***Mature warning***

I laid in the floor for hours, only vaguely aware of the passing of time as the shadows on the walls deepened and then disappeared, only to be replaced by the flashing lights of the city around me. When the door opened and closed, I barely noticed.

"What the hell," Kai's deep voice rumbled as he stepped into the darkened room. "I told her to stay put."

When he flicked on the light by the door, I heard him suck in a breath before he rushed over to my prone body. He crouched beside me, moving my hair from my eyes and turning my face to him. I didn't have the energy to react. That was the moment he saw the state the apartment was in.

"What the fuck happened here, Natalia? Are you okay? Who did this?"

"Jin stopped by," I answered weakly.

Anger rippled across Kai's face. "And he did this?"

I shook my head slightly, still staring at the ceiling. "I did. After he left."

Kai slumped down, plopping onto his butt as he took in the scene of my destruction. He draped his arms over his knees and puffed out a breath. "So things went well, I see."

Despite my mood, I snorted out a laugh. "Fantastic."

"Want to talk about it?"

I thought about it for a minute then lifted my hand so he could help me up. I had to stand there for a minute as the dizziness from not moving or eating in hours faded away. Kai waited patiently, watching me carefully.

"Let's go in the bedroom. It's not as bad."

Of course, 'not as bad' was a general phrase. We still had to sweep trash and plaster dust off the bed before we could sit, but it was easier to clean than the other room. Kai watched me like a hawk as I tried to get my brain working again.

"He said he was coming to check on me," I started after a long silence. "But then he just got mad at me for showing up at the auction house. And he got mad about you being here. Taehyung saw you get on the elevator with me."

Kai took a deep breath and looked away, processing the information before he nodded and looked down at his hands. "I knew they'd find out before long."

Jin's words rushed back in my mind and all at once, the tears I'd been fighting all day came rushing out. Kai's eyes widened as he reached for me, just as I fell against his chest.

"He said he didn't want me."

"What?"

"I accused him of being jealous of you and he said he couldn't be jealous of something he didn't want."

Kai shushed me while running his hands soothingly over my back as I sobbed into his shirt, clenching the fabric in my fists so he wouldn't pull away. So he wouldn't leave me, too.

"He's just angry and scared," he said softly. "He didn't mean it."

I pulled away, wiping my eyes and shaking my head. "You didn't see him, Kai. I've never seen him like that. He's changed. He's cold."

"Stress does things to people. It makes them say things they don't mean," Kai said as he pulled my face up to his.

"It doesn't excuse them from the awful things they do and say, though." Which I could say about myself, too. I wasn't innocent.

"Anyone that gets to know you loves you. Bangtan is no different. You just have to give them time to figure all this out."

"I'm tired of giving them time, though, Kai! It's been six months and yet the only person who's been here for me through the whole thing is you. Jin sent me away. He's known where I am this whole time and yet he didn't come here until now. Even if he did still care, how could I forgive him for that? He abandoned me when I needed him the most."

I searched Kai's expression for any kind of response, but he just looked back at me sadly.

"But you've been here the whole time," I whispered.

"You needed someone. I know what that's like."

His eyes were soft and warm and all I could think about was how kind he'd been to me and how lonely I was. Without another thought, I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. He pulled back a little in surprise, but didn't pull away. A heartbeat later, his eyes closed and he reached out for me, pulling my face tighter against his as he gave himself over to the kiss.

I had known for a while that Kai liked me as more than a friend, but I couldn't let myself entertain the idea of being with him until Jin made it clear that there was nothing left for us. I had pushed my own feelings aside, ignoring them because it felt like cheating. But you couldn't cheat on someone you weren't with.

Heat and hunger overwhelmed me. I reached down and tugged at the hem of Kai's shirt. He pushed me away slightly so he could reach back and drag it over his head, his eyes never leaving mine. As soon as it was off, I pushed him back into the bed and crushed my lips against his again as I climbed onto his lap. His hands were raised beside me, shocked by my urgency, but as I deepened the kiss they clamped around my arms pulling me against him. Then they slid down my back and back up under my shirt.

I leaned into him, into his touch, giving myself over to the sensations that were reminiscent of something else, but wholly unique. Kai was gentle and soft under a hard exterior. His hands were strong and his body firm, but the way he touched me sent electricity coursing through my veins. His persona was overwhelmingly sexual, but his personality was generous and romantic. He moaned softly into my mouth as I rocked my core into him.

His hands slid up into my hair, moving it away from my face so he could look into my eyes. When he pulled away, I whimpered.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" He traced the pad of his thumb across my lower lip, raw from our kisses, sending a shiver through my body.

"Don't you?"

"Do you really have to ask?" He lifted his hips a little, pressing the bulge in his pants hard against my jeans. My eyes rolled back in my head a little from the intensity of the friction. "I just don't want you to do something you'll regret later."

I don't want to be another painful memory for you were the words he left unspoken between us.

I leaned down to kiss him again, this time more carefully, before looking deep into his eyes. "This is about me and you right now. I'm not going to regret this."

He smiled softly as he looked down at my lips before pulling me into him again. Somehow we managed to rip the rest of our clothes off without having to separate more than a couple seconds. When he was naked beneath me, I felt like my body lit on fire. I trailed kisses down his throat and across his chest, making my way further down. Kai drew in a sharp breath when I took him into my mouth, moving slowly but not agonizingly so.

His hands fisted in my hair as he lifted his knees so he could rock his hips into my face. He wasn't particularly long, but he was so thick my jaw popped from having to open so wide. The feeling of him in my mouth and knowing how crazy sucking his dick was making him only heightened my desire. I had only wanted to make him feel good after all he'd done for me, but the sound of him coming undone under me just made me realize how much I'd wanted him too.

"God...I can't...Natalia," he groaned, his movements becoming jerkier. Less coordinated. "I don't want to come like this. I want to feel you."

I let him slide from my mouth, taking a detour to flick my tongue lower, smiling when he jerked and grinned when I hit the ticklish spot all men have under their balls, before crawling back up his body. My skin tingled as we locked eyes and I moved up, sliding him between my slick folds before catching the tip without using my hands and then sliding him into me.

Kai's hands slid over my thighs and back as I seated myself on his lap, reveling in the way he stretched and filled me. He squeezed his eyes closed and pressed his head back into the bed as his mouth fell open. I braced myself against his chest and waited until his fingertips buried into the flesh of my ass before I moved.

Kai's moans were higher pitched than his speaking voice and breathy. Melodic. They filled the room and mixed with my own creating a chorus of lust and desire. He reached up and pulled me down to him by the back of my neck so our sounds could be swallowed up by our kiss.

His hips bucked into mine, nearly lifting me clear off the bed. With the angle we were in, it wasn't long before I had to pull away, screaming against the orgasm that washed over me. As I devolved into a trembling mess on top of him, Kai rolled us over, taking control of my body. His head was buried against my throat, his tongue working circles over my sensitive skin, his body thrusting deep into mine. Our arms were tangled around each other like jasmine vines, the sensations and sounds coming from us just as sweet as its fragrance. When his moans became grunts and his hips stilled against mine, I ran my hands over the muscles of his back and into his hair as we both came down from our high.

For several minutes, the only sounds in the rooms were those of our heavy breathing. Kai kissed my chest and my throat carefully, relaxing between my legs and smoothing my sweat-slicked hair off my face. He continued to kiss me until his lips found mine. We made out for a long time even after coming down. His full lips were the perfectly kissable type and for a long time, I completely lost myself in the sensations his touch gave me.

By the time we finally pulled apart to clean up, I nearly had every part of his body memorized. For a moment, I wondered if I had taken advantage of his feelings for me for my own benefit, but when he walked out of the bathroom and the light of the moon caught his deeply tanned skin, all I wanted was to touch him and hold him close.

In those shards of moonlight, I realized just what it meant for your heart to grow because I knew the feeling sprouting inside me in that moment was more than lust. But as he curled his body around mine and drifted off to sleep, I stayed awake. Because I also knew that nothing good ever came from falling in love with someone.

Please don't hate on my girl. We all do things we probably shouldn't sometimes, but this is the direction I've seen this going the whole time. I understand if you feel some kind of way about there being someone other than BTS in her harem, but I will live and die on the multistan hill. I went back and forth about taking this direction, but it was what the story demands, so I stopped fighting it.