow they didn't seem to be able to talk to each other. A few times Louis had tried to come up with something to say to break this awkward situation but he always came out blank. He had no idea what it was about Harry but he made him nervous beyond belief and robbed him of any words.

Stepping inside the house, Louis thought their ways would part and he could finally breathe again but he has been mistaken. Weirdly in sync, they both headed towards the library and ended up in the same spot where they first met. This time though, Harry was sitting in a chair next to the window bay Louis was sitting on, both with books open in their laps but not really reading.

Glancing over at Harry, he could see that Harry was trying really hard to focus on his book but he hasn't turned a single page in over ten minutes. Louis just knew Harry wanted to say something as bad as Louis did. Why were they being so weird?

"Tell me about Niall. You two seem pretty close" Louis spoke up with a wildly beating heart, closing his book and startling Harry.

For a long moment, Harry was only staring at him in disbelief but then he blinked a couple of times and closed his book as well before finally saying something. "Niall and I are pretty close. He is my best friend and without him, I wouldn't be here, I guess".

"Why?" Louis frowned bewildered.

"I knew about this place for gay people in need through Niall. His Mum works here and he always told me stories about the people here or who he recently met" Harry explained a bit further.

"Oh, so you knew Niall before you came here," Louis said in realisation, not expecting that at all. "Have you been friends for a long time?".

"Yeah, we met in secondary school on our first day and never left each other's lives again. I'm grateful to have him. He can be a bit over-the-top crazy but my life would be boring without him. I need him to kick my ass once in a while" Harry told him fondly about their friendship, making Louis smile. "What about you? Any best friends that will visit you, so I can meet them?".

Trying to cover up the way he completely froze, Louis cleared his throat and tried to pretend he did choke on something, anything really. "Right now, I'd say Jonah is the closest to me. In school, Sean and I have been good friends until ... Most friendships don't survive high school. I'm glad that I have Jonah now".

Harry studied his face closely but Louis avoided looking at him as hard as he could, staring out of the window instead and talking more to himself than Harry. "I really love this place. I recently developed a love for bay windows. I don't know why. It relaxes me to just sit by a window and watch the world, watch life happening".

"It really is a nice place, Louis" Harry noted softly.

"Yeah. Anyway, what does Niall even do? I don't think he ever mentioned it. He is always eating" Louis changed the subject successfully back to Niall.

"That's just Niall for you" Harry chuckled adorably. "For a long time, he wanted to become a chef but he can't seem to cook anything without setting the kitchen on fire. So, he wants to become a P.E. teacher instead or a football coach".

"Oh, I love football" Louis felt himself starting to beam at the mere mention of football. "I used to play it almost every day when I was younger. I'm a huge pro".

"Really?" Harry tried to hold back his laughter.

"I would never joke when it comes to football. Want me to prove to you how great I am?" Louis stared him down playfully.

"Definitely, but another time. Today I'm hit" Harry grinned brightly, showing off his cute dimples.

"Coward" Louis sing-songed teasingly.

"Oh yeah? You really think I'm a coward?" Harry stood up from his chair and crossed the distance between them, sitting down by the window right in front of him and leaning close by his face.

"Yep" Louis clicked with his tongue in search of doing anything rather than stare at Harry's face so close to him.

"Then maybe I need to prove to you that I'm not a coward while you show me how great you are" Harry didn't back away.

"At football" Louis added unnecessarily, feeling helpless.

"If that's what you want" Harry looked completely unfazed.

Slowly, this closeness was too much for Louis. His pulse was racing and his heart was beating almost out of his chest while his breathing stuttered at the intensity but not because he was liking this so much. He kinda did, at least a part of him. But the bigger part of him was getting triggered by this proximity and felt himself starting to shake, what he desperately tried to hide.

Maybe Harry noticed what was going on or his lack of an answer gave the wrong impression but he backed away and leaned against the wall opposite Louis, still close enough that their feet were touching but not up in his personal space anymore.

"Do you have a favourite author as a literature student?" Harry asked out of the blue, eyeing Louis up and down.

Trying to come off as normal and unbothered instead of panicked and uncomfortable, Louis shuffled around a bit and pulled his legs up into his chest with his head resting on his knees. "I love Olivia Stewart. She just has a unique way with words".

"No way! Me too. Just yesterday I finished reading Tied to my destiny. It was cute. Harley and Loucas are everything. I want what they have, which sets my standards up and creates weird expectations no one should have but I can't help it. I just love them and their love. In every universe" Harry gushed about the book he read and Louis could only agree. Lourley was adorable. A part of him was also longing for a love like theirs.

"Do you think there are different versions of us as well? In different universes? Just like in the books" Louis mused out loud.

"Maybe. The thought of it calms me down in a weird way. Like this, everything that happens to me feels like fate. The good, the bad. Everything really" Harry pondered over that possibility.

"Do you think we meet in every universe?" Louis asked before he could chicken out.

Harry locked eyes with him and a smile formed on his pretty face. "Yeah, I think so".

When the sun started to set, they parted ways and Louis went up to his room, where he was met with Jonah sitting on his bed. Out of instinct, Louis jumped back a bit but relaxed as soon as Jonah looked up way too worried. "Gosh, you scared me, Joey".

"I'm so sorry" Jonah looked horrified.

"It's okay but what are you doing here and how did you get in? Did I forget to lock the door?" Louis sat down next to him.

"Yeah, you did. I knocked and the door opened on itself. I wanted to check on you and see how your day has been, how the meet-up with Liam, Maribel and Harry went down. I know you have been nervous for some reason" Jonah let him know endearingly.

"You're right. I was really nervous. This is all still new to me and I didn't know what to expect. Didn't know if I could call them my friends but now I know I kinda can?! It was nice and they are really cool and chill. Bloody awesome and we had a good time" Louis told him honestly, appreciating Jonah's caring, which brought him back to something they had said about Jonah and him. "But they kept asking something I didn't understand".

"What was it?" Jonah looked concerned.

"They were sure that we are more than friends just because you only talk to me and no one else. I tried to make them see that we're 'only' best friends but they didn't believe me" Louis revealed to him, suddenly feeling anxious. What would he do if Jonah was actually into him? Could he love Jonah as more than a friend?

"They ... what?" Jonah looked incredulously at him. "I talk solely to you because you're the only one I wanna talk to. The only one I feel safe with, enough to actually talk to you. Not because I have feelings for you, at least not romantically. Only platonically".

"I told them exactly that but they didn't ... You're the only one I feel really safe with either, Joey. I don't know what it is about you but I just trusted you from the start" Louis needed to let him know.

"Same, Tommy. From the moment I first saw you crying in the studio something tugged at my heartstrings and I just instinctively knew that I couldn't let you leave ever again. My life, that is. As cheesy as that sounds. It's true" Jonah played with the hems of his sweater and faced the floor.

"And I won't. You're stuck with me, Joey" Louis hesitated for a second but then he pulled Jonah into a tight hug.

"And you're stuck with me, Tommy" Jonah mumbled into his neck. "I don't care what anyone says about us. Only we know what we have and how we l-love each other, right?".

"Right, Joey. We love each other. I'd do anything for you" Louis reassured Jonah that it was mutual. Their platonic love.

"And I'd do anything for you" Jonah hugged him tighter.

"Good" Louis smiled into the hug. "But you can talk to other people as well, okay? I won't get jealous".

Jonah snorted and punched his shoulder lightly, breaking away from the hug. "Good to know but that's not why I don't talk".

"You don't have to tell me" Louis clarified quickly.

"But I want to" Jonah braced himself. "When you live here for so long and see people come and go you learn not to get used to them. I've been living here for almost eight years after my own family kicked their little child out for something I can't control. With eleven, how fucked up is that? I know I told you this before but ... this affects you in ways no one can understand completely. I've never let anyone get close to me again after Evan left. He was the only friend I kind of had. He was older than me but it never mattered. His other friends didn't want me around but he only told them off and stayed by my side until... he left me too. He left to fulfil his dream of singing, which is fine but ... he never said goodbye. He just left me like our friendship was nothing and never contacted me again. I had trust issues before him obviously, but after him ... I stayed away from people. Until you came along".

"And I will never hurt you like this, Joey. I promise on my own life. You won't regret letting me into your life" Louis pulled him back into his arms, deciding to trust Jonah with his own past soon.

Jonah only sighed contently and snuggled closer into Louis' chest. "I know, Tommy".

--------------------------------------------------------------

Even more Jonah backstory and a bit of Larry conversation. But what exactly happened in Louis' past? And what did Louis mean after Maribel's confession?