"You have to come back to the house with me," Jungkook said. He was reclining on my table with his arms behind his head as the rain poured outside. We had just barely made it back in before the sky opened up.

"I can't. I keep telling you that." I looked over at him, marveling in the beautiful cut of his muscles as they peeked out from under his short sleeves. His jacket was thrown over the back of a chair along with the backpack and sweatshirt I'd taken from him.

He propped up on his elbow and turned towards me. "Yeah, you do keep telling me that, but I don't understand why. Did someone do something?"

I bit my lip and looked away. "In a way..."

If I told him about what Jin did, he'd hate him. But then when the rest of it came out, he'd hate me too. Neither was something I wanted. They were brothers and had been together longer than we had. I didn't want to ruin their relationship anymore than I wanted to ruin the one between us.

Jungkook grabbed my chair and pulled me to his side, reaching up to wrap his hand around the back of my neck. He tugged me down so that I had no choice but to look into his eyes. Deep brown eyes that I wouldn't mind getting lost in over and over again until I died.

"Whatever is going on, you can tell me."

I flinched and looked down at his lips to keep from blurting out all my secrets, then pushed away and walked to the other side of the room, hugging my arms around my chest. "You don't understand, Jungkook. Everything is different now. Everything has gotten so complicated."

I couldn't tell him who I was because I no longer felt like that girl. Whoever Natalia was, I wasn't her anymore. When he found out that we shared the same mind, would he want that person back, or Morgan? Was I even Morgan anymore? I felt closer to that name than the former. I definitely felt more like Morgan than Selene. But I didn't get to choose who I was. The mysterious doctor and AT3 had taken that choice from me. How could I tell him who I was when I didn't even know anymore, myself?

What about when Jungkook and the others found out that I'd slept with Kai? I mean, they were all obviously okay sharing me within their own gang, but what about someone outside their cluster? I rubbed my forehead at the spot of my near-constant headache.

The air in the tiny room shifted as Jungkook stepped up behind me. His hands came down on my shoulders soothingly as he stepped forward, putting his body flush against mine. I remembered that first time he'd touched me in his bedroom, when he'd helped me into my dress, and I leaned into his chest. His lips touched my shoulder, his breath fanning out across my skin before he spoke.

"Morgan, I love you," he whispered into the silence of the room. His words carried through the universe of secrets spreading between us, pushing us apart despite how hard we grasped for one another. A few more seams in my psyche unraveled at the sound of those words I'd longed to hear from him. "Nothing you can say or do will ever change that."

Hearing those words from his lips broke me. I couldn't stop the sobs that fell from me, threatening to cleave me in two.

"I love you too, Jungkook, but you don't know how bad this is."

He turned me around to face him. "If this is about you and Kai, I don't care. I came to terms with not being the only man in your life a long time ago. I don't care who I have to share you with as long as you're still mine."

"Jungkook, I'll always be yours. And that was part of what I was worried about, but it's not everything. It's not even the worst."

"Do you love him?"

The insecurity he wore on his face was new. I'd never seen him look small like that before. I shrugged.

"I don't know. Maybe. But even that's not it." My heart pounded in my chest, feeling like a fish flopping without a medium to breathe in. I was that fish...dead already, but refusing to face the facts.

"I've wanted to come to you so many times..." My voice trailed off as I fought with the word vomit that was doing it's best to come out.

"Then what was stopping you?" His face was solemn. He dropped his head, lowering himself to my height so he could look into my eyes. I couldn't stop myself anymore.

Everything burst out of me all at once. "Jin! Jin was stopping me!"

Jungkook's eyes darkened and his brow creased. "What do you mean?"

"That night I left... Jin told me I had to. He made me leave and told me to stop all contact with you guys."

Jungkook's hands fell from my shoulders and he stepped back. The room felt colder from his gaze, alone. "He wouldn't."

"He did. And then the other day, after the auction, he came to my apartment mad that I hadn't."

"So he knew where you were this whole time?"

"Yes...but...he had a good reason for wanting me to stay away."

He wasn't listening to me anymore. His hand lifted to rub his chin as he lost himself in thought. "Joon said...I thought he was just mad that you left...and then they don't talk anymore."

I couldn't fight the confusion on my face as he rambled and paced the room. "What are you talking about?"

"Namjoon said he'd never forgive Jin for what he'd done, but he wouldn't say what that was. They've been on the verge of killing each other for months, but I never put it together. So Namjoon knew?"

Biting my nails, I nodded. "I think so. It would make sense. Because Namjoon knows the rest of the story."

That time, Jungkook heard me. His head jerked up and tilted as he narrowed his eyes at me. "Why? Why would Jin do that and then lie to us all?"

"Because he's been trying to protect you."

"From what? The Baron has given up the chase for now and we can handle whatever Hakyeon does. What could he possibly be protecting us from that would require you to leave?"

"He's protecting you from me." My voice was small. Unsure. Broken.

Jungkook stared at me for a few heartbeats before chuckling softly and shaking his head. "Jin's a softie sometimes, but I don't think he'd do all of this because he was afraid we'd get our hearts broken." He reached for me, but I stepped away, backing up against the wall behind me.

"He's not afraid I'll break your heart. He's afraid I'll kill you."

That stopped Jungkook cold. "Why would he think you'd do that?"

The tears running down my face were hot like the acid churning in my stomach. "Because he found out who I really am."

Jungkook's eyes slowly widened and he stepped back, lifting his chin. "And who are you, really?"

"Jungkook...."

"Tell me." His voice was low, but not soft. I could have cut myself on the edges of his voice. Maybe it would've been better to put us all out of our misery anyway.

I shook my head, not wanting to finalize everything between us but knowing I'd left no other choice.

"Tell me!"

I flinched. His voice carried through the small room with all the power of a grenade. He had already put it together, but he needed me to say it out loud.

"Natalia."

All the air was sucked from the room with that one tiny word. Jungkook didn't move. He barely breathed. He just stood there staring at me like if he did it long enough, everything would change and we could go back to the way things were before.

But we couldn't. There was nothing left for us in the past. Maybe not in the future, either.

After an interminable silence, I dropped my fingers from my lips, my nails completely destroyed. "Say something, Kook."

Whatever spell he was under broke with the sound of that nickname. Before I could say another word, or reach out a hand to stop him, Jungkook turned and walked out of the room, out of the shop, and out of my life.

Hey lovely readers! I hope you're all doing well out there in isolation. Me and the kids are hanging in there and getting in the groove of doing school and work from home. They can go outside and play in the grassy areas around our apartment, or we can go to my husband's family farm where they can run around and play, so it's not too bad. I'm just trying to stay away from the news and social media as much as I can while still keeping up to date with what's going on in the world. Such is the life of an anxious hypochondriac that has been telling anyone that would listen that we would see a pandemic in our lifetime. But I digress...

Every generation has a "thing".

Something happens in every generation (at least that I've noticed in the US) that defines their generation. There have been wars, almost wars, Presidential fiascos and deaths. My generation (I'm a Xennial) had 9/11. Life before that moment was completely different than life afterward. For most of you, Covid-19 is your generation's "thing". This includes my children. Life will never be the same after this is over. I don't know how things will change, but they will change. After WWI and WWII, humanity took to the stars. Maybe this will push us even farther.

I may not know how things will change, but I do know this: the sun always shines brightest after the storm and the rain can't last forever. We will eventually get through this. We won't come out unscathed, but we will come out wiser and stronger. Believe in your own resiliency to not just survive, but to learn. 

I believe in you all.

And no matter what, I'll be here for you.

I love you all. Stay safe and stay healthy.