XXVI
My Worth

Yesterday, I was a man that was filled with doubts because I couldn't see what Jaejin saw in me. I wasn't sure if he was going to love me, for me. When he stood up to King Rurik and stood his ground about how he felt about me, it was like my confidence rocketed to the sky. If my brother knew that Jaejin loved me, then why send Rurik on him? We also just found out from Jaejin about our mother not being let go by Minjun a couple of days ago, how did he tell Rurik again? Rurik and Orion must be in more contact than I thought. I put a pin in it and walk down the stairs to the throne room. I decided to wear black pants, black leather boots, a black belt, a gray tunic, with a black vest on top. The black vest has silver buttons but I leave the buttons opened. I tie the gray strings on my tunic that are at the top of the shirt. I see my brother and my father talking in the throne room, probably some King to Heir advice bullshit.

"Next time you send your boyfriend to Jaejin and I, give us a damn warning." I call out and Orion turns around. My father just looks puzzled and sits on his throne while it's still his.

"What-"

"You know damn well what I am talking about. Sending Rurik on us yesterday when you knew we were going to gain them as allies for when Jaejin takes the throne!" I snap at my brother and he sighs, pinching his nose.

"Pluto, I am just making sure that you are really thinking-" Fire. Ruin. Flames. Sparks. That's all I can think about, and it makes my fire in my veins come out to play. It wants blood, it wants charred skin, and my brother seems a bit too pale for my fire's liking. On both of my arms, the fire starts from the tip of my fingers all the way to my elbow.

"Make sure that I am thinking? For Demis sake!" I yell at him, and Demis is one of our Gods, the most important one since he's the King of them.

"Pluto, language." My mother speaks up and I roll my eyes, I can say any other word under the sky but gods forbid I say Demis' name in anger. She strolls into the room, I've suddenly peaked her interest.

"Have you though? You realize what all those Kings and Queens, shit even the Heirs to the throne are going to say at that meeting? I am preparing you both for what that meeting is going to be like. You should be thanking me!" Orion yells, his vein in his neck looks like it wants to pop out of his neck. The fire climbs up to my shoulders. From the corner of my eye, I can see Nova and Jaejin walking into the room. I notice Jaejin tries to walk close to me but Nova places a hand on him to stay. Have I? Of course I've thought about it. Of course I know what those judgemental brats are going to say when Jaejin announces our bond but what can I do about that? I love Jaejin and Jaejin loves me, it should be as simple as that but in my heart, I know it will never be.

"Thanking you? Thank you?" I tilt my head to look at my brother properly and my teeth are clenching so hard I feel like they can break. "Why would I ever do that!? Not only did you embarrass me in front of them, thinking I need my big brother to size up my Mate? Guess what Orion, I have spent my entire life by myself. Every bully? It was me. I got myself through that. Every judgemental bitch in Black Soul because I didn't have a Dragon? It was me! Guess what, Prince Orion? I didn't need a big brother then and I for sure as hell don't need one now." My chest is heaving, my throat is tight and I am so pissed off at him that I want to cry with the frustration that is running through me. The fire slowly burns itself out and there's no more fire on my body. Jaejin and Nova are still just watching us, my father is too. Orion is looking at me with those cold eyes, stoic, and his lips in a straight line. So I push his chest and watch him stay still as a statue. My mother has a frown on her face, her arms crossed over her chest, and she looks like she's close to saying something else, but nothing. Again, it's nothing.

"Pluto-" My father speaks up and a growl I don't even recognize leaves my throat, it sounds like a pissed off animal which is what I am. So much for controlling my anger.

"You sit down, and watch. You do it best, watching your kids from afar." I snap at him and he looks like I just tore out his spine, that my words will haunt him for a couple of weeks but right now, I am so mad at this entire family.

"Pluto." My mother practically winces, a hand coming up to my father's shoulder.

"Don't take it out on Dad, Pluto. Demis, are we seriously on this poor, pity me? I thought you got over that for fuck's sake!" Orion finally shows me something and it's anger. I see the spark at his fingertips. "You had a silver spoon in your mouth everyday, I had to steal or I just didn't eat. He left us all. You need to grow up, Pluto Zorán. We have bigger issues to deal with other than your issues with aita." Orion is in my face, snapping at me. Jaejin is being held back by my sister at this point. His eyes look dangerous and he is ready to attack my brother. I flash my fangs at my older brother and he does the same right back.

"No but guess what? You grew up here. You grew up knowing you were born here, that you were surrounded by other people who could wield fire. I grew up in a land where Acid had ruled my everyday life, knowing I was an outsider. You realize I was bullied everyday? That I couldn't connect with a Black Dragon but I for sure could understand the language. I had to watch my Mate with someone new, every few months. I may have not gone through the physical trauma that you did but Orion, get this, there are other traumas. I watched the man who raised me turn into a wilted plant while working for the King who took our mother. I had no real friends who had my back in Black Soul. I had my mother. I have spent my entire damn life, not knowing who I am. Being on autopilot and not really feeling like I am in control. I come here and I'm a prince? Me? Little Pluto who has never been trained in his life, that nerd Pluto with the history license, little Pluto who thought that he would never fit in at all in his entire lifetime. I come here, I am the younger brother to Ixen Sventar, I am the younger brother to the High General Princess, I am a Prince of a Kingdom that is only ashes now and I am the youngest son to the Ember King, so imagine my surprise when I find all of these things out about my family. That I do not fit in, all my life I imagined that I would fit in with my family, that I would be like my mother or maybe like my siblings but I am not any of that. I am still the scared little worthless kid being shoved into a locker. I am mad, don't get me wrong, but most of all, my heart hurts the most because the thing I have been telling myself since I was a little kid, is right. I will never fit in, anywhere. Not here, and not in Black Soul. So mystery solved, Orion, I am not the Lost Prince, I'm not Pluto Kwon, and I am certainly not Pluto Kardos. I'm nobody." I don't realize when tears started streaming down my cheeks, or the sob that leaves my mouth like an open wound. My mother has silent tears coming down her cheeks, a deep frown set on her face, a hand resting on her chest as if my hurt is physically hurting her. My brother has a hurt look on his face, my father has tears in his eyes, Nova has a deep frown on her face, but by the Gods, I am not prepared for the look Jaejin gives me. His face is puffy and red, he's crying almost as much as I am. He's looking at me like I am this wounded animal and that if I move maybe slightly that I will break but he's wrong. I was broken the moment I walked into the House of Flames.

After my explosion and my breakdown in front of everybody, I ran up to my toddler room. I shut the door and locked it. I sat up against the door, hugging my knees to my chest. I couldn't stop crying and I knew I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself but the tears wouldn't stop. I would sniffle and I know it's been at least a few hours by now. My ears twitch at the sound of footsteps coming down the hallway.

"Maybe we should give him some more time-" It's Orion who speaks.

"Orion. No. We need to talk to him, he's our baby brother." Nova.

"He's not a baby anymore, Nova. Why are you so damn protective? You need to treat him like an adult." Orion snaps at her.

"Shut up, the both of you. You two are going to talk to your brother, then Jaejin, then I will be talking to him for the last time about this. Now knock on the damn door before I ground you both." It's my father and he sounds annoyed with my siblings, not that I can blame them. They annoy me about seventy five percent of the time. Someone knocks on the door and I don't say anything.

"Pluto, open the door." It's my sister who speaks up and it's a soft voice. She sounds almost guilty. They knock again but I'm frozen. I just sat there.

"Son, please." My father pleads with me but it doesn't make my limbs move. They are glued to my chest and I don't want to move. Why would I? So they can talk to me? As if I want to have that conversation. I hear shuffling outside the door and there's a soft three knocks, it's Jaejin. Our password.

"Pyro, it's me," He says, "Open this door, please," He knocks one more time and I still don't move. "Pluto, baby, it's me. It's JJ, I need to see you, okay? So can you please open the door for me, love?" He says through the door and I finally find the strength to move from the door to next to the door but up against the wall. I unlock the door and it's Jaejin. He looks slightly better, he isn't as puffy but his eyes are still a bit red. He sits down on the floor in front of me and just stares at me with those almond eyes.

"What?" I whisper and he shakes his head at me.

"Pluto," He says softly, "Why didn't you tell me? I could've stopped the bullying. I could've helped you." I scoff in response to his way of trying to comfort me.

"Helped? You helped enough by having your tongue down Olivia's throat most of the time." I snapped at him and I watched him wince but where was he when my heart broke in a million pieces every time he did this?

"Pluto-"

"Don't Pluto me with those eyes," I deeply sigh and stretch my legs out, "I couldn't have asked you for help even if I wanted to, Jae. I was already being labeled as the general's son that the prince took pity on. That's why we were friends in their eyes. I didn't have a dragon and they called me a mutt everyday, even if technically they are one too if they want to bring history into this." Mutts. What the wonderful Fae beings called my Half-Fae ancestors, that we are Mutts and that our blood isn't pure. I rest my hands in my lap and look down at my hands, I couldn't keep being the strong one because I wasn't. I never was.

"You know that's not true Pluto, you know how I feel about you."

"Back then? No I didn't. I had to watch you make out with a girl every week, you realize that? It was like my heart was in my stomach and I couldn't breathe. I always knew that maybe I would never be able to tell you, that maybe I just won't ever be able to be good enough for you." Jaejin is across the room and grabbing my face in his hands so I can look at him. It's not sadness in his eyes anymore, it's annoyance and anger.

"My dumb little Pyro," He grits his teeth, "I would drown myself in those girls to possibly forget you and the way my heart stutters in my chest everytime you walk into my room. Or how hard you fucking make me with that genuine smile you always give me. Or how you look at me as if I am the greatest thing on Eclia since the Revolution. If you paid more attention you would've seen Pluto, the way I can't stop watching you when you walk away from me, or h-how I simply can't stay away from you. No matter how hard I tried. My father was always glad that me and you were great friends, that it would make working together in the future when I took the throne so much easier but by the Gods, Pluto. He doesn't know. My mother has a slight idea but she doesn't know. Nobody knows but me how much I am addicted to you, Pluto Kardos. I could stare into those eyes forever if you'd give me the chance, I could watch you smile at me for eternity, and I would count myself the luckiest Mutt on this planet if you'd accept our bond." I didn't know what to say so I grabbed his tunic and I kissed the hell out of my Jaejin.

His lips were rough but that's what I loved about him, they weren't like the romance novels where his lips are like he wears a balm to keep them soft. No, they were real. This was real life, feeling his rough lips because he nervously bites them all the time, and feeling his calloused hands, his hard working hands on my cheeks. His tongue pokes at my lips and I part my lips for him, I want to taste him. I want to feel alive and not so cold. Jaejin pushes his tongue through my lips and instantly I can taste him with my tongue. Jaejin tastes like his breakfast that he makes everyday; a black coffee, and the faint taste of scrambled eggs. You would think the egg taste would bother me but it doesn't. Not at all. Jaejin pulls away from me, his lips red from all the kissing that just happened and I can still feel the tingling sensation on my lips.

"You think I am enough? To sit on the throne with you?"

"Pluto, you are more than enough, if anything, everybody in Black Soul should rejoice when they see you in a crown." He kisses the corner of my lips, my cheek and then my forehead.

"Send my family in, JJ." I whisper and he nods, pressing a chaste kiss on my lips one more time.

"I'm staying in here, I'll be on that rocking chair, okay?" He whispers and I nod. My father hasn't changed the room, not at all. That could also be my mother who didn't want to change the room either. There's still a twin sized toddler bed, with a red headboard and footboard that is on four wooden legs that lift up the bed from the floor. The white rocking chair is in the corner of the room, a silver woven blanket draped on the back of the chair. The dresser is on the other side of the room, across from my bed. It's also white. There's a toy chest that sits at the foot of the bed, a blanket sitting on top of said chest. The floors are made of the same marble flooring but the walls are painted, they are a beige color. Jaejin stands up from the floor and helps me up, he sits me on the toddler bed that creaks under my weight. He opens the door and my family walks inside, Jaejin does as promised, walking to the rocking chair. My siblings and father stand in front of me. Nova elbows my brother in the side, never looking towards him but towards me. Orion groans and straightens before looking at Jaejin then at me again.

"I had no right to do that. I apologize to you and Jaejin for that. That was uncalled for, apparently Rurik is in the stable house anyway because of his behavior, his Mate was not happy with the way he acted," He sighed and he kneeled in front of me, "Pluto, you are my baby brother, okay? You have always been my baby brother, even if I hadn't known it yet. We share 50 percent of our DNA together, so don't say that you don't fit in with me or Nova. You do because half of me is in you. Half of Nova is in you, and vice versa. Sure, you haven't been scarred by life as much as Nova and I, but that does not mean you do not fit into this family. You are our piece to the puzzle, we have been trying to find you for almost 10 years, Pluto. You are enough, I am Crown Prince after all, and what I say, goes." Orion actually gives me a half smile and I laugh, even if my eyes are filled with tears. Orion stands up and leaves the room, then it's Nova who sits on the bed, next to me. She wraps her arm around my waist and hugs me.

"You know me, Pluto, I'm not going to sugar coat anything, even if you are breaking my heart with those red eyes," She smiles at me and turns, crossing her legs on the bed. I turn as well, facing her, copying her by bringing my legs on the bed and crossing them over each other. "You're right, you don't fit into this family one bit, but gods Pluto, I don't want you to fit into this family. We are all damaged in one way and you not being damaged is a breath of fresh air. You look at life differently, you always give people the benefit of the doubt, then there's Orion and I. We mistrust people first and then realize how crappy we were the whole time when they end up being good but that's because life sucks. You don't look at the facts like Orion and I, you look with your heart still, and I think that is a beautiful thing, Pluto Kardos. I don't want you ever, and I mean ever, to stop looking at people with your heart first." She presses her forehead against mine and then grabs my hand, squeezing it. Then she's off the bed and out of the room like Orion just did. I look up and my father stays still. He stands there and looks at me, letting out a sigh.

"Does he need to stay?" My father points to Jaejin and I smile.

"He in fact does need to stay." Jaejin quips.

"Pluto, look kiddo, your brother and sister are right. You are a light to this family that we haven't had in years, or what I haven't had in years but they were wrong about one thing. You are so much like our other missing piece, your mother had an aura of the sun around her, just like you. She has a fiery attitude, always giving people second chances even when they don't deserve it. You are so much like your mother, and when we get her back, I can't wait for you to see it. You are more than deserving of all the luck the Gods can give you. I love you, son. Don't doubt that for one moment. You are my little Ember." He says and I stand up, giving my father a hug. He holds me close and I cry. I cry for the loss of my mother that I didn't get to meet, I cry for Pluto Kwon, and I cry for my father; that no matter what, through the heart break, my father is always thinking of us, kids- no his family first. After him just holding me for a couple of minutes, he pulls back from me and I see the tears running down his face. He sniffles, kisses my forehead and walks out of the room, closing it behind him. I turn around and walk towards Jaejin who just has a small smile on his face. He opens his strong arms and I sit in his lap, letting him hold me. I was enjoying the quiet and nearly fell asleep from all the crying that I did today when Jaejin spoke up.

"This is a child's room, what child lives here?" He asks me and I smile, resting my head on his shoulder.

"This is my childhood room, Jae, this was the room I had till my father wiped my memories. This is my old room." I tell Jaejin and he hums.

"You aren't going to put this much red in the castle, are you? I don't know if I could handle so much House of Flames in my room." He whispers, before kissing the side of my head.

"That's too bad, Prince Jaejin, and it won't just be flames. It's going to be the House of Flames and Acid."